15 Things You Didn't Know Your Body Could Do

• What’s something ridiculous you can do with sneezes?
What’s a bizarre way you can itch the inside of your throat?
Here are 15 insane things your body can do, and you didn’t even know it
15 – Bite a pencil to feel happy, • You’re feeling down.
You have no money.
Your dog pissed on the bed.
Things aren’t going well.
Here’s a body hack that will cheer you right up.
• Put a pencil between your teeth, it’ll stimulate the muscles used for smiling which
will flood your body with feel-good chemicals.
Bam.
Oh look, the dog changed the sheets, and came home with a suitcase full of money.
• Yay.
Easy fix.
14 – Cough during injection to avoid pain, • If you’re like me, you were batshit
scared of needles when you were a kid.
They try to distract you, they tell a joke, haha, OUCH, FUCK OFF.
Nothing works.
• But did you know that if you fake cough a LOT right as the needles going in, it’ll
increase your blood pressure and totally numb the pain?
So, as long as you’re okay spluttering like a fool, and the doctor doesn’t roll their
eyes, feel free to cough away! • *cough noise*
13 – Chew gum in traffic to reduce stress, • You’re driving around in school traffic.
Cars extend into the horizon, into eternity.
Nothings moving.
I could literally walk faster than this, you think.
• Bust out the gum.
Chewing it actually reduces stress, keeps you awake, makes you alert, keeps you going
even if you’re only inching forward.
• It also helps reduce sickness after surgery.
Keep a whole packet on you if you’re driving to a hospital for surgery during peak hour.
• You’re gonna need a lot of that shit.
12 – Clear your sinuses with the pressure trick,
• This one I tried out just to confirm it’s not bullshit.
My nose is always clogged, pain in the ass to breathe through.
• Hold a finger against the middle part of your eyebrow.
Push your tongue against the roof of your mouth.
Now hold for 20 seconds, or press and release for 30.
As soon as you let go, the back of your mouth might feel gloopy, or it might take a minute.
• That’s all the mucus softening.
Swallow it.
Be free.
Breathe well.
11 – Acne gets cleared with cold showers, • Cold showers are fantastic.
It’s like getting stabbed with thousands of needles over and over while your body alternates
between panic, sharp prickly heat pain & near frostbite.
I love it.
• For the rest of you though, the ones who like not torturing yourselves – did you
know that turning the shower cold right at the end will actually prevent acne?
• The cold water will seal all the pores in your skin, preventing bacteria from entering
for most of the day.
So grow some balls, and endure the worst thing of your life.
You’ll learn to love suffering – like me.
10 – Listen to people with your right ear to hear better,
• The noisy ass outside world.
Your friend talks, you only catch a few keywords.
You nod along.
Sure, mate.
Fish.
Zimbabwe.
Microphone.
I get ya.
• Here’s a trick.
Lean in with your right ear and you’ll be able to make out what they’re saying a LOT
better than with your left.
• This is because the left ear picks up music & sounds better, while your right is
for words.
Huh?
What was that, Dolan?
SPEAK UP. 9 – Sneezes can be manually started or stopped,
• Easy way to stop a sneeze, hold your nose.
But here’s another, less obvious way: push against your teeth using your tongue.
It’ll totally stop it.
• You can also initiate it too, if you feel a sneeze coming on but IT JUST WON’T HAPPEN.
COME ON.
DO IT.
SNEEZE.
Just look up at the sun, or any bright light, and it’ll force a one to happen.
• Now you can control your sneezes.
Next, I’ll teach you how to control the oceans.
8 – Prevent brain freeze with your tongue, • The brain freeze, or throat freeze I personally
call it, is easily prevented if you understand how it works.
• The freeze is due to your nerves and blood vessels constricting from extreme cold.
In order to rapidly heat them back up, cover the roof of your mouth with as much tongue
as possible and watch as the freeze vanishes.
• It’s recommended to have other people stick their tongue in your mouth to help too.
It’s also a good trick if you want to start an orgy.
7 – Push a cotton ball in your mouth to stop nosebleeds,
• If your nose is bleeding a lot, it means you’re going to die painfully.
But for most people, you’ll bleed a little and it’s annoying – how do you stop it?
• If you’ve got any cotton buds handy, just whack it in your mouth and press against
the bit of your upper gum that sticks out – the bit directly below your nose?
• That’s the artery, press the bud there very hard and the blood will stop flowing.
Unless you die painfully.
In which case, sorry, my advice didn’t work too well.
6 – “Power posing” before an interview makes you confident,
• You’re fantastic.
You’re a star.
You can do literally anything.
Lift your chest.
Raise your fists.
Hold your head up.
Adopt this pose just before an interview or conference and you’ll be hot shit.
• This is the “don’t fuck with me” animal stance that will immediately raise
your testosterone and give you confidence.
Slouching will decrease your hormones and increase stress.
• I am the most important man that’s ever lived… he says, slouched over his microphone,
in the cold, in the dark, reading out a script.
• I’m so lame.
5 – Fix a stitch by stamping with your left foot,
• The reason you keep getting a stitch when you run is because your lungs are putting
pressure on your liver and tugging at your diaphragm.
• Easy way to get rid of it?
Stop running.
Ha ha ha.
Joke.
No, just exhale whenever you take a step with your left foot and it should equal everything
out.
• Yes.
This should sort out your terrible first world problem.
4 – Stop the urge to pee by thinking about “doing it”,
• We’ve all done the “I should’ve gone to the bathroom” left-and-right leg
dance of shame.
Here’s a moist trick though.
• Next time, think about getting it on.
Think about churning the butter.
Roast the broomstick.
Dance in the sheets.
Hide the hot dog.
Park the beef bus into tuna town.
Pass the gravy.
Poke in the whiskers.
Service the clam.
• Trust me, you won’t want to piss after that.
Laaadies.
3 – Get rid of pins & needles by rocking your neck,
• Now this only works for removing pins & needles from your arms, but if you rock
your head side to side did you know that it’ll make the feeling quickly disappear?
• This’ll reduce tension caused by the bundling of nerves getting compressed, and
get things flowing again • Alternatively you could think about SHAGGING
THE SHEEP.
MOISTENING THE TOWELETTE.
I’ll stop.
2 – Hyperventilate before going underwater for more breath,
• Flooding your body with CO2 is a great way to hold your breath underwater.
How?
Hyperventilate before you go under.
• It’s a trick so that your brain thinks it’s getting enough oxygen, it won’t panic
and you’ll have more time under there before it starts saying “HEY IDIOT.
RESURFACE PLEASE.
I’M NOT KEEN ON DYING.”
• It may be a good idea to… y’know… listen to it.
1 – Itch your throat by scratching your ear
• Here’s a time where your brain is telling you something stupid.
Your throat is itchy.
Well.
Guess I’ll just reach into my throat and scratch it, yeah?
• Get ready to have your mind blown.
If you scratch the back of your ear, it’ll actually be exactly the same as scratching
your throat.
It’s a reflex which makes your throat muscles go crazy, relieving the itch.
Don’t fucking ask me how.
I don’t understand that shit.

15 Things You Didn't Know Your Body Could Do

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