Jenny Slate Reveals Worst Vacation

>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YOU JUST HAD A
BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> I DID, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU CELEBRATE?
DID YOU HAVE A THING?
>> I DID.
I TOOK MY PARENTS ON VACATION.
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS YOUR
CELEBRATION?
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW.
WE GOT THERE AND I WAS LIKE, OH,
THIS WAS THE CHOICE?
BUT ACTUALLY, THAT'S REALLY
RUDE, BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY --
THAT'S REALLY RUDE.
MY MOM'S LIKE --
>> Jimmy: DOES YOUR MOTHER GET
UPSET?
>> SHE GOT UPSET WATCHING, YEAH,
SHE DID.
>> Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU GUYS GO?
WE WENT TO MEXICO.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY, WOW.
>> NO ONE HAD BATHROOM ISSUES.
THAT'S LIKE THE QUESTION.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH.
>> IT WAS FINE.
>> Jimmy: GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
>> YEAH, I FEEL LIKE THAT'S NOT
THE THING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY
RIGHT AWAY.
>> Jimmy: NO, YEAH.
USUALLY WE EASE INTO THAT SORT
OF THING BUT GO AHEAD.
>> THE RESORT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WOULD HAVE BEEN A FINE THING TO
SAY.
>> Jimmy: LIFE WAS GOOD.
>> YEAH, I JUST WANT TO TELL OUR
NATION THAT I DIDN'T HAVE
DIARRHEA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S GREAT,
CONGRATULATIONS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GUILLER
GUILLERMO'S PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT
THAT TOO.
>> Guillermo: YEAH, GOOD.
>> THANKS, MAN, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: SO JUST YOU AND YOUR
MOM AND DAD?
>> YEAH, AND YOU KNOW, FIRST I
WAS LIKE -- WELL, I BROUGHT A
GAL PAL WITH ME TOO.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY.
>> BUT IT WAS LIKE -- YOU'RE
STILL TAKING YOUR PARENTS.
>> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S NICE.
>> IT IS.
AND IT WAS LIKE, OKAY, WE GOT
THERE, AND I WAS LIKE, IS IT
WEIRD THAT I'M 30 HM YEARS OLD
AND TAKING MY PARENTS ON
VACATION FOR MY BIRTHDAY?
THEN I WAS LIKE, THERE ARE TONS
OF OTHER PEOPLE HERE ON VACATION
WITH THEIR PARENTS.
AND I SAID THAT TO MY FRIEND.
AND SHE WAS LIKE, THOSE PEOPLE
ARE TEENAGERS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND I SAW THE TEENAGERS AND I
WAS LIKE, I'M LIKE YOU, I'M JUST
LIKE YOU.
>> Jimmy: DID THEY RESPOND AND
AGREE?
OR NO?
>> THEY'RE TEENAGERS, THEY
ETERNALLY DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO
ME, INCLUDING WHEN I WAS A
TEENAGER AND THEY WERE LIKE, NO.
>> Jimmy: SO YOU HAVE SOME
HISTORY PEOPLE UNATTRACTIVE TO
TEENAGERS?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS A VACATION
LIKE WITH THE SLATE FAMILY?
IS IT FUN?
ARE THEY ADVENTUROUS?
>> WE ARE NOT ADVENTUROUS.
WE'RE SORT OF SIT DOWN AND READ
YOUR BOOK LIKE JEWISH PEOPLE.
>> Jimmy: GOTCHA, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> BUT WE DON'T BURN WHICH IS
GREAT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T BURN.
>> YEAH.
SUPER ANXIOUS, BUT WE DON'T
BURN, AND NO ONE GOT DIARRHEA,
DID I SAY THAT?
I'LL SAY IT AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID MENTION.
>> WELL THIS ONE WAS REALLY
GOOD.
WE'VE HAD SOME REALLY BAD ONES.
>> YOU HAVE.
>> THIS ONE WAS LOVELY.
>> Jimmy: TELL ME ABOUT THE
WORST ONE.
WHAT IS THE WORST ONE THAT YOU
WENT ON?
HOW OLD WERE YOU?
>> I WAS 22 YEARS OLD.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY, AGAIN.
ANOTHER ADULT VACATION.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WITH MOM AND DAD.
>> THIS IS NOT --
>> Jimmy: THIS IS GETTING SADDER
AND SADDER AS IT GOES ON.
>> I KNOW.
SO LIKE WHAT AM I DOING?
>> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT TO GET YOU
SOME FRIENDS.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU GO ON
THIS TERRIBLE VACATION?
>> WE WENT TO KEY WEST.
IN FLORIDA.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> MY DAD WANTED TO MEET LIKE
ALL THE STRAY CATS THAT
HEMINGWAY HAD OR SOMETHING LIKE
THAT.
>> Jimmy: OH, RIGHT.
>> LOTS OF STRAYS.
IT WAS JUST LIKE, WHY ARE WE
HERE?
A VACATION THAT'S A DAD VACATION
IS LIKE, THIS ISN'T FOR ANYONE
BUT RON.
YOU KNOW?
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
RON.
>> THIS IS WHY IT WAS BAD.
OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I STEPPED IN A
DEAD RAT.
LIKE IN A DEAD RAT.
>> Jimmy: IN?
>> IT WAS DEAD A LOT.
A LOT AROUND.
SUCH A BUMMER.
I WAS WEARING FLIP-FLOPS.
>> Jimmy: OH, NO.
>> YEAH.
TWAUS THE RAT, A LOT OF THE
INSIDE OF HIMSELF WAS ON THE
OUTSIDE OF HIMSELF, WHOO CL!
>> Jimmy: LIKE A BANANA PEEL.
>> BUT A RAT.
IN THE BAKING KEY WEST SUN.
THEN THEY MADE US GO TO A JEWISH
CEMETERY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE WAS A GRAVESTONE, IT
LITERALLY DIDN'T HAVE A VOICE
BUT WHAT IT SAID WAS, I TOLD YOU
I WAS SICK!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> YEAH.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
SO THAT WAS LIKE, WHOO, THIS IS
ROUGH.
AND THEN I WAS LIKE, I'M 22.
I LIKE FILM NOW.
LET'S GO SEE A MOVIE.
AND THE MOVIE THAT WAS PLAYING
WAS "THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES."
AND YOU'RE LIKE, THAT'S NOT THE
JOKE.
SO WE WERE CROSSING THE STREET
TO GO TO THE MOVIE THEATER.
AND A BIKER, LIKE A RENEGADE BAD
MAN, CAME DOWN THE STREET AND HE
BICYCLED HIS BIKE INTO MY
FATHER'S -- INTO HIS PENIS.
HIT MY DAD LIKE RIGHT IN THE
CROTCH.
MY DAD WAS LIKE, OOOH!
OUR WHOLE FAMILY, MY SISTERS AND
MY MOM, WE'RE ALL JUST CRYING SO
HARD.
BECAUSE LIKE MY DAD IS JUST --
HE'S JUST -- THIS HUGE ACCIDENT.
AND -- BUT IN THAT MOMENT I
BECAME A HERO.
AND I WAS LIKE, HOW DARE YOU!
TO THE DUDE.
I WOULD NEVER START A FIGHT BUT
I WAS LIKE, BIKES HAVE THE SAME
RULES AS CARS, YOU'RE GOING THE
WRONG WAY, YOUR JUST HIT MY DAD
IN THE PENIS!
AND MY MOM WAS LIKE, JENNY,
STOP.
STOP.
HE'S ALREADY SUCH A BAD MAN THAT
HE'S BIKING THE WRONG WAY WHAT
WILL HE DO NEXT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I WAS LIKE, YES, I DO, BUT I
WAS AFRAID NOW, OH MY GOD I'M IN
THE FIGHT, OH MY GOD I'M IN THE
FIGHT.
AND I WAS LIKE, THEY DO HAVE THE
SAME RULES AS CARS, SIR!
THEN I THOUGHT SINCE I SAID
"SIR" THIS WILL ALL JUST --
WE'LL SIT ON DOWN.
>> Jimmy: SURE, RESPECTFULLY.
>> INSTEAD HE WAS LIKE, OH THEY
DO?
AND THEN HE CALLED ME THE "C"
WORD.
>> Jimmy: OH, NO.
>> YEAH.
HE WAS LIKE -- WELL, HE SAID
THAT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> I'M AFRAID I CAN'T SAY IT.
THE "C" WORD.
>> Jimmy: AT THIS POINT IS YOUR
DAD STILL WRITHING ON THE
GROUND?
>> OH, YEAH, MY DAD IS STILL
FULLY LIKE -- AND HE KEPT SAYING
TO IT ME AND MY FAMILY WENT INTO
THE MOVIES AND WATCHED THE MOVIE
LIKE THIS.
THEN, OH, THIS IS A REALLY BAD
VACATION, I GUESS IT PROBABLY
COULDN'T GET WORSE.
THEN WE GOT BACK TO OUR HOTEL.
MY MOM TRIED TO BREAK THE
TENSION OF THE DAY BY LOOKING AT
ME, LIKE ASSUMING A SORT OF
STANCE, THEN IN A STAGE WHISPER
WHICH IS LIKE -- YOU KNOW A LOUD
WHISPER MEANT FOR THE STAGE.
SHE GOES, "GOOD NIGHT, YOU
LITTLE --" THEN ALSO SAID THE
BAD WORD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S FUNNY.
SO A POSITIVE TWIST ON THE WHOLE
THING.
>> YEAH, A POSITIVE TWIST WHEN

Jenny Slate Reveals Worst Vacation

Latest Posts