FEAR PONG

(ball making the cup)
- Oh! Haha!
- "Send everyone in your contacts list
"an accidental sext."
(laughing)
- I'm so glad we didn't get that one.
("Ode to Joy" by Beethoven)
- No, we have not. - Never.
- Yes. - Yes.
- With our professional table at home.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
- I'm kind of scared of dad over here.
(laughing)
- Yes.
- He can like reach across the table, you know.
(fists slapping)
- Both?
- One game, straight up.
- No, that's good, alright.
- Yeah, you guys got it.
- Alright, first.
(ball making the cup)
- What. (gasps)
(ball making cup)
- Oh, whatever. - Nice.
(ball making cup)
(grunts)
(ball making cup)
- Oh! - Oh, come on.
- You're such a liar. "I never played this game before."
- Alright, "Talk dirty to each other for one minute.
"It must be really dirty."
- Alright, let's do this fucker.
- "Make out with your partner for one minute.
"But, one of you isn't allowed to move your lips or tongue."
- Boom, let's do it. (laughing)
- "Let the other team throw a pie in your face."
No, not me.
- Come on!
- That sounds like an easy one though.
- Okay, "Call your significant other's parents
"and tell them you're pregnant, adopting,
"or getting married."
Oh, that's a good idea.
- You're gonna hold your lips steady--
- I'll do the dead face, you do the--
- I know, but I have lipstick on.
So, you wouldn't you think--
either way, it's getting on your face.
(claps)
- I got some good news.
- We're pregnant.
- Oh, hang on, hang on one second Tess.
I got another call.
- You got her (indistinct) - Perfect!
- She's gonna freak out.
- You can talk dirty to me, baby.
- Alright, you're gonna fuck me really hard
in the ass, yeah, bend me over a table.
(laughing) - That's not--
- Don't burp in my mouth.
(laughing)
(burp)
It's been a minute, it's been a minute.
Are you kidding me? - Oh, my God.
- Let me put it in your pussy.
(laughing)
- I assume your giant cock--
- No, no it's in your ass.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- Okay, bring it on.
No!
(ball missing cup)
- Oh!
(ball missing cup and bouncing)
- Oh, come on.
(ball missing cup)
- Marquees! - I'm trying!
- But you play basketball.
- That was when I was in elementary.
(ball spinning and making the cup)
(shouting)
- What!
- Could I get a re-shoot?
(ball making the cup)
- Hey! - Okay, now.
- "Dump ice into your underpants.
"Both of you have to do it."
(screams)
- Open it more, open it more!
(screams)
(screams and laughs)
- That's good. Oh!
- "Let the other team draw whatever they want
"on your face in permanent marker."
Now, that's fucked up. (laughing)
- Come on.
- 30 seconds. - In permanent marker?
- It'll come off.
- No it wo-- it's permanent.
That's the whole point.
- No.
- Am I Harry Potter?
(laughing) - I'm messing you up,
I'm messing you up.
- It's coming off for my kid's birthday tomorrow?
- I hope so.
(laughing)
- It's a dick, isn't it?
(laughing)
- Bend yo knees!
Arch.
(ball making cup)
- You gotta give a little arch to it.
- Beer pong lessons 101,
given to you by wanna-be Vin Diesel.
(laughing)
- "Get legally married/divorced."
- "Get legally married and divorced"?
- No. No!
- Is anyone an ordained?
- Yes!
(laughing) - You got ordained?
This was not the way I imagined this was going to happen,
but it is the cheapest way it could happen.
I love you very much until we get divorced.
- Let's go penis faces!
- Ah, whatever!
- Wait. - Uh!
- Not today. - Uh!
- Maybe tomorrow. - Uh!
- "Take off an article of clothing
for every sexual partner you've had."
(laughing)
I think we'll probably drink that.
- Oh look, our underwear matches.
- Oh!
- Watch! You're gonna lose the mic!
(ball making cup)
- Oh!
(laughing)
- "Swap outfits with your partner."
- Yes!
(claps)
- So we'll do the tops first,
and then we'll do the bottoms.
- Nah, I'm gonna go with no on this one.
- Is he ready?
- You guys ain't making nothing else.
(laughing)
(mumbling noises)
- Oh!
(laughing)
(blows nostrils)
- Ah!
- Fucking air ball on the last one!
- What's the chance of them hittin' one cup?
- You watch, you say that.
(ball making cup)
- Oh! - Oh!
- "Shave your partner's heads."
- Nah, fuck it, you won.
(cheering)
- Oh!
- Do I cry now?
- Penis. - Dick.
- Yeah! - No!
- Ay!
- They freakin' won.
- Drink the cup, babe.
- I'm not drinking.
- I just touched your nipple.
- This was a miracle.
- We used our basketball training,
shot underhand a few times.
- I feel really good even though I have a penis on my face.
- I'm glad you cheated.
- Good game.
- Way to cheat.
(cheering)
- Winners, winners, chicken dinners!
- Thanks for watching fear pong.
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(ball missing cup)
(laughing)

FEAR PONG

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