CRINGIEST THINGS WE SAID AS KIDS #2

• From accidental sex talk (mKylem: to me interrupting with a cringe story), the Planet
Dolan crew re-enact more of the best true stories from our subreddit about the cringiest
things we said as kids that we now regret. I’m Melissa and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by TheKingKam Dolan’s Brother
When Dolan’s brother was in the first grade he said something he now regrets. To start
her lesson the teacher made everyone sit on the floor. Dolan’s brother thought the other
students were sitting a little too close to him. He wanted to impress everyone with a
big word, so he said, “Guys, can you back away? I’m constipated.” He meant to say
‘claustrophobic’, but it was too late. The teacher corrected him and everyone laughed
at his expense. He still can’t figure out why he had trouble
making friends that year…
Number 9 was submitted by slendermanxxsd Dolan My friend Dolan has always been searching
for the truth – even when he was little! Like one time he wanted to know all about
what happened when he was born. He asked his mother if they cut the umbilical chord when
he came out. His mother told him they sure did, and Dolan said, “Ohhh… That’s why
my penis is so small!” When Dolan thinks back on this, he melts into
a big puddle of cringe.
Number 8 was submitted by cda1998 Tolop When Tolop was five years old his parents
dragged him along to watch his sister perform a concert. Naturally he was bored out of his
mind, so he started looking around at the people in the audience. The guy sitting next
to him had a very noticeable birthmark. It was bright red and covered his whole cheek
and ear. Tolop had never seen something like this so, in the middle of a song, he shouted,
“Hey! What’s wrong with your face?” Everyone in the audience stared at him in
shock and Tolop got yelled at all the way home.
Now that he’s older, Tolop is friends with the man’s daughter, so they run into each
other from time to time. Every time Tolop sees him he thinks about that awkward night.
Number 7 was submitted by Kogazgirl Snewpee When Snewpee was a little kid she went for
a ride to the mall with her mom, grandparents and sister. As soon as they got in Grandpa’s
car, Snewpee said, “Eww. It smells like old people in here!”
Snewpee’s grandparents were a bit sensitive about their age, so they asked her what old
people are supposed to smell like. Without thinking, Snewpee shouted, “Death and graveyard
dirt!” They spent the rest of the car ride in silence…
Number 6 was submitted by- Hey excuse me, interrupting, hi, Kyle. Uh hi. When I was
a really young kid; to a point where I couldn’t even remember it. My Dad took me to a movie
theatre. In the middle of the film after having a really large soda. I really had to pee,
so my dad took me to the restroom. I found the nearest urinal and immediately started
peeing there. I looked to my right and also see a man peeing, just a few urinals down.
I turn to my dad and say “Dad, He has a penis too!”. To which my dad recalls the
mans face turning a very bright red, almost immediate. Less than a second later you hear
a ‘zip’ and the guy made a B-line to the door.
Number 5 was submitted by Tepig28 Pringle Pringle’s cringiest line came while he and
his friend were playing the Legend of Zelda in his room. In the game, they were running
around the village chasing chickens and throwing them around. Pringle’s brother happened
to come in just as Pringle shouted, “Stop running and grab the frickin’ cock!”
Pringle has never lived this down.
Number 4 was submitted by uni_chicken Emojie When Emojie was nine he was a big YouTube
fan. One day he came home from school to watch the latest Pewdiepie video. In the video,
a hater told Pewdiepie that he sucked, and Pewdiepie responded by saying “You swallow!”
Emojie didn’t understand what this meant, but he thought it was funny.
Later that day, Emojie was in the kitchen with his mom. After joking around, his mom
playfully told him he sucked. Emojie laughed, looked his mom square in the eye, and said,
“Well, you swallow!” His mom’s face went totally white. Emojie knew he’d said
something wrong. He’d thought it had something to do with food and drinks, so his mom had
to awkwardly explain its more sexual meaning. Emojie excused himself, saying “I’m going
to go die in a hole now!” He still cringes whenever he remembers this.
Number 3 was submitted by EmilyAnn11696 Andie When Andie was seven she accidentally walked
in on her brother peeing. She was very naïve little girl and didn’t know anything about
the male anatomy. It was a big surprise for her to learn that boys stood when they peed.
Later on, Andie was having dinner with her family when the conversation somehow turned
to the topic of men peeing. Andie jumped up from her seat and said proudly, “I know
where boys pee out of!” Andie’s parents looked really worried, as
they hadn’t yet given her ‘the talk’. Her dad said, “You do?” And Andie blurted
out, “Yeah! From their bellybutton!” Everyone at the table laughed. Andie never figured
out what was so funny until sex ed in the eighth grade. She now cringes at how innocent
she was.
Number 2 was submitted by MissTwinkle101 Doopie When Doopie was a teenager she worked at a
grocery store. On Saint Patrick’s Day she decided to get into the spirit by wearing
a lei of tiny shamrocks. A customer came up to the register. Doopie noticed he looked
a little down. She wanted to brighten his day so she pointed to her shamrocks and blurted
out, “Hey, check it out! I got laid!” A big smile spread across the customer’s
face and Doopie realised her embarrassing innuendo. She then tried to cover it up, saying,
“I mean I’ve been shamrocked!” The customer laughed and said, “That’s even worse!”
Doopie was mortified and wanted to hide herself away. But, hey, at least she cheered him up!
And for number 1 I’m going to tell you guys about something I said when I was a kid.
When I was about 5 my Dad took me for a car ride and we stopped at the gas station to
get gas. At the time I didn’t realise gas had two meanings. The type you fill your car
with: gasoline, and the type that comes out of your bum: flatulence. So I told my Dad
“Dad why do you pay for gasoline? Why don’t you just put your butt up to the tank and
let it rip. And there you go, Free Gas” I wish I were kidding about this but…true
story. Huge thanks for the folks over on our Planet
Dolan subreddit for submitting their stories. We have another question for you: “What’s
the worst you’ve ever overreacted?” Let us know in the Reddit page linked below and
you might be featured in a future countdown.

CRINGIEST THINGS WE SAID AS KIDS #2 | Dolan True Stories

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