Recuse Me, Jeff Sessions, But You Lied

WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
AS MANY OF YOU KNOW YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRS DAY OF LENT.
A LOT OF PEOPLE GIVE THINGS UP.
IF YOU SAW THE NEWS TODAY, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT THE WHITE HOUSE
JUST GAVE UP ANY SHRED OF CREDIBILITY.
OF COURSE I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BIG STORY WITH ATTORNEY GENERAL
JEFF SESSIONS.
IT WAS REVEALED LAST NIGHT THAT SESSIONS HAD MET TWICE WITH A
RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR WHILE ADVISING THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN,
EVEN THOUGH HE HAS SAID UNDER OATH THAT HE, QUOTE, DID NOT
HAVE COMMUNICATIONS WITH THE RUSSIANS.
SESSIONS CALLED THESE ACCUSATIONS A BUNCH OF BS,
ALTHOUGH TO HIM BS IS SHORT FOR BOLSHEVIK.
SESSIONS IS NOW SAYING THAT HE DID MEET WITH THE RUSSIANS, BUT
HE DID NOT DISCUSS THE CAMPAIGN.
THAT'S LIKE YOUR WIFE FINDING OUT THAT YOU WENT TO A STRIP
CLUB AND YOU TELL HER NO, NO, IT'S COOL, I DIDN'T LOOK AT ANY
OF THE GIRLS.
BUT GENUINELY THIS COULD BE A CASE OF INTERNATIONAL ESPIONAGE.
SESSIONS SAID HE MET WITH THE RUSSIANS BUT HE ALSO SAID HE
DIDN'T TELL THEM ANYTHING.
IT'S ACTUALLY INSPIRED A BRAND NEW JASON BOURNE MOVIE.
IT'S CALLED DO YOU THINK WE WERE BOURNE YESTERDAY?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS, A
STATE LAWMAKERS IN IOWA IS GETTING A LOT OF ATTENTION TO
SOMETHING HE PUT ON HIS WEBSITE.
HE LISTED THAT HE GRADUATED WITH A DEGREE IN BUSINESS MANAGEMENT
FROM FORBCO MANAGEMENT SCHOOL.
RIGHT, BUT HERE'S THE THING.
FORBCO IS NOT A COLLEGE, IT IS THE MANAGEMENT PROGRAM FOR THE
RESTAURANT SIZ LETTER.
-- SIZZLER.
THAT'S RIGHT, HE'S THE GRADUATE OF THE AFFORDABLY PRICED STEAK
RESTAURANT SIZZLER.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HIM HERE.
THAT IS STATE SENATOR MARK CHELGREN.
HE MAY HAVE LIED ABOUT HIS DEGREE, BUT THAT GUY DEFINITELY
WORKED AT SIZZLER.
FORBC ORGANIZE MANAGEMENT SCHOOL, TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA WHAT
KIND OF SCHOOL THIS, THIS IS PEOPLE'S SAFETY SCHOOL IN CASE
THEY COULDN'T GET INTO TRUMP UNIVERSITY.
NOW HERE'S THE THING, RIGHT, HE IS TRYING TO MAKE A LAW LIMITING
THE NUMBER OF DEMOCRATS WHO CAN TEACH AT STATE COLLEGES.
AND HE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN TO COLLEGE.
THAT'S LIKE ME TRYING TO TELL MY PERSONAL TRAINER HOW TO GET
FIRMER GLUTES.
NO, JURGEN, LIKE THIS, LIKE THIS.
I DID THAT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT GLUTES ARE?
WHERE ARE YOUR GLUTES?
WHERE ARE THE GLUTES, OH, THEY'RE HERE.
NOW IN OTHER NEWS ABOUT CRIMINALS TRYING TO PULL ONE
OVER ON PEOPLE, A 45 YEAR OLD MAN FROM FLORIDA HAS BEEN
ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO OBTAIN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DRUMMING
EQUIPMENT BY POSING AS THE DRUMMER FOR THE BAND NICKELBACK.
NOW I DONE THINK HE SHOULD GO TO JAIL.
I DON'T.
THE MAN HAD TO OPENLY SAY HE WAS THE DRUMMER FOR NICKELBACK.
HE SUFFERED ENOUGH.
AND CAN WE GET A LOOK AT THIS GUY?
RIGHT, SORRY, I STAND CORRECTED.
THAT IS A GUY WHO DEFINITELY WORKED AT SIZZLER.
ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE, AND THIS IS 100% REAL, THIS MAN DESCRIBES
HIS PERSONAL INTERESTS AS PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT TRYING TO GET A
PIECE OF ME, HOT FUJ, FISHING, AND ROCKING THE [BLEEP] ON MY
DRUMS.
YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE GUY WASN'T THE DRUMMER FROM NICKELBACK
AFTER THEY SAW ROCKING THE [BLEEP] ON MY DRUMS.
THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT SOMETHING A DRUMMER WOULD SAY, THAT IS
LIKE A VIRGIN WHO CLAIMS HE GOT LAID BY SAYING I JUST LOVE
ROCKING THE PENIS IN THE SEX.

Recuse Me, Jeff Sessions, But You Lied

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