Jimmy Kimmel Live Staffers Read Mom Texts

BACK.
BILLY CRUDUP, ARIEL WINTER,
MUSIC FROM WALE.
SUNDAY IS MOTHER'S DAY.
DO YOU GET YOUR MOTHER A GIFT?
>> Guillermo: FLOWERS AND I TAKE
HER TO DINNER.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ABOUT YOUR
MOTHER-IN-LAW?
>> Guillermo: I HAVEN'T TALKED
TO HER IN SIX YEARS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY, VERY GOOD.
ON MOTHER'S DAY WE TAKE OUR
MOTHERS TO BRUNCH, WE GIVE THEM
FLOWERS, WE LET THEM KNOW HOW
MUCH WE LOVE THEM, THEN WE GO
BACK TO SCREENING THEIR PHONE
CALLS THE REST OF THE YEAR.
MOMS ARE THE BEST, ESPECIALLY
WHEN IT COMES TO SENDING TEXTS.
AS A TRIBUTE TO THE MOTHERS OF
THE WORLD, WE WENT AROUND OUR
OFFICE TODAY, WE ASKED SOME OF
THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE TO READ
ACTUAL TEXTS FROM THEIR ACTUAL
MOMS AND THIS IS WHAT THEY
SHARED.
>> HI, BEN.
MY FRIENDS THAT CAME TO WATCH
YOUR COMEDY SAID YOUR EYE
CONTACT AND STAGE PRESENTATION
WAS GOOD, AND YOU ARE VERY GOOD
AND FUNNY WITHOUT THE SEX JOCK.
THERE ARE VERY GOOD COMEDIAN,
THEY DO WELL, LIKE BILL
COMPANIESBY AND OTHERS WITHOUT
THE DIRTY JOCK.
THIS IS 2012.
BUT STILL.
>> HEY THAT PIC YOU PUT ON
INSTAGRAM, YOU LOOK LIKE A MOVIE
GLAMOR GIRL.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOUR BOOBS LOOK BIGGER.
ARE YOU WEARING A PUSHUP BRA?
>> WHAT IS FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE
WHEN SOMEONE POKES YOU?
DO YOU POKE BACK OR WHAT?
A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND WHO I ONLY
SEE AT REUNIONS JUST POKED ME.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
SHE POKED ME A YEAR AGO AND I
DIDN'T RESPOND.
I THOUGHT I HAD REMOVED THE
POKE.
I WONDER INSTEAD IF I POKED HER?
LOVE, MOM.
>> RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO TAKE
YOUR DAD TO THE MALL TO DISTRACT
HIM.
HE'S ON FACEBOOK TOO MUCH.
MARRIED MEN SHOULD NOT BE
ALLOWED ON THAT THING.
I'M GOING TO SHUT IT DOWN AND
DON'T TELL HIM.
CALL ME.
>> FYI, YESTERDAY AT CARDS I WAS
TOLD TO USE VICK'S VAPORUB ON MY
CUTICLES.
CAN'T WAIT TO TRY THAT TONIGHT.
>> OUR PAINT HISTORY HAS JOINT
PAIN STARTED USING THIS CREAM,
PARENTHESES, ODOR FREE, AND GETS
A LOT OF RELIEF.
BUYS IT ON AMAZON FOR A GREAT
SAVINGS.
THOUGHT IT WAS WORTH SHARING
WITH YOU.
>> SON, I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE YOU
ARE BUT YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR
MOTHER.
SO DON'T MAKE ME PUT OUT AN APB
ON YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WILL.
CALL ME, LOVE LOVE.
I'M AT WORK.
>> JANE TOLD ME HER NANTUCKET
HOUSEKEEPER DIED TWO WEEKS AGO.
>> WE WENT TO RED HOOK AND MET A
GLASS BLOWER.
HE'S GOING TO DO OUR CHANDELIER.
IT'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE RICE
PAPER ONLY MADE OUT OF GLASS
WHEN IT'S TURNED ON.
NATURALLY I THEN DID AN
EXTENSIVE REAL ESTATE SEARCH ON
REAL ESTATE AND REDBOOK.
IT'S PERFECT EXCEPT FOR IT TENDS
TO GO UNDER WATER.
BUT WE HAD AN ADVENTURE WITH
YOUNG PEOPLE.
WE'RE SO COOL.
>> I SENT MY MOM A GROCERY LIST
BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE THE
FAMILY DINNER.
AND SHE RESPONDED, NO ONE LIKES
YOU.
>> I AM SO FRIGGING EXHAUSTED
BECAUSE MY DOG IS A [ BLEEP ].
GOT HOME FROM YOUR HOUSE AT 8:30
P.M. AFTER BABYSITTING CHARLIE
ALL DAY SO I WAS ALREADY TIRED
AND HUNGRY.
THEN I CAME HOME TO [ BLEEP ]
ALL OVER THE WHITE THROW RUG.
I WAS ON HANDS AND KNEES FOR ONE
HOUR TRYING TO CLEAN RUG.
I FINALLY HAD A BITE TO EAT AND
WENT TO BED AROUND 11:00 P.M.
THEN BARNEY WOKE ME UP EVERY
HOUR TO GO OUTSIDE TO [ BLEEP ].
I LITERALLY WAS UP MIDNIGHT TO
6:00 A.M.
OF COURSE I THEN HAD TO GET UP
FOR THE DAY AND HE GOT TO SLEEP
ALL DAY.
OH, AND I ALMOST FORGOT THAT
WHEN I WOKE UP THERE WAS
[ BLEEP ] ALL OVER THE DINING
ROOM RUG AGAIN.
I DON'T KNOW HOW SO MUCH
[ BLEEP ] CAN COME OUT OF SUCH A
SMALL DOG.
>> ARE YOU SEEING YOUR IMAGINARY
GIRLFRIEND TODAY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MY MOM IS OBSESSED WITH AL
ROKER SO SHE'LL TECH THINGS
LOOKS, TODAY AL WAS AT LOYOLA
UNIVERSITY TRYING TO BREAK THE
RECORD FOR MOST PEOPLE CRAB
WALKING FOR TWO MINUTES WITH NO
TUSHES TOUCHING THE GROUND.
THEY HAD 494 WHICH BEAT THE OLD
RECORD BY 118.
THANKS FOR THE ROKER REPORT,
MOM.
>> I SENT MY MOM A PICTURE OF A
NEW BATHING SUIT I JUST BOUGHT
AND SHE SAID, IT'S CUTE, BUTTE
YOU'VE GOT TO START WORKING OUT,
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL BUT YOU'RE TOO
HEAVY, YOU DON'T WANT IT TO GET
TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CAN'T
LOSE THE WEIGHT.
EVEN IF YOU WORK OUT IN YOUR
ROOM.
THANKS SO MUCH, MOM.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
>> Jimmy: OH, WELL, THAT

Jimmy Kimmel Live Staffers Read Mom Texts

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