How to Raise Great Children

MALE ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON
"MARRIAGE TODAY
WITH JIMMY & KAREN"...
JIMMY: CHILDREN ARE
TEMPORARY, AND WHEN YOU HAVE
THOSE CHILDREN IN YOUR HOME
FOR 18 OR 19 YEARS AND IN
THE PROCESS YOU VIOLATE YOUR
MARRIAGE OR YOU VIOLATE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD BECAUSE OF
THOSE CHILDREN, HEY, YOU'VE DONE
THEM NO FAVORS WHATSOEVER.
LISTEN, HOW CAN YOUR CHILDREN
SUCCEED UNLESS THEY SEE YOU
SUCCEED?
RAISING GREAT CHILDREN AS YOU
BUILD A GREAT MARRIAGE, WE'RE
GOING TO TALK ABOUT 3
PRINCIPLES, VERY SIMPLE
PRINCIPLES, THAT ARE VERY
PROFOUND, AND I PROMISE IF YOU
DO THESE PRINCIPLES, BECAUSE
EVERYBODY CAN DO IT, IT'S A VERY
SIMPLE, SIMPLE THING. THESE 3
PRINCIPLES WILL CAUSE YOU
TO SUCCEED, AND WHEN COUPLES
DO NOT SUCCEED IN BEING MARRIED
SUCCESSFULLY AND RAISING GREAT
KIDS, IT'S BECAUSE SOMEWHERE
ALONG THE LINE, THESE PRINCIPLES
WERE FORSAKEN. SO PRINCIPLE
NUMBER ONE OF THE 3--MARRIAGE
PRECEDES CHILDREN IN PRIORITY.
NOW, YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT YOU
BELIEVE THAT, BUT LET ME TELL
YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT'S REAL
COMMON, AND AGAIN, THIS IS
INNOCENT, AND IT'S RIGHT IN SOME
WAYS, BUT SOMETIMES YOU'LL HEAR
PEOPLE SAY "NOTHING IS AS
IMPORTANT TO ME AS MY CHILDREN."
THERE WAS A PROGRAM ON ONE DAY.
IT WAS ON TELEVISION. IT WAS A
TALK SHOW, AND THEY HAD MOTHERS
BEHIND THE SCENES, AND THEY
DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEIR HUSBANDS
WERE WATCHING FROM THE OTHER
ROOM, OK, SO THERE WERE THE
HUSBANDS IN ONE ROOM, THE WIVES
IN THE OTHER ROOM, AND THEY WERE
TALKING ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN,
AND THESE WOMEN WERE GOING
AROUND THE ROOM, AND THEY WERE
SAYING, "NOTHING IS AS IMPORTANT
TO ME AS MY CHILDREN," AND IT
SOUNDS GREAT. I MEAN, IT SOUNDS
LIKE A GOOD, WHOLESOME, AMERICAN
THING TO SAY. WELL, WHAT THEY
DIDN'T KNOW IS THEIR HUSBANDS
WERE IN THE OTHER ROOM TALKING
ABOUT HOW FRUSTRATED AND
VIOLATED THEY WERE THAT THEY
DIDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEIR WIVES
BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS BUSY
MOTHERING THEIR CHILDREN.
THESE HUSBANDS WERE BITTER AND
FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY, AND THE
MOTHERS WERE SAYING, "NOTHING IS
IMPORTANT TO ME AS MY CHILDREN."
WELL, FATHERS CAN DO THE SAME
THING, SO I'M NOT PICKING ON
WOMEN. I'M SAYING, IF YOU IN
YOUR HEART OR IN YOUR MIND
THINK, "NOTHING IS AS IMPORTANT
TO ME AS MY CHILDREN," YOU'RE
WRONG. THERE ARE TWO THINGS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN YOUR CHILDREN.
THE FIRST IS GOD, AND THE SECOND
IS YOUR MARRIAGE. THOSE TWO
THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN
YOUR CHILDREN. AND THEN ONCE
THOSE THINGS ARE SET, THEN YOUR
CHILDREN ARE THE THIRD MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE.
LET ME TALK ABOUT WHY THIS IS
SUCH AN IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND
YOUR MARRIAGE IS WHAT MAKES YOU
INTO A GREAT PARENT. WHEN YOU
WAKE UP EVERY DAY AND YOU HAVE A
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, GOD HEALS
YOU. GOD FILLS YOU. GOD LOVES
YOU. GOD GIVES YOU WISDOM. GOD
GIVES YOU STRENGTH. GOD SOLVES
PROBLEMS THAT NOBODY ELSE CAN
SOLVE. GOD ENABLES US TO BE
PARENTS. "GALATIANS" 5 TELLS US
ABOUT THE FRUITS OF THE HOLY
SPIRIT. IT'S LOVE, JOY, PEACE,
PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS,
FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, AND
SELF-CONTROL. THOSE ARE THE 9
RELATIONAL QUALITIES THAT MAKE
YOU A GREAT SPOUSE AND A GREAT
PARENT, AND THEY COME FREE FROM
GOD, BUT WE DON'T HAVE THEM ON
OUR OWN. WE HAVE A VERY SHALLOW
VENEER IN AND OF OURSELVES,
BUT WITH GOD, IT'S--
LISTEN. IT'S AMAZING HOW PETTY
WE CAN BE UNDER PRESSURE AS
PEOPLE SO QUICKLY, BUT UNDER THE
POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, IT IS
AMAZING HOW GODLY WE CAN BE
UNDER PRESSURE. IT MAKES ALL THE
DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.
WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING
AND I PRAY AND I DEPEND ON GOD,
IT IS AMAZING WHAT I CAN DO THAT
DAY BECAUSE I DEPENDED ON GOD AS
A HUSBAND AND AS A FATHER, BUT
WHEN I DON'T WAKE UP AND DEPEND
ON GOD, IT IS AMAZING HOW CARNAL
I CAN BE. IT IS AMAZING THE
THINGS THAT I CAN SAY AND DO
THAT JUST, YOU KNOW,
THAT DISAPPOINT ME
IN MYSELF, AND SO, "A," I'VE
GOT TO HAVE GOD, AND, "B," I
NEED MY SPOUSE. MY MARRIAGE
MEETS NEEDS IN ME THAT GOD AND
MY MARRIAGE MEET, YOU KNOW, 95%
OF THE NEEDS IN MY LIFE, SO AS A
HAPPY PERSON BECAUSE I KNOW GOD
AND THEN BECAUSE I'M A HAPPY MAN
BECAUSE I KNOW KAREN AND WE HAVE
A GREAT MARRIAGE, I'M READY TO
PARENT. I'M NOT OVERLY NEEDY.
I'VE GOT MY NEEDS MET. I'VE GOT
MY PRIORITIES RIGHT, AND MY
CHILDREN'S SECURITY COMES FROM
THAT. WHEN YOUR CHILDREN SEE YOU
HAPPY, THEY'RE HAPPY. WHEN YOUR
CHILDREN SEE YOU SECURE, THEY'RE
SECURE. RESEARCH FINDS, YOU
KNOW, CHILDREN INTERNALIZE
ISSUES, AND RESEARCH FINDS THAT
IF PARENTS ARE FIGHTING AND
NEVER SAY ANYTHING THAT CHILDREN
CAN PICK UP ON THE TENSION IN
THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THEY WILL
INTERNALIZE THAT AND BEGIN TO
GET SICK. EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT
FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THEM, IF
YOU'RE NOT HAPPY IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP, IF YOU'RE
STRUGGLING IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP--I'M TALKING ABOUT
LONG TERM BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE
ISSUES FROM TIME TO TIME--BUT IF
YOU'RE STRUGGLING IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP, YOUR CHILDREN'S
SECURITY COMES FROM YOU BEING
SECURE. YOU CAN'T BE SECURE IN
YOUR CHILDREN. YOU'RE SECURE
FROM GOD AND YOUR MARRIAGE,
ESPECIALLY GOD, AND SO MARRIAGE
COMES BEFORE CHILDREN. GOD COMES
BEFORE CHILDREN, AND THEN OUR
CHILDREN ARE PRECIOUS, AND THEY
DESERVE THE BEST OF US EXCEPT
FOR GOD AND OUR SPOUSE.
CHILDREN ARE TEMPORARY, AND WHEN
YOU HAVE THOSE CHILDREN IN YOUR
HOME FOR 18 OR 19 YEARS AND IN
THE PROCESS, YOU VIOLATE YOUR
MARRIAGE OR YOU VIOLATE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD BECAUSE OF
THOSE CHILDREN, "A," YOU'VE DONE
THEM NO FAVORS WHATSOEVER.
LISTEN. HOW CAN YOUR CHILDREN
SUCCEED UNLESS THEY SEE YOU
SUCCEED? SEE, WE SHOWED THEM A
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP.
LET ME SAY THIS ANOTHER WAY, AND
I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO WHAT I'M
SAYING, AND THIS MIGHT SOUND
ARROGANT, BUT IT'S NOT ARROGANT.
YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS
STATEMENT--"I WANT MY CHILDREN
TO BE JUST LIKE ME."
IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR CHILDREN
TO BE JUST LIKE YOU, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND PARENTING BECAUSE
IT'S MORE CAUGHT THAN TAUGHT.
YOUR LIFE SPEAKS LOUDER THAN
YOUR LIPS. THEY ARE STUDYING
YOUR PRIORITIES. THEY'RE
STUDYING YOUR ATTITUDES. THEY'RE
STUDYING THE WAY YOU RESOLVE
CONFLICT. THEY'RE STUDYING YOUR
VALUES. THEY'RE STUDYING YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND YOUR
BELIEFS IN GOD. THEY'RE STUDYING
NOT JUST WHAT YOU'RE SAYING NOW.
THEY'RE STUDYING THE WAY YOU'RE
LIVING YOUR LIFE, AND SO HERE'S
WHAT I SAID--KAREN AND I SAID
RELATED TO US--"I WANT MY
CHILDREN TO BE JUST LIKE ME.
I WANT THEM TO HAVE A CHURCH
JUST LIKE ME. I WANT THEM TO
HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE
LORD JUST LIKE ME. I WANT THEM
TO HAVE A MARRIAGE
JUST LIKE ME," WHATEVER.
BUT ACTUALLY, MY KIDS
ARE BETTER THAN US. OUR KIDS ARE
BETTER THAN US. I MEAN, OUR KIDS
HAVE TAKEN IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
I AM SO PROUD OF THEM. THEY'RE
BETTER PARENTS THAN WE WERE, AND
I'M SAYING, "DO YOU WANT YOUR
CHILDREN TO BE JUST LIKE YOU?"
BECAUSE THE WAY THAT I'M LIVING
MY LIFE IS EMPOWERING THEM FOR
SUCCESS OR IT'S CONFUSING THEM
AND GIVING THEM SOMETHING THAT
THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO OVERCOME
LATER IN LIFE, AND SO BEFORE
PARENTING, I NEED A RELATIONSHIP
WITH GOD THAT IS A HUMBLE,
DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
THAT I'M ALLOWING HIM TO WORK IN
MY LIFE BECAUSE EVERY TIME GOD
DOES SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, IT
BETTERS MY CHILDREN, AND THEY'RE
GONNA FIND THEIR SECURITY IN
THAT, AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE
BLESSED BY THAT. GOD COMES
FIRST, THEN MY MARRIAGE, THEN MY
CHILDREN. MARRIAGE PRECEDES
CHILDREN IN PRIORITY.
NUMBER-TWO PRINCIPLE IS UNITY
IS ESSENTIAL. YOU HAVE TO BE
UNIFIED. JESUS SAID, "A HOUSE
DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF CAN'T
STAND." IF YOU'RE DIVIDED
AGAINST YOURSELF, YOUR HOUSE
CAN'T STAND, AND SO IN
PARENTING, YOU ALWAYS PRESENT
A UNITED FRONT. THESE ARE 4
PRACTICES OF UNITY. I'M TALKING
ABOUT UNITY NOW. LET ME JUST
GIVE YOU 4 POINTS HERE. NUMBER
ONE, ALWAYS PRESENT A UNITED
FRONT TO YOUR CHILDREN AND NEVER
LET YOUR CHILDREN DIVIDE YOU.
WHEN YOU'RE A PARENT, WE'RE
A TWO-HEADED MONSTER, AND YOU'LL
NEVER DEAL WITH ONE HEAD. WE'RE
TWO-HEADED, OK, SO THEY COME UP,
AND THEY SAY, "CAN I GO TO THE
MOVIES WITH MY FRIENDS?"
"AH, LET ME TALK TO YOUR
MOTHER." "SHE WON'T MIND.
UH, SHE SAID YES." "I WANT TO
HEAR IT FROM HER LIPS." "WHY?"
"BECAUSE YOU LIE, AND SO I'M
GONNA HEAR IT FROM HER AND NOT
IN FRONT OF YOU, EITHER, OK?"
NOW, IF IT'S A SIMPLE DECISION,
THAT'S FINE, BUT WHAT KAREN AND
I WOULD DO IS GO IN OUR ROOM BY
OURSELVES WHEN OUR CHILDREN
TYPICALLY WERE IN BED, AND WE
WOULD SIT DOWN, AND SOMETIMES WE
WOULD ARGUE BECAUSE JULIE HAS MY
PERSONALITY, BRENT HAS KAREN'S
PERSONALITY, AND SO IT WAS EASY
FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND JULIE.
IT WAS VERY CHALLENGING FOR
KAREN TO UNDERSTAND JULIE AT
TIMES. IT WAS EASY FOR KAREN TO
UNDERSTAND BRENT. IT WAS HARD
FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND BRENT, OK?
AND SO WE WOULD SIT DOWN AND
TALK, AND WE WOULD REPRESENT THE
KIDS TO EACH OTHER, ALWAYS
KNOWING THAT OUR MARRIAGE WAS
MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR
CHILDREN, BUT SOMETIMES WE WOULD
HAVE TO SIT THERE AND TALK TO
EACH OTHER, AND I'D SAY, "KAREN,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT
JULIE'S SAYING," AND SHE'D SAY,
"I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S
SAYING. I'M A WOMAN. YOU'RE NOT.
I KNOW EXAC--" I SAID, "NO, YOU
DON'T," LIKE THIS, SO WE WOULD
SIT THERE, AND WE'D HAVE THOSE
CONVERSATIONS, AND AT THE END OF
THE CONVERSATION, WE WOULD SAY,
"THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO,
RIGHT?" OK? WE WOULD WALK OUT.
THEY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
THE CONVERSATION. ONLY THING
THEY KNEW WAS, MOM AND DAD WAS
A TWO-HEADED MONSTER.
YOU'RE GOING TO GET BOTH OF US,
AND WE'RE BOTH SAYING EXACTLY
THE SAME THING, NOT THIS--
"WELL, I'D LET YOU GO, BUT YOUR
MOTHER WON'T," YOU KNOW.
WELL, WHAT DOES THAT SAY TO
KIDS? YOU KNOW, YOU'RE DIVIDED
AT THAT POINT. "A HOUSE DIVIDED
AGAINST ITSELF CANNOT STAND."
WE ARE UNIFIED ON EVERYTHING
THAT WE DO. NUMBER TWO, ALWAYS
HONOR EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF
YOUR CHILDREN AND MAKE YOUR
CHILDREN HONOR YOUR SPOUSE.
YOU NEVER DISRESPECT EACH OTHER
IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN, SO IF
OUR KIDS--LIKE, I'M SITTING
THERE, YOU KNOW, IN THE LIVING
ROOM AND I WOULD HEAR JULIE OR
BRENT DISRESPECT KAREN, I NEVER
MADE KAREN DEFEND HERSELF.
I'D SAY, "OH, NO. YOU DON'T TALK
TO YOUR MOTHER THAT WAY."
UNITY MEANS, "WHAT YOU DO TO
HER, YOU DID TO ME."
DIVISION MEANS, "YOU CAN PICK ON
THEM ALL DAY LONG, AND I'M JUST
GOING TO SIT HERE AND WATCH IT.
I'M JUST A SPECTATOR."
WHEN I HEARD A TONE IN THEIR
VOICE, ANYTHING LIKE THAT, I
WOULD GET UP, AND I'D WALK IN
THERE, SAY, "YOU DON'T TALK TO
YOUR MOTHER THAT WAY.
YOU APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOTHER,"
LIKE THAT, AND THEY KNEW, YOU
PICK A FIGHT WITH HER, YOU GOT A
FIGHT WITH DAD, AND THE SAME WAS
TRUE OF KAREN, AND SO ALWAYS
HONOR YOUR--IF YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY, YOU SAY IT
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, BUT DON'T
PUT EACH OTHER DOWN WITH YOUR
KIDS AROUND. DON'T BE SARCASTIC.
DON'T BE DEMEANING, AND IF YOUR
CHILDREN--BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THE
KIDS WILL PICK UP ON THAT, AND
THEY'RE GONNA DO THE SAME THING,
SO ALWAYS HONOR EACH OTHER.
NUMBER 3, NEVER ALLOW
A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE TO
DEVELOP IN HOW YOU EXPRESS LOVE
OR ENFORCE DISCIPLINE.
NOW, THIS IS THE GOOD COP/BAD
COP THING, AND THIS COMES INTO
EXTREMES. YOUR CHILDREN NEED
BOTH OF YOU TO BE AFFECTIONATE
WITH THEM, AND YOUR CHILDREN
NEED BOTH OF YOU TO DISCIPLINE
THEM. SOMETIMES THE MAN AT
A CERTAIN AGE HAS TO BE THE ONE
THAT ENFORCES THE DISCIPLINE,
OK, JUST SIMPLY FOR SIZE OR
WHATEVER IT IS, BUT YOU BOTH ARE
EMPOWERED TO DISCIPLINE, AND YOU
BOTH SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN
DISCIPLINE, BUT THE HORRIBLE
THING IS, SEE, WHEN ONE PARENT
IS A GOOF-OFF, THE OTHER PARENT
HAS TO BECOME MORE STERN IN
ORDER TO BRING A BALANCE IN
A FAMILY. WHEN ONE SPOUSE IS OUT
OF CONTROL, THE OTHER SPOUSE
WILL GO TO THE OPPOSITE EXTREME
TO GAIN CONTROL. IF YOU'RE A
SPENDTHRIFT, I'M GONNA RAT-HOLE
MONEY, BUT WE'RE NOT UNIFIED,
OK? IF YOU'RE A GOOF-OFF AND
YOU'RE TOO FUN AND YOU'RE TOO
PERMISSIVE WITH THE KIDS, THEN
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BE MORE
STERN AND BE THE DISCIPLINARIAN,
AND WHAT HAPPENS IS, BECAUSE NOW
I'M THE DISCIPLINARIAN, I'M NOT
ABLE TO SHOW THE AFFECTION.
YOU'VE ROBBED ME OF THE ABILITY
TO SHOW THE AFFECTION THAT I
WOULD SHOW BECAUSE NOW I'VE GOT
TO BE THE DISCIPLINARIAN.
COME TOGETHER AND MAKE THIS
COMMITMENT.
CHILDREN NEED AFFECTION FROM
THEIR MOTHER AND FATHER.
YOU DON'T MAKE THE WOMAN THE
AFFECTIONATE PERSON OR THE MAN
THE AFFECTIONATE PERSON, SAY,
"WELL, YOU'RE SWEETER THAN ME,
AND YOU'RE MORE AFFECTIONATE
NATURALLY THAN ME. YOU GIVE KIDS
THE AFFECTION." THEIR SEXUAL AND
EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT IS VERY,
VERY TIED TO THE AFFECTION AND
ATTENTION THEY GET FROM BOTH
SEXES. BOTH SEXES, SO THEY BOTH
NEED YOU TO AFFIRM THEM VERBALLY
AND BE AFFECTIONATE, AND THEY
BOTH NEED YOU TO EXPRESS
DISCIPLINE, BOTH, IN HEALTHY
WAYS AS A UNITED FRONT.
DON'T GET INTO THE GOOD COP/BAD
COP THING. THEY NEED TWO PARENTS
LOVING EACH OTHER AND GETTING
ALONG. NUMBER 4--GO OUTSIDE OF
YOUR MARRIAGE FOR COUNSELING AND
INPUT WHEN YOU REACH AN IMPASSE.
GO OUTSIDE YOUR MARRIAGE.
YOUR KIDS SOMETIME CAN PUSH YOU
TO THE WALL, YOU KNOW, AND, I
MEAN, YOU'RE JUST NOT OBJECTIVE,
SO KAREN AND I, WE'RE COMMITTED
TO EVERY PRINCIPLE I'M TALKING
TO YOU RIGHT NOW. WE GOT TO A
CIRCUMSTANCE WE COULDN'T SOLVE,
AND WE COULDN'T TALK IT OUT, AND
IT WENT ON FOR A WHILE, AND WE
HAD A DISAGREEMENT ABOUT ONE OF
OUR KIDS, AND OUR KIDS WERE
GREAT KIDS, BUT, YOU KNOW, THE
KIDS CHALLENGE YOU, AND WE HAD A
CIRCUMSTANCE THAT CAME UP THAT I
HAD AN OPINION ON AND SHE HAD
AN OPINION ON, AND IT HAPPENED
EVERY DAY. IT WASN'T LIKE ONE OF
THOSE THINGS THAT COMES UP EVERY
6 MONTHS. IT WAS AN EVERYDAY
EVENT WITHIN OUR FAMILY, AND
SO WE WERE CHALLENGED ON THIS.
SO I WAS A PASTOR, AND I TOLD
KAREN ONE DAY, I SAID, "PICK WHO
YOU WANT TO GO TO, AND WE'LL GO
TO THEM, AND I'LL SUBMIT TO
WHATEVER THEY SAY," AND SHE
SAID, "WELL, WHO DO YOU FEEL
COMFORTABLE WITH?" SO WE TALKED
ABOUT WHO WE FELT COMFORTABLE
WITH. IT WAS A PASTOR, AND IT
WAS A WOMAN, AND SO WE WALKED
INTO THIS WOMAN'S OFFICE THAT WE
BOTH RESPECTED, AND HERE'S WHAT
I SAID. "NOW, WE'RE NOT HERE
JUST TO GET YOUR ADVICE.
WE'RE HERE TO SUBMIT TO YOUR
COUNSEL. WE HAVE AN IMPASSE IN
OUR FAMILY, AND THERE'S
SOMETHING GOING ON WITH ONE OF
OUR CHILDREN THAT WE CANNOT
SOLVE, SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO
ARGUE WITH YOU.
WE'RE GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT'S
HAPPENING, AND WHATEVER YOU SAY
IS GOING TO BE GOD'S VOICE TO
US. WE'VE ALREADY DECIDED THAT."
OK, SO SHE SAID, "WELL, TELL ME
WHAT'S HAPPENING," SO KAREN GAVE
HER SIDE, AND I GAVE MY SIDE,
AND SHE SAID, "JIMMY, YOU'RE
WRONG." I WAS WRONG.
KAREN WAS RIGHT. KAREN CONTENDED
WITH ME ON THAT ISSUE, BUT I
COULDN'T SEE IT. I WAS TOO
EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED, AND I WAS
STRONGLY OPINIONATED, AND I JUST
COULDN'T SEE IT. LET ME SAY,
THANK GOD FOR THAT WOMAN THAT
COUNSELED US. THANK GOD,
AND THANK GOD THAT I WALKED IN
THERE, SUBMITTED AND NOT ARGUING
BECAUSE SHE TOOK KAREN'S SIDE,
BUT IT WASN'T KAREN'S SIDE.
IT WAS GOD'S SIDE BECAUSE KAREN
WAS RIGHT. SO WHEN YOU REACH AN
IMPASSE, DON'T LET IT DESTROY
YOUR MARRIAGE. DON'T LET IT TAKE
YOU OUT. EVERYBODY COMES TO
THOSE POINTS. EVERYONE'S GONNA
COME TO TIMES IN YOUR MARRIAGE
AND AS PARENTS YOU CAN'T SOLVE
THE PROBLEM ON YOUR OWN, AND
HERE'S WHAT WE TAUGHT OUR
CHILDREN. GETTING HELP IS NOT A
SIGN OF WEAKNESS. IT'S A SIGN OF
WISDOM. WISE PEOPLE GET HELP.
RICH PEOPLE HAVE FINANCIAL
COUNSELORS ALL AROUND THEM.
PEOPLE GOING BROKE WON'T EVEN
READ A BOOK ON MONEY.
PEOPLE WHO ARE SUCCESSFUL
PARENTS ARE IN SEMINARS JUST
LIKE THIS. THE PEOPLE WHOSE KIDS
ARE FALLING APART
AND THEY DON'T HAVE ANY HELP.
THEY WON'T TAKE
ANY ADVICE, SO YOU HAVE A
TEACHABLE SPIRIT. YOU GET HELP,
AND IT'S JUST PART OF THE
MIND-SET OF SUCCESS. THERE'S
ONE OTHER THING, REAL QUICKLY.
THIS IS THE THIRD PRINCIPLE.
MARRIAGE PRECEDES THE PRIORITY
OF CHILDREN, WHICH IS VERY
CRITICAL, OK, AND SO UNITY IS
ESSENTIAL. WE HAVE TO BE
A UNITED FRONT. DOESN'T MEAN WE
DON'T DISAGREE, BUT WE DON'T
DISAGREE IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.
WE'RE A TEAM HERE.
NUMBER 3, PARENTING TAKES FAITH.
IT TAKES FAITH. YOU'VE GOT TO BE
FAITH-FILLED TO PARENT,
ESPECIALLY IN THE DAYS THAT
WE'RE LIVING IN. NOW, LET'S
LISTEN TO SCRIPTURE. I KNOW YOU
HEARD THIS BEFORE, "PROVERBS"
22:6--"TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE
WAY THAT HE SHOULD GO, AND WHEN
HE IS OLD, HE WILL NOT DEPART
FROM IT." OK? TRAIN HIM UP.
NOW, TRAINING DOESN'T MEAN
TALKING. TRAINING MEANS SHOWING.
IT INCLUDES TELLING, BUT IT
MEANS LIVING IN FRONT OF.
"I'M GOING TO TRAIN YOU HOW TO--
SIT THERE AND WATCH ME. I'M
GONNA TRAIN YOU HOW TO DO THIS."
THAT'S TRAINING. "SIT THERE AND
WATCH ME. I'M GONNA DO IT,
AND I'M GONNA TALK TO YOU, BUT
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO DO
IT," OK? TALKING IS TEACHING.
IT'S NOT TRAINING. TRAIN YOUR
CHILDREN UP. SHOW THEM HOW TO
LIVE SUCCESSFULLY, AND WHEN THEY
BECOME MATURE, THEY'LL RETURN TO
WHAT YOU SHOWED THEM, DOESN'T
MEAN YOU WON'T HAVE CHALLENGES,
AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE WON'T
BE SOME DIFFICULT MOMENTS IN THE
MEANTIME, BUT IF YOU TRAIN THEM
UP, YOU HAVE TO HAVE FAITH THAT
IF YOU DO THE RIGHT THING IN
FRONT OF THEM, THEY'LL RETURN TO
THAT ONE DAY. WELL, I HOPE THIS
TEACHING TODAY WAS A BLESSING TO
YOU. YOU KNOW, THIS TEACHING
TODAY IS PART OF A FULLER
SEMINAR THAT I DO CALLED
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK," AND
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" IS A
10-PART SEMINAR, AND IN THAT
SEMINAR, WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE
FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES OF MARRIAGE
THAT SAVED OUR MARRIAGE
LITERALLY. WHEN KAREN AND I WERE
ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE, THIS IS
THE INFORMATION THAT SAVED OUR
MARRIAGE, AND SO WE WANT TO GET
THIS INFORMATION INTO YOUR
HANDS. WHAT YOU SAW TODAY IS
JUST A VERY SMALL PART OF THE
FULL SEMINAR. FIRST OF ALL, FOR
YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT RIGHT
NOW TO SUPPORT THE MINISTRY AND
MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY," WE
WANT TO SEND YOU THE CD SINGLE
CALLED "THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE
IN MARRIAGE," AND IT IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE.
WE'LL SEND IT TO YOU RIGHT AWAY
FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT.
FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE
WANT TO SEND YOU THE FULL CD
SEMINAR, 10-PART SEMINAR
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" PLUS THE
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK.
FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110 OR MORE,
WE'LL SEND YOU THE FULL SEMINAR
ON DVD, PLUS THE "MARRIAGE ON
THE ROCK BOOK," PLUS OUR BOOK
"HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE." AND "HAPPY,
HAPPY LOVE" IS JUST A FUN BOOK.
IT'S A VERY ROMANTIC BOOK, PUT
THE SPICE BACK INTO YOUR
RELATIONSHIP, KIND OF THE
PASSION AND INTIMACY. MAYBE IF
YOU'VE LOST SOME OF THAT, IT'LL
JUST HELP YOU TO GET IT BACK.
ALL OF THESE RESOURCES ARE
MARRIAGE-SAVING,
MARRIAGE-BUILDING RESOURCES.
WE WANT TO GET THIS TO YOU TO
HELP YOU, TO BLESS YOU.
MAYBE EVEN IF YOU'RE SINGLE
OR DIVORCED, GET THESE AND
PREPARE FOR YOUR NEXT MARRIAGE,
BUT WE WANT TO GET THESE INTO
YOUR HANDS. HERE'S HOW YOU CAN
GET IT.
MALE ANNOUNCER: "MARRIAGE ON THE
ROCK," THE BESTSELLING BOOK AND
SERIES, IS THE ESSENTIAL
RESOURCE TO HAVING THE MARRIAGE
OF YOUR DREAMS. THROUGH THIS
POWER-PACKED SERIES, MARRIAGE
EXPERT JIMMY EVANS WILL SHOW YOU
HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL-LIFE
CHALLENGES AND OFFER EASY TO
UNDERSTAND SOLUTIONS THAT WILL
TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
JIMMY WILL ADDRESS ALL THE MAJOR
ISSUES A COUPLE WILL ENCOUNTER,
LIKE COMMUNICATION, FINANCES,
SEX, KIDS, HIS AND HER NEEDS,
BLENDED FAMILIES, AND MUCH MORE.
FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT,
YOU'LL RECEIVE THE CD SINGLE
"THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN
MARRIAGE." FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50
OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE
"MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK AND
CD SERIES. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110
OR MORE, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE BOOK
AND DVD SERIES, PLUS
THE PASSION-REIGNITING
"HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE"
BOOK. DISCOVER GOD'S DESIGN FOR
YOUR DREAM MARRIAGE.
WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR
YEARS OR JUST PREPARING FOR THE
JOURNEY, EXPERIENCE "MARRIAGE ON
THE ROCK" TODAY.
JIMMY: THIS PROGRAM TODAY IS ON
RAISING GREAT CHILDREN AS YOU
BUILD A GREAT MARRIAGE, AND THE
IMPORTANT THING, KAREN, IS THAT
YOU DO BOTH.
KAREN: YEAH.
JIMMY: YOU KNOW, YOU CAN HAVE
A GREAT MARRIAGE AND NOT RAISE
GREAT CHILDREN. YOU CAN HAVE
WONDERFUL CHILDREN, AND THEN
WHEN THEY LEAVE HOME, YOUR
MARRIAGE FALLS APART, AND SO YOU
WANT TO HAVE BOTH, AND YOU CAN
HAVE BOTH. WE HAVE BOTH, AND SO
WE HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FROM SOME
OF OUR VIEWERS AND THAT THEY'VE
WRITTEN IN CONCERNING CHILDREN.
WE WANT TO ANSWER SOME OF THESE
QUESTIONS. KAREN, THANK YOU.
KAREN: THAT'S RIGHT. "JIMMY, IN
THIS AGE OF SMARTPHONES, SOCIAL
MEDIA, AND EVEN VIRTUAL REALITY,
HOW DO YOU HELP YOUR KIDS USE
TECHNOLOGY WISELY AND YET NOT
BECOME ADDICTED?"
JIMMY: YOU HAVE TO LIMIT YOUR
CHILDREN'S USE OF TECHNOLOGY.
AND WE HAVE 5 GRANDCHILDREN.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM CAN USE
TECHNOLOGY, INCLUDING OUR
3-YEAR-OLD GRANDSON, AND YOU
LITERALLY HAVE TO SAY TO THE
KIDS, "YOU CAN ONLY USE THIS FOR
A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME, AND
YOU CAN'T GET IT CONNECTED TO
THE INTERNET." SEE, ONCE YOUR
CHILDREN CAN GET CONNECTED TO
THE INTERNET, IT IS A VERY, VERY
DANGEROUS THING.
KAREN: AND THEY'RE SMARTER THAN
YOU THINK.
JIMMY: THEY'RE SMARTER THAN YOU
THINK, AND UNLESS YOU'RE
STANDING THERE WITH THEM--
OVER 50% OF PARENTS SAY THEY'RE
TOO BUSY TO MONITOR THEIR
CHILDREN'S INTERNET ACTIVITIES.
LET ME JUST TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THE INTERNET IS AN EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS PLACE...
KAREN: MM-HMM.
JIMMY: WHERE YOUR CHILD CAN SEE
AND HEAR THINGS THAT ARE
UNTHINKABLE, AND THEY'RE TEMPTED
TO SEE THOSE THINGS, AND THEIR
FRIENDS MANY TIMES ARE SEEING
THOSE THINGS, SO CELL PHONES AND
COMPUTERS AND ALL KINDS OF
TECHNOLOGY--
OUR LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER ONE DAY
WAS ON A GAME ON AN iPAD, AND
SOME GUY WAS TALKING TO HER ON
THERE. WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW, AND
SHE WAS SITTING THERE RIGHT
THERE WITH US, AND WE DIDN'T
EVEN KNOW THAT SHE WAS ON THE
INTERNET. SHE DIDN'T, EITHER,
BUT THIS GAME JUST IMMEDIATELY
CONNECTED HER TO THE INTERNET.
YOU'VE GOT TO ATTEND YOUR
CHILDREN, AND YOU'VE GOT TO SAY
TO THEM, "NO TECHNOLOGY. WE'RE
GONNA GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY, NO
TECHNOLOGY. WE'RE GONNA BE
TOGETHER AS A FAMILY."
KAREN: WELL, THERE'S PLENTY OF
PARENT CONTROL BECAUSE, YOU
KNOW, WITH THE TECHNOLOGY,
THERE'S A LOT OF PARENTS HAVE
PUSHED FOR SAFER, YOU KNOW, SO
CHECK THOSE OUT. THERE'S PLENTY
OF THINGS THAT YOU CAN PUT ON
YOUR COMPUTER, ON THEIR iPADS,
WHATEVER THEY'RE USING THAT
PROTECTS THEM, TOO.
JIMMY: YEAH, BUT IT'S TEMPTING
SOMETIMES TO LET TECHNOLOGY
RAISE YOUR KIDS...
KAREN: OH, YEAH.
JIMMY: AND LET THEM SIT IN FRONT
OF THE TVs AND MOVIES, BUT IT'S
BAD FOR THOSE KIDS. THEY NEED
TIME WITH YOU.
KAREN: THEY NEED EXERCISE.
JIMMY: THEY NEED EXERCISE, AND
TECHNOLOGY, IT'S PROVEN THAT
WHEN YOU HAVE TOO MUCH
TECHNOLOGY, IT MAKES YOU
DEPRESSED. IT MAKES YOU
UNHEALTHY. IT DOES ALL KINDS OF
BAD THINGS TO US, SO PARENTS
HAVE TO TRAIN THEIR CHILDREN,
AND WE HAVE TO STAY CONNECTED
TECHNOLOGICALLY WITH WHAT'S
GOING ON BECAUSE IT'S GREATLY
IMPACTING OUR KIDS.
KAREN: MM-HMM. THAT'S GOOD.
JIMMY: OK. LET ME READ YOU THIS
QUESTION BECAUSE THIS IS FOR
YOU. "MY KIDS WERE GREATLY
INFLUENCED BY OTHER CHILDREN'S
LANGUAGE, ATTITUDES, AND
INTERESTS. WE TRY TO SET A GOOD
EXAMPLE, BUT OUR CHILDREN
FREQUENTLY REPEAT WHAT THEY SEE
AND HEAR."
KAREN: HA HA! YOU KNOW, THIS IS
SUCH A COMMON THING. I MEAN,
THERE'S NO SUCH THING--
I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOUR
CHILDREN ARE, HOW--
THE REASON I'M SAYING THIS IS
BECAUSE WE WERE JUST TALKING TO
OUR SON, WHO'S 40, AND YOU AND
I, WE WERE VERY STRONG IN HOW
WE--YOU KNOW, WHO THEY RAN
AROUND WITH, WHO THEIR FRIENDS
WERE. WE HAD THEM AT CHRISTIAN
SCHOOL, AND HE'S TELLING US
STORIES THAT HAPPENED
WHEN HE WAS YOUNG.
I HAD NO IDEA.
JIMMY: YEAH.
KAREN: HE WAS JUST LIKE, "YEAH.
SO-AND-SO--"
JIMMY: WE WOULD'VE KILLED HIM.
KAREN: OH, NO. "SO-AND-SO, THEY
SHOWED US THIS. SO-AND-SO DID
THIS." I'M LIKE, "WHAT?!" AND, I
MEAN, WE THOUGHT WE KNEW THE
FAMILIES, SO I'M JUST SAYING,
YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE CAREFUL,
BUT DON'T BE LEGALISTIC.
I MEAN, THE WORST THING YOU CAN
DO IS BE LEGALISTIC WITH YOUR
CHILDREN BECAUSE IT'S GONNA
PRODUCE REBELLION. BE RELATIONAL
AND JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK TO
THEM AND JUST SAY, YOU KNOW,
"LET'S HAVE OPEN COMMUNICATION.
IF YOU SEE AND HEAR THESE
THINGS, BE SURE AND TELL US. YOU
WON'T BE PUNISHED, BUT LET US
KNOW," AND THEN, YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES IT'S JUST BETTER TO
HAVE THE KIDS IN YOUR OWN HOME.
IF THEY'RE GONNA HAVE FRIENDS,
LET THOSE FRIENDS COME TO YOUR
HOUSE.
JIMMY: IF YOU DON'T KNOW THOSE
KIDS, MAKE SURE THEY'RE IN YOUR
HOUSE. YEAH.
KAREN: IF YOU DON'T KNOW
THEIR FAMILY, I MEAN, IT'S JUST
BEST, AND--
JIMMY: 1 "CORINTHIANS" 15:33
SAYS, "DO NOT BE DECEIVED. BAD
COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD MORALS,"
SO WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING WE
CAN. LIKE YOU SAID, KAREN, MAKE
SURE THAT YOU KNOW THE KIDS THAT
YOUR KIDS ARE WITH AND THEIR
FAMILIES, AND IF YOU DON'T, MAKE
SURE THEY'RE IN YOUR HOME, NOT
THEIR HOME.
BUT WE DID. YOU KNOW, OUR
KIDS TOLD US STORIES LIKE THAT
WHEN THEY GREW OLDER, YOU KNOW,
AND THEY KNEW THAT WE COULDN'T
PUNISH THEM. THEY TOLD US
STORIES, BUT WE WERE VERY
CAREFUL PARENTS.
KAREN: AND, YOU KNOW, THE OTHER
THING IS, KIDS TODAY ARE BEING
BULLIED LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MUCH THE
MEDIA TALKS ABOUT IT, TALKS
ABOUT HOW WRONG IT IS. THEY'RE
STILL BEING BULLIED. IT DOESN'T
MATTER WHAT AGE THEY ARE.
THEY'RE BEING BULLIED, AND SO
THERE'S ALWAYS THAT ONE BULLY IN
THE CLASSROOMS THAT WOULD CAUSE
TROUBLE, AND, YOU KNOW, THERE'S
JUST SO MUCH--YOU KNOW, YOU NEED
TO LOOK FOR ATTITUDES IN YOUR
CHILDREN THAT YOU'RE THINKING,
"OK. SOMETHING'S HAPPENING AT
SCHOOL THAT'S PRODUCING AN
ATTITUDE THAT'S NOT GOOD."
JIMMY: YEAH. YOU CAN TELL.
YOUR CHILD'S BEHAVIOR IS GONNA
TELL YOU ABOUT THE KIDS
THEY'RE AROUND.
KAREN: MM-HMM, BUT AT THE
SAME TIME, IT'S A LEARNING
CURVE. IT'S A LEARNING PROCESS
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GO IN AND TELL
THE TEACHERS, "THESE ARE WHO ALL
I WANT MY KIDS TO BE WITH,"
BECAUSE THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN,
BUT YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR CHILDREN,
"THESE ARE THE SIGNS TO LOOK
FOR. DO NOT LET THEM, YOU KNOW,
INFLUENCE YOU. YOU BE THE
INFLUENCER AND BE KIND BUT YET
COME TO US AND LET US KNOW THESE
THINGS."
JIMMY: YEAH, AND HELP THEM
THROUGH THAT. THAT'S REALLY
GOOD. WELL, THANK YOU FOR
JOINING US TODAY. WE'RE SO GLAD
THAT YOU JOINED US FOR "MARRIAGE
TODAY." THANK YOU, ALL OF OUR
PARTNERS, OUR MONTHLY PARTNERS
WHO HELP US TO TAKE THIS
MINISTRY AROUND THE WORLD.
IF YOU'RE NOT A PARTNER, WE'RE
GONNA GIVE YOU SOME INFORMATION
RIGHT NOW ABOUT HOW YOU CAN
BECOME A PARTNER. GOD BLESS YOU.
KAREN: MM-HMM.
MALE ANNOUNCER: WHEN YOU STAND
WITH "MARRIAGE TODAY," YOUR
INDIVIDUAL EFFORT MULTIPLIES
WITH OTHER LIKE-MINDED PARTNERS,
AND TOGETHER, WE CAN REBUILD THE
DREAM OF MARRIAGE FOR COUPLES
AROUND THE WORLD.
MAN: I WOULD RECOMMEND BECOMING
A ROCK SOLID PARTNER BECAUSE YOU
ARE GRAFTING INTO A GROUP OF
INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE COMMITTED
TO RESTORING MARRIAGE IN THIS
COUNTRY, AND THAT'S SOMETHING WE
WANT TO BE A PART OF.
MALE ANNOUNCER: IN PURSUIT OF
THIS VITAL MISSION, "MARRIAGE
TODAY" UTILIZES A DAILY
TELEVISION BROADCAST, MULTIPLE
LIVE EVENTS, A COMPREHENSIVE
ONLINE OUTREACH, AND HUNDREDS
OF MARRIAGE-BUILDING RESOURCES.
YOUR PARTNERSHIP IS LITERALLY
MAKING EVERY FACET OF THIS
MINISTRY POSSIBLE, AND THAT
MEANS COUPLES ARE RECEIVING THE
HELP AND HOPE THEY NEED TO TAKE
THEIR MARRIAGE TO THE NEXT LEVEL
OF FULFILLMENT AND INTIMACY.
WOMAN: WE ENJOY THE RESOURCES.
WE ENJOY ALL OF IT, BUT I THINK
JUST KNOWING THAT WE'RE TOUCHING
THE LIVES OF SO MANY OTHER
MARRIAGES, CREATING AN
ATMOSPHERE FOR THEM TO GET THE
HELP THEY NEED.
MALE ANNOUNCER: BEING A ROCK
SOLID PARTNER WITH "MARRIAGE
TODAY" GRANTS YOU IMMEDIATE
ACCESS TO AN EXCLUSIVE LIBRARY
OF THE MINISTRY'S RESOURCES AND
INTIMATELY CONNECTS YOU WITH OUR
MISSION OF HELPING COUPLES
SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE.
WOMAN: WE'RE PROOF THAT THE
MINISTRY IS BENEFICIAL AND THAT
IT WORKS. IT HAS HELPED TO SAVE
US, AND THAT MEANS THAT OUR
CHILDREN GET TO GROW UP WITH TWO
PARENTS IN A HOME TOGETHER.
IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN OUR
LIVES EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT I
COULDN'T IMAGINE NOT BEING
A PARTNER.
MALE ANNOUNCER: EVERYONE HAS
SOMETHING TO GIVE, AND THERE ARE
MILLIONS OF UNREACHED COUPLES
WHO DESPERATELY NEED THE
MARRIAGE-STRENGTHENING RESOURCES
OF "MARRIAGE TODAY." THAT'S WHY
WE NEED YOU TO JOIN US.
BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER WITH
THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF
"MARRIAGE TODAY."
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