President Trump Is Using His Office To Protect His Family's Businesses

WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'M SURE YOU GUYS KEEP UP ON
WHAT'S HAPPENING.
YOU SEEM LIKE AN INTELLIGENT CROWD.
THE BIG NEWS SINCE LAST WE WERE TOGETHER AND TALKING HAS BEEN
FROM THE SENATE, WHERE THEY'VE BEEN DEBATING THE
NOMINATION OF TRUMP'S ATTORNEY GENERAL AND BABY GRANDPA HYBRID,
JEFF SESSIONS.
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, THEY CAN DO AMAZING THINGS
WITH GENETICS NOW.
WELL, DURING LAST NIGHT'S DEBATE, ELIZABETH WARREN KICKED
OFF HER 2020 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: FANS IN THE HOUSE.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE NOT JOKING.
THEY'RE NOT JOKING.
SHE DID IT, SHE DID IT BY GETTING UP TO READ A 1986
LETTER BY CORETTA SCOTT KING CRITICIZING SESSIONS' RECORD ON
CIVIL AND VOTING RIGHTS.
THIS DAMNING LETTER WAS CRITICAL IN DENYING SESSIONS A FEDERAL
JUDGESHIP 30 YEARS AGO.
IT WAS THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED TO SESSIONS IN THE
80s, OTHER THAN HIS FLOCK OF SEAGULLS HAIRCUT.
( LAUGHTER ) REPUBLICANS, FACES WITH THIS,
HANDLED THE SITUATION LIKE ADULTS BY VOTING TO SILENCE
ELIZABETH WARREN ( AUDIENCE BOOING ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S TRUE.
THEY STOPPED HER FROM READING A LETTER FROM CORETTA SCOTT KING.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE G.O.P.'S FEBRUARY MESSAGE "HAPPY BLACK
HISTORY MONTH.
NOW SHUT UP ABOUT THE BAD STUFF."
KEEP IT LIGHT.
SENATOR ORRIN HATCH CALLED WARREN'S READING OF THE LETTER
"OFFENSIVE" AND TOLD WARREN TO "THINK OF HIS WIFE."
THANK YOU, SENATOR HAMP, THANK YOU, FOR PROTECTING THE REAL
VICTIM OF RACISM, JEFF SESSIONS' WIFE.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW.
AND SHUSH-MOB LEADER MITCH McCONNELL DEFENDED SILENCING
WARREN.
>> SHE WAS WARNED.
SHE WAS GIVEN AN EXPLANATION.
NEVERTHELESS, SHE PERSISTED.
>> Stephen: ADDING, "WOULD IT KILL HER TO SMILE?
SHE'S SO MUCH PRETTIER WHEN SHE SMILES."
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, TO STOP WARREN, REPUBLICANS
INVOKED SOMETHING CALLED RULE 19, WHICH PROHIBITS A SENATOR
FROM IMPUGNING THE CHARACTER OF ANOTHER SITTING SENATOR.
IT'S LIKE THE SAYING, "IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE
PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT JEFF SESSIONS."
( LAUGHTER ) SO TO RECAP: A BLACK PERSON
CAN'T GET THEIR MESSAGE HEARD EVEN WHEN A WHITE PERSON IS
SAYING IT, UNLESS THAT WHITE PERSON IS A GUY, BECAUSE THIS
MORNING, A BUNCH OF WHITE SENATORS WERE ALLOWED TO READ
EXCERPTS FROM KING'S LETTER ON THE SENATE FLOOR.
OF COURSE, THE MEN WEREN'T SILENCED.
THAT WOULD VIOLATE SENATE RULE 18 "BROS BEFORE HOES."
THAT MIGHT BE IN THE CONSTITUTION.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
HERE'S SOME NEWS.
LAST WEEK, THE DEPARTMENT STORE NORDSTROM DROPPED THE IVANKA
TRUMP BRAND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OVER POOR SALES.
EVIDENTLY, NOT A LOT OF WOMEN WANTED TO BUY CLOTHES THAT MADE
THEM ATTRACTIVE TO THEIR FATHERS.
THEY'RE LOVELY, IT'S A LOVELY LINE OF CLOTHING.
IT'S A LOVELY LINE OF CLOTHING.
APPARENTLY, THE CLOTHES WERE NOT SELLING WELL, AND DROPPING AN
UNDERPERFORMING BRAND IS A DECISION ANY BUSINESS PERSON
WOULD UNDERSTAND-- EXCEPT ONE, WHO TWEETED:
"MY DAUGHTER IVANKA HAS BEEN TREATED SO UNFAIRLY BY
@NORDSTROM.
SHE IS A GREAT PERSON-- ALWAYS PUSHING ME TO DO THE RIGHT
THING!" SO, EVIDENTLY, SHE DOESN'T PUSH
THAT HARD.
NOW, NORDSTROM'S.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
NORDSTROM'S STOCK TOOK A HIT RIGHT AFTER THE TWEET, WHICH WAS
RETWEETED FROM THE OFFICIAL PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
ACCOUNT.
SEAN SPICER THEN DEFENDED THE TWEET FROM THE PODIUM IN THE
PRESS ROOM, NOT IN AN ILL-FITTING SUIT, I'LL HAVE YOU
KNOW.
IN A RAVISHING SLEEVELESS IVANKA ORIGINAL.
LOOKS AMAZING, AMAZING.
HE LOOKED FANTASTIC!
>> Jon: I LIKED THE HAND.
>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, MELISSA McCARTHY WOULD
NEVER LOOK THAT GOOD IN THAT DRESS.
THIS IS CRAZY!
THIS IS INSANE.
YOU CAN'T USE THE POWER OF THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT TO
PROTECT A FAMILY BUSINESS, ALL RIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT IS THAT LIKE?
WHAT IS THAT LIKE?
THAT WOULD BE LIKE JIMMY CARTER MAKING ALL OF US DRINK BILLY
BEER.
OR THAT WOULD BE LIKE GEORGE BUSH INVADING A COUNTRY THAT HAD
OIL.
YOU CAN'T DO IT.
>> Jon: WHOA, WHOA!
>> Stephen: AND, YESTERDAY, TRUMP MET WITH UTAH CONGRESSMAN
AND SEDUCTIVE BEAVER, JASON CHAFFETZ.
CHAFFETZ IS AN OLD FRIEND OF THE SHOW.
CHAFFETZ IS CHAIR OF THE HOUSE OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE, WHICH IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR HOLDING A PRESIDENT ACCOUNTABLE AND
INVESTIGATING ANY PRESIDENT IF NECESSARY.
CHAFFETZ SAID, "BEFORE MY BUM EVEN HIT THE CHAIR, THE
PRESIDENT SAID, 'NO OVERSIGHT.
YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH
OVERSIGHT.'" AND THEN DESCRIBED A
CHITTY-CHATTY PRESIDENT EAGER TO LEARN ABOUT POSTAL SERVICE
REFORMS.
NATURALLY, TRUMP WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT POSTAL SERVICE REFORMS.
HE NEEDS TO KNOW HOW MANY STAMPS TO PUT ON CHAFFETZ' BALLS WHEN
HE MAILS THEM BACK TO HIM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT ELSE?
OH, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TRAVEL BAN WAS IN COURT YESTERDAY, AND AS
OF THIS TAPING, WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RULING IS.
I'M TIVO-ING DEMOCRACY.
SO DON'T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS.
AND EARLIER TODAY PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS ON TWITTER AGAIN,
PRESSURING THE JUDGES TO UPHOLD HIS BAN, TWEETING:
"BIG INCREASE IN TRAFFIC INTO OUR COUNTRY FROM CERTAIN AREAS,
WHILE OUR PEOPLE ARE FAR MORE VULNERABLE, AS WE WAIT FOR WHAT
SHOULD BE EASY D!" THAT'S RIGHT, "EASY D!"
"EASY D." WHICH I THINK USED TO BE TRUMP'S RAPPER NAME BACK IN
THE 80s.
HE AND JEFF SESSIONS.
>> Jon: YEAH!
>> Stephen: HE AND JEFF SESSIONS HAD A RAPPER NEW WAVE
BAND TOGETHER I THINK FAIR WHILE.
"D" COULD STAND FOR SOMETHING LIKE "DEFENSE," OR PROBABLY
"DECISION."
BUT ALL I KNOW IS ALL THESE TWEETS MAKE TRUMP LOOK LIKE A
REAL D-BAG.
A DECISION BAG.
A DECISION BAG.
A BAG OF SO MANY DECISION HE HAS TO KEEP NEM A BAG.
HE HAS TO KEEP THEM IN A BAG RIGHT OVER HERE.
NOW, THE TRAVEL BAN, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY HAS A LOT OF PEOPLE
UPSET.
SO YESTERDAY, SEAN SPICER TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO CALM EVERYONE
DOWN.
>> THE REASON THAT THE PRESIDENT ACTING IN SO MANY OF THE WAYS
THAT HE HAS WITH EXECUTIVE ORDERS AND OTHERWISE ARE BECAUSE
HE CARES ABOUT MAKING SURE WE DON'T HAVE ATTACKS IN THIS
COUNTRY.
WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS TO REMIND PEOPLE THAT THE EARTH IS A VERY
DANGEROUS PLACE THESE DAYS.
>> Stephen: "THE EARTH"?
( LAUGHTER ) THE EARTH, SEAN.
YOU CAN'T BE ANY MORE SPECIFIC THAN "THE EARTH?"
SO HERE IS THE MESSAGE OF CALM THE ADMINISTRATION IS SENDING.
IF YOU'RE TRAVELING ANYWHERE IN THIS AREA, JUST BE CAREFUL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST ANYWHERE-- ANYWHERE HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) I THINK-- I THINK-- I THINK-- I
THINK I BROKE THE WORLD JUST NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, GUYS EVER WATCH THE CNN, THE CABLE NEWS NETWORK?
YOU GUYS EVER WATCH THAT SHOW?
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S A GOOD SHOW, THE CNN.
LAST NIGHT, JAKE TAPPER-- WHO'S ONE OF OUR GUESTS TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE'S BACKSTAGE RIGHT NOW IN HIS
GREEN ROOM, JUST ABSOLUTELY-- JUST BALLS DEEP IN A CHEESE
PLATE PLATE I THINK RIGHT NOW.
I'M SURE I CAN SAY THAT ON CNN, CAN'T I-- I'M SORRY, ON CNN,
YES.
ON CBS PROBABLY NOT.
WE MIGHT BE OFF THE AIR AT THIS POINT.
LAST NIGHT, JAKE HAD ON TRUMP ADVISER AND CRUELLA
DEVILLE'S LESS-POPULAR SISTER, KELLYANNE CONWAY.
AND, SHE-- REMEMBER, SHE'S THE ONE WHO FAMOUSLY COINED
THE TERM "ALTERNATIVE FACTS."
WELL, LAST NIGHT'S INTERVIEW WENT "ALTERNATIVE GOOD."
( LAUGHTER ) AT FIRST, KELLYANNE TRIED TO
PLAY NICE.
>> ARE WE FAKE NEWS, KELLYANNE?
IS CNN FAKE NEWS?
>> NO, I DON'T THINK CNN IS FAKE NEWS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP, YOUR SENIOR ADVISER SAID
CNN ISN'T FAKE NEWS.
THEN AGAIN, SHE SAID IT ON CNN, AND WE KNOW THAT'S FAKE NEWS, SO
CAN'T REALLY TRUST IT.
SO CLOSE.
THEN JAKE ASKED CONWAY ABOUT TRUMP'S ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN LOVE
AFFAIR WITH MAKING STUFF UP.
>> HOW ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENTS THAT ARE FALSE, LIKE
THE MURDER RATE IS THE HIGHEST IT'S BEEN IN ALMOST HALF A
CENTURY.
FALSE!
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SAYING
THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE.
DEMONSTRABLY NOT TRUE.
THAT IS IMPORTANT.
>> WELL, ARE THEY-- ARE THEY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MANY
THINGS THAT HE SAYS THAT ARE TRUE THAT ARE MAKING A
DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES?
>> Stephen: YOU GO, GIRL.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU TELL HIM.
"JAKE, HE SAYS MANY THINGS THAT AREN'T LIES, OKAY?
WHY DOESN'T HE GET CREDIT FOR THOSE?"
IT'S LIKE, "EXCUSE ME, OFFICER.
THERE ARE MANY TIMES I DRIVE WHEN I'M NOT DRUNK.
WHY DON'T YOU PULL ME OVER THEN?"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
ROBERT DE NIRO IS HERE.
JAKE TAPPER IS HERE.
STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

President Trump Is Using His Office To Protect His Family's Businesses

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