Jesus One-Ups Pope Francis With A TED Talk Of His Own

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND THE WHOLE BAND RIGHT OVER THERE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JON, JON-- AMAZING.
THE PEOPLE AT HOME-- PEOPLE AT HOME DIDN'T HEAR THAT WHOLE
THING.
BUT THESE GUYS JUST BURNED THE ROOM TO THE GROUND JUST NOW.
JON, YOU ARE TOTALLY IN YOUR ELEMENT TONIGHT.
PLEASE TELL US WHY THE BAND SEEMS TO BE TWICE ITS NORMAL
SIZE TONIGHT.
>> Jon: BECAUSE IT IS.
WE'VE GOT PRESERVATION HALL JAZZ BAND PLAYING WITH US TONIGHT!
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE SHOW, GENTLEMEN.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THEY'LL BE-- THESE FELLAS ARE GOING TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT LONG.
THEY'LL BE PLAYING SOME SONGS FROM PRESERVATION HALL JAZZ
BAND'S NEW ALBUM, "SO IT IS."
"SO IT IS."
>> Jon: YES.
"SO IT IS."
SO IT WILL BE.
>> Stephen: TOW IT IS, SO IT WAS.
SO IT EVER SHALL UPON OPINION JON, YOU LIKE TED TALKS?
>> Jon: I LOVE TED TALKS.
>> Stephen: DID YOU DO TED TALKS.
>> Jon: I DID.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
>> Jon: JAZZ, THERE IS IT IS.
>> Stephen: THERE IT IS.
SO IT IS.
RIGHT NOW THE REASON I ASK IS THE ANNUAL TED CONFERENCE IS
HAPPENING IN VANCOUVER, AND IT KICKED OFF YESTERDAY WITH A
SURPRISE SKYPING IN FROM NONE OTHER THAN POPE FRANCIS!
I THINK IT'S IMPRESSIVE FOR AN 80-YEAR-OLD TO SET UP HIS OWN
WEBCAM.
IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS GRANDKIDS.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: POPE FRANCIS TALKED
ABOUT DEVELOPING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH TECHNOLOGY.
>> (Translation: HOW WONDERFUL WOULD IT BE IF THE GROWTH OF
SCIENTIFIC AND TECHNOLOGICAL INNOVATION WOULD COME ALONG WITH
MORE EQUALITY AND SOCIAL INCLUSION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I'M SORRY.
I WAS ON MY PHONE.
WHAT WERE YOU JUST...
I JUST BLOCKING JERKS WHO DON'T AGREE WITH ME.
AND THE POPE USED A POWERFUL METAPHOR TO DESCRIBE HOW POWER
CORRUPTS PEOPLE.
>> (Translator): POWER IS LIKE DRINKING GIN ON AN EMPTY
STOMACH.
YOU FEEL DIZZY, YOU GET DRUNK, YOU LOSE YOUR BALANCE, AND YOU
WILL END UP HURTING YOURSELF AND THOSE AROUND YOU.
>> Stephen: TRUE.
THOUGH, HE LEFT OUT CALLING YOUR EX-GRILFRIEND AT 3:00 A.M. AND
BUYING A BROKEN TURNTABLE ON EBAY.
AND I'VE JUST GOT TO PAUSE HERE AND SAY, "GIN ON AN EMPTY
STOMACH?" THAT'S PRETTY SPECIFIC, YOUR
HOLINESS.
ARE YOU FILING THE JOB PRESSURE RIGHT NOW?
IS THIS WHY YOU SPEND ALL DAY IN YOUR BATHROBE?
OF COURSE, A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED THAT THE POPE DECIDED
TO DO THIS, BUT RELIGIOUS FIGURES ACTUALLY HAVE A LONG
HISTORY OF GIVING TED TALKS.
JIM?
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I COME HERE TODAY AS A SIMPLE CARPENTER
WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE SON OF GOD.
BUT I DIDN'T GET HERE TODAY THROUGH NEPOTISM.
NO.
I GOT WHERE I AM TODAY BECAUSE OF A FEW SIMPLE SYSTEMS I'VE
DEVELOPED.
FIRST UP, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE, RIGHT?
ALL YOU'VE GOT IS A FEW LOAFS AND A COUPLE OF FISHES, RIGHT?
AND YOU HAVE TO FEED A CROWD OF THOUSANDS.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN DO IT.
NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINK AGO GEEZ, ME?
NO, GEEZ, US.
RIGHT?
THANK YOU.
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, ORDINARILY, SOMEONE SLAPS
YOUR CHEEK, WHAT DO WE DO?
WE WANT TO SLAP THEM BACK, RIGHT?
BUT WE'VE BEEN TESTING A PILOT PROGRAM WHERE YOU TURN THE OTHER
CHEEK.
NOW-- ( LAUGHTER )
EXCUSE ME.
JUST-- NEEDS TO GET A DRINK OF WATER.
OR IS IT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, GUYS.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AN AMAZING AUDIENCE.
I'LL BE OUT IN THE LOBBY SIGNING COPIES OF MY BOOK.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I LOVE YOU ALL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH AMERICA FERRARA.

Jesus One-Ups Pope Francis With A TED Talk Of His Own

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