Sean Spicer Press Conference

>>> NEXT ON C-SPAN, THE DAILY WHITE HOUSE PRESS BRIEFING WITH
PRESS SECRETARY SEAN SPICER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SETTLE DOWN! SETTLE DOWN!
SETTLE DOWN! BEFORE WE BEGIN, I KNOW THAT
MYSELF AND THE PRESS HAVE GOTTEN OFF TO A ROCKY START.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT. IN A SENSE, WHEN I SAY ROCKY
START, I MEAN IT IN THE SENSE OF "ROCKY" THE MOVIE.
BECAUSE I CAME OUT HERE TO PUNCH YOU!
IN THE FACE! AND ALSO I DON'T TALK SO GOOD.
SO I'D LIKE TO BEGIN TODAY BY APOLOGIZING ON BEHALF OF YOU, TO
ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
FOR HOW YOU TREATED ME IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS.
AND THAT APOLOGY IS NOT ACCEPTED.
[ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE I'M NOT HERE TO BE YOUR
BUDDY, I'M HERE TO SWALLOW GUM, I'M HERE TO TAKE NAMES.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY, NOW LET ME WAVE SOMETHING SHINY IN FRONT OF YOU MONKEYS!
I'LL GET BACK TO YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
AS YOU KNOW, PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED HIS SUPREME COURT PICK
ON THE NATIONAL TV TODAY. WHEN HE ENTERED THE ROOM, THE
CROWD GREETED HIM WITH A STANDING OVATION.
WHICH LASTED A FULL 15 MINUTES. YOU CAN CHECK THE TAPE.
EVERYONE WAS SMILING. EVERYONE WAS HAPPY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE MEN ALL HAD ERECTIONS.
AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE WOMEN WAS OVULATING LEFT AND
RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND NO ONE, NO ONE WAS SAD. THOSE ARE THE FACTS FOREVER AND
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE. WE GOT SOMETHING X, THREE, FOUR,
CAPITAL P, CAPITAL T, EIGHT, FOUR -- NO, THAT'S MY E-MAIL
PASS WORD, FORGET THAT. STOP WRITING THAT DOWN!
NOW. PRESIDENT'S SCHEDULE FOR TODAY,
3:45, PRESIDENT WILL HOST AN ENCORE SCREENING OF "FINDING
DORY." [ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY? THE STORY OF A FORGETFUL FISH,
OKAY? EVERYBODY LIKES THAT.
THEN AT 6:00 P.M. HE'S GOING TO ABOLISH THE NATIONAL PARK
SYSTEM. BUT "DORY"!
GOOD STUFF. SO IF NOBODY HAS ANY
QUESTIONS -- >> OKAY, A COUPLE QUESTIONS.
GO. GLEN FLUSH, "NEW YORK TIMES,"
BOO! GO AHEAD.
>> YEAH, I WANTED TO ASK ABOUT THE TRAVEL BAN ON MUSLIMS.
>> IT'S NOT A BAN. >> I'M SORRY?
>> NOT A BAN. THE TRAVEL BAN IS NOT A BAN
WHICH MAKES IT NOT A BAN. >> YOU JUST CALLED IT A BAN.
>> BECAUSE I'M USING YOUR WORDS. YOU SAID BAN.
YOU SAID BAN, NOW I'M SAYING -- >> THE PRESIDENT TWEETED, AND I
QUOTE, "IF THE BAN WERE ANNOUNCED WITH A ONE-WEEK
NOTICE -- >> YEAH, EXACTLY, YOU JUST SAID
THAT. HE'S QUOTING YOU.
IT'S YOUR WORDS. HE'S USING YOUR WORDS WHEN YOU
USED THE WORDS AND HE USES THEM BACK, IT'S CIRCULAR USING OF THE
WORD AND THAT'S FROM YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SERIOUSLY GLEN, ARE YOU GOING TO START WITH ME RIGHT OUT OF
THE GATE? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY
NUTS OUT SO YOU CAN GET A BETTER KICK AT THEM?
>> YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THAT I WOULD ASK THAT QUESTION --
>> SIT DOWN, GLEN. WHO HERE -- JUST BY
SHOW OF HANDS, WHO HATES GLEN? QUICK SHOW OF HANDS.
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY. ONE, TWO, THREE, INFINITY.
NOW, LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT EVERYONE RAISED THEIR HANDS AND
EVERYBODY HATES GLEN. PRINT THAT THAT'S YOUR STORY.
NEXT QUESTION. GO.
>> YES, I'D LIKE TO ASK ABOUT STEVE BANNON'S ROLE ON THE
NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL. >> OKAY, THAT'S A DUMB QUESTION.
THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION. SIT DOWN, GLEN.
>> MY NAME IS NOT GLEN. >> I KNOW, I'M JUST SAYING
"GLEN" LIKE IN A GENERAL GLEN. IT'S YOUR WORD, IT'S YOUR WORD.
NEXT, GO. >> YEAH, I'M ALSO CONCERNED
ABOUT STEVE BANNON, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE SAYING HE'S THE ONE
BEHIND THIS MUSLIM BAN. >> YEAH, ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS
STILL AREN'T GETTING IT. YOU NEED SOME PROPS?
MY WORD'S TOO BIG, I GOT TO SHOW YOU IN PICTURES?
GREAT, HERE WE GO. WHEN IT COMES TO THE DECISIONS
THE CONSTITUTION GIVES OUR PRESIDENT LOTS OF POWER.
AND STEVE BANNON IS THE KEY ADVISER.
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY?
AND OUR PRESIDENT WILL NOT BE DETERRED.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IN HIS FIGHT AGAINST RADICAL MOOSE-LAMBS.
NOW DOES ANYBODY ELSE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
>> YEAH, "WALL STREET JOURNAL." ARE YOU OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT,
TAKE IT! YOU CANNOT COME AT ME LIKE THAT,
I WILL PUT YOU IN THE CORNER WITH CNN!
>> WE'RE NOT FAKE NEWS! >> YOU LIKE THAT, YOU LIKE THAT,
DORK? YOU LIKE THAT, DORK?
[ LAUGHTER ] COOL OUT, ALL RIGHT?
OBVIOUSLY I'VE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT BETSY
DeVOS, OKAY? NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF
EDUCATION. SO WE ACTUALLY HAVE HER HERE
TODAY TO FIELD SOME FEW -- FIELD FEW SIMPLE QUESTIONS -- WHICH
I'M SURE SHE'S CAPABLE OF DOING. BETSY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO.
THANK YOU, YEAH. YES.
THE MAN? >> HI.
I DON'T THINK WE EVER GOT A CLEAR ANSWER ON THIS.
HOW DO YOU VALUE GROWTH VERSUS PROFICIENCY IN MEASURING
PROGRESS IN STUDENTS? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, WELL, I -- I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SCHOOL.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT I DO -- I DO THINK THERE
SHOULD BE A SCHOOL. PROBABLY JESUS SCHOOL.
AND I DO THINK IT SHOULD HAVE WALLS AND ROOF AND GUN FOR
POTENTIAL GRIZZLY -- >> THANK YOU.
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW. THANK YOU.
I'LL ACCEPT ONE LAST QUESTION. YEAH I'LL TAKE THIS LOSER.
>> I'VE GOT A QUESTION ABOUT THE STATEMENT THE WHITE HOUSE
RELEASED ON HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE DAY.
DO YOU THINK IT WAS ANTI-SEMITIC TO NOT EVEN MENTION THE JEWISH
PEOPLE IN THIS STATEMENT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> THIS IS SOAPY WATER AND I'M WASHING THAT FILTHY LYING MOUTH
OUT! [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] FIRST OF ALL, HOW COULD THE
STATEMENT, A STATEMENT BE ANTI-SEMITIC?
THE GUY WHO WROTE IT WAS SUPER JEWY.
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY?
AND THE FACT IS A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE SUFFERED IN THE
HOLOCAUST, IT WASN'T JUST THE JEWS.
IT WAS ALSO THE GYPSIES, THE LESBIES, AND THESE OTHER GUYS.
THAT'S YOUR WORDS. YOUR WORDS!
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY. SPICY'S GOT TO GO BYE-BYE RIGHT
NOW, NEED A BIG-BOY NAP. WAKE ME UP EXACTLY ONE MINUTE
BEFORE TOMORROW'S PRESS CONFERENCE.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
>> YEAH, THAT ALREADY HAPPENED. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Sean Spicer Press Conference - SNL

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