Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Please Don’t Run For President

- Hey you.
It's that time again.
Another American presidential election cycle.
I'll wait while you celebrate.
It seems to happen earlier and earlier every time, I know.
The 2016 election technically started in November 2014
when world famous Jim Webb formed an exploratory committee
followed by Jeb Bush forming a PAC in December.
I'm sure they text about it all the time.
So, that was two years before the election
and our president's been in the White House for
a month and a half?
So, let's get to it!
Zuckerberg?
Ohhh, no, don't.
We don't, really?
You?
You don't, we don't want (sighs).
Really?
Zuckerberg?
That's right, my feigned surprise.
Mark Zuckerberg is hinting at running for president
and he's posting those hints on his Facebook page,
which is to say he is shouting about running for president.
It all started when he announced that he'd found religion
and was no longer an unelectable un-American atheist.
When you scroll past the video of him
celebrating the birthday of his horse
that started to turn into a mop, but then stopped halfway,
and he still kept it 'cause he's such a great guy,
and you'll see that Zuckerberg
hired David Plouffe to work for him.
David Plouffe led Barack Obama's
successful 2008 presidential campaign
and was a senior advisor for several years.
And not to be outdone by himself,
Zuckerberg also hired Kenneth Mehlman,
who ran George W. Bush's successful 2004 campaign.
So, those are things.
He's also recently reworked Facebook's shareholder
power structure so he can retain voting control,
even if he divests from the company,
which, should he want to be president,
would ensure that he has no conflicts of interest,
of which our current president still has many.
And according to Facebook, Zuckerberg is starting
a listening tour around the country,
saying he and his wife "are taking a road trip
"through the south this week as part of my
"challenge to visit every state in the U.S."
Tough challenge for billionaires, travel.
Anyway, there's nothing presidential about this.
He's just gonna drive through the country,
shake some hands, get to know the real America,
eat some homestyle vittles and dirt slaw
and post things like, "I had lunch with
"community leaders in Waxahachie
"who shared their pride in their home
"and their feelings on a divided country."
"I met young moms in West who moved back to their town
"because they want their kids to be raised
"with the same values they grew up with."
"And I met with ministers in Waco
"who are helping their congregations
"find deeper meaning in a changing world."
"We may come from different backgrounds,
"but we all want to find purpose
"and authenticity in something bigger than ourselves."
God bless you.
God bless the United States of America.
Applause.
I added that last sentence, but only that last sentence.
So generally, he's talking like a politician these days
and he seems to be drawing a stark contrast
between himself and whoever he
might have to run against in 2020,
like this post from the heart of Alabama.
"It seems like a good time to say thank you
"to all the journalists around the world work tirelessly
"and sometimes put their lives
"in danger to surface the truth.
"I don't always agree with everything you say,
"but that's how democracy is supposed to work."
Who does that not sound anything like ever?
I don't know.
This contrast is probably the most obvious
in Zuckerberg's recent Facebook manifesto,
which tackles issues like fake news
and real news being called fake news,
community, culture, globalization.
The internet was abuzz.
There were many takes of varying temperatures,
like the problem with Mark Zuckerberg's
new Facebook manifesto, it isn't political enough.
Or "Mark Zuckerberg's letter to the
"world looks a lot like politics."
Or "Mark Zuckerberg's manifesto is a political trainwreck."
So, thank the internet for every opinion.
I have no take to offer myself,
but I guess my contribution will be that in his manifesto,
he used the word government or governance 13 times,
but only three times in his previous manifesto.
So...
Proof?
Fake news? Okay.
So, I think it's pretty clear that you're probably
considering running for president, Zuck,
and please don't.
I know you've said you're not.
You know, everybody says that.
So, like you probably are, running, right?
But also, don't?
We don't, we don't need that.
Like, hey man, you are great,
but I think after this go around,
we should get back to electing civil servants to the office.
You know like, like experienced, intelligent civil servants
who know what they're doing?
Not that you're unintelligent, but...
You put your college directory online, that's it, you know?
And yeah, you created it and sustained it
and you run a company, and you donate to charity,
and you do a lot of good things,
but mostly, you put your college directory online
and you want to be the president?
You're not a comfortable speaker.
You made an AI butler from your home, which is neat,
but in doing so, you took Morgan Freeman's voice,
changed his name, and made him your slave.
It's weird.
You're in charge of Facebook.
You basically own the media.
You can't be the president.
You own all of our information, all of our data.
America is more divided than ever
and the Facebook helped us create our bubbles
by using algorithms to only show us things we like
and things we already agree with.
And your manifesto kinda points to it getting even worse.
Your manifesto also had passages
that have since been deleted that indicate
that you're working on AI to read through
people's private messages in order to
detect potential terrorists and harassment.
So, so that's cool, reading our messages, Mr. President.
Just don't?
You're a smart guy, you've got some good,
positive ideas about community,
and you seem pretty committed to using
all of your billions of dollars
to make positive steps in education
and health and society and the planet.
Great, but also, so far they've made one movie about you
and you definitely weren't like, the good guy in it.
So, in conclusion, Zuck, neat idea, but hey, could you not?
This has been another episode of Hey, Could You Not?
Join us next time when I confront myself
about making this a regular series.
In fact, (bleeps) it, no new episodes.
This was it.
This is the only one.
(bleeps) it.
Could I not?
Yeah, I couldn't.
I won't.
I'm not gonna.
End of series.
Hey everybody, thanks for watching that video on Youtube
and make sure to, uh, there's like a little,
it's like a little thumb, you click it, click like
and should be, it'll say subscribe,
leave your words, comment, leave a comment and...
That's good.
- It wasn't great.
- It was good, though.

Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Please Don’t Run For President

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