Celebrity Noses: Noises

>> James: WELCOME BACK.
NOW REVIEWERS OF THE SHOW WILL KNOW THAT WE HAVE A SEGMENT THAT
WE'VE TRIED TO DO ON THE SHOW MANY TIMES, SO MANY TIMES.
BUT FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED AND WE'VE
NEVER QUITE BEEN ABLE TO PULL IT OFF.
BUT THIS TIME I TRULY BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO GET IT RIDE.
RIGHT.
WE DID A GREAT REHEARSAL THIS AFTERNOON, IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
I'M SO EXCITED TO FINALLY SHARE THIS INCREDIBLE BIT WITH YOU,
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY, HE I AM GOING TO SAY I SMELL A
GOOD TIME, YOU SMELL A GOOD TIME, IT'S TIME FOR CELEBRITY
NOSES.
CELEBRITY NOSES ALL RIGHT.
>> James: NOW EVERYONE HAS A NOSE, CELEBRITIES ALSO HAVE A
NOSE, BUT THIS CELEBRITY MAY BE BEST KNOWN FOR HIS HEAD OF HAIR,
BUT HE'S NOT-- I NEED THE CARDS, WHERE'S THE CARDS?
WHERE ARE THE-- WHERE IS THE NOSE-- WHERE ARE THE NOSES?
WHAT WAS THAT?
>> WHAT IS WHAT?
>> James: THAT, WHAT-- WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
>> VIN DIESEL SEATING SOUP.
>> James: WHAT?
>> VIN DIESEL EATING SOUP.
>> James: WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?
>> JUDI DENCH DRIVING.
>> James: WHY AM I HEARING VIN DEESEL EATING SOUP AND JUDI
DENCH DRIVING.
>> CELEBRITY NOISES.
>> James: CELEBRITY NOISES? WHAT'S THAT, NO, NO, IT'S-- NO,
IT IS CELEBRITY NOSES.
>> SCRIPT SAYS CELEBRITY NOISES.
>> James: WELL, IT'S CALLED CELEBRITY NOSES.
WE HAVEN'T GT A BECAME CALLED CELEBRITY NOISES, WHY WOULD YOU
SCRIPT SAY CELEBRITY NOISES?
>> HUMAN ERROR.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: YOU MEAN A TYPO?
>> HUMAN ERROR.
>> James: REALLY?
HUMAN ERROR?
>> TYPO.
>> James: I DON'T UNDERSTAND-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW THIS CAN HAPPEN.
WE PLAYED CELEBRITY NOSES AT REHEARSAL.
WE DID IT LIKE TWO HOURS AGO AND IT WAS PERFECT.
HOW DID YOU SEE IT AT REHEARSAL?
>> PRIOR ENGAGEMENT.
>> James: THIS IS ABSURD, THIS IS RIDICULOUS, YOU'RE THE
PRODUCER OF THE SHOW.
I REFUSE TO LET THIS MESS IT UP AGAIN.
IT IS THE GREATEST BIT IN LATE-NIGHT TELEVISION.
DO YOU WANT TO FORGET IT?
PLAY THE FOOTAGE FROM THE REHEARSAL.
JUST PLAY THAT.
WE'LL PLAY THAT OUT.
>> STAND BY, PLAYING THE REHEARSAL.
>> James: RIGHT, YES, WE'LL PLAY THE FOOTAGE FROM REHEARSAL.
>> STAND BY.
>> James: I SMELL A GOOD TIME, YOU SMELL A GOOD TIME, IT'S
CELEBRITY NOSES.
PLAY IT.
#R WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
IT'S ROOM TEMPERATURE.
ROOM TEMPERATURE, THE WATER IS TO BE ROOM TEMPERATURE.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO [BLEEP] SAY IT.
HOW HARD IS IT, IT'S SO COLDK-- YOU DON'T GET IT, DO
YOU.
YOU DO NOT GET IT.
THIS, WHAT COMES OUT OF THIS MOUTH IS THE VOICE OF AMERICA,
OKAY.
THIS IS AMERICA'S MOUTH PIECE, OKAY.
NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO THIS MOUTH.
WHO BOUGHT THAT WATER.
WHO JUST BOUGHT THAT, WHO WAS THAT, KEVIN, KEVIN?
KEVIN, LOOK AT ME.
YOU'RE [BLEEP] FIRED, OKAY?
YOU'RE FIRED.
GET OUT.
I'VE NEVER LIKED YOU.
YOU ARE A WHINY LITTLE BITCH.
OKAY.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE).
>> James: WHAT WAS THAT?
>> REHEARSAL FOOTAGE.
>> James: THAT IS-- THAT IS-- THAT IS THE WRONG FOOTAGE.
BUT THAT'S OKAY, I NEVER GET ANGRY, IT'S ALL, YOU KNOW, ALL
FUN AND GAMES, NOTHING HAPPENED TO KEVIN.
KEV SIN HERE, ISN'T HE, KEVIN-- OKAY-- CAN YOU-- IS HE
REALLY-- OKAY, WELL, CAN WE REALLY JUST-- WIND THE TAPE ON
AND PLAY THE BRILLIANCE CELEBRITY NOSES FOOTAGE FROM
REHEARSAL, OKAY, PLAY THAT.
>> PLAYING THE REHEARSAL.
>> James: AND THAT'S WHY ROBERT DE NIRO CAN'T SMELL THE
CHEESE.
THE NEXT IS.
>> HOLD, HOLD.
>> James: OKAY.
>> CAN I SHOW YOU SOMETHING, I'VE GOT THIS RASH.
HAVE A LOOK AT THIS, RIGHT.
LOOK HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
DOES THAT LOOK LIKE SOMETHING I 14UD BE WORRIED ABOUT.
BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT AROUND THE-- NO, LOOK AT IT, DON'T LOOK
AT THE THING-- LOOK, IT'S ALL THE WAY-- LOOK, IT'S ALL THE
WAY-- DOWN-- IT'S LIKE A RED, LET ME SHOW YOU PROPERLY BECAUSE
I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, IF YOU WOULD LOOK, LOOK,
LOOK HERE, LACK AT IT, ALL THE WAY DOWN, AND IT GOES
UNDERNEATH.
AND THEN IT'S ALSO ON MY BACK.
IS THERE ANYWAY YOUR DAD COULD COME IN AND HAVE A LOOK AT IT?
IT'S RIGHT-- IT'S CHAFFED AND SORT OF FLAKING.
IF YOU GET A CHANCE, DO YOU THINK HE COULD HAVE A LOOK AT
IT?
IT IS JUST ALL THE WAY.
>> WE'RE READY.
>> James: YEAH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE).
>> James: WHAT WAS THAT?
>> CELEBRITY NOSES.
>> James: NO, IT WASN'T.
>> YES, IT WAS.
>> James: NO IT WASN'T!
>> WE CAN CHECK IT AGAIN.
>> James: NO, NO, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT PLAY THE FOOTAGE
AGAIN.
DO NOT DO THAT IN FACT WE'RE OUT OF TIME, GOT TO GO TO A
COMMERCIAL.
>> PLENTY OF TIME.
>> James: NO, WE HAVE-- FINE, FINE, FINE, YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'LL
PLAY YOUR STUPID CELEBRITY NOISES GAME, WE'LL DO THAT,
SHALL WE, WHAT WAS THE FIRST ONE?
THAT'S FERGIE DRINKING A MILKSHAKE.
THAT'S JOHN LITHGOW MOWING HIS LAWN.
THAT'S ENOUGH, IS IT, THAT'S ENOUGH, QUESTION GO TO
COMMERCIAL, CAN'T WE, FINE, ONE MORE, ONE MORE.
KEVIN, KEVIN-- LOOK AT ME-- YOU'RE [BLEEP] FIRED.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: I DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT ONE.
>> THAT ONE IS JAMES CORDEN.
>> James: FORGET THIS, WE'RE GOING TO GO TO COMMERCIAL, WE'LL
BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
I DON'T CARE, FORGET IT.

Celebrity Noses: Noises

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