The Secret Behind President Trump's Well Done Steaks

I KNOW WHY YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD!
( CHEERING ) TODAY WAS MARDI GRAS, SO LET ME
WISH YOU A HAPPY MARDI GRAS, EVERYONE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHO I'M
ACTUALLY SPEAKING TO BECAUSE THE PEOPLE
WHO DID CELEBRATE HAVE BEEN BLACKED OUT FOR SIX HOURS NOW.
MOVING ON, THIS IS A BIG STORY.
ELON MUSK HAS ANNOUNCED THAT HIS COMPANY, SPACEX, IS LAUNCHING A
PRIVATELY FUNDED TRIP TO THE MOON FOR TWO PEOPLE NEXT YEAR.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW!
MUSK DIDN'T REVEAL WHO WOULD BE GOING BUT DID SAY THAT IT WAS
"NOBODY FROM HOLLYWOOD."
( LAUGHTER ) AND FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS
WEEK, PEOPLE FROM "LA LA LAND" FOUND OUT THEY LOST ON
"MOONLIGHT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY PROBLEM WITH THIS TRIP IS THEY'RE ONLY SHOOTING TWO PEOPLE
OUT INTO SPACE.
WHY CAN'T IT BE THREE?
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DONALD TRUMP'S BIG ADDRESS TO CONGRESS WAS TONIGHT.
BUT DID YOU SEE WHAT HE SAID ON "FOX & FRIENDS" THIS MORNING?
IN AN INTERVIEW ON THE MORNING SHOW, DONALD TRUMP SAID THAT
BARACK OBAMA MIGHT BE BEHIND THE RECENT PROTESTS AGAINST HIS
ADMINISTRATION.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW.
GEE, OBAMA SURE GETS A LOT DONE FOR A GUY WHO DONALD TRUMP SAID
CAN'T GET ANYTHING DONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TRUMP IS HAPPY TO ENTERTAIN
CONSPIRACY THEORIES, BUT THE ONE POSSIBILITY THAT JUST DOESN'T
OCCUR TO HIM IS THAT PEOPLE DON'T LIKE HIM.
( LAUGHTER ) WHEN HE SEES A PROTEST HE'S
LIKE, "OKAY, I KNOW ALL OF THESE PEOPLE LOSING THEIR HEALTHCARE
LOVE ME, SO WHO IS CAUSING THIS?"
( LAUGHTER ) IT SEEMS LIKE PEOPLE HAVE A
PROBLEM WITH EVERYTHING TRUMP DOES.
IN FACT, PEOPLE ARE EVEN OUTRAGED BY HOW HE EATS.
IT WAS REPORTED OVER THE WEEKEND THAT DONALD TRUMP ORDERED A $54
DOLLAR, DRY AGED STEAK WELL-DONE AND ATE IT WITH KETCHUP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
THAT'S RIGHT!
HE DOESN'T JUST RUIN THE COUNTRY!
HE ALSO RUINS STEAK!
( LAUGHTER ) I GET THE FEELING TRUMP ORDERS
HIS STEAK WELL-DONE JUST SO HE CAN HEAR THE WORDS "WELL-DONE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HERE YOU GO, SIR, YOUR STEAK.
WELL-DONE.
SEE!
HERE'S ANOTHER OUTRAGE THAT SWEPT THROUGH THE TWITTERVERSE,
AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE THIS WAS TRUMP'S FAULT.
PEOPLE WERE ANGRY ABOUT THIS PHOTO OF KELLYANNE CONWAY
SITTING WITH HER FEET UP ON A COUCH IN THE OVAL OFFICE.
NOW, PEOPLE WERE FURIOUS ABOUT THIS.
WHEN KELLYANNE CONWAY WAS ASKED ABOUT THIS PHOTO SHE WAS, LIKE,
"I DIDN'T PUT MY FEET ON THE COUCH.
I'M ACTUALLY STANDING IN THAT PICTURE.
I WAS NEVER IN THE ROOM.
THAT'S ACTUALLY HILLARY CLINTON."
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, I'M NOT EVEN THAT BOTHERED
BY THE WAY SHE IS SITTING.
LOOK AGAIN -- I'M ACTUALLY MORE CURIOUS ABOUT
WHAT SHE IS LOOKING AT ON THE PHONE.
I MEAN, SHE'S IN THE MOST POWERFUL OFFICE IN THE LAND AT
AN IMPORTANT MEETING, AND SHE'S WASTING HER TIME STARING AT HER
SMARTPHONE LIKE SOME SORT OF MONSTER!
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE HOLDING HER ATTENTION ON THAT PHONE?
WHAT'S THAT?
WE HAVE ANOTHER ANGLE?
SHOW IT.
♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

The Secret Behind President Trump's Well Done Steaks

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