Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Going Bald

>>> THE CDC IS WARNING OF AN INCREASE IN OPIATE OVERDOSES AND
IS COSTING AMERICANS $78 BILLION A YEAR.
WITH MORE ON THIS IS RESIDENT YOUNG PERSON PETE DAVIDSON.
>> NOT ANYMORE. COLIN, YOU GOT TO CHANGE THE CUE
CARD, I'M NO LONGER A YOUNG PERSON.
MY CAREER IS OVER. >> WAIT, WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, PETE?
>> IT HAPPENED. I STARTED GOING BALD.
AND I'M ON PROPECIA NOW. >> WAIT A SECOND, PROPECIA?
WHAT IS THAT? >> SURE, COLIN.
SURE. >> WHAT?
>> MID-30s WITH THAT WALL OF HAIR?
I'M NOT BUYING IT. >> I'M NOT ON PROPECIA.
>> YEAH, AND I JUST SMOKE WEED FOR MY CROHN'S.
>> WHAT'S GOING -- HOW ARE YOU BALDING?
YOU'RE LIKE 9. >> I KNOW, LOOK.
THAT'S WHY IT'S SO SCARY. OVER THE SUMMER I LOOKED AT MY
SINK AND I NOTICED SOME HAIR. AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS MY
PUBES, BECAUSE I AM THAT TALL AND I STRAIGHTEN THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT WASN'T.
I HAD TO GO TO THE DOCTOR. HE PRESCRIBE MED PROPECIA.
>> DOES IT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECTS?
>> HE SAID FOR SOME PEOPLE IT WILL LOWER YOUR SEX DRIVE.
SO IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT NEEDS TO HAVE SEX LIKE FOUR
OR FIVE TIMES A DAY, THEN THIS DRUG ISN'T FOR YOU.
BUT IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH DOING IT ONCE A DAY YOU'LL BE FINE.
AND I WAS LIKE, "ONCE A DAY? WHAT AM I, HUGH HEFNER?"
I'LL TAKE THE GENERIC VERSION, THAT'S LIKE ONCE A WEEK.
LIKE THE HAIR IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
>> HOW'S IT WORKING OUT? >> IT'S WORKING OUT.
I HAVE ALL MY HAIR, SO GIRLS STILL WANT TO GET WITH ME, BUT
I'M IMPOTENT SO I COULD CARE LESS.
YOU KNOW? I'M PRETTY MUCH, LIKE, THE
COOL ELS GUY IN TOWN. >> AND I GOT TO SAY, PROPECIA
DOESN'T SOUND THAT BAD. >> IT'S NOT.
IT'S REALLY CRAZY. IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH HAVING SEX
ONCE A DAY, YOU COULD HAVE YOUR HAIR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
IT MAKES ME LOOK AT BALD DUDES IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT.
EVERY TIME I SEE A BALD GUY I'M LIKE, YOU JUST CAN'T KEEP YOUR
DICK IN YOUR PANTS.

Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Going Bald - SNL

Latest Posts