Sully & Denise

>>> THIS IS STRAUS HALL AND HOME TO SUCH NOTABLE ALUMS AS
BURROUGHS AND CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN ROBERTS.
>> I SHOWED UP FOR A MEDICAL EXPERIMENT AND I SLEPT THREE
DAYS AND THEY GAVE ME $3. >> WICKED PISSA.
IT'S LIKE HOG WARTS WITH MORE ASIANS.
YOU KNOW IT. >> YOU ARE.
>> DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.
>> WHAT ARE PERCENTAGE OF FRESHMEN LIVE ON CAMPUS.
DOES IT HAVE AN ON CAMPUS DUNKIN?
>> THIS IS MY GIRL DENISE. >> IF WE ARE AT WORK, CALL ME
DOCTOR. >> WHAT ARE KIND OF MEDICINE DO
YOU PRACTICE? >> OH, NO, SWEETHEART.
I WEAR A LAB COAT AND INSERT HEARTS IN THE BUILD A BEARS AT
THE BURLINGTON MALL. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M REALLY SORRY, THIS TOUR IS FOR ACCEPTED STUDENTS AND
THEIR PARENTS. >> UH YEAH, NO DURP SHERLOCK,
OUR DAUGHTER IS OVER THERE PRETENDING TO BE PART OF ANOTHER
FAMILY. COME ON, SAY HI LITTLE DENISE.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> DAD, YOU PROMISED YOU WEREN'T
GOING TO FILM THEM. >> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT'S A MOMENTOUS OCCASION. YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON IN OUR
FAMILY TO COMPLETE AN APPLICATION.
>> OF ANY KIND, OF ANY KIND. THIS ONE COULDN'T GET THROUGH AN
APPLICATION TO JOIN COSTCO. >> WHY DID TOMMY HAVE TO COME.
IT'S 2017, YOU COULD BE ALL BE --
>> ALL RIGHT LISTEN, DON'T KNOCK JOHNNY, ALL RIGHT?
HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS HOW TO USE A --
>> HEY TOMMY, WATCH THIS. WATCH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE WE GO, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> SO LITTLE DENISE WILL BE
MATRICULATING TO HARVARD IN THE FALL.
>> SHE'S UNDECIDED. IT'S BETWEEN HARVARD AND MY ALMA
MATER, MCNEELY HEATING AND COOLING.COM.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YES, LITTLE Ds A CERTIFIED
BRAINIAC. >> YEAH SHE'S A MATH GENIUS.
SHE'S A VIOLIN PRODIGY. >> SHE GETS THAT FROM ME.
I'M A WIZ AT KARAOKE, RIGHT. POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE RIGHT
NOW. >> GOD BLESS US.
>> FOR EXAMPLE WE USED TO CALL EACH OTHER -- BUT NOW WE JUST
DIFFERENTLY ABLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU ARE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> UM, I HAVE A QUESTION. WHAT IS THE SCHOOL'S POLICY
ABOUT DRINKING ON CAMPUS? >> SURE.
WE VERY STRICTLY MONITOR ALL OUR CAMPUS SPACES.
ALCOHOL IS NOT PERMITTED ANYWHERE ON THE PREMISES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> CHUG, CHUG, CHUG.
CHUG IT! CHUG IT!
>> PLEASE EXCUSE MY PARENTS'S BEHAVIOR.
THEY ATE A LOT OF PAINT CHIPS. >> RADIATOR NACHOS.
>>>. >> WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN
YOU TALK ALL SMART LIKE THAT. >> SO STICK YOUR HEAD UNDER A
BUBBLE BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BACK OF A CLOSE UP.
>> COPY THAT. >> MESSAGES SAVED.
HOW MUCH OF THIS HERE? >> CURRENT TUITION IS $63,.25.
>> A WEEK? >> A YEAR.
>> NO BETTER. >> IS THERE SCHOLARSHIPS FOR
ETHNIC STUDENTS? HER MIDDLE NAME IS NOMAR.
>> I'M NOT SURE THAT QUALIFIES. >> THAT ARE PRICE IS DEAR, BUT
WHAT DOES A MAN IN MY SITUATION NEED WITH SO MANY KITTENS.
>> I COULD GET A NIGHT JOB DOING NIGHT JOBS BY THE BRIDGE.
I COULD. >> I WILL NEVER FIT IN WITH ALL
THESE FANCY KIDS. >> DO YOU KNOW WHEN THE
MANCHESTER BY THE SEA THING WILL BE OVER SO WE CAN CONTINUE WITH
THE TOUR? >> LET'S GO DO DONUTS IN THE
PARKING LOT OF STOP AND SHOP. >> OKAY, SO BACK TO OUR TOUR.
SURROUNDING US ARE THE FRESHMAN DORMS.
THAT THAT'S STOTTEN AND THAT'S
HURLBUTT. >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WAIT, WAIT. SERIOUSLY?
HURLBUTT? THAT'S FOR REAL?
>> UH, YES. >> SO IF YOU LIVE THERE AND
SOMEONE ASKS YOU WHERE YOU LIVE YOU SAY --
>> HURLBUTT >> IF YOU EAT A BUNCH OF CHIPOTLE AND SUDDENLY
YOU HAVE TO RUN BACK TO YOUR DORM, YOU RUN BACK TO --
>> HURLBUTT. >> OH MY GOD.
TOMMY, PLEASE ME YOU GOT THAT. >> YOU GOT TO GO HERE JUST FOR
HURLBUTT. >> HURLBUTT.
>> WE'LL MAKE IT WORK! WE'LL MAKE IT WORK!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪♪

Sully & Denise - SNL

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