Keep It Moving | Just A Couple

Delivery for Mr Olu...wani...femi?
Yes! Thank you, boss, appreciate that. What's that? Another package?
Have a nice day.
MARK CHUCKLES
Told you I'd get my six-pack out of maintenance mode, baby.
HE GROANS
I'm sorry, what's making you order everything to my house?
I'm here most of the time and if I miss any post at my house,
it goes to my neighbour's house.
Who I hate - cos they never open the door.
HE GRUNTS
They're definitely scared of black people.
OK, I think that'll do...
Go on, you have a go. I'm OK...
Nah, you're all right.
Babe, I think my asthma's coming back.
BREATHLESS: I think I feel it. I need my pump...
Will you pass my pump?
Shav, what's going on? I can feel some real negative vibes over here.
I think I've got the wrong socks, these are tight.
Mark, how pissed would you be if I said I couldn't come to Miami?
Oh, come on, Daniel, man!
Look, the American thing I've been chatting to for years,
she's coming the same week! So?!
We've been chatting since MSN days, bro.
She could be the one. For who? You?!
Look, if America's coming to me instead, then why not?
Yeah, don't do this to me, man! Bro, why are you standing?
Are you that upset?
Sorry, bro, got a bit emotional...
Why don't you use the cash to buy two tickets to Spain?
For you and Shav.
It's a good idea, but...Shav is always on some Beyonce thing, bro.
Anything to do with money, she wants to do by herself.
Independent woman on steroids.
That's heaven, mate.
Yeah, but I can't spoil her, even if I wanted to.
Look, Daniel, come on, man, just think about it, yeah?
Think about the sun, all the beaches, bruv,
there's the water and...
Bruv, who's that? Miss America.
Oh, my girl... Now do you respect man's decision?
Bruv, I respect you, sir.
I don't want to be in debt to Mark, just lend me the money!
Nothing in this world comes for free.
# So, you better twerk for it, Voni,
# Twerk, twerk for it, Voni Twerk, twerk! #
I didn't even want to ask you! You're so boring!
I'll take my money elsewhere, then.
Twerk, twerk, twerk...
Shav, stop it, take the money, take the money!
Stop it! THEY LAUGH
Thank you! Why are you paying Mark back anyway?
Just take it out of his rent.
Mark doesn't pay rent, he doesn't LIVE live with me, you know that.
Er, the last time I was at your place,
Mark was playing PS4 in his boxers. He apologised.
I definitely saw a ball bag.
You know that's a first sign of abuse, right?
Nah, he's not abusing me. He's abusing your space.
If we don't have anywhere to do yoga, we will explode.
He better not be in that chair today.
Well, Mel-o, he knows we're coming, so, relax. All right. Mm-hm.
Let's go, faster, OK... That's it, yeah.
OK, let's work on that technique.
OK, let's go, let's go, that's it, yeah.
Hey, hold it, hold it, hold it! Where you going?
(What the fuck is this?) (Abuse.)
Nice, OK, right, OK, whoa, whoa. Breathe, breathe, breathe...
I need my pump! We'll get there. Some man... Stand up.
What you doing? Don't give up. What's wrong? I need my pump, man!
How's it going, ladies? You all right?
Should I go home?
No, no, no, give me a sec. Set up the mats.
Marky?
Yeah, one sec, one sec. Mark!
OK!
BREATHLESS: Time out, bruv, time out...
Yeah... Hey, Mel.
Like my new apparatus, babe? Here's your money I owed you.
Is that what you stopped me for? No.
Did you forget about me and Mel were doing yoga here today?
Aw, shit!
No, sorry, Shav! Amazon same-day delivery's got me...
You should try it, literally comes straightaway to your door,
the same day. Why did you buy that?
You're only going to use it for one day.
No, no, not this time, I promise.
I've got this whole programme planned out, yeah?
Veggies only. Hmm.
Actually, that's probably not going to last. Erm, OK, maybe not veggies.
We can do fish. Actually, no. No, chicken.
Yeah, prefer my chicken, lemon and herb...
OK, right, I'm just not fond of you buying all this stuff to my house.
Why?
Where am I supposed to put all these things?
Hold the position. Yeah, hold that. Don't stop. You know what?
My shoulder's hurting from the boxing earlier.
I thought I'd watch the technique.
If you're going to watch me, Daniel, at least participate,
so I have something to watch, too.
You know, they're here, let's talk later. No, no, no, no,
let's discuss this right now. What's the issue, babe?
Inhale... Exhale... That's the technique right there.
Wait, wait!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
I don't know what duttiness is going on over here, but me and Shav
have got some important issues to discuss,
so if you guys can leave, I would really appreciate that.
Thank you, bro. See you later, Mel, yeah?
A cock-blocking pagan, bruv.
Watch this. I swear I'm going to get you back.
So you was going to try and bang Mel, my sister...?
Get your ass out of here!
DOOR CLOSES
You do always say, "Make yourself feel comfortable at home."
Yeah? If that's something that's changed, please, do let me know.
You eat, you shit and you sleep here, but you don't pay rent.
Someone's keeping a list. Shav, if you'd let me pay, I would.
I'd let you pay if you lived here.
Nah, I'm sorry, you've lost me.
OK, erm, until you officially
put a label on you living here,
THIS is my house.
OK, do not talk to me like I'm a baby.
DOORBELL RINGS
EQUIPMENT DROPS ON FLOOR
I've got a package for you. Hey, bro. Yeah, I know.
Just say I wasn't in, OK? I can't.
Just come tomorrow, yeah? No, but it's got your name on it.
I know it does, but... What's wrong with you? Take it, man.
Go! Go! Just! Just! Why can't you just take it?
Just get out of here! What's wrong with you?
Another one! Thanks. Take care. Oh, have a nice day.
How many more, Mark?
Just tell me, just let me know how many more I should expect.
What's this about? What's your problem? How many more?
I can't keep up. What is it? What, the money? What? Me buying stuff?
Me not moving in? What? All of it.
OK, OK...
Let's go. Elaborate. PHONE BEEPS
I thought we were done with recording each other.
Mm-mm. Protecting myself.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
You buying stuff to my house
makes me feel like you're taking advantage of me.
What?! I...I know you love me, but if you can't commit, properly,
then how are we supposed to build on this?
I mean, do you even want that?
I feel unsupported and lonely. Wait, wait, wait...
Struggling with money, housing you. Wait, you feel lonely?
Er, how are you picking up on small things? I never said that.
Oh, you didn't say that? I SAID unsupported.
Wait, no, you didn't say that, OK? The evidence is right here.
Check, then. Yeah, I will check.
You know what, whatever, yeah?
Look, Shav, you've never said once, "Mark, I'm struggling with money."
Er, I asked you today. You asked to borrow money. Yeah?
Then you come in the house, saying "Oh, here, Mark, here's your money.
"Ooh, I'm Shavon, take your money!"
You do not have to knock me, Mark. You mock me all the time.
"Ooh, Mark! Ooh, fatty-fatty bum-bum.
"Ooh, you're so fat, why don't you lose some weight?"
I'm here trying to do stuff for YOU and you throw it back in my face!
Oh! Oh! I'm sorry, is that why you bought all this shit?
All this shit that's upstairs, downstairs, everywhere...
There you go again. Taking the piss. Carry on...
Don't get emotional. Don't get emotional, yeah?
Oh, Shav, look, I want to move in but, maybe...
MAYBE you're not ready for ME.
Oh, oh, what, did that sting? Yeah, did you ever think about that?
SHE SLOW CLAPS
Bravo. Nice... Oh, my days...
Well done. Beautiful flip.
That right there was some real sumo buzz Olympic shit.
I ask you about proper commitment and you don't even come up
with an answer.
You just respond to the shit that tickles your little ego.
What's with that attitude?
SHE KISSES HER TEETH
So, you're going to talk about attitude and kiss your teeth to me?
Oh, my days, this shit is... I can't deal. I can't deal.
Do you...
Do you think I need you? Why are things like this?
Do you think I need you? I can do this all by myself.
If you want to leave, if you want to run, if you want to hide,
yeah, go on, do it! Oh, you're crying already!
Oh, my God, and the Oscar goes to Ms Shavon Stantonbury!
Round of applause, guys. Everybody, round of applause!
Round of applause! Mark! No, Mark...
Listen, if I'm wrong, Mark, if I am wrong, then, go, Mark.
Nobody is forcing you to stay in this house with me, OK?
Nobody is forcing you!
If you want to leave, then, go, Mark. Just go, innit?
Go!
DOORBELL RINGS
HE MOUTHS SILENTLY

Keep It Moving | Just A Couple - Episode 5

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