Face Your Mother

(APPLAUSE).
♪ FACE YOUR MOTHER.
>> James: OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLAYING WE HAVE
AUSTIN AND MERRICK ARE HERE, EVERYBODY.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR PLAYING.
AND WE'RE ABOUT TO JOIN A VIDEO CALL WITH THEIR MOMS, VICKIE AND
CYNTHIA.
ARE YOU THERE?
THERE THEY ARE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
CYNTHIA, YOU CAN HEAR ME?
>> YES, I'M HERE.
>> James: GREAT, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR
SON?
>> I KNOW MORE THAN HE WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW.
>> James: DO YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE?
>> NO, NOT AT ALL.
NOT ONE BIT, NO.
>> James: OKAYS VICKIE, WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO WIN THIS
GAME, YOU AND AUSTIN, DO YOU THINK YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS
PRETTY TIGHT.
>> YEAH, WE'RE PRETTY TIGHT.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER PRETTY WELL.
>> James: YOU FEELING CONFIDENT.
>> YEAH, I THINK WE KNOW EACH OTHER ALMOST TOO WELL AT TIMES.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: OKAY.
HERE'S HOW THE GAME WORKS.
I'M GOING TO ASK THE SONS QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR MUM.
THE MUMS ARE GOING TO WRITE DOWN QUICKLY THE CORRECT ANSWER AND
MUMS, I NEED YOU TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, OKAY.
IF YOUR ANSWERS MATCH, YOU GET A POINT.
ALL RIGHT?
HERE WE GO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BIGGEST LIE YOUR MUM HAS EVER TOLD YOU.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BIGGEST LIE YOUR MUM HAS EVER TOLD YOU.
SO CYNTHIA AND VICKIE, WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN.
BUT DON'T SHOW ME JUST YET, AUSTIN, WHAT DO YOU THINK, WHAT
DO YOU THINK THE BIGGEST LIE IS THAT YOUR MUM HAS EVER TOLD YOU
IS.
>> THAT MY MUM HAS EVER TOLD ME?
>> James: YES.
>> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY HONESTLY, IT WOULD BE THE SANTA, JUST
BECAUSE WE HAD TO DO A WHOLE BIG AROUND-- ROUND THE JOG SORT OF
DEAL WITH MY SISTER AN I BECAUSE WE FOWNT OUT ABOUT SANTA.
SHE WANTED US TO BELIEVE HIM SO WE FAKED IT FOR A LONG TIESM I
GUESS IT WAS A TWO WAY LIE.
>> James: YOU'RE GOING WITH SANTA CLAUS.
VICKIE, YOUR EYES TELL ME IT WAS DIFFERENT.
WHAT YOU HAVE GOT HERE?
WHAT HAPPENED IN TIAJUANA.
HANG ON, HANG ON, WAIT, VICKIE.
>> YES.
>> James: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN TIAJUANA?
>> I WENT DOWN TO TIAJUANA WITH SOME FRIENDS WHEN I WAS ABOUT
AUSTIN'S AGE AND SOME OF US ENDED UP IN JAIL.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: HANG ON, WHY DID YOU GO TO JAIL?
>> THEY WEREN'T SURE OF CITIZENSHIP, SO-- .
>> James: THAT NOW FEELS LIKE THE BIGGEST LIE YOU'VE EVER TOLD
ME.
IS THIS THE FIRST TIME ARE YOU FINDING OUT THAT YOUR MOTHER
WENT TO JAIL.
>> YES T IS.
AND I KNOW THE STORY.
I KNOW THE STORY.
>> James: OH MY GOD.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOUR MUM IS ESSENTIALLY
A CRIMINAL?
>> I GUESS SO, YES.
>> James: THIS IS QUESTION ONE, THIS IS WORKING OUT SO MUCH
BETTER THAN WE EVER THOUGHT IT WOULD.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: YOU DON'T GET A POINT BUT WE DO LOVE YOUR
ANSWER.
OKAY.
LET'S GO OVER HERE.
MERRICK, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BIGGEST LIE YOUR MUM HAS
EVER TOLD YOU.
>> THE SANDWICH GAME, SO LIKE I WAS-- I WALKED IN ON MY MOM AND
HER HUSBAND AT THE TIME.
>> James: YES.
>> I WAS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
AND THEY WERE LIKE OH WE'RE PLAYING THE SANDWICH GAME.
AND THE WORSE PART IS THAT THEY TRIED TO HOLD UP THIS LIE.
SO WHAT THEY WOULD DO IS THEY WOULD HAVE ME SIT IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE SANDWICH.
>> James: OH GOSH.
>> NOT AT THAT SECOND, THOUGH.
>> James: NOT AT THAT SECOND.
SO HANG ON, I THINK I'M GETTING THIS RIGHT, YOU WALKED IN, WHILE
YOUR MOTHER AND HER HUSBAND WERE-- IN THE ACT OF LOVE.
>> YEAH.
>> James: THEY WERE HAVING SEX.
YOU SAID WHAT ARE THEY DOING.
THEY SAID WE'RE PLAYING THE SANDWICH GAME.
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
>> James: HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THIS TIME.
>> OH MAN, LIKE SIX.
I'LL NEVER FORGET.
I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON.
>> James: CYNTHIA, PLEASE REVEAL YOUR ANSWER.
WHEN ON VACATION, WHAT HAPPENED ON VACATION.
>> WELL, NO, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY-- I DIDN'T REALLY LIE,
I JUST DIDN'T TELL HIM THAT I HAD TAKEN A MINI VACATION, AND
THAT WAS JUST RECENTLY.
SO I JUST-- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
THIS WAS RECENTLY.
>> BUT JAMES, I DIDN'T LIE, I JUST DIDN'T TELL HIM EVERYTHING.
>> James: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM YOU WERE GOING ON VACATION.
>> BECAUSE I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE HE REALLY LIKED.
SO-- YEAH.
>> James: WHERE WERE YOU GOING?
>> JUST TO YESES EMPTY BUT HE LOVES-- YOSEMITE.
BUT HE LOVES IT OUT THERE.
>> James: WHEN YOU WERE IN YOSEMITE, DID YOU PLAY THE
SANDWICH GAME?
(APPLAUSE) YOU'RE BOTH WRONG SO NO POINTS.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, GUYS.
NEXT QUESTION, DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM HAS EVER SNOOPED THROUGH
YOUR ROOM?
AND I WILL COME OVER HERE, AUSTIN, DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM
SNOOPS THROUGH YOUR ROOM.
>> I WOULD SAY YES, I THINK SHE PROBABLY HAS.
BUT I THINK SHE WOULD SAY NO BECAUSE I THINK THERE IS A GRAY
AREA WITH THE CLEANING.
SHE MIGHT-- OH I'M GOING TO HELP MY SON CLEAN.
>> James: WHAT WOULD BE THE THING THAT WHAT HAS BEEN IN YOUR
ROOM AT ANY POINT IN YOUR HISTORY THAT YOU WOULD HATE YOUR
MUM TO HAVE FOUND.
>> OH, THERE'S BEEN ALCOHOL AND WATER BOTTLES BEFORE-- ALCOHOL
IN WATER BOTTLES AT TIMES BEFORE, SOMETIMES, YES.
>> James: I DON'T THINK ANY OF US ARE DOUBTING THAT WAS THE
CASE, AUSTIN.
OKAY.
WELL, WHAT DO WE THINK, OVER HERE, VICKIE, HAVE YOU EVER
SNOOPED THROUGH AUSTIN'S ROOM?
>> YES, OF COURSE SHE HAS.
WHAT WAS THE WORST THING YOU EVER FOUND IN AUSTIN'S ROOM.
>> I WAS CLEANING THE DRAWER NEXT TO HIS BED AND I-- YEAH, I
FOUND A CONDOM AND I REALLY QUICKLY PRETENDED LIKE I DISN
SEE IT AND COVERED IT UP WITH BASEBALL CARDS AND JUST-- SO
THAT WAS DEVASTATING BUT THEN I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THAT
BAD BECAUSE THERE'S JUST ONE.
THERE'S JUST ONE IN THERE.
AND THEN I START THINKING WELL, HOW MANY ARE IN A PACKAGE?
>> James: WERE YOU ANNOYED THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT CONDOM
ON YOU BECAUSE COULD YOU HAVE USED IT TO TRADE FOR CIGARETTES
WHEN YOU WERE IN PRISON?
ALL RIGHT.
SO THAT IS VERY GOOD, WELL DONE.
LET'S GO OVER HERE, MERRICK, DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM HAS EVER
SNOOPED THROUGH YOUR ROOM.
>> I DON'T KNOW, BUT IF SHE HAS SHE FOUND SOME CRAZY [BLEEP]
>> James: WAIT, WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND?
>> OH MAN.
LIKE OH-- COLOR KOL ARSNESS YOU KNOW KRZ KOL ARS, HANG ON.
-- HANG ON.
FUZZY HANDCUFFS.
>> James: HANG ON, FUZZY HANDCUFFS, COLLARS, WHAT ELSE?
>> YOU KNOW, LIKE, OH, JEEZ.
I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW, MAN.
>> James: NO, I THINK I DO WANT TO KNOW.
I'M SCARED FOR THE ANSWER BUT I WANT TO KNOW, I'M ALSO NOW
UNDERSTANDING WHY CYNTHIA NEEDED TO GET AWAY TO YOSEMITE FOR A
FEW DAYS.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIND OUT.
CYNTHIA, PLEASE REVEAL YOUR ANSWER, HAVE YOU EVER SNOOPED IN
HIS ROOM.
OF COURSE.
CYNTHIA, WHEN YOU SEE THE COLLARS AND HANDCUFFS, WHAT GOES
THROUGH YOUR MIND?
>> I THOUSAND THE COLLARS WERE FOR THE DOG.
>> OH GOSH.
>> James: YOU DIDN'T REALIZE THEY WERE CONNECTED TO THE
SANDWICH GAME IN ANYWAY?
>> AND THEN THE FUZZY HANDCUFFS I ACTUALLY BORROWED THOSE FOR
THE WEEKEND IN YOSEMITE.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: ALL RIGHT, TIME FOR THE FINAL ROUND.
THIS QUESTION IS WHO HAS MORE NOTCHES ON THEIR BED POST, YOU
OR YOUR MUM?
DO WE-- MERRICK, AUSTIN, ARE YOU YOUNG GENTLEMEN, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT NOTCHES ON YOUR BED POST MEAN.
>> PRETTY SURE.
>> James: IT MEANS DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM HAS PLAYED THE
SANDWICH GAME MORE THAN YOU HAVE.
OKAY?
SO AUSTIN, DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM HAS HAD MORE PARTNERS THAN YOU?
>> HONESTLY, I HOPEFULLY HAVE.
IT'S MY MOTHER, SO THAT'S HOW I THINK OF IT.
>> James: VICKIE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
OH, AUSTIN'S GOT MORE?
>> YES.
>> James: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW.
IF WE ADD UP THE TWO OF THEM HERE, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO
THINK THE WAY THIS IS GOING TO PLAY OUT.
MERRICK, WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU ARE A FREAK IN THE SHEETS.
SO THE QUESTION IS, DO YOU THINK, WHO DO YOU THINK HAS MORE
NOTCHES ON THEIR BED POSTS, DO YOU THINK IT'S YOU OR DO YOU
THINK IT'S YOUR MOM.
>> MY MOM.
200%.
>> James: HE SAWS SAID 200%.
CYNTHIA, WITHOUT DO YOU THINK HAS HAD MORE NOTCHES ON THEIR
BED POST.
>> ME.
>> James: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
THANK YOU ALL FOR PLAYING WITH-- I THINK YOU HAVE ALL GOT
SOME CONVERSATION TOTION BE HAD, THANKS FOR BEING SUCH GREAT
SPORTS.
TO HELP-U-SELL BRAIT MOTHER'S DAY WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU OUT
TO DINNER ON US TO HAVE A GREAT TIME AND MAYBE JUST TALK ABOUT
SOME THINGS WITH YOUR PARENTS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, VICKIE, AUSTIN, MERRICK AND CYNTHIA.

Face Your Mother

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