James's New Girlfriend Is the 'Alien' Xenomorph w/ Billy Crudup & Kristen Schaal

THAT'S FOR YOU.
>> JAMES: GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HOSTING THIS.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH IT MEANS.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
WE'VE BEEN DYING TO MEET YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
>> JAMES: I KNOW, IT'S JUST... I THINK SHE MIGHT BE THE ONE.
>> AW, CHRIS, THAT'S SO GREAT.
SHE SOUNDS AMAZING.
>> JAMES: WELL, SHE SHOULD BE HERE ANY MOMENT.
SHE HAD TO GET AN UBER SO...
(DOORBELL RINGING) >> OH, MY GOD, THERE SHE IS!
>> IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET IT.
YOU TAKE A BREATH.
OH... MY...
>> James: GUYS, THIS IS EMMA!
>> EMMA.
WOW!
IT IS... GREAT TO MEET YOU...
CHRIS HAS TOLD US SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
>> JAMES: ONLY GOOD THINGS OF COURSE!
AND SHE'S BEEN SO EXCITED TO MEET YOU TOO, HAVEN'T YOU,
NOODLE?
( ALIEN HISSING ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> AHHH, THAT'S LOVELY, SARAH.
>> OH, SORRY, YES, WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?
>> JAMES: SHE ACTUALLY DOESN'T DRINK.
SHE'S MORE OF AN EATER.
YOU SHOULD SEE HER.
SHE HAS A PLATE OF FOOD IN FRONT OF HER, SHE'S LIKE --
RARARARARA!
DON'T KNOW WHERE IT GOES THOUGH.
THINK I CARRY IT FOR THE BOTH OF US!
DON'T I?!
( ALIEN SHRIEKING ) >> OH!
( LAUGHS ) >> SO, WHERE DID YOU GUYS MEET?
>> JAMES: WELL, NOW, THIS IS A FUNNY STORY.
I'LL TELL THIS, SWEETHEART.
WE MET... YOU'LL NEVER GUESS...
IN A BENIHANA.
AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME EITHER OF US HAD EVER BEEN!
ISN'T THAT CRAZY?
>> THAT... IS... CRAZY.
>> BUT IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT WASN'T IT, HONEY BOO?
( ALIEN HISSING ) >> WELL, I THINK THAT'S SO
SWEET.
YOU GUYS MAKE SUCH A... COUPLE.
>> JAMES: REALLY, YOU THINK SO?
THANK YOU.
THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO US.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> James: WE'RE GOING TO PARIS, AREN'T WE?
SHE'S NEVER SEEN THE EIFFEL TOWER.
BUT SHE DOESN'T LIKE FLYING, DO YOU, SWEETHEART?
IT'S THE TAKE OFF.
WHEN WE'RE UP, IT'S FINE.
>> SORRY.
PASS ME THE -- SALT?
>> JAMES: EMMA, PASS THE SALT WILL YOU, SWEETHEART?
NO, ANGEL, THE SALT.
NO, THE SALT.
NO, THE SALT, SWEETHEART!
IT'S JUST THERE.
>> NO, IT'S FINE!
I DON'T NEED THE SALT.
I'VE GOT PEPPER CLOSE BY.
( ALIEN HISSING ) OH, MY GOD!
>> JAMES: OH, NO NEED TO STAND, SHE JUST NEEDS THE BATHROOM.
DON'T BE LONG, BABY!
MISS YOU ALREADY!
SO, HAVE YOU GUYS HAD A CHANCE TO SEE "BIG LITTLE--"
( NOISES ) HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO SEE
"BIG LITTLE--" ( NOISES )
HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO SEE "BIG LITTLE LIES"?
REESE WITHERSPOON?
>> UH, NO, NO.
DO YOU THINK SHE'S ALL RIGHT?
>> JAMES: YEAH, NO SHE'S JUST GOT A BIT OF A SENSITIVE
STOMACH.
>> RIGHT, ARE YOU SURE IT'S THAT?
BECAUSE SHE HASN'T EATEN ANYTHING YET---
>> JAMES: OH, HERE SHE IS!
LIFE OF THE PARTY!
( ALIEN SHRIEKS ) I KNEW, I KNEW -- OH.
YOU REALLY HOLD IT TOGETHER.
OH, MY WORD, SARAH, THAT LOOKS WONDERFUL!
>> STOP IT!
IT'S NOTHING.
>> SHE'S BEING MODEST, SHE WAS UP ALL LAST NIGHT MAKING IT.
>> OKAY.
WELL, WHO WANTS SOME?
>> OH, YES, PLEASE.
EMMA?
( ALIEN HISSES ) >> WELL, THAT'S RUINED THAT!
HASN'T IT?!
>> JAMES: DON'T YOU SHOUT AT HER!
>> I'M SORRY, CHRIS, IT'S JUST THAT--
>> JAMES: NO, I'M NOT HAVING IT!
IN FACT YOU'VE BOTH BEEN OFF WITH EMMA EVER SINCE WE WALKED
IN HERE.
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> James: YOU HAVE!
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!
>> JAMES: YES, YOU HAVE!
IT'S JUST TYPICAL ISN'T IT?
NONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS ARE EVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TWO, ARE
THEY?
AND YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BLOODY PERFECT!
>> NO, SIR, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!
( ALIEN SHRIEKING ) >> JAMES: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS, DO WE?
COME ON, EMMA, WE'RE GOING!
>> CHRIS, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
COME ON, DON'T LEAVE.
CHRIS!
CHRIS!
>> James: COME ON, WE'RE GOING.

James's New Girlfriend Is the 'Alien' Xenomorph w/ Billy Crudup & Kristen Schaal

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