Jimmy Kimmel's Tribute to Don Rickles

.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OUR USUAL
SHOW TONIGHT BECAUSE -- AND I'M
GOING TO TELL YOU UP FRONT, I'M
GOING TO CRY, I'M ALREADY
CRYING, WHICH IS EMBARRASSING.
BUT -- WELL, I'M NOT GOOD WITH
THIS SORT OF THING.
AND I'M SORRY ESPECIALLY TO
THOSE OF YOU WHO CAME TO SEE THE
SHOW IN PERSON.
BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY NOT WHAT
YOU CAME FOR.
BUT WE LOST SOMEONE THAT WE AND
I LOVE VERY MUCH TODAY.
AND AGAIN, I'M SORRY FOR HEARING
THIS JUST NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME
BUT DON RICKLES PASSED AWAY THIS
MORNING.
HE WAS 90 YEARS OLD.
AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY TO
SAY HE WAS TOO YOUNG.
BUT HE WAS.
BECAUSE HE WAS YOUTHFUL AND
FUNNY AND SHARP AND GENEROUS.
AND I WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO
NOT ONLY HAVE DON ON THIS SHOW
AS MY GUEST BUT ALSO TO BECOME
CLOSE TO HIM AND HIS WIFE
BARBARA, WHICH WAS A LOT OF FUN
FOR ME.
I GREW UP IN LAS VEGAS, SO DON
RICKLES, EVEN WHEN I WAS A KID,
WAS A VERY BIG DEAL.
HIS NAME WAS ON THE MARQUEE AT
THE SAHARA HOTEL.
YOU COULD SEE HIM WITH JOHNNY
CARSON MAKING FUN OF JOHNNY,
MAKING FUN OF FRANK SINATRA.
PEOPLE ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR DON
TELL SINATRA STORIES AND HE HAD
GREAT STORIES.
BUT -- I THINK THIS MIGHT BE
WHAT BROUGHT -- I TOLD DON, THIS
IS HONESTLY HOW I FELT, SIP
NAUGHT TRA STORIES ARE GREAT BUT
IF SINATRA WAS HERE I'D BE
ASKING HIM FOR STORIES ABOUT
YOU.
DON'S GOOD FRIEND, BOB NEWHART,
ANOTHER NATIONAL TREASURE, TOLD
ME A GREAT STORY ABOUT HAVING
DINNER WITH DON AND SINATRA.
SINATRA SOMETIMES WOULD GET
ANGRY FOR WHATEVER REASON AND
FLIP OUT.
SO ONE NIGHT THEY WERE ALL AT A
BIG TABLE AT A VERY FANCY
RESTAURANT, THE RESTAURANT WAS
ALL WHITE, EVERYTHING WAS WHITE.
THE WALLS, THE TABLECLOTHS,
EVERYTHING.
DON AND BARBARA, HIS WIFE, AND
BOB AND HIS WIFE GINNY, WERE AT
THE TABLE.
AND FRANK WAS DRINKING AND HE
WAS NOT IN A GOOD MOOD.
HE WAS GETTING SURLY WHICH PUT
EVERYONE ON EDGE.
WHEN FRANK WASN'T HAPPY YOU HAD
TO WATCH IT.
THEY'RE DRINKING AND THE FOOD
COMES AND THE WAITER PUTS A
BOTTLE OF KETCHUP AND PUTS IT ON
THE TABLE IN FRONT OF FRANK.
FOR WHATEVER REASON THIS SENDS
FRANK INTO A RAGE.
HE DOESN'T WANT KETCHUP ON THE
TABLE.
HE TAKES THE BOTTLE, IN A VERY
CROWDED, ELEGANT RESTAURANT, HE
THROWS IT AT THE WALL.
AND THE BATTLE SMASHES AND
THERE'S KETCHUP EVERYWHERE.
AND EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT
STOPS.
IT'S LIKE A GASP.
AND DON WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT
TURNS AND SAYS, FRANK, WILL YOU
PASS THE KETCHUP?
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SINATRA LAUGHED.
AND EVERYONE LAUGHS AND NOBODY
DIES THAT NIGHT THANKS TO DON.
THE FIRST TIME DON WAS ON OUR
SHOW WAS ALMOST -- FOUR YEARS
AFTER WE STARTED.
WE'D BEEN TRYING TO BOOK HIM
SINCE THE BEGINNING.
WE ASKED HIM TO DO THE SHOW OVER
AND OVER AGAIN.
AND HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THIS
WAS.
HE KNEW "THE TONIGHT SHOW" AND
LETTERMAN AND THAT'S IT.
FINALLY AFTER WE BOTHERED HIM 20
TIMES HE GAVE UP AND DID THE
SHOW FOR MY BIRTHDAY IN 2006.
AND IT WAS EXCITING, IT WAS LIKE
I WAS IN TALK SHOW FANTASY CAMP
SITTING BEHIND THE DESK WHILE
DON RICKLES MADE FUN OF ME.
IT WAS LIKE BEING A REAL TALK
SHOW HOST FOR A MINUTE.
THEN DON CAME TO VISIT 17 MORE
TIMES AFTER THAT.
AND WHENEVER HE WAS ON, WE WOULD
GO OUT TO DINNER.
WE WOULD ALWAYS GO OUT TO DINNER
AFTER THE SHOW EXCEPT FOR ONE
NIGHT.
I COULDN'T GO BECAUSE I WAS
ALREADY GOING TO DINNER.
IT WAS LIKE A LATE BOOKING.
I WAS GOING TO BEGINNER WITH MY
FRIEND JEFF ROSS, THE COMEDIAN,
IT WAS HIS 50th BIRTHDAY AND
HE'S ONLY IN TOWN THE NIGHT.
I TOLD DON, I CAN'T GO TO DINNER
AFTER THE SHOW, I ALREADY HAVE
PLAN
PLANS, WE'LL GO ANOTHER NIGHT.
I COULDN'T TELL HIM I WAS GOING
TO DINNER WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
I WAS NONSPECIFIC, I SAID I
COULDN'T MAKE IT.
AFTER THE SHOW I SAID GOOD-BYE
TO DON, I WENT TO DINNER WITH
JEFF.
JEFF AND I AND COUSIN SAL ARE
SITTING AT THE TABLE AND WHO
WALKS IN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND NOT ONLY WALKS IN, IS SEATED
AT THE TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO US.
IS DON.
HE LOOKS AT ME, THE THOUGHT YOU
COULDN'T DO TO DINNER!
I'M LIKE, IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY, I
DIDN'T KNOW!
HE HAMMERED AND HECKLED ME
THROUGH THE WHOLE MEAL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
UNTIL FINALLY I GOT UP AND MOVED
OVER TO HIS TABLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THOSE DINNERS.
DON WOULD DRINK VODKA AND TELL
STORIES.
BOB SAG GET AND JOHN STAMOS WERE
LIKE DON'S -- I WON'T SAY SONS
BECAUSE SONS ONCE THEY PASS THE
AGE OF 10 DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANYTHING THEIR FATHER SAID.
MORE LIKE HIS STEPDAUGHTERS, I
WOULD SAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DON WOULD MAKE FUN OF JOHN
STAMOS FOR THREE HOURS STRAIGHT
WITHOUT A BREATH AND JOHN LOVED
IT.
HE MADE FUN OF EVERYBODY.
HE'D MAKE FUN OF ME, GEE YARE
KNOW, THE BAND, THE AUDIENCE,
THE GUY WHO PUT THE MICROPHONE
ON HIS LAPEL, HE'D MAKE FUN OF
THE VEGETABLE PLATTER IN HIS
DRESSING ROOM.
WHEN HE'D COME TO MY HOUSE HE'D
YELL ABOUT THE STAIRS AS IF I
PUT THEM THERE SPECIFICALLY TO
INCONVENIENCE HIM.
EVERY TIME I'D SEE HIM, YOU
STILL HAVE THOSE STAIRS?
NO, WE'RE POLE AS A RESULTING
INTO THE HOUSE NOW, DON.
I ONCE TOOK HIM TO MOTZA, WHICH
IS MARIO BATALI'S RESTAURANT
HERE, A VERY NICE RESTAURANT, WE
RENTED THE PRIVATE ROOM IN THE
BACK, WE HAD FOOD, I INVITED HIS
FRIENDS, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
IT WAS VERY EXPENSIVE, OKAY?
AND I PAID FOR IT.
END OF THE MEAL, AT THE END OF
THIS BEAUTIFUL MEAL, HE SAYS TO
ME, I'LL NEVER FORGET.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK ME TO A
PIZZA PLACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT HE WAS VERY SWEET.
THEY CALLED HIM MR. WARMTH AS A
JOKE BUT THAT WAS WHAT HE WAS.
HE WOULD ALWAYS ASK ABOUT MY
PARENTS, MY KIDS, WHEN MY UNCLE
FRANK PASSED AWAY I CALLED HIM
AND ASKED HIM TO BE THE GUEST ON
THE SHOW, WHICH WAS A TOUGH
SHOW.
HE HELPED ALL OF US THROUGH IT.
HE GAVE ME ADVICE.
GOOD ADVICE, NOT THE ADVICE
PEOPLE GIVE YOU JUST TO HEAR
THEMSELVES GIVING YOU ADVICE.
HE'D SAY, KEEP MY NAME ALIVE.
WHICH HE'D TELL ME TO KEEP HIS
NAME ALIVE, WHICH WAS FUNNY,
BECAUSE -- I WAS LIKE, YOU'RE
DON RICKLES.
YOU KEEP MY NAME ALIVE!
HE WAS HUMBLE, HE WAS
THOUGHTFUL.
I WENT THROUGH MY HOPE CHEST
TODAY.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE A HOPE
CHEST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE A BOX.
I SAVED EVERY NOTE HE EVER SENT
ME.
THERE ARE LIKE 27 NOTES AND
LETTERS FROM DON.
I WANT TO READ A COUPLE OF THEM.
BY THE WAY, EVERY TIME HE SENT
ME A CARD HE'D SEND IT IN AN
OVERNIGHT MAIL PACKAGE AND THERE
WOULD BE A LABEL ON IT, IT WOULD
COST $20 EVERY TIME.
HE DIDN'T JUST -- HE SPENT MORE
THAN $500 ON POSTAGE ALONE FOR
THESE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HERE ARE A FEW OF THESE VERY
EXPENSIVE NOTES.
DEAR JIMMY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR
INVITING ME INTO YOUR HOME FOR
DINNER, BUT TO BE HONEST, WE
WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A
THREE-MONTH TRIP TO VENICE,
ITALY.
LOVE, DON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DEAR JIMMY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR
THE BEAUTIFUL FRAME OF YOU AND
I, WHO NEEDS SINATRA, THE
PICTURE OF US TOGETHER IS MUCH
MORE IMPORTANT, PLEASE DON'T
SHOW THIS NOTE TO ANYONE BECAUSE
IT COULD CAUSE HARM TO ME AND MY
FAMILY.
LOVE, DON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
JIMMY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE
BOTTLES OF WINE, WE'VE BEEN SO
BUSY CRUSHING GRAPES WITH OUR
BARE FEET HOPING TO HAVE WINE
FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
AND YOU CAME TO THE RESCUE JUST
IN TIME.
DEAR JIMMY, WHAT A GREAT,
THOUGHTFUL GIFT FOR CHRISTMAS.
SUCH A GOOD ITALIAN.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD OPEN A DELI AND
START SELLING SALAMI.
MAYBE I SHOULD.
DEAR JIMMY, WE WATCHED YOUR
ACADEMY AWARDS SHOW.
BARBARA LOVED EVERY BIT OF IT,
BUT HERE'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU WERE ON CAMERA TOO MUCH.
ALL IN ALL, IT WAS OKAY.
WE LOVE YOU, SO DON'T WORRY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S ONE MORE.
THE NIGHT MANNY PACQUIAO WAS ON,
I SHOWED HIM A PICTURE OF DON.
DEAR JIMMY, WHAT RIGHT DO YOU
HAVE TO HOLD UP MY PICTURE
WITHOUT MY OKAY?
I'M GOING TO TELL ALL MY
FILIPINO FRIENDS TO ATTACK YOU
AT YOUR STUDIO.
YOUR GOOD FRIEND DON.
YOUR GOOD FRIEND DON, THE GUY
WHO KNOWS JOHN STAMOS AND BOB
SAG GET PERSONALLY.
P.S., BARBARA REALLY LIKES YOU.
HE WAS A FUNNY GUY.
I KNOW THAT'S NOT A NEWS FLASH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I WAS LUCKY TO KNOW HIM.
OUR LOVE AND CONDOLENCES TO
DON'S WIFE BARBARA, DAUGHTER
MINDY, STEPDAUGHTERS BOB AND
JOHN.
HIS MAIN MAN TONY O., PAUL
SHEPARD.
THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER DON
RICKLES, PROBABLY THE GREATEST
TALK SHOW GUEST OF ALL-TIME.
WE'VE PUT TOGETHER A VIDEO
TRIBUTE.
HERE HE IS, THE ONE AND ONLY MR.
WARMTH, DON RICKLES.
>> OUR FIRST GUEST AS LEGENDARY
PERFORMER, BEST-SELLING AUTHOR,
ONE OF THE GREATEST COMEDIANS OF
ALL-TIME, RIGHT, DON, IS THAT
ALL CORRECT?
>> DON'T BE A DUMB BILL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THE FUNNIEST MAN ON PLANET
EARTH, THE SULTAN OF INSULTING.
MR. WAMPLTD, THE GREAT DON
RICKLRI
RICKL
RICKLES!
THIS IS THE EIGHTH APPEARANCE
YOU'VE MADE ON THIS SHOW.
>> I'LL DROP MY PANTS AND FIRE A
ROCKET.
>> RARELY DOES ANYONE GET A
STANDING OVATION ON THIS SHOW.
>> OKAY, THAT'S IT FOR ME.
>> I SAW YOU, THREE OF US IN THE
DRESSING ROOM, DEAN MARTIN,
FRANK SINATRA AND ME, READY TO
GO ON FOR PRESIDENT.
FRANK SAYS, NO DRINKING.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
KNOW DR
NO DRINKING.
AND RICKLES, [ BLEEP ], I'M NOT
GOING TO HAVE ANYTHING.
FRANK GOES WOUFT ROOM.
DEAN OPENS HIS COAT.
THERE'S A ROLL OF BOOZE IN THE
COAT THERE.
AND THAT NIGHT WE MADE RONALD
REAGAN KNOW HE'S ALIVE.
FRANK WAS THE SECURITY GUARD.
BY THE STAGE DOOR, IN THOSE DAYS
YOU WENT RIGHT INTO THE CASINO.
WHEN YOU CAME OFF OF SHOATE.
THIS ISN'T TOO FAST FOR YOU?
>> NO, NO.
>> OKAY.
YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I'M A
CHEMISTRY SET.
HE USED TO STAND BY THE DOOR.
EVERY NIGHT I'D COME OUT, HE'D
GO STAND BACK, EVERYBODY, MR.
RICKLES IS COMING!
STAND BACK!
AND THERE WAS NOBODY THERE.
I EXAGGERATE LIFE.
MAKE FUN OF OURSELVES THE.
AS I MAKE FUN OF YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.
IF I DIDN'T LIKE YOU, I WOULDN'T
MAKE FUN OF YOU.
AS I LOOK AT YOU NOW, YOU'VE GOT
TO GET A NOSE JOB.
>> THIS IS 3D THIS "TOY STORY"
MOVIE, THIS IS YOUR FIRST 3D
FILM?
>> YEAH.
>> I ALWAYS SAY, RYE TO BE
DIFFERENT.
IF YOU'RE DIFFERENT YOU HAVE A
CHANCE.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT BECAUSE NOBODY
KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE.
>> SUCH A DUMBBELL.
SHUT UP, JIMMY.
DON'T BE CUTE.
THAT WAS FUNNY, JIMMY.
I WAS NEVER MEAN SPIRITED THANK
GOD.
THAT'S WHY I'M ON THIS SHOW
BECAUSE I SKYROCKETED.
ANYWAY.
GIVE ME A MINUTE BECAUSE
EVERYTHING I SAY KII DID IN MY
ROOM AND I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.
LY COME BACK HERE WITH YOU GUYS
AND FRANK AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY,
IT REALLY MAKE AT GUY FEEL AT
HOME.
>> WELL, IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO
HAVE YOU HERE.
DON RICKLES, EVERYBODY!
YOU GIVE ME A BOOT
I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> DON'T AN DUMBBELL, LAUGH!
>> THANK YOU, DON.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Jimmy Kimmel's Tribute to Don Rickles

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