Weekend Update on Donald Trump's Syria Missile Strike

♪♪♪ >>> Announcer: IT'S WEEKEND
UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WHAT'S UP, EVERYONE?
WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE. I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> AND I'M COLIN JOST. WELL IT TURNS OUT THE ONLY THING
SCARIER THAN DONALD TRUMP ACTING UN-PRESIDENTIAL IS DONALD TRUMP
ACTING PRESIDENTIAL. [ LAUGHTER ]
IN RESPONSE TO THE SYRIAN REGIMES CHEMICAL WEAPONS ATTACK,
PRESIDENT TRUMP ON THURSDAY SPENT 59 TOMAHAWK MISSILES TO
DISABLE A SYRIAN AIR FIELD. BECAUSE WHEN TRUMP IS ANGRY, HE
ALWAYS PRESSES SEND. [ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS WHERE IT'S SEEMS EXTRA JARRING
THAT DONALD TRUMP IS OUR PRESIDENT.
EVEN IF YOU ARE A TRUMP SUPPORTER, IT'S GOTTA SEEM A
LITTLE CRAZY THAT A GUY IS STARTING A WAR WITH ASSAD WHILE
HE'S STILL BOGGED DOWN IN A TWITTER WAR WITH SCHWARZENEGGER.
[ LAUGHTER ] REMEMBER AFTER TRUMP WAS ELECTED
AND EVERYONE KEPT SAYING, "STOP TAKING TRUMP LITERALLY.
HE'S NOT LITERALLY GOING TO BAN MUSLIMS AND DEPORT MEXICANS AND
BOMB THE HELL OUT OF EVERYONE." AND ALL IM SAYING IS, IF I WERE
HILLARY CLINTON, I'D START GETTING IN PRISON SHAPE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I MAY BE OVERSIMPLIFYING THE
DETAILS. >> THE U.S. HAS ATTACKED ASSAD
WHO, LIKE US, IS ALREADY AT WAR WITH ISIS.
BUT ASSAD IS A CLOSE ALLY WITH RUSSIA WHO TRUMP HAS SAID HE
WANTS TO WORK WITH TO DEFEAT ISIS.
EVEN THOUGH THE THREAT TO ISIS IS ASSAD WHO TRUMP JUST BOMBED.
SO, IN CASE YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE FOLLOWING ALL THAT,
HERE'S A REENACTMENT OF WHAT I JUST DESCRIBED.
♪♪♪ [ SLAPPING NOISES ]
[ LAUGHTER ] SIMPLE ENOUGH, RIGHT?
THE ATTACK COMES AS A SURPRISE BECAUSE JUST MONDAY, THE
PRESIDENT SAID HE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SYRIAN CONFLICT.
AND BY THURSDAY HE HAD ALREADY ATTACKED THEM.
HE'S HANDLING CONFLICT THE WAY MY MOTHER HANDLES FAMILY DRAMA.
AT FIRST, SHE'S LIKE, "THIS AIN'T NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
Y'ALL LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS." Y'ALL GROWN.
THEN THREE DAYS LATER, SHE'S OUTSIDE MY EX'S JOB IN A TRACK
SUIT WITH A BRICK IN ONE HAND AND HER WIG IN THE OTHER.
[ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP ALSO BROKE PROTOCOL BY NOT
WAITING FOR APPROVAL FROM CONGRESS.
HE DIDN'T EVEN WAIT UNTIL HE WAS HOME.
HE WAS STILL ON VACATION IN MARGARITAVILLE OR WHEREVER HE
GOES. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN SENT 60 MISSILES FROM AMAZON PRIME ON A WHIM.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> PRESIDENT TRUMP MET WITH
CHINESE PRESIDENT XI JINPING -- THIS WEEK AT HIS MAR A LAGO
ESTATE. AND THEN WHEN THE TWO MEN STOOD
NEXT TO EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONE THING BECAME VERY
CLEAR. IF YOU MASH THEM TOGETHER, THEY
WOULD LOOK EXACTLY LIKE STEVEN SEGAL.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> ON FRIDAY THE SENATE VOTED TO
CONFIRM SUPREME COURT NOMINEE NEAL GORSUCH WHICH MADE IT EXTRA
AWKWARD FOR MERRICK GARLAND'S FAMILY WHEN HE PRETENDED TO COME
HOME FROM WORK AGAIN. AFTER A LONG DAY AT THE SUPREME
COURT. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ] >> THIS WEEK, WHITE HOUSE CHIEF
STRATEGIST STEVE BANNON WAS REMOVED FROM THE NATIONAL
SECURITY COUNCIL. AND THIS TIME, HE PROBABLY CAN
BLAME THE JEWS. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ] >> THE WHOUGS REVEALS THAT JARED
KUSHNER TRAVELED WITH THE CHIEF OF STAFF.
HE LOOKS LIKE COLIN WHEN HE GOES BUY WEED.
>> IT WAS MY FIRST TIME. THIS WAS A COMPLETE LACK OF SELF
AWARENESS. THEY ARE THE WORST THING THAT
RICH WHITE GUYS CAN BE. OBLIVIOUS.
HE IS ACCUSED OF BEING RACIST E. HE HAD TO REDUCE OVERSIGHT AND
THE WAY TO PICK UP ON THE VIBE OF THE COUNTRY.
FOUR DAYS INTO SEXUAL ASSAULT AWARENESS MONTH, HE COMES TO
DEFEND THE GUY ACCUSED OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.
ON THE VERGE OF WORLD WAR 3, JARED KUSHNER ROLLS ON HIS BEST
OUTFIT. YOU ARE GOING TO SEE GENERALS,
NOT VAMPIRE WEEKEND. >> BILL O'REILLY AND FOX NEWS
PAID OUT $13 MILLION IN PAYMENTS TO FIVE WOMEN.
THE BEST CASE SCENARIO IS YOU ARE SO BAD WITH WOMEN, IT COSTS
YOU $2.5 MILLION EVERY TIME YOU FLIRT.
BUT THE MOST IT COST ME IS A TWO-STAR RATING ON UBER POOL.

Weekend Update on Donald Trump's Syria Missile Strike - SNL

Latest Posts