Texas Students Opt For C**cks Not Glocks: The Daily Show

Now, every state in America seems to have
its own unique way of dealing with gun rights.
Uh, you know, in Texas, they believe
that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun
is a good guy with a...
Well, I'll let Roy Wood Jr. tell you.
WOOD: School's back in session, which means college students
are stocking up on textbooks, cargo shorts,
and, in Texas, ammunition?
REPORTER: Texas will allow people
with concealed handgun permits
to carry their guns into public university buildings,
classrooms, and dorms.
WOOD: That's right. Now the freshman 15
is just how many bullets your gun can hold.
But with campus shootings on the rise,
Open Carry Texas founder C.J. Grisham says
it's about damn time.
Wherever I plant my feet as a free man,
I should be able to carry my firearm.
So everywhere but space.
Yeah. Pretty much.
I should be able to carry my gun into that classroom,
into that cafeteria, into that stadium.
The place where there's all the alcohol?
People carry into Olive Garden all the time,
and they serve alcohol there, and we don't have shootouts.
Well, of course nobody's shooting at Olive Garden.
When you're there, you're family.
We're not talking about anybody
being able to carry onto a campus.
We're talking about 21-year-old students
-who have been trained. -Okay.
WOOD: But even in cowboy country,
not everybody was welcoming
their new locked-and-loaded classmates.
Lady that hates guns-- Jessica Jin.
Guns should not be on college campuses.
But this is Texas, though.
You know the Texas state motto.
If it moves, shoot it.
I don't think that a student has the capability
to react appropriately in the unlikely event
of a mass shooter.
But they have a gun. They're trained.
In Texas, it only takes four hours
to get a concealed handgun license.
-Wait. Four hours to learn how to shoot a gun? -Right.
I had a job at Baskin-Robbins.
It took them a week to teach me how to scoop ice cream.
A week to learn how to do that.
Okay, maybe the training is a little lax,
but what are these sexting, friendstergramming
millennials gonna do about it?
We're fighting guns on campus with dildos.
Y'all just carrying dildos around?
Absolutely. We are strapping
gigantic dildos to our backpacks.
This is a family show.
You don't bring...
Mama, turn the channel.
My mama watch this (bleep) now.
We're fighting absurdity with absurdity.
WOOD: Or at least that was the plan.
It turns out that it's illegal
to openly brandish a dildo a Texas.
-Really? -Yes.
So this is legal, this is illegal?
Welcome to Texas.
Why is this blurred out?
Damn, it's illegal on Comedy Central, too.
Even though it was illegal, Jin's rebellious
dildo protest caught fire
and spread like an STD on a college campus.
Students proudly showed off their dildos to show
gun activists that-that...
Oh. Ooh. Oh, my God, he just
throwing all the dicks in the... That is a lot of dicks.
GRISHAM: Bringing dildos
onto a college campus--
it's very vulgar, it's very obscene, and
I think waving a penis around is, uh, quite, quite immature.
I mean, we are talking about college students
who probably haven't matured yet.
WOOD (groaning): This dude is gonna give me a migraine.
Should you have a gun if you haven't fully matured?
Yes. Immature people can still be very responsible.
WOOD: But Grisham still had more to prove.
The left has this obsession with male genitalia.
They say that because I carry a gun,
I'm obviously compensating for something.
What you packing?
I carry a normal size, uh, or average size .45.
Why'd you say "average"?
It's about average. It's about, uh... four inches.
Barrel length.
You ever thought about extending that barrel?
The larger the gun, the harder it is to conceal.
-That's for sure. -Oh, I know.
Grisham wasn't taking these dildos laying down,
so we set up a massive counter-protest.
All right, it was four (bleep) with a sign and a big rifle.
There was purpose to us open-carrying a gun--
to show that we're not a threat.
Because of this protest, I've gotten death threats.
WOOD: These aren't casual threats.
One pro-gun advocate went so far
as to release a film
of someone murdering a dildo protester.
But dildo-haters and Texas laws weren't enough
to keep Jessica's dicks at home.
It doesn't feel good to walk around
with a dildo in my backpack.
But people have become so numb to gun violence in America.
Our dildos are an object of political resistance.
WOOD: To keep Jessica out of jail,
I had to help these illegal dick protestors.
I will teach you the techniques
of proper protesting as taught to me by
a couple of civil rights movies that I watched this morning.
My solution-- make dildos legal on a Texas campus
-by adding a gun. -(people chanting)
-WOOD: Put your dicks in the air! -Cocks not Glocks!
Cocks not Glocks!
Let's go! Cocks not Glocks!
Cocks not Glocks! Cocks not Glocks!
Who knows? Maybe we can bring these two sides together.
If your firearm makes someone uncomfortable,
what should they do?
Uh, close their eyes.
Educate themselves.
Take this. Look at that.
I'm actually a little uncomfortable holding it.
I just don't like... holding one of these.
WOOD: Well, maybe you should close your eyes
and educate yourself.

Texas Students Opt For C**cks Not Glocks: The Daily Show

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