How to Make Marriage First

ANNOUNCER: COMING UP
ON "MARRIAGE TODAY
WITH JIMMY & KAREN"...
JIMMY EVANS: YOU HAVE A 100%
CHANCE OF SUCCESS
IN MARRIAGE. YOU WERE
MADE FOR MARRIAGE. GOD MADE YOU
IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB, AND YOU
WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE. AND SOME
PEOPLE JUST THINK, "I DON'T KNOW
THAT I CAN SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE,
I'M FEARFUL OF MARRIAGE. I HAVE
A 50/50 CHANCE." YOU DON'T HAVE
A 50/50 CHANCE. YOU HAVE
A 100% CHANCE
IF YOU DO IT GOD'S WAY.
WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE
LAWS OF MARRIAGE, IT'S A REALLY
SCARY THING, AND IT WAS FOR
KAREN AND ME.
WE GOT MARRIED AT 19 YEARS OLD.
WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PRE-MARRIAGE
PREPARATION BEFORE WE GOT
MARRIED. AND SO WE DIDN'T KNOW.
AND HONESTLY, I JUST THOUGHT
YOU'RE EITHER LUCKY ENOUGH TO
MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON OR
YOU'RE UNLUCKY AND YOU MARRY
THE WRONG PERSON.
AND HONESTLY, I LOVED KAREN, I
WAS VERY ATTRACTED TO HER, BUT
I THOUGHT I MARRIED THE WRONG
PERSON AFTER A FEW YEARS OF
MARRIAGE BECAUSE--AND SHE DID,
TOO--BECAUSE IT JUST WASN'T
WORKING.
WE DIDN'T KNOW--NO ONE EVER
TOLD US, WE WERE VIOLATING
EVERY LAW OF MARRIAGE.
AND SO SOME OF YOU WATCHING
RIGHT NOW, YOU LOVE EACH OTHER
AND GOD PUT YOU TOGETHER, BUT
YOU MAY BE FRUSTRATED, YOU MAY
BE DISCOURAGED, YOU MAY BE
FEARFUL BECAUSE YOU'VE FAILED
BEFORE IN MARRIAGES OR YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU'RE FAILING NOW AND YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU THE
GOOD NEWS.
WHEN GOD CREATES ANYTHING, HE
CREATES IT FOR SUCCESS.
AND WHEN GOD CREATES ANYTHING,
HE CREATES IT UPON THE LAWS OF
HIS KINGDOM AND THE LAWS OF HIS
WORD.
SO WHEN GOD CREATED MARRIAGE,
HE SAID SOME VERY IMPORTANT
WORDS.
AND THIS IS "GENESIS" 2:24
AND 25. YOU'VE PROBABLY
HEARD THIS BEFORE.
IT SAYS, "THEREFORE A MAN SHALL
LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND
SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE; AND
THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH.
AND THEY WERE BOTH NAKED, THE
MAN AND HIS WIFE, AND [THEY]
WERE NOT ASHAMED."
NOW, I HAD HEARD THAT SCRIPTURE
READ, AND I HAD HEARD IT AT
MARRIAGES AND AT WEDDINGS AND
THINGS LIKE THAT, BUT I
NEVER KNEW THAT THOSE WERE THE
4 FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE
AND THAT EVERYTHING--GOD
CREATED MARRIAGE AND HE SPOKE
THOSE WORDS.
AND WHEN HE SPOKE THOSE WORDS,
HE CREATED A FOUNDATION FOR
MARRIAGE THAT WOULD ENSURE THAT
EVERY MARRIAGE COULD SUCCEED.
NOW, LISTEN TO WHAT I'M ABOUT
TO SAY. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE
OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE.
YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE.
GOD MADE YOU IN YOUR MOTHER'S
WOMB, AND YOU WERE MADE FOR
MARRIAGE.
AND SOME PEOPLE JUST THINK, "I
DON'T KNOW THAT I CAN SUCCEED
IN MARRIAGE. YOU KNOW,
I'M FEARFUL OF MARRIAGE.
I HAVE A 50/50 CHANCE."
YOU DON'T HAVE A 50/50 CHANCE.
YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE IF YOU
DO IT GOD'S WAY.
LET ME TELL YOU THE OTHER GOOD
NEWS. IT'S NOT COMPLICATED.
IF IT WAS COMPLICATED,
I COULDN'T DO IT.
[LAUGHTER]
GOD DOESN'T USE ME TO DO THIS
BECAUSE I'M SPECIAL; GOD USES
ME TO DO THIS BECAUSE IF I CAN
DO IT, ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
SO THE FIRST LAW OF MARRIAGE
IS THE LAW OF PRIORITY.
THE BIBLE SAYS, FOR THIS CAUSE,
A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER
AND HIS MOTHER. THE WORD "LEAVE"
THERE DOESN'T MEAN YOU MISTREAT
YOUR FATHER OR MOTHER. IT JUST
MEANS YOU REPRIORITIZE. BEFORE
YOU GET MARRIED, THEY'RE YOUR
CLOSEST BLOOD KIN. BEFORE YOU
MARRY, IF IT CAME DOWN TO
IT, THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT
PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE. BUT WHAT
IT SAYS IS, FOR THIS CAUSE,
NOT FOR EVERY CAUSE. BUT FOR
THIS CAUSE, YOU'VE GOT
TO REPRIORITIZE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP. AND DON'T BE MEAN
TO YOUR MOM AND DAD. DON'T DO
ANYTHING UNBECOMING. BUT YOU'VE
GOT TO REPRIORITIZE, AND NOW
YOUR SPOUSE BECOMES FIRST.
MARR--LISTEN, MARRIAGE ONLY
WORKS IN FIRST PLACE. IT WON'T
WORK IN ANY OTHER PLACE.
AND SO WE HAVE TO REPRIORITIZE
OUR LIVES, AND IT WILL DO THIS.
NOW LET ME TALK ABOUT LEGITIMATE
JEALOUSY FOR JUST A MINUTE.
BECAUSE THERE IS A BAD KIND
OF JEALOUSY, BUT WHEN WE GET
MARRIED, THERE IS A NATURAL
JEALOUSY THAT IS INSIDE OF US
THAT GOD PUTS THERE. LET ME GIVE
YOU AN EXAMPLE OF THIS. WE HAVE
TWO CHILDREN. OUR CHILDREN
ARE IN THEIR 30s. AND WHEN
OUR DAUGHTER JULIE WAS BORN--
WE GOT MARRIED AT 19 AND JULIE
WAS BORN WHEN WE WERE 20. AND
ABOUT 12 MONTHS AFTER WE GOT
MARRIED, IF Y'ALL ARE DOING
THE MATH. AND, UH...
[LAUGHTER]
WE...AND JULIE WAS BORN, AND SHE
WAS BORN--
I HAD NOT HELD HER. THAT
WAS BEFORE THE DAYS THAT GUYS
WENT INTO THE ROOM WHEN BABIES
WERE BEING BIRTHED. SO I WAS
WAITING OUTSIDE. JULIE WAS BORN,
AND THEY TOOK HER INTO WHERE
THEY, YOU KNOW, CLEANED HER OFF
AND MEASURED HER AND ALL THOSE
THINGS. AND SO I HAD NEVER
HELD JULIE. I HAD JUST, YOU
KNOW--OBVIOUSLY KAREN WAS
PREGNANT. AND THEN WHEN SHE WAS
LAYING IN THIS LITTLE ROOM WITH
THESE NURSES, I WAS LOOKING
IN THE WINDOW AT HER. AND ONE
OF THE NURSES WALKED UP
AND GRABBED HER BY THE HEELS--
YOU KNOW HOW THEY DO--TO MEASURE
THEM, AND SHE JUST GRABBED HER
BY HER HEELS AND JUST HUNG HER
BY HER HEELS TO MEASURE HER.
I ALMOST WENT THROUGH THE PLATE
GLASS WINDOW. I MEAN, LITERALLY,
MY BODY JUST SAID, JUMP THROUGH
THERE AND RESCUE HER. THAT WOMAN
WAS HANDLING HER LIKE A SACK
OF TATERS. YOU KNOW, AND SO
IT FRIGHTENED ME. WELL, WHAT
I REALIZED WAS, THE INSTANT THAT
MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN, I BECAME
A PROTECTIVE FATHER. I NEVER
READ A BOOK ABOUT IT, NOTHING
EVER TOLD ME I WAS SUPPOSED TO
DO THAT. IT WAS INSTINCTIVE.
WHEN YOU STAND AT THE ALTAR
AND GET MARRIED, OR YOU GET
MARRIED, SOMETHING--GOD PLACES
SOMETHING INSIDE OF YOU THAT
SAYS, "YOU BELONG TO ME FIRST."
BEFORE YOUR PARENTS, BEFORE YOUR
FRIENDS, BEFORE THE KIDS, BEFORE
YOUR WORK, BEFORE ATHLETICS,
"YOU BELONG TO ME FIRST."
IT HAPPENS WITH BOTH OF US.
AND SO REMEMBER, IN "EXODUS"
34:14, GOD SAYS, "MY NAME IS
JEALOUS." GOD, ONE OF THE NAMES
OF GOD IN THE BIBLE IS CAPITAL
"J" JEALOUS. AND JEALOUS MEANS
INTOLERANT OF RIVALRY. GOD IS
NOT SICK JEALOUS. HE IS
PASSIONATE JEALOUS. GOD LOVES
US, AND HE FIGHTS FOR THE
RELATIONSHIP. AND GOD RESENTS
ANYTHING IN OUR LIFE THAT HAS
TAKEN HIS PLACE. BECAUSE GOD
DESERVES FIRST PLACE, RIGHT?
OK, SO GOD WANTS FIRST PLACE.
HE BELIEVES THAT HE DESERVES
FIRST PLACE, AND HE DOES.
SO WHEN GOD SEES US GIVING HIS
PLACE TO SOMEBODY ELSE, GOD
BECOMES JEALOUS. AGAIN, NOT OUT
OF AN EMOTIONAL UNHEALTH,
BUT OUT OF PASSION. I'M THANKFUL
THAT I SERVE A GOD WHO LOVES ME
AND FIGHTS FOR THE RELATIONSHIP.
I AM. OK. BUT IN MARRIAGE,
YOU NATURALLY WILL BECOME
JEALOUS WHEN SOMETHING HAS TAKEN
YOUR PLACE IN YOUR SPOUSE'S
LIFE. THEY DID A STUDY OF
COUPLES AND THEY FOUND--AND THIS
IS NOT A GOOD STUDY, BUT IT WAS
A REAL STUDY. AND THEY FOUND
THAT COUPLES THAT FIRST GET
MARRIED--YOU HEAR ABOUT
THE HONEYMOON BEING OVER--
THEY'RE THE HAPPIEST.
AND THIS IS A SECULAR SURVEY.
SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY, BUT THEY
ARE. AND THE REASON IS, NOTHING
HAS HAPPENED IN THE BEGINNING
OF THE MARRIAGE TO UPSET
THE PRIORITIES OF THE MARRIAGE.
BUT WHEN CHILDREN COME INTO
THE MARRIAGE, THE SATISFACTION
OF THE MARRIAGE TYPICALLY DROPS.
AGAIN, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH KIDS. KIDS ARE A BLESSING.
BUT WHEN CHILDREN COME INTO
THE MARRIAGE, WHAT TYPICALLY
HAPPENS IS, A MAN TURNS HIS
ATTENTION MORE TO HIS CAREER,
A WOMAN TURNS HER ATTENTION
MORE TO THE CHILDREN.
AND THE PRIORITY OF THE MARRIAGE
IS LOST. WHEN CHILDREN ENTER
INTO SECONDARY EDUCATION--
JUNIOR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL--
MARRIAGE SATISFACTION IS
TYPICALLY AT ITS LOWEST.
AND THAT IS BECAUSE THE KIDS
ARE ACTIVE. THEY NEED
A CHAUFFEUR. THEY'RE SOCIALLY
ACTIVE AND THEY NEED A LOT
OF ATTENTION. AND THEY NEED
A LOT OF MONEY. AND ONCE AGAIN--
[LAUGHTER]
THEY DO. AND SO THERE'S PRESSURE
ON THE FATHER, THERE'S PRESSURE
ON THE MOTHER, AND AGAIN,
THEY'RE NOT SPENDING TIME
TOGETHER. ONCE THE KIDS LEAVE
HOME, WHEN THEY'RE 18, 19, 38,
ONCE THEY LEAVE HOME--
[LAUGHTER]
THE MARRIAGE SATISFACTION GOES
UP TYPICALLY AT THAT POINT.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, NEVER AS MUCH
AS IT WAS BEFORE. LET ME TELL
YOU THE SAD PART ABOUT THAT,
IS GOD MADE MARRIAGE TO GET
BETTER EVERY YEAR. GOD NEVER
MAKES ANYTHING TO FAIL.
HOW SICK IS IT THAT THE ROOKIE'S
SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST? IS
THERE ANY OTHER AREA OF LIFE
WHERE THE ROOKIE IS SUPPOSED
TO BE THE EXAMPLE? AND WHAT
A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY IS,
"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
MARRIED?" "WELL, WE'VE BEEN
MARRIED 10 YEARS." "OH, THE
HONEYMOON'S OVER." WELL, NOW YOU
GOT A LIFETIME OF DRUDGERY AHEAD
OF YOU. GOOD LUCK, YOU KNOW."
[LAUGHTER]
MARRIAGE GETS BETTER WHEN YOU DO
IT GOD'S WAY. AND IT ONLY WORKS
IN FIRST PLACE. IT WON'T WORK
IN THIRD OR FOURTH PLACE.
BELIEVE ME, I TRIED.
AND SO HERE'S HOW TO ESTABLISH
AND MAINTAIN THE RIGHT
PRIORITIES IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
THERE'S TWO STEPS. ONE IS,
THEY HAVE TO BE PROVEN IN REAL
TERMS, NOT JUST WORDS. YOU CAN'T
JUST SAY, "YOU'RE FIRST IN MY
LIFE." YOU HAVE TO PROVE THAT
YOUR SPOUSE IS FIRST
IN YOUR LIFE.
AND HERE ARE FOUR WAYS THAT YOU
PROVE YOUR PRIORITIES IN
MARRIAGE. THEY'RE VERY SIMPLE.
ONE IS SACRIFICE. WHAT WILL YOU
GIVE UP FOR ME? IT'S REAL
SIMPLE. WHAT WILL YOU--GOLF,
AND GOLF IS OF THE LORD,
IS THAT--GOLF ALMOST RUINED
OUR MARRIAGE. BECAUSE KAREN--
EARLY IN OUR MARRIAGE I GOLFED
ALL THE TIME. KAREN WANTED ME
TO GIVE UP GOLF. I TOLD HER,
I SAID, NO, BUT YOU CAN COME
CADDY FOR ME.
[LAUGHTER]
IT WAS A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE.
I SAW THE WHITE LIGHT, THE WHOLE
THING, IS THAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
UP GOLF FOR HER, BUT I DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WAS SO UPSET.
WHAT WILL YOU GIVE UP FOR ME?
NOW, I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME
FOR JUST A MINUTE.
THE SECOND ONE IS TIME.
SACRIFICE. WHAT WILL YOU
GIVE UP FOR ME? THE SECOND ONE
IS TIME, CONSISTENT WITH
PRIORITY. IF YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT I'M FIRST, THERE HAS TO BE
TIME. TIME IS THE ESSENTIAL
COMMODITY OF RELATIONSHIP.
TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS,
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS KEEP TIME
AWAY FROM YOU. AND THERE'S
THE OLD SAYING, IF THE DEVIL
CAN'T GET IN FRONT OF YOU
AND STOP YOU, HE'LL GET BEHIND
YOU AND PUSH YOU TOO FAST.
AND PEOPLE ARE GOING TOO FAST.
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
FAMILY. AND THEY DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR EACH OTHER. AND WE HAVE
TO CUT BACK. WHAT WILL YOU GIVE
UP FOR ME, AND HOW MUCH TIME
ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME?
WELL, LET ME SAY THIS--WHEN
KAREN AND I GOT MARRIED,
THERE WEREN'T CELL PHONES.
THERE WEREN'T COMPUTERS.
THERE WEREN'T FAX MACHINES.
THERE WEREN'T CARS--NO,
THERE WERE CARS. WE HAD CARS
BACK THEN. BUT LISTEN, THERE
WEREN'T COMPUTERS AND CELL
PHONES AND ALL THAT. SO WHEN YOU
WERE WITH A PERSON, YOU WERE
WITH THAT PERSON. IF YOU WERE
ON A DATE AND YOU WERE, LIKE,
EATING DINNER, IT WAS JUST YOU.
NO ONE ELSE WAS WITH YOU. TODAY,
WE HAVE SO MUCH ELECTRONIC
INTRUSION INTO OUR LIVES.
AND WHEN YOU'RE DATING--HERE'S
WHAT HAPPENS. WHEN YOU'RE
DATING, YOUR PHONE RINGS AND YOU
LOOK AT IT AND TURN IT OFF.
WHOEVER'S CALLING YOU, YOU TURN
IT OFF. BECAUSE IT'S LIKE,
"SORRY, SORRY. SOMEONE'S TRYING
TO GET AHOLD OF ME, BUT YOU'RE
MORE IMPORTANT. YOU'RE MORE
IMPORTANT. I'M GOING TO
SACRIFICE TALKING TO MY FRIEND
BECAUSE OF YOU." WHEN YOU'RE
MARRIED, YOU TAKE THE CALL.
[LAUGHTER]
AND WHAT HAPPENS IS--SOMETIMES
IT'S OK. SOMETIMES YOU'RE
TOGETHER AND IT'S A CASUAL
GETTING TOGETHER.
BUT I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S
SOMETIMES I'M WITH KAREN,
I DON'T WANT HER TALKING ON HER
TELEPHONE AND SHE DOESN'T
WANT ME TALKING ON MY TELEPHONE.
AND WHAT THIS MEANS IS,
I'M GOING TO SACRIFICE BEING
CONNECTED TO EVERYBODY ON EARTH
FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES FOR US
TO BOND. AND LET ME SAY
SOMETHING--ELECTRONICS ARE
GREAT. AND I BELIEVE IN
TECHNOLOGY. IT'S A GOOD SERVANT,
BUT IT'S A TERRIBLE MASTER.
IT WILL DESTROY YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS IF YOU DON'T
DISCIPLINE IT.
THE SECOND WAY THAT YOU APPROVE
PRIORITIES IS YOU HAVE
TO CONSTANTLY PROTECT THEM
FROM GOOD THINGS OUT OF
PRIORITY. GOOD THINGS OUT OF
PRIORITY. MOST OF THE THINGS
THAT DESTROY MARRIAGES AREN'T
BAD THINGS. THEY'RE GOOD THINGS
OUT OF PRIORITY. LET ME GIVE
YOU AN EXAMPLE. WHEN I WENT
INTO THE MINISTRY--KAREN AND I
HAD A REAL PROBLEM EARLY IN OUR
MARRIAGE WITH GOLF, WORK
AND GOLF. AND I HUNG UP MY GOLF
CLUBS FOR SEVERAL YEARS, AND IT
HEALED OUR MARRIAGE. BECAUSE
WHAT IT COMMUNICATED TO KAREN
IS, SHE WAS FIRST IN MY LIFE.
AND I GAVE HER THEN THE TIME
THAT GOLF WAS TAKING FROM HER.
AND NOW SHE DOESN'T MIND IF I
PLAY GOLF BECAUSE SHE KNOWS
THAT SHE COMES FIRST. BUT WHEN I
CAME INTO THE MINISTRY--I WAS IN
BUSINESS BEFORE I CAME TO
THE MINISTRY. THE LORD HEALED
OUR MARRIAGE, PEOPLE STARTED
COMING TO US FOR MARRIAGE
COUNSELING, THE PASTOR OF OUR
CHURCH WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID,
"WOULD YOU COME ON STAFF TO DO
MARRIAGE COUNSELING?" I WAS
SHOCKED, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL
QUALIFIED. I HAD NEVER HAD ANY
FORMAL TRAINING IN THAT. BUT I
CAME ON STAFF TO DO MARRIAGE
COUNSELING, AND THEN 10 MONTHS
LATER, HE LEFT TO TAKE A CHURCH
IN FLORIDA AND I BECAME THE
SENIOR PASTOR OF OUR CHURCH AT
29 YEARS OLD.
I WAS TERRIFIED. I DIDN'T
KNOW HOW TO PREACH A SERMON.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO
A FUNERAL OR A WEDDING.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE
A STAFF. OUR CHURCH WAS 900
PEOPLE AT THAT TIME. AND I HAD
NO EXPERIENCE. AND I HAD NO
FRIENDS IN THE MINISTRY.
ALL MY FRIENDS WERE IN
THE APPLIANCE BUSINESS.
THEY WERE WORTHLESS AT THAT
POINT IN TIME.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN...
"HEY, BOB, HOW DO YOU PASTOR
SOMEBODY? YOU KNOW, AND..."
AND, UH--BUT IT JUST--SO I WAS
IN MINISTRY, DIDN'T HAVE ANY
FRIENDS IN MINISTRY, 29 YEARS
OLD, AND I WAS OBSESSED--WELL,
I HAD FEAR, FEAR OF FAILURE,
FEAR OF REJECTION, ALL THOSE
THINGS WERE MOTIVATING ME.
AND I WORKED TOO MUCH. AND WHEN
I CAME HOME, KAREN WAS--KAREN'S
THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD,
AND SHE WAS TOTALLY SUPPORTIVE
OF ME BEING IN MINISTRY
AND PASTORING AND ALL THAT.
BUT I WOULD COME HOME AFTER 12-
OR 14-HOUR DAYS, AND WHEN I CAME
HOME--AGAIN, KAREN'S A GREAT
WIFE--BUT SHE WOULD SAY, "BRENT
NEEDS THIS, JULIE NEEDS THIS,
I NEED THIS." AND THAT'S NOT
WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR. WHAT I
WANTED TO HEAR WHEN I CAME HOME
IS, "THANK YOU FOR SAVING
THE WORLD FROM EVIL." AND, UH--
[LAUGHTER]
"YOU'RE THE GREATEST MAN
ON EARTH AND COME IN. YOU DON'T
HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER. WE'RE
GOING TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU."
BUT SHE DIDN'T DO THAT. "JULIE
NEEDS THIS, BRENT NEEDS THIS,
AND I NEED THIS." AND IT'S LIKE,
I'M TIRED. I'M TIRED. AND SHE'D
SAY, "I KNOW YOU'RE TIRED.
BUT JULIE NEEDS THIS, BRENT
NEEDS THIS, AND I NEED THIS."
SO WE GOT IN A FIGHT OVER IT.
AND I JUST THOUGHT SHE'S
PERSECUTING THE LORD'S ANOINTED.
AND I--
[LAUGHTER]
I DID. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT.
SO...I TOLD HER THAT, BY THE
WAY. WELL, WE GOT IN A FIGHT.
WE GOT IN A BIG FIGHT OVER IT.
AND FINALLY I DECIDED,
I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET THE SISTER
HAVE THE BLESSING OF ME BEING IN
BED WITH HER, AND I THINK SHE
SLEPT BETTER, ACTUALLY, FOR--
[LAUGHTER]
HONESTLY. I SLEPT ON THE COUCH
FOR SEVERAL NIGHTS. I KNEW SHE
WAS WRONG. I KNEW SHE WAS WRONG.
NO DOUBT IN MY MIND SHE WAS
WRONG. AND I WAS LAYING THERE
ONE NIGHT, SANCTIMONIOUSLY,
AND I WAS LAYING THERE,
LIKE THIRD NIGHT ON THE COUCH,
AND I WAS PRAYING FOR HER.
AND I THOUGHT, LORD, HELP HER.
YOU KNOW? SHE...
HERE'S WHAT THE LORD SPOKE TO
ME. I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
SPOKE TO MY HEART. "JIMMY,
YOU HAVE COMMUNICATED TO KAREN
IN REAL TERMS THAT THE CHURCH
IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SHE IS.
NOW YOU REPENT, AND YOU GO TELL
HER YOU'RE WRONG."
AND I THOUGHT,
"YOU MEAN I'VE SPENT 3 NIGHTS
ON THE COUCH TO HEAR THAT?"
[LAUGHTER]
AND I WENT AND I TOLD KAREN,
I SAID, "KAREN, I'M FULL OF
FEAR. I'M DRIVEN. I'M GIVING
EVERYTHING TO THE CHURCH."
AND I SAID, "I'M SO SORRY."
AND I SAID, "I'M GOING TO LEAVE
THE MINISTRY. I'LL GO BACK
IN THE APPLIANCE BUSINESS,
WE'LL GET OUR LIVES RIGHT."
AND KAREN SAID, "JIMMY, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE MINISTRY.
DON'T LEAVE THE MINISTRY.
BUT WE NEED YOU FIRST." AND FROM
THAT POINT FORWARD, I CHANGED.
BECAUSE I DECIDED I WASN'T GOING
TO LAY MY FAMILY ON THE ALTAR OF
SUCCESS. AND LET ME SAY THIS,
SOMETIMES WE GET CONFUSED
BETWEEN GOD AND CHURCH. THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE IS
GOD. BUT THAT'S MY PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, THAT'S
NOT CHURCH. THE SECOND MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE
IS MY WIFE. THE THIRD
IS MY CHILDREN. THE FOURTH
IS THEN CHURCH AND EXTENDED
FAMILY AND WORK; IT COMES ALL
THE WAY DOWN HERE. LIKE I SAID
BEFORE, A LOT OF TIMES THE
THINGS THAT ARE THREATENING OUR
RELATIONSHIP AREN'T BAD THINGS.
THEY'RE GOOD THINGS OUT OF
PRIORITY. CHILDREN. NOTHING IS
AS IMPORTANT, GOD AND MARRIAGE,
CHILDREN. BUT SOME PEOPLE SAY,
"WELL, MY CHILDREN, YOU KNOW,
I LIVE FOR MY CHILDREN." THAT'S
GOOD, BUT LISTEN, YOUR CHILDREN
ARE A TEMPORARY ASSIGNMENT.
THEY COME AND GO. LISTEN,
I REMEMBER WHEN THEY PUT OUR
KIDS IN OUR HANDS. AND I
REMEMBER WHEN WE GAVE THEM AWAY
AT THEIR WEDDINGS. AND THEY
DON'T WANT YOU FOLLOWING THEM
AROUND THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.
THEY WANT TO BE IN
A RELATIONSHIP. BUT LISTEN,
WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE UP
FOR YOUR CHILDREN, HOW ARE YOUR
CHILDREN GOING TO SUCCEED
IN MARRIAGE IF YOU DON'T SHOW
THEM HOW? AND THE NUMBER-ONE
THING THEY NEED TO SEE IS YOU
PRIORITIZING YOUR MARRIAGE.
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING
TO BLENDED FAMILIES, 'CAUSE I
KNOW PROBABLY HALF OF YOU GUYS
ARE BLENDED FAMILIES. A LOT OF
PEOPLE WATCHING ARE BLENDED
FAMILIES. IN AN INTACT NUCLEAR
FAMILY, YOU HAVE A MARRIAGE
AND THEN CHILDREN. DOESN'T
MEAN THERE AREN'T CHALLENGES
THERE, BECAUSE THERE ARE.
BUT YOU HAVE A MARRIAGE,
AND THEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN.
IN A BLENDED FAMILY, YOU HAVE
CHILDREN, THEN A MARRIAGE.
FAMILIES DON'T BUILD AROUND
CHILDREN, THEY BUILD AROUND
A MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE IS
THE NUCLEUS OF THAT.
AND I WANT TO SAY, IF YOU'RE IN
A BLENDED FAMILY, THE NUMBER-ONE
ISSUE IN SUCCEEDING AS A BLENDED
FAMILY IS MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE
FIRST. AND SOMETIMES CHILDREN
ARE HURT. THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN
A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE, THERE MIGHT
BE LOYALTY TO A BIOLOGICAL
PARENT, AND THERE MAY BE
ANIMOSITY, EVEN HOSTILITY,
TOWARD THE NON-BIOLOGICAL PARENT
OR WHATEVER, WHICH CREATES
CONFUSED EMOTIONS AND ALL THAT.
I WANT TO SAY THIS ONE MORE
TIME--IF YOUR CHILDREN HAVE BEEN
THROUGH A BAD CIRCUMSTANCE
AND THEY'VE SEEN A FAILED
MARRIAGE, THE BEST THING YOU CAN
DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN IS SHOW
THEM HOW TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE.
YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR MARRIAGE
AT THE CORE OF THE RELATIONSHIP,
AND THEN THE CHILDREN RELATE
AROUND THE MARRIAGE, NOT
THE OTHER WAY. OTHERWISE YOU
BECOME DIVIDED. THE NUMBER-ONE
LAW OF MARRIAGE IS THE LAW
OF PRIORITY. IT ONLY WORKS
IN FIRST PLACE. NOW, LET ME SAY
THIS--IT'S A CHALLENGE, AND SOME
OF YOU MAY BE VIOLATING THAT
LAW. AND YOUR SPOUSE HAS
COMPLAINED, THEY FEEL JEALOUS.
AND THEY'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT
YOUR WORK, THEY'RE COMPLAINING
ABOUT THE KIDS. THEY'RE
COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS OR THAT.
NOT BAD THINGS. JUST GOOD THINGS
OUT OF PRIORITY. WHAT YOUR
SPOUSE NEEDS TO HEAR FROM YOU IN
REAL TERMS IS, "I'LL MAKE ANY
CHANGES IN MY LIFE I NEED
TO MAKE, BUT EXCEPT FOR JESUS
CHRIST, YOU ARE THE PRIORITY IN
MY LIFE." IT'S NOT A PRINCIPLE
JUST FOR A FEW. IT'S A LAW.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT
MARRIAGE WORKS.
WELL, I HOPE THIS TEACHING TODAY
WAS A BLESSING TO YOU. YOU KNOW,
THIS TEACHING TODAY IS PART OF
A FULLER SEMINAR THAT I DO
CALLED "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK."
AND "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" IS
A 10-PART SEMINAR. AND IN THAT
SEMINAR, WE JUST TALK ABOUT
THE FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES OF
MARRIAGE THAT SAVED OUR
MARRIAGE, LITERALLY. WHEN KAREN
AND I WERE ON THE BRINK OF
DIVORCE, THIS IS THE INFORMATION
THAT SAVED OUR MARRIAGE. AND SO
WE WANT TO GET THIS INFORMATION
INTO YOUR HANDS.
WHAT YOU SAW TODAY IS
JUST A VERY SMALL PART
OF THE FULL SEMINAR. FIRST OF
ALL, FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT
RIGHT NOW TO SUPPORT
THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF
"MARRIAGE TODAY," WE WANT TO
SEND YOU THE CD SINGLE CALLED
"THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE
IN MARRIAGE." AND IT IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE.
WE'LL SEND IT TO YOU RIGHT AWAY
FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT.
FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE,
WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE FULL
CD SEMINAR--10-PART SEMINAR--
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK," PLUS
THE "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK.
FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110 OR MORE,
WE'LL SEND YOU THE FULL SEMINAR
ON DVD, PLUS THE
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK,
PLUS OUR BOOK, "HAPPY, HAPPY
LOVE." AND "HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE"
IS JUST A FUN BOOK. IT'S A VERY
ROMANTIC BOOK. PUT THE SPICE
BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP,
KIND OF THE PASSION AND
INTIMACY. MAYBE IF YOU'VE LOST
SOME OF THAT, IT'LL JUST HELP
YOU TO GET IT BACK. ALL OF
THESE RESOURCES ARE
MARRIAGE-SAVING,
MARRIAGE-BUILDING RESOURCES.
WE WANT TO GET THIS TO YOU TO
HELP YOU, TO BLESS YOU. MAYBE
EVEN IF YOU'RE SINGLE OR
DIVORCED, GET THESE AND PREPARE
FOR YOUR NEXT MARRIAGE. BUT WE
WANT TO GET THESE INTO YOUR
HANDS. HERE'S HOW YOU CAN
GET THEM.
ANNOUNCER: "MARRIAGE ON THE
ROCK," THE BEST-SELLING BOOK
AND SERIES,
IS THE ESSENTIAL
RESOURCE TO HAVING THE MARRIAGE
OF YOUR DREAMS. THROUGH THIS
POWER-PACKED SERIES, MARRIAGE
EXPERT JIMMY EVANS WILL SHOW YOU
HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL-LIFE
CHALLENGES AND OFFER
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND SOLUTIONS
THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR
RELATIONSHIP. JIMMY WILL ADDRESS
ALL THE MAJOR ISSUES A COUPLE
WILL ENCOUNTER, LIKE
COMMUNICATION, FINANCES, SEX,
KIDS, HIS & HER NEEDS,
BLENDED FAMILIES, AND MUCH MORE.
FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT,
YOU'LL RECEIVE THE CD SINGLE
"THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE
IN MARRIAGE." FOR YOUR GIFT OF
$50 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU
THE "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK
AND CD SERIES. FOR YOUR GIFT
OF $110 OR MORE, YOU'LL RECEIVE
THE BOOK AND DVD SERIES,
PLUS THE PASSION-REIGNITING
"HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE" BOOK.
DISCOVER GOD'S DESIGN FOR YOUR
DREAM MARRIAGE. WHETHER YOU'VE
BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS OR
JUST PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY,
EXPERIENCE "MARRIAGE
ON THE ROCK" TODAY.
JIMMY: WELL, THIS PROGRAM TODAY
COMES FROM
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK,"
THE SEMINAR--10-PART SEMINAR.
AND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE LAW
OF PRIORITY, THE NUMBER-ONE LAW
OF MARRIAGE. AND SO IT CHANGED
OUR MARRIAGE COMPLETELY. BECAUSE
I WAS THE ONE IN OUR MARRIAGE
THAT DIDN'T HAVE--MY PRIORITIES
RIGHT. AND IT WAS HORRIFIC WHAT
IT DID IN OUR MARRIAGE. AND,
ACTUALLY, KAREN, WE HAVE SOME
QUESTIONS FROM SOME OF OUR
VIEWERS. I WANT TO BEGIN BY
ASKING YOU THIS QUESTION.
"KAREN, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
A CHALLENGING TIME.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE GROWN APART
AND DON'T SHARE MUCH OUTSIDE
OF THE CHILDREN. HOW CAN WE GET
THE PASSION BACK?" SO IT'S
THE KIDS ARE KIND OF CONSUMING--
KAREN: IT'S A GREAT QUESTION.
AND, YOU KNOW, MOST COUPLES GO
THROUGH THIS. YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS
LIKE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT, YOU
KNOW, REALLY AND TRULY, WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IS
SO NORMAL. I MEAN, THERE'S NOT
A COUPLE THAT DOESN'T STRUGGLE
AT SOME POINT IN THEIR MARRIAGE
WITH AN ISSUE LIKE THIS. AND
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE ALWAYS
SAY IS IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO HAVE
QUALITY TIME ALONE. YOU KNOW,
WHETHER IT'S A DATE NIGHT OR
GETTING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND.
AND, YOU KNOW, DON'T BRING
THE KIDS. YOU KNOW, LEAVE
THE KIDS BEHIND. HOWEVER YOU
HAVE TO WORK THAT OUT. YOU KNOW,
AND JUST START BY COMMUNICATING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING HOW WE
FIND OUT FROM, YOU KNOW, WHEN
YOU GET DEEP INTO ISSUES THAT
A LOT OF THE PROBLEMS ARE
BECAUSE THEY STOP COMMUNICATING,
THEY STOP TALKING. AND EITHER
FROM BEING OFFENDED
OR THEY'RE HURT
OR THEY'RE TOO BUSY, THEY'RE
STRESSED OUT, YOU KNOW, THERE'S
A MISUNDERSTANDING. I MEAN,
DISAPPOINTMENT. DISAPPOINTMENT
KILLS A MARRIAGE.
JIMMY: YEAH.
KAREN: SO, YOU KNOW, IT'S
NOT AN UNFIXABLE. IT'S REALLY
SIMPLE. AND SINCE THE MAN IS
WRITING THIS IN, I WOULD SAY,
GET ROMANTIC WITH YOUR WIFE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, PLAN SOMETHING
FOR HER THAT SHE DOESN'T EXPECT.
YOU KNOW, GO TO THE EXTRA
TROUBLE OF MAKING THE DINNER
RESERVATION, FINDING THE
BABYSITTER, YOU KNOW, GETTING
A HOTEL, AND SURPRISE HER.
YOU KNOW, YOU'LL BE SHOCKED AT
HOW--IF A WIFE KNOWS HOW MUCH
A HUSBAND'S WILLING TO DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, IT CHANGES
EVERYTHING.
JIMMY: IT REALLY DOES.
AND THE THING I WOULD SAY IS
YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE
FIRST. THE KIDS ARE NOT AS
IMPORTANT AS THE MARRIAGE.
THAT SOUNDS REAL CRUEL--
AND THEY'RE VERY IMPORTANT--
BUT THEY'RE TEMPORARY. YOU KNOW,
CHILDREN COME INTO OUR LIVES,
AND THEY LEAVE, AND THEY GO OUT
ON THEIR OWN. AND WHEN YOU GIVE
YOUR MARRIAGE UP FOR YOUR
CHILDREN, HOW ARE YOUR CHILDREN
GOING TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE
IF YOU DON'T SHOW THEM HOW?
AND THE SECOND THING IS, IS THAT
WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE UP
FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND THEY LEAVE
HOME, THEN YOU HAVE A SHELL OF
A MARRIAGE. AND WHEN YOUR
CHILDREN LEAVE HOME, YOU SHOULD
HAVE A VIBRANT MARRIAGE.
SO LIKE YOU SAID, KAREN--
EVERYTHING YOU SAID--BUT I
WOULD JUST SAY, TRAIN YOUR
CHILDREN. TRAIN YOUR CHILDREN
TO RESPECT YOUR MARRIAGE. AND
WE HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION HERE
THAT I BELIEVE SOMEONE WROTE
TO ME.
KAREN: YES. SHE SAYS, "MY
HUSBAND IS ALWAYS ON
SOCIAL MEDIA OR SURFING THE WEB.
I HAVE EVEN HAD TO ASK HIM TO
PUT THE PHONE DOWN WHEN WE TALK.
I'VE TOLD HIM THIS BOTHERS ME,
BUT NOTHING CHANGES." REBECCA
FROM PHILADELPHIA.
JIMMY: WELL, IT, AGAIN, VIOLATES
THE PRIORITY OF THE MARRIAGE
BECAUSE SOMETHING ELSE IS
COMING-- "I'M COMPETING FOR
YOUR ATTENTION." YOU KNOW, WHEN
THE BIBLE SAYS THAT FOR THIS
CAUSE, A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS
FATHER AND MOTHER," IT MEANS
YOU REPRIORITIZE YOUR LIFE.
THAT MEANS "I HAVE TO BE FIRST."
AND IF I'M SITTING IN A ROOM
WITH YOU AND YOU'RE ON SOCIAL
MEDIA, IT'S SOCIAL. IT MEANS
SOMEBODY ELSE IS OUT THERE
CONNECTED TO YOU AND THEY ARE
MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME. AND I'LL
TELL YOU, IT JUST SENDS A COLD
CHILL THROUGH THE MARRIAGE--
WE USED TO HAVE SOME FRIENDS,
AND HE WAS ALWAYS ON HIS
BLACKBERRY. AND HE WAS ALWAYS
LIKE THIS...AND SHE WOULD JUST
GET LIVID AT HIM, BECAUSE WHEN
I'M ON MY PHONE, I'M NOT JUST
ON A PHONE. I'M WITH
SOMEONE ELSE. WHEN I'M ON SOCIAL
MEDIA, I'M WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
YOU GOT TO TURN IT OFF.
WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE--WHEN
THE BIBLE SAYS TO "LEAVE" AND
"CLEAVE," WE NEED TO HAVE A TIME
WHERE WE TURN OFF ALL OF OUR
ELECTRONICS--TV, COMPUTER,
TELEPHONES AND WE'RE JUST ALONE
TOGETHER. IT'S HOW YOU FALL
IN LOVE.
KAREN: I AGREE.
JIMMY: AND IT'S HOW YOU STAY
IN LOVE. SO I'D JUST SAY, SAY
TO YOUR HUSBAND, YOU KNOW, HOW
MUCH YOU WANT HIM TO DISCONNECT
THAT. BUT I'M SAYING, ANYONE
RIGHT NOW, IF YOU'RE ADDICTED
TO, YOU KNOW, ELECTRONICS
AND SOCIAL MEDIA, IT'S REALLY
GOING TO HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPACT
ON YOUR MARRIAGE. YOUR MARRIAGE
HAS TO BE FIRST. IT'S A LAW.
TODAY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
THE LAW OF PRIORITY. IT IS
A LAW: FOR THIS CAUSE,
A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS FATHER
AND MOTHER, CLEAVE UNTO
HIS WIFE. MARRIAGE HAS TO BE
FIRST. WE HOPE THAT THAT'S
HELPFUL TO YOU.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US TODAY.
AND, ALSO, I WANT TO SAY THANK
YOU FOR ALL OF OUR PARTNERS.
WE HAVE PARTNERS ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY, THOUSANDS OF YOU,
WHO SUPPORT US HERE. KAREN AND I
WANT TO SAY THANK YOU, BUT
ALSO IF YOU'RE NOT A PARTNER,
WOULD YOU CONSIDER BECOMING
A PARTNER WITH US HERE AT
"MARRIAGE TODAY" TO HELP US
TAKE THIS PROGRAM AND THIS
MINISTRY ALL ACROSS THE WORLD?
TO HELP COUPLES SUCCEED IN
MARRIAGE, TO STOP A SPIRIT OF
DIVORCE FROM DESTROYING
MARRIAGES AND SOCIETIES, AND
TO KEEP LITTLE CHILDREN TOGETHER
WITH THEIR PARENTS, PLEASE
BECOME A PARTNER WITH US.
HERE'S HOW YOU CAN DO IT.
[ATTENDEES CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER: WE ALL ENTER INTO
MARRIAGE CONFIDENT A HAPPY,
FULFILLING LIFE IS IN FRONT
OF US.
OVER TIME, LIFE'S JOURNEYS CAN
QUICKLY DEFLATE THOSE
EXPECTATIONS, AND WE'RE LEFT
FEELING LIKE WE'VE FALLEN OUT OF
LOVE. BUT WITH THE RIGHT
INFORMATION AND A MUTUAL
COMMITMENT TO SUCCESS, A BETTER
MARRIAGE IS POSSIBLE. BECOME
A ROCK SOLID PARTNER AND GAIN
INSTANT ACCESS TO PRACTICAL
MARRIAGE HELP IN TOPICS RANGING
FROM COMMUNICATION, NEEDS, AND
INTIMACY, AS WELL AS BLENDED
FAMILIES, INTENTIONAL DATING,
SPIRITUAL HEALTH, AND MUCH MORE.
"MARRIAGE TODAY" EXISTS TO HELP
EVERY PERSON SUCCEED IN
MARRIAGE. WITH YOUR HELP, WE CAN
CONTINUE RAISING A STANDARD FOR
MARRIAGE AND REVERSE THE CURSE
OF FAMILY BREAK UP IN ORDER TO
REBUILD THE NATIONS ONE HOME AT
A TIME.
MAN: THAT'S WHY WE'RE TIED INTO
THE MINISTRY. WE WANT TO BE ABLE
TO BLESS AND GIVE SO THEY CAN
KEEP DOING WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
SECOND MAN: THERE'S JUST
MILLIONS OF MARRIAGES THAT NEED
HELP, AND IF THIS IS THE WAY WE
CAN HELP FACILITATE THAT, THEN
THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO SPEND SOME
MONEY.
THIRD MAN: WE LOVE JIMMY AND
KAREN, AND WE LOVE JUST LEARNING
MORE ABOUT HOW TO BE A BETTER
COUPLE AND HOW TO HELP OTHER
COUPLES LIKE THEY DO.
ANNOUNCER: BECOME A ROCK SOLID
PARTNER WITH THE MINISTRY AND
MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY."
Thank you for watching
MarriageToday.
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