Breath of the Wild: Fish Freaks - PART 42

Arin: Hey I'm grump Dan: I'm not so grump
A: and we're the Game Grumps D: and we're the Game Grumps
A: The government knows, the government knows D: The government knows, the government knows
D: The government knows when you masturbate
A: The government knows when you masturbate
D: uh A: mhm
D: For anyone out there who would like something weird
D: to start their day with
D: I would strongly recommend The Government Knows by the band Knower
D: K-N-O-W-E-R
A: It's a good song D: It's fuckin, it's really weird and awesome and it's got
D: lots of- A: Well you gotta look up the music video
D: Yeah yeah
D: Lots of weird shit happening
D: Which is what I'm into so good for you, people in Knower
D: Happy for you
A: uh D: Meanwhile we're here
A: Yeah, playing Zelda D: Yeah
D: I - oh, before we dive into this I just wanna say mad respect, um
D: To the young lady in the American flag body suit and the young gentleman in the
D: Military corn dog vest
D: in that video, cause uh
D: They're really just following their dreams and you can - you can feel it and appreciate it A: Oh yeah
D: Especially as like people who make weird fuckin videos ourselves
A: Oh for sure D: to music, so
A: They uh, they really um. Really nailed it
D: It was actually one of the guys from TWRP who sent me that video
A: It would be D: Yeah of course
D: They were like, you will like this
A: Wait, was it
A: Was it Meouch?
D: No no it was Havve Hogan, the drummer A: Ohhh
D: Yeah captain robot, um, and I was like, yes
D: You were fuckin right brother
D: Um ok so anyway
D: Here we are, go for it
A: Ok. "He may be a Champion, but Mipha had no such relationship with him"
A: "So why should he receive such an honor?"
A: "This is too much, my liege!"
A: "I do not understand it one bit!"
D: 'I'm leaving!' and his footsteps are like super embarrassing like [splat and fart noises]
D: "Hmph. That Muzu is not easily swayed once his mind is set"
D: 'Also he is disgusting, I mean like wow' A: [fart noises]
D: "You must understand... He was in charge of educating my dear daughter, Mipha"
D: She's DEAD A: That's why she turned out to be so dumb
D: Yeah and so dead A: And dead
D: "Naturally she means a lot to him... just as she means the world to us"
D: 'She's dead now though, thanks for bringing that up'
D: "Ever since we lost her to the Calamity, he has grown to despise Hylians"
D: Cause, I mean, they're not the ones who killed her so fuckin of course he blames them
D: "I hope you can forgive his rudeness"
A: Nnnnnope D: 'And his sliminess'
A: 'And his farty footsteps'
D: Yeah he's disgus- "But what shall we do now?"
D: 'Twister?'
D: 'Naked twister?' A: 'Apples to apples?'
D: 'Have you heard of Parcheesi? It's kind of old school but good'
D: "I tasked Muzu with finding the shock arrows we will need to appease Vah Ruta"
D: "But now he has rushed off in a hoof"
A: In a hoof? D: In a hoof
A: "Do not let his words concern you"
A: "I will work this out with Muzu"
D: When did that become his voice?
A: "I shall return shortly"
D: 'Peace'
D: 'Aw shit!' He slips on a gross farty footstep
A: [falling down stairs sound effects]
D: Rolls down the stairs like [more sound effects]
D: "Sidon... I suppose that means you are going to tell him..."
A: Tell him what?
D: "Link... Muzu is mostly- most likely at the square down below"
D: 'Looking to fight you'
A: 'Square for a square, am I right'
D: "Would you mind going down there?" 'I'd like you to try to quote unquote speak to him'
A: Yeah I'm sure D: 'Bring your axe'
D: 'For maximum conversation'
A: 'Return with his stingray head'
D: 'Once you've spoken to him'
A: 'Once you've, quote unquote, spoken'
A: I'm just stealing their sneaky river snails like crazy dude
D: Yeah, good
A: They use it to like- D: They were sneaky to begin with so fuck em
D: That's what I say
A: Sneaky fuckin snails
A: Now where's this - is this the square? this isn't the square, this is like the hot tub
D: 'Well, well. A nice lithe nubile young Hylian'
D: 'to get nude in the hot springs'
D: 'Dot dot dot'
A: "You're Link"
A: "The perpetrator who forced Lady Mipha to join his crusade 100 years ago, only to be destroyed by Calamity Ganon"
D: 'But why am I telling you your life story? You're you'
A: "I should know that the elderly here who loved Lady Mipha still remember and they still resent you"
D: 'But luckily I'm only 22 years old'
D: 'so I'm not elderly'
A: "I have retired from my role as a priest-" blah blah blah who cares D: Yeah oh my god
A: God, engaged couples, I don't give a fuck
D: Just trying to steal your fuckin snails
A: Yeah, could you just step away from the snail for a second please?
A: Don't care about your life story, jesus
A: Well don't touch it then!
D: 'Fuck this lamp!'
D: 'Why is it electrical? Ahh, every time!'
D: "Watch this!"
A: "I, Seggin, the aptly named Demon Sergeant, shall strike down the Divine Beast Vah Ruta!"
D: Is he crazy?
A: He just wants to impress her
D: But she's dead A: She's dead
A: "Finally I can avenge Lady Mipha"
A: "It's been 100 years since you last showed your face. Now I, Seggin, will cut you down myself!"
D: The fuck you talking about?
A: "Playing dumb, eh? Nice try, but you cannot fool me, Champion Link"
A: "You were unable to protect Lady Mipha from Calamity Ganon"
D: Oh my god, you said this, you said this five seconds ago
D: We know
A: Oh my god
A: "I will drown Ruta in shock arrows!" I already know I have to shoot shock arrows at him, man
D: 'I'll cut you down myself, but first to attend to this lamp some more'
A: I'm gonna go ahead and take that shock arrow
A: 'Hey!'
A: "I'm in the middle of my shock arrow training. I must learn to withstand them"
D: Did they put must and just in capitals because they rhyme?
A: Must and just
A: You must let me train cause I just need it in my brain
D: Wow. Is it because we listened to Informer by Snow that you're so on point with your rhymes right now?
A: Yeah
D: 'Hello I'm the fattest angel'
D: 'I'm basically a Russian doll with two goopy wings'
A: 'I'm the smallest Russian doll'
A: 'The bigger Russian dolls are actually smaller than I am'
D: Whoa, you just got a heart container for that?
A: Yeah D: For talking to the dumpy Cadbury creme egg statue?
D: Damn man that's awesome
A: They're all around the world man
D: That's really nice
A: I uh, I collect the Spirit Orbs and that's what they're for D: Ohhh
A: And I'm gonna get some - I'm just gonna do Heart Containers so I can get the Master Sword
D: Good call
A: Hopefully
D: You can trade them for other things?
A: What? D: You can-
A: No no no, the Master Sword - the whole situation - I need to have hearts to get it
D: Got it, how many?
A: I don't know
D: shit
A: but a lot
A: More than I have now
D: Cool, that's pretty much where I was going with that
A: I don't wanna talk to you, you're stupid
D: Diving is beauty, alright, I'll just keep walking then
A: Yeah
A: 'Diving is the one true way to life!' D: 'Can I interest you in scientology?'
A: 'or fishology?'
D: Ichthyology
A: Ichthyology? D: Yeah
D: That's the study of fish, bro
A: Ichthyosis, dude, harlequin ichthyosis
D: Yup. don't know what you're talking about anymore, but
A: Hey what's up, Mipha
D: 'I don't care what you say! Let's talk'
A: "Hmph. You came all the way here, but it was in vain"
A: "I have no desire to speak with you"
D: I came all the way here, I walked down the stairs
A: "Listen well, Muzu. There is something you need to know"
A: "He who stands here...the man called Link...is the one whom my sister, Mipha, had feelings for"
D: 'She laid her fish eggs on the ground and he swam above them, fertilizing them with his seed'
D: 'That's how everyone does it'
A: 'I watched the beautiful art of lovemaking from afar'
A: 'although taboo'
A: "I was only a child then, so I do not know it myself at the time. But it is so"
A: "I grew up hearing my father tell stories, some of which were about my sister's undying love for a Hylian named Link"
D: 'Coincidence? I think not'
A: "What? No!"
D: 'What exactly is my clothes and what's my skin, here?'
A: 'I look in the mirror every morning, confused'
D: 'just not really sure'
A: 'What do I remove when I shower?'
A: "You cannot fool me with such a fanciful lie. Not this Zora!"
A: "How could Lady Mipha possibly have feelings for a Hylian like him?"
A: 'He's so...young and...supple'
A: 'fit'
A: "The facts are clear. He remembers nothing"
A: "Even when he looks upon Princess Mipha's statue..."
A: "It is the truth, Muzu"
A: "Though you never knew it, he was ever in Mipha's heart"
D: 'She had a thing for incredibly short non-fish guys'
D: 'She towered over him'
A: 'I mean just look at her'
A: 'Wow' D: 'That is a life-size statue'
A: 'He could crawl inside of her fishy vagi-' ok D: Ok
D: Wowww. Uhhhhh the director's going for the Oscar!
A: yyyyYAH
D: Oh sweet flashback
A: It's the elephant when it was ok
D: 'Yeah, we fucked on it'
A: It's a good place to fuck man
D: Oh in the trunk of an elephant? A: Yeah dude
D: Preachin to the choir bro
A: She's cute
D: And it goes into another flashback
D: 'and you'd go back to see that slut'
A: 'your heart broken in pieces again'
A: 'Zelda's a real bitch, huh'
A: 'I was...I was a fish'
A: Even back when?
D: Ugh I get it
A: Can you just hurry up and heal my arm?
D: Yeah I got- A: Gotta go back to jackin it
D: That's my jack arm
D: 'Let's raise the roof and dance all night'
D: I can't tell you how much hotter you'd be if you didn't have that entire fish on your head
A: She has like fishy teeth too
D: Oh A: She has like sharp fishy, shark teeth
D: That's uh, that's a deal-killer
D: I hate to say it
D: How's she forming S sounds?
D: with pointy teeth
A: I don't know man
A: Her voice actress isn't a shark person
D: Alright good point
A: 'Yeah, we're looking for people with sharp teeth to voice a sharp-teethed character'
A: 'We want it to be very accurate'
A: So yeah she's way into Link dude
D: Yeah seriously
A: I mean who wouldn't be
D: She's giving - she's giving him those fertilize-my-eggs-from-a-distance-while-floating-above-them eyes
A: 'Did you just jack it in front of us? Like fully?'
A: 'to completion?'
A: "What is the matter, Link? Are you unwell?"
D: 'Were you unable to complete?'
A: "Hm? You are quivering like a hatchling... Whatever is the matter?"
A: I remember
A: 'OHHHHHHHH'
A: "Do not mistake me for a fool, Hylian"
A: "There is no way you remembered her just now, when it is most convenient"
A: I mean he is pretty - he's like the most reasonable guy right now
A: "In any case, without any solid proof, I cannot possibly take you at your word!"
A: "If you have any such proof, now is the time to show it"
A: "Do so and I - and I - I shall tell you how to get those shock arrows! Yes, as well as anything else you wish to know"
D: As well as anything else
D: Like A: 'Anything!'
D: 'I'll tell you that one thing and ALL things'
D: Like alright, you could have just said all things
A: "Lucky for you, we have proof"
A: Oh I gotta put on my Zora armor and it like fits perfectly, you know D: Ohhhhhhhhh
A: you know how it goes
D: 'My god, the Zora armor'
D: 'that you wore after you got out of bed'
D: 'with Mipha'
A: "Muzu! Look closely at the clothes Link is wearing!"
A: "Hmmm"
A: "You really think changing your clothes is going to make me-" [gasp]
D: 'You're...gorgeous'
A: 'Your abs and pecs'
A: 'not well-defined, but definitely nubile'
A: "What in the... that is the Zora armor"
A: "Lady Mipha made that by hand...and yet it fits you perfectly"
A: "What is the meaning of this?!"
A: "Now you understand, do you not?"
D: 'They were fucking'
D: 'like crazy fucking' A: 'Why don't you get that?'
A: 'We've been hinting at it for the last hour'
A: "Now you know who her heart belonged to and who she made this special armor for"
D: 'She rode his...Hylidick'
A: Hylidick?
D: 'all fuckin night'
A: 'His elven dick'
A: 'throughout the land'
A: 'from the seas of the Zora'
A: 'to the mountains of Lanayru'
D: 'She rode that dick until all the cows and other creatures came home'
D: Oh my god that's too funny
A: "The fact that this armor fits Link perfectly should be proof enough that Mipha made it for him and him alone"
A: "You have always disliked Hylians, even before the Great Calamity"
A: "That is why Mipha never told you"
A: "Now you know, you must promise to help him save us all, Muzu"
D: 'For god's sake, this is the man who drained his nugs in Mipha'
A: 'Alright, fine, I get it'
A: 'Jesus, don't have to spell it out for me'
A: 'I've drained my nugs once or twice in my day'
D: 'obviously just into the sea though'
A: 'I mean fuck, look at me'
D: 'I'm a nightmare'
A: "Hmph. I never would have imagined she would make that special armor for one such as he"
A: 'you bitch'
D: That's the perfect look
A: "I do not approve of you asking for help from a Hylian, but I suppose this is our only option at this point"
A: "I am a proud Zora"
A: "That means I must take responsibility for my unwarranted behavior towards you"
A: "As promised, I shall tell you where you can collect as many shock arrows as you need"
A: "That tall mountain over yonder..."
A: "It is called Polymus Mountain" D: Ploymus
A: 'Pl- Ploy- Ploymus Mountain' D: 'Look at it, look at the word I'm saying and then say it'
A: "and there you will also find Shatterback Point"
A: 'They made a movie about it"
A: 'It was really gay'
D: What, Shatterback Point Break
A: I was thinking more about Brokeback Mountain
D: Oh yeah
A: "A terrifying creature has made its home up there"
A: "This awful beast shoots volley after volley of shock arrows"
A: "Even a single one could be fatal to a Zora"
A: 'Why don't you just tell him about the shock arrow storage we have in the back?' D: "Aha!"
A: "You must mean that Lynel!"
A: "He is a man-beast, that one"
A: "That beast does indeed wield shock arrows"
A: 'but we literally have a bunch laying in the back'
D: 'I warn you Link, he's a maniac'
D: 'maniac on the floor'
D: 'and he's dancing like he's never danced before'
A: "He is vicious, to be sure"
A: "I am certain Link will rise to the challenge"
A: "In order to appease the Divine Beast I estimate that you will need...hmmm... at least 20 shock arrows"
A: "Do you think you can gather that many?"
A: 'I don't think so' D: shit
D: Still working on gathering wood so I can pay off the mortgage on my house
A: "Why do you still doubt him, Muzu?"
A: "You have no doubt he will be - I have no doubt"
D: 'Now I'm all confused' A: 'Sorry'
A: 'little Freudian slip right there'
A: "Ok, Link. Let's get moving"
A: "The fastest way to Polymus Mountain is to ascend that waterfall east of the domain"
A: "That Zora armor should come in handy"
A: "Just swim to the waterfall basin, and then go up the waterfall from there"
A: "I'll wait at the East Reservoir Lake"
A: 'get 20 arrows'
A: "Wonderful! Together we shall stop that Divine Beast's onslaught"
A: 'What the fuck are you...' D: And they all died
A: The Divine Beast sure did onslaught them D: Yeah
D: They were quickly slaughtered under his elephant trunk, where Link boned Mipha 100 years before
A: The end
D: Alright next time on Game Grumps
A: Next time on [gibberish]
D: That was a fun one
A: 'you BITCH'
D: oh goodness
A: cool
D: See you later
A: oh, that Zelda

Breath of the Wild: Fish Freaks - PART 42 - Game Grumps

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