10 Worst Superheroes Ever Invented

- Look in the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
It's an awful superhero
who is definitely not going to save you.
♫ I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
- [Deadpool] Oh Jesus.
Ah, I'm so sorry.
If I'm being honest with myself
I probably should have just called 911.
- Superman, Batman, Iron Man,
these are all very successful superheros
that have gone on to do amazing things.
But not every superhero that's invented
ends up doing well.
In fact, most of them don't.
Most of them are pretty embarrassing
that they were even thought of.
So let's talk about who they are,
what their story is, and why they flop so hard.
Here are the 10 worst superheros even invented.
Number one is Ulysses Archer.
Created by Marvel in 1983, Ulysses Solomon Archer
always dreamed of being a truck driver
though that went against the wish of his parents
who begged him to go to college
before they met their end in an accident.
After being adopted by truck stop owners
Poppa Wheelie and Wide Load Annie,
he graduated with multiple degrees in areas
such as engineering and programming.
After a mix-up with some aliens
looking to recruit him as a starship driver,
Jefferson, Ulysses' brother, was given a space truck.
He quickly turned against his brother in fear
that the aliens would take the amazing truck away from him.
So Jefferson tried to remove Ulysses from the picture
by driving him off a cliff, but the aliens found out
and nursed him back to health giving him his power,
a medal skull that can pick up radio signals.
Believe it or not, this comic ran for 40 more issues.
I don't know how as I was practically falling asleep
just telling you about it.
Number two is Madame Fatal.
Spun from the Golden Age of comics
and published by Quality Comics,
which is a very ironic name,
Madame Fatal is the alter-ego of Richard Stanton.
Making his first appearance in Crack Comics number one,
released in May of 1940,
Stanton was a rich actor living in Manhattan.
When he discovered that his daughter
was kidnapped by a gang leader
and that the police were unable to find her,
Stanton took action by dressing up as an old lady
in order to infiltrate the gang and surprise them.
Yeah, Ms Doubtfire style.
By following through with this completely idiotic plan,
Richard inherited the honor of being the very first
cross-dressing hero to appear in comics.
He was eventually able to overpower the gang
and take on the leader who, after Stanton
literally pulled the rug out under his feet, shot himself.
Though he had no powers,
Stanton decided to quit his job as an actor
and become an old lady themed hero full time.
Every young boy's dream.
But it didn't take long for readers to get
the feel of this ridiculous storyline
and Madame Fatal was retired at issue 22.
Just so disappointing.
Number three is the Gin Genie.
While some people seem to feel tough
like superheros after a few drinks,
Beckah Parker a.k.a. the Gin Genie
takes that to a whole another level.
Created in 2001 and making her debut
in Marvel's X-Force number 116,
Genie was a mutant with the ability to create seismic waves,
which is a good power on its own.
However, Genie's strength was directly dependent
on her blood alcohol level.
So, the more sauce she drank, the more powerful
the earthquakes she could make.
This led to Genie developing an abusive relationship
with liquor, often times getting so drunk
that she would even attack her own teammates.
Just like the length of the buzz that real-life gin gives,
this incredible superhero was short-lived
as she was unveiled and died in the same issue.
Even sadder was the fact that she died on a mission
to save a boy band called Boys R Us,
and she didn't even succeed.
They literally all died under gunship fire
including most of the X-Force heroes.
Well, I guess the moral of the comic is
don't drink and save boy bands.
Number four is Almighty Dollar.
Do you ever wish you could just make your problems
go away by throwing money at them?
Well, Marvel's J. Pennington Pennypacker
could do just that gaining superpowers
while at a self-esteem camp.
It turned out that the camp was actually a plot
by a mad scientist to get test subjects
for his superpower ray and create a group of heroes
called The Happy Campers.
You cannot make this stuff up.
Under the name the Almighty Dollar,
Pennypacker helped fellow hero NFL SuperPro
in NFL SuperPro number 10
by literally throwing money at their problems.
In other words, he could shoot streams of pennies
out of his wrists, similar to the way
that Spider-Man could shoot webbing out of his
to injure his enemies, except not nearly as cool.
Here are some copper for ya' zap-zap.
Number five is the Red Bee.
Another high quality comics jam,
Richard Raleigh is a district attorney in Oregon
who spends his free time dressed
in a red and yellow striped costume,
fighting against Nazis with an army of trained bees.
Oh yeah.
First appearing in 1940 in the first issue of Hit Comics,
Raleigh known as the Red Bee has no real power
opting instead for a stinger gun,
a bunch of bees, and a secret weapon named Michael.
But Matt, who is Michael?
Well, Michael was Raleigh's favorite bee
who was always kept close by
having him live in his belt buckle.
He's a grown man talking to a pet bee.
After the end of his comic adventures in issue number 24
and his death by Nazis some time after it,
it was now time for Jenna Raleigh to become the Red Bee.
Jenna wisely upgraded the suit's abilities
and with the help of mechanized bees
that electrocuted enemies,
she went on to become nothing.
Nothing at all.
Actually she became a mutated half-woman half-insect
that wanted to colonize the entire planet
but was saved and cured, after which she decided
to drop the hero gig and go back to her science career.
Who thinks of this?
This is just no.
Disturbing.
Number six is Doorman.
Oh my God.
I can't wait to be saved by Doorman.
Doorman was created by Marvel's John Byrne
and first appeared in 1989
in West Coast Avengers volume II.
DeMarr Davis' call to action
came in the form of an advertisement
looking for able bodies to join a superhero team.
A mutant born with weird teleport-like abilities,
Davis answered the ad put out by Mr Immortal
to join the Great Lakes Avengers,
gaining the hero name Doorman.
This made Doorman a great asset
in stealth and surprise missions but limited him to being
well, a walking door.
During an epic battle with the villain Maelstrom,
Doorman sacrifices himself and is killed
only to be brought back to life
as an angel of death with new powers.
But before he died, Doorman actually had the ability
to summon magic skis that allows him to fly.
Okay, so let me just get this straight.
Doorman, Door-Man, is now a dude
who flies around on skis and collects people's souls
to bring them to the afterlife.
Okay.
Number seven is Dogwelder.
The next comic book protagonist we're gonna talk about
is a silent man who walks the night
carrying a blowtorch and a bag of dead dogs.
Sure, why not?
Apparently it's good enough for the members
of Section Eight, a squad of wannabe heroes,
who appear throughout the Hitman comic series.
Created by Garth Ennis and John McCrea
and debuting in September of 1997's Hitman number 18,
little is known about Dogwelder
since he never actually talks and is always wearing
a welding mask to conceal his identity.
With a constant supply of stray dogs
that he traps in alleys and kills,
the Dogwelder attempts to spot weld dead dogs to evildoers.
Yeah, I'm gonna just let you take a minute
to wrap your head around that, marinate on it.
Dogwelder is eventually killed in issue 52
in August of 2000 by the acidic bodily fluids of a demon.
Now I know you're just so disappointed but don't worry,
the dog welding didn't stop there.
Huh, good thing!
Dogwelder's welding equipment
manages to possess an American businessman
creating Dogwelder II in the first issue
of All Star Section Eight released in August of 2015.
Please let this die!
It's so bad!
Number eight is Matter-Eater Lad.
In December of 1962, DC's Adventure Comics number 303
gave Tenzil Kem his first comic book appearance.
A man with an endless appetite,
Kem has the ability to eat anything,
including but not limited to Superman
and other things considered indestructible.
Kem's power stems from his alien biology.
He hails from the planet Bismoll
where his species evolved over generations
and gained the ability to eat anything to survive.
While looking completely human,
his only noticeable variance is his eating habits,
which is where he gets his hero name Matter-Eater Lad.
His was part of the Legion of Super-Heroes
but was rarely actually featured
because the writers had a hard time
thinking of a way to make him useful.
He also probably takes the cake
for the least cool-looking superhero in a fight,
since he just attacks everything mouth first
and just chews it until it disappears.
Stop, evildoer!
Om nom nom nom.
I wonder what his toilet breaks look like.
No.
I'm sorry I said that.
Number nine is Hindsight Lad.
Unofficially joining the New Warriors
after a failed blackmail attempt,
Carlton LaFroyge has no powers but wears a helmet
with two car mirrors attached to the sides.
Get it?
So he can, you know, see what's behind him.
Don't Hindsight Lad!
He first appeared in New Warriors Annual number three.
Even without superpowers Hindsight Lad
mainly stuck to using computers
and was great at researching and piecing together
what had already happened in the past,
or in hindsight.
His knack for hindsight helped him and his team
during the events put forth by the Sphinx,
as he solves most of the mysteries that they uncover
granting him unofficial team new warrior status.
Hindsight remained a part of the New Warriors
until around issue 75 when I'm guessing
that the writers realized that he was just so bad.
And number 10 is Arms-Fall-Off-Boy.
And now the granddaddy of absolutely
useless comic book characters.
First appearing in Secret Origins volume II number 46,
released in December of 1989, Arms-Fall-Off-Boy
is sort of like an action figure with removable limbs,
except that he is a full-size human
and he uses his removed limbs as clubs
bludgeoning people in the name of justice.
So, instead of just punching people
like a regular superhero, he adds unnecessary steps
to the process with his stupid detachable limbs.
I'm gonna get ya'!
In the original run his backstory is never explored,
however in his Post-Zero Hour reemergence,
Arms-Fall-Off-Boy takes the name Splitter
and is described as an alien from the planet Lallor.
In both the original run and his reboot,
he is trying out for the superhero team Legionnaires,
but not surprisingly he was rejected.
Even though he won't be known as a Legionnaire,
you could still call him the master of unarmed combat.
This list is done.
So, those were the 10 worst, most cringe worthy
superheros ever invented.
But I want to know from you guys which one on this list
is the absolute worst in your opinion.
Personally I'm stuck between the armless wonder
and the dead dog guy.
Leave your comment below because I'll be reading
through them and I'll pin the best one at the top.
But, as always, thank you guys so much for coming by today.
Remember to come back tomorrow and every weekday
at exactly 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,
because I'll have a brand-new video for you.
I'll see you then.

10 Worst Superheroes Ever Invented

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