Lewis Black Begins His Mornings With The News And Screaming

HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
MY NEXT GUEST IS THE OPPOSITE OF ROSE BYRNE.
PLEASE WELCOME LEWIS BLACK!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU, LEWIS.
>> ARE THOSE MY ANSWER S.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING ON THESE CARDS.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
>> UUUH-- I TURN CNN ON WHEN I WAKE UP.
AND IT DOESN'T HELP.
( LAUGHTER ) SOMETHING HAPPENS EVERY DAY,
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> THAT GI"WHAT!
WHAT IS THIS!" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: EVERY HOUR.
EVERY HOUR IT HAPPENS, YEAH.
>> EVERY HOUR.
IF YOU CAN GET TO NOON, IT'S A WHOLE NEW LANDSCAPE.
>> Stephen: I SAY IT'S TIME TO HILT THE BAR.
>> YEAH.
I FEEL LIKE, THOUGH, IT'S IMPORTANT FOR EVERY AMERICAN TO
WATCH CNN FOR FIVE MINUTES A DAY BECAUSE IT WILL GIVE THEM A GOOD
IDEA OF WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE WHEN THEY HAVE A STROKE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ANY PARTICULAR
ANCHOR YOU WOULD RECOMMEND?
>> NO, THEY'RE ALL-- BREAKING NEWS!
BREAKING NEWS!
BREAKING NEWS!
IT'S ALWAYS BREAKING.
>> Stephen: THAT IS TRAW.
>> IT'S BREAKING EVERY SECOND.
WE JUST BROKE IT, BUT NOW IT'S BROKEN AGAIN.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: I THINK THEY'RE OVERUSING THAT ALARM BILLION.
WE CAN'T HEAR IT ANYMORE.
>> THEY REPEAT IT!
YOU CAN'T BREAK SOMETHING AND 20 MINUTES LATER BREAK WHAT YOU
BROKE!
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.
>> REALLY TRUE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
YEAH.
HEY, ARE YOU-- YOU'RE-- YOU'RE AN ANGRY PERSON, IN THE NICEST
POSSIBLE WAY.
AND I MEAN THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.
VERY FEW PEOPLE HAVE DISTILLED THEIR ANGER INTO A PURE BOURBON
OF RAGE.
BUT ARE YOU ALSO A WORRIED PERSON?
DO YOU WORRY OR JUST GET ANGRY?
THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
FOR INSTANCE, NORTH KOREA, THE PRESIDENT WAS ASKED, JUST
YESTERDAY, I THINK, SHOULD WE BE WORRIED ABOUT THERMONUCLEAR WAR
WITH NORTH KOREA.
AND HE SAID, "THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT."
DOES THAT WORRY YOU, NORTH KOREA?
>> WELL, BEING A CHILD FROM, YOU KNOW, THE 50s WHERE WE BUILT
BOMB SHELTERS-- HA-HA!
WHAT'S ANOTHER NUCLEAR WAR?
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT-- WHAT I FIND DISTURBING ABOUT HIM IS
HE'S-- HE-- HIS INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS, HE DOES THAT LIKE
SOMEONE WHO'S PLAYING "RESK" YOU KNOW?
LOOK IT UP!
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A BOARD GAME!
>> Stephen: THEY ALL LOVE RISK.
THEY ALL LOVE RISK.
THEY ALL LOVE RISK.
>> THEY HAD NO CLUE AS TO WHAT IT WAS!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> YOU'VE GOT THAT APPLAUD SIGN
UP THERE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT REQUEST OF THIS?
>> NO, IT WON'T HELP.
THEN THE ANGER BECOMES REAL.
>> Stephen: SO, BUT "RISK" IS FUN.
>> IT IS FUN.
YOU ROLL-- BUT YOU CAN'T SAY, "HEY, WE'RE GOING INTO NORTH
KOREA.
I'M GOING TO ROLL THE DICE!" WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE SAID, WHAT
SPICER-- QUACK-QUACK-QUACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: I THINK I THINK YOU JUST SAID I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THAT, I'M GOING TO ORDER THE CRAB CAKE IS WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
WHAT SHOULD SPICER HAVE SAID?
>> HE SHOULD HAVE SAID IT WASN'T THAT WE WERE-- WE WEREN'T GOING
TOWARD KOREA.
WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE SAID IS WE WERE-- WE WERE GOING THE OTHER
WAY.
WE WERE TAKING THE SLOW ROUTE IN ORDER TO SNEAK UP BEHIND THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WE WERE TAKING THE
SOUTH POLAR ROUTE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: ANYWHERE YOU GO ON EITHER, EVENTUALLY WILL GET BACK
TO NORTH KOREA.
>> IT ALL STARTS THERE.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PROTESTING THE
PRESIDENT.
THERE HAS BEEN A BURGEONING RENEWAL OF PROTESTERS.
SOME PEOPLE CALL IT THE RESISTANCE.
SOME PEOPLE TAKE TO THE STREETS.
DO YOU DO THAT?
DO YOU GET OUT THERE?
DOES THE ANGRY CROWD FEEL LIKE HOME TO YOU?
>> YOU KNOW, I DID THAT.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE?
>> IF THEY WERE PAYING LIKE TRUMP SAYS --
>> Stephen: YEAH, TRUMP SAYS THEY'RE PAYING.
>> IF THEY WERE PAYING, THEN I'D BE DOWN THERE AND GRAB A CHECK.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T THINK THEY'RE BEING PAID?
THEY SAY-- >> THEY'RE NOT BEING PAID!
THERE'S NO LINE!
THERE WOULD BE A LINE AROUND EVERY BLOCK IN AMERICA!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT-- ♪ ♪ ♪
WHAT ABOUT ON THE OTHER SIDE?
BECAUSE THERE ARE COUNTER-PROTESTS GOING ON, LIKE
THIS PAST WEEKEND ON SATURDAY, THERE WAS A BIG TAX MARCH "SHOW
US YOUR TAXES."
AND THERE WERE COUNTER-PROTESTERS WHO WERE
APPARENTLY SAYING, "LET THE RICH, WHITE GUY NOT SHOW HIS
TAXES."
THAT SEEMED TO BE THEIR MESSAGE.
ARE YOU IMPRESSED WITH THEM AT ALL?
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM BECAUSE THEY SAY THAT TRUMP'S
JUST LIKE THEM.
WELL, WHAT-- WHAT UNIVERSE ARE YOU LIVING IN?
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP IS A NEW YORKER, OKAY.
HE'S LIKE ANY NEW YORKER.
HE'S A SCHMUCK.
OKAY?
WE'RE ALL SCHMUCKS WHO LIVE HERE.
AND SO WHY WOULDN'T-- WHY!
WHY!
WHY WOULDN'T HE-- WHY-- YOU KNOW,
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT'S AMAZING IS ANY OF US
COULD HAVE RUN.
ANY NEW YORKER!
WE ALL SOUND THE SAME, EXCEPT FOR THE GROPING AND MISOGYNY AND
A LOT OF OTHER THINGS, BUT WE ALL BASICALLY SAY WHAT THE HELL
WE'RE THINKING.
THEN ANY ONE OF US SHOULD HAVE RUN INSTEAD OF THAT PUTZ!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT A NEW
SERIES CALLED "THE RANT IS DUE" ON AUDIBLE, RIGHT?
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT?
>> THAT, FOR THE LAST ABOUT 200 GIGS THAT I'VE BEEN DOING,
PERFORMING LIVE ON STAGE, AT THE END OF THOSE SHOWS, I DO A-- A
LIVE Q & A THAT GOES THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.
IT'S STREAMED.
AND I ANSWER QUESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE THAT THEY SEND IN.
WHAT AUDIBLE HAS DONE IS COME IN AND TAKEN THEM AND CULLED THE
BEST OF THEM AND PUT THEM TOGETHER INTO WHAT WOULD BE
CALLED THE PODCAST THAT BEGINS TOMORROW ACTUALLY, AND YOU CAN
GO TO AUDIBLE.COM/LEWISBLACK.
IT TOOK ME A WEEK TO MEMORIZE THAT!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: AND EVERYONE SHOULD GO.
AND EVERYONE SHOULD GO.
>> IT'S THE BEST OF.
>> Stephen: >> Stephen: HIS NEW AUDIO SERIES
"THE RANT IS DUE," IS ON AUDIBLE.
AS THE MAN SAID, HE'S LEWIS BLACK.

Lewis Black Begins His Mornings With The News And Screaming

Latest Posts