Romance Bookstore

>> OH, SEXY. BABY, IT'S AN EROTIC BOOKSTORE.
>> ANYTHING TO HELP OUR DUMB ASS DRY SPELL.
>> WELCOME TO THE SCORCHED COURSE ET WHERE FANTASIES
DELIGHT. >> WHAT MY FRIEND CAROL IS
TRYING TO SAY IS LET US KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
>> WE'RE JUST BROWSING. DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING BY
JACQUELIN LEVO? >> HAVE YOU READ THE RANCH HAND
AND THE ROW? >> I HAVE NOT.
>> OUR STOCK BOY SHOULD KNOW WHERE IT IS.
JOHN GEORGE. >> YES.
>> ASSIST ME AT ONCE. >> SURE.
LET'S GET THAT BOOK. >> SHE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> OH, JOHN GEORGE, YOU WANT ME. I KNOW IT, BUT WE'RE AT WORK.
WE CAN'T. A WOMAN OF MY STATURE WITH A
BRUTE ACCUSTOMED TO MANUAL LABOR.
>> OH, YEAH. I'M A BIG BOY.
I HAVE A THICK NECK. BIG HANDS.
I'VE BEEN WANTING YOU SO BAD IN THIS STORE.
>> I'M SORRY. WHAT'S GOING ON BACK THERE?
>> OH, THAT'S JUST CAROL AND DAN.
SHE CALLS HIM JOHN GEORGE. >> WHY?
>> I DON'T KNOW. BUT DON'T WORRY, THEY NEVER DO
ANYTHING. IT'S ALL SHOW AND NO GO.
>> I FOUND IT. HERE YOU GO.
I HOPE THIS TEASES AND PLEASES. NOW, GO.
FREE OF CHARGE. >> IT'S $5.
>> HERE. BETTER BE $5 OF BEDROOM MAGIC.
COME ON. >> HI.
I'M LOOKING FOR A FUN LIGHT READ FOR A LONG PLANE RIDE.
>> PERHAPS YOU LIKE THE WORK OF FEATHER DUBREAUX.
JOHN GEORGE! >> YES.
>> TO THE BOOK CASE. >> LET'S HUSTLE, CAROL.
>> QUICK, TAKE ME AWAY TO A FANTASY.
I'M ON AN IRISH CLIFF. MY HAIR IS RED AND VERY WIDE.
IT'S BLOWING IN THE IRISH WIND, AND I'M KNOWN ONLY AS LADY
VELVET. >> I'M THE GUY WHO PUTS THE
HORSE FOOD IN THE HORSE BUCKET. >> YES.
>> I'M DIRTY, AND STRONG. >> YES.
YOU WORK ON MY ESTATE. >> AND I HAVE THICK STEAK HANDS,
RIGHT? >> SO ARE THEY A COUPLE?
>> NO. THEY'RE DAMN NOT.
THEY JUST WORK HERE. I MEAN, SHE DOES.
>> AND HE DOESN'T? >> NO.
HE WORKS FOR HER. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> SHE PAYS HIM OUT OF HER PAYCHECK.
>> BUT SHE'S THE OWNER? >> NO, I AM.
>> SO HE DOESN'T WORK HERE? >> RIGHT.
>> AND THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU? >> IT REALLY DOES, BUT WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO, YOU KNOW? >> MY TINY PINK NIPS SCREAM IN
THE HOWLING WIND. >> AND MY THICK STEAK HANDS
REACH AT THOSE. >> OH, BUT WE SHANT TOUCH
BECAUSE I AM A LADY OF SATIN GLOVES AND TINY DECADENT CAKES.
>> AND I AM A DIRT MAN THAT KNOWS ONLY SEX.
>> TEACH ME! >> GET THE BOOK!
GET THE DAMN BOOK! >> HERE, HERE.
TAKE IT AS A GIFT. NOW GO.
>> NO, YOU MUST PAY. >> THIS IS TANYA WHITMORE.
SHE WRITES FILTH. >> CAROL, FIX THIS.
>> I SHALL. JOHN GEORGE!
>> I'M A CAVE MAN WITH A BIG GUN.
>> OH, AND I'M A HORNY WEALTHY GHOST.
WITH FULL THROTTLE KNOCKERS. >> AND I GRAB YOUR GHOST BUTT
WITH MY TEN POUND HANDS. >> I'M REALLY SORRY.
THIS IS EMBARRASSING. JUST ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
>> LOOK, YOU TWO. STOP IT AND LISTEN TO ME.
I AM ON HORSEBACK. LEATHER CHAPS MY SKIN AS I RIDE
ATOP THE RED ROCKS OF SEDONA. [ APPLAUSE ]

Romance Bookstore - SNL

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