Welcome Video

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
>> HELLO. BONJOUR.
KONICHIWA. AND WELCOME TO THE
UNITED STATES. AS YOU'RE WAITING IN LINE, THIS
VIDEO WILL LET YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT AND WHAT IS REQUIRED TO
PASS THROUGH U.S. CUSTOMS. WE TAKE OUR BORDER VERY
SERIOUSLY. BE SURE TO PAY ATTENTION AND
WE'LL GET YOU GOING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE --
>> PORTIONS OF THIS VIDEO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY EDITED.
>> LET'S GO OVER A FEW DOCUMENTS YOU'LL NEED.
FIRST, YOUR COMPLETED CUSTOMS FORM.
YOU'LL ALSO NEED A VALID PASSPORT FROM YOUR COUNTRY OF
ORIGIN -- >> NOT INCLUDING IRAQ, IRAN,
SYRIA, LYBIA, SOMALIA, SUDAN, OR YEMEN AND MAYBE AUSTRALIA, WE'LL
SEE. >> OUR PRIORITY IS TO MAKE THIS
PROCESS EASY FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.
>> NOT YOU, NOT YOU, NO WAY, NICE TRY, NOT YOU -- OH WAIT,
HE'S GOOD. COME ON IN, BUD.
AWW! NO.
>> IN ADDITION, YOU MAY BE ASKED TO PROVIDE A FEW --
>> HUNDRED. >> SIMPLE --
>> CONFUSING. >> FORMS.
>> IF YOU NEED ASSISTANCE THERE WILL BE SOMEONE --
>> NO ONE. >> -- TO HELP YOU.
WITH ALL YOUR FORMS FILLED OUT PROCEED AHEAD --
>> ALSO FORM C-9. W-8.
F-12. AND D-9-B.
>> YOU'RE ALMOST DONE -- >> GETTING STARTED.
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, ALL VISITORS WILL BE SUBJECT TO
EXTREME VETTING PROCEDURES INCLUDING A HIGHLY DETAILED
QUESTIONNAIRE. WE ALSO NEED FINGERPRINTS, BLOOD
SAMPLE. URINE SAMPLE.
STOOL SAMPLE. AND YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO EAT
A HOT DOG IN FRONT OF US. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ PHONE RINGS ] HELLO?
YEAH, IT'S GOING -- THE VIDEO IS COMING ALONG REALLY WELL.
>> YOU CAN NOW APPROACH THE CUSTOMS DESK.
WHEN YOU REACH THE CUSTOMS OFFICER SHE WILL --
>> HE WILL. >> ASK YOU A SERIES OF QUESTIONS
SUCH AS, WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR VISIT?
>> I'M HERE TO SEE MY MOTHER. SHE IS A --
>> TERRORIST. >> WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION?
>> I AM A CERTIFIED NURSE -- >> DRUG DEALER.
>> WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES --
>> GO HOME PLEASE. >> OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.
BYE. AMERICA FIRST.
>> CONGRATULATIONS. AND WELCOME TO THE UNITED
STATES. A LAND OF OPPORTUNITY FROM --
>> TRUMP TOWER. >> SEA TO SHINING --
>> TRUMP TOWER. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ PHONE RINGING ] A JUDGE BLOCKED THE BAN?
NO, PLEASE, I JUST MADE THE WHOLE VIDEO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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