Jon Stewart Ribs Stephen For His Recent Language

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
MY FIRST GUEST IS A GENTLEMAN FARMER, BUT YOU KNOW HIM FROM
HIS ROLES IN "THE FACULTY," "HALF BAKED," AND "DEATH TO
SMOOCHY."
PLEASE WELCOME JON STEWART!
♪ WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE MELLOW AS THE MONTH OF MAY
♪ OH, DARLING, I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME THAT WAY
♪ OH, BABY WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE
MELLOW AS THE MONTH OF MAY ♪ >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
HELLO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( CHEERS )
>> Audience: JON!
I MISS YOU!
>> I'M-- I'M NOT COMFORTABLE HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T FEEL-- I DON'T FEEL
COMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: I AM PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE--
>> I KNOW YOU'RE COMFORTABLE.
I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE.
I'LL TELL YOU, I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: WHY?
>> I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT YOU.
I'VE BEEN SEEING ABOUT YOU IN THE NEWS.
YOU HAVE A POTTY MOUTH.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT, I DO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT MIGHT I SAY, I LEARNED IT
FROM YOU, DAD.
( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU-- YOU KNOW THAT JAMES
COMEY WAS FIRED BY TRUMP, RIGHT?
>> WHAT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID YOU-- I GOT A
QUESTION FOR THE AUDIENCE.
WHEN I SAID THAT COMEY WAS FIRED BY TRUMP, YOU ALL CHEERED.
WHY?
( LAUGHTER ) IS IT BECAUSE WHAT HE DID TO
HILLARY?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT YOU KNOW HE'S INVESTIGATING
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGNS' TIES TO RUSSIA, WHICH NOW WILL EVAPORATE
LIKE COTTON CANDY IN THE OCEAN.
>> NO, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
>> Audience: BOO!
>> THEY WERE RIDING A WAVE-- THAT WAS LIKE A BEGINNER'S
SURFER'S CLASS WHERE THEY WERE LIKE, "I'M STANDING UP!
OH, NO, WAIT!
NOW I'M ON MY KNEES!
HOMELAND ON."
I HATE THAT GUY, I LOVE THAT GUY, BUT TRUMP DID IT-- BUT THEY
DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AND IT WAS INTERESTING TO WATCH.
>> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN, YOU LIVE ON A FARM NOW, OKAY.
>>Y DON'T -- >> Stephen: YOU LIVE ON A
FARM.
>> I LIVE IN NEW JERSEY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THERE ARE FARMS IN NEW JERSEY.
>> NO -- >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A FARM.
YOU HAVE A FARM.
ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS WHEN JAMES COMEY HAS JUST BEEN FIRED, DO
YOU MISS, YOU KNOW, DOING A SHOW LIKE THIS?
BECAUSE YOU USED TO, YOU KNOW, TALK ABOUT (BLEEP).
NOW YOU LITERALLY SHOVEL IT.
( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU NISS-- DO YOU MISS-- LIKE
IS TONIGHT A NIGHT LIKE, "I WANT TO GET IN THERE "?
>> THERE ARE NIGHTS I FIND MYSELF IMPOTENTLY SHOUTING INTO
THE ABYSS, WHICH IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WASN'T THAT DIFFERENT
FROM WHAT I DID ON A NIGHTLY BASIS.
>> Stephen: NO, NO, ULTIMATELY THESE SHOWS ARE SHOUTING INTO AN
ALTOID TIN AND THROWING IT OFF AN OVERPASS.
>> I MISS THE-- THE PROCESS OF MAKING THE SHOW SOMEHOW BECAME
ENTWINED WITH MY PROCESS OF MAKING SENSE OF THINGS THAT I--
THAT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND AND THE TWO SORT OF MERGED AT SOME
LEVEL.
SO I MISS THAT.
AND I MISS THE PEOPLE, LIKE YOU AND, YOU KNOW, ALL THE GREAT
PEOPLE THAT WERE AROUND IT.
AND IT IS NICE CERTAINLY, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME OUT.
IN LIFE, VERY FEW PEOPLE APPLAUD YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE, LIKE IF I GO TO THE STORE
TO GET SOMETHING, IT'S NOT LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, BREAD!"
LIKE, IT'S NOT-- LIKE HERE YOU COME OUT, AND THERE'S-- THERE'S
A RESPONSE AND AFFIRMATION THAT YOU DON'T NECESSARILY GET
AMONGST SHEEP AND GOATS.
BUT, I DON'T IT'S THINGS THAT I'VE GAINED IN TERMS OF TIME
SPENT WITH FAMILY AND THINGS LIKE THAT, I WOULDN'T GIVE UP.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY, JON.
>> STOP IT!
>> Stephen: WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER TO TALK SINCE BILL
O'REILLY-- >> WHAT HAPPENED?
>> Stephen: HE WENT TO A FARM UPSTATE.
IS IT YOUR FARM BY ANY CHANCE?
I INVITED HIM TO COME LIVE WITH US ON THE FARM.
>> I'LL TELL YOU, WE ONLY HAVE GELDINGS AND-- WE HAVE NO BULLS.
ONLY STEERS.
EVERYBODY-- EVERYBODY PAYS A PRICE FOR FREEDOM ON OUR FARM.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU ALL-- ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT IT ACTUALLY
HAPPENED FOR HIM AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF NOT HAPPENING?
THAT'S WHAT SURPRISED ME, NOT THAT IT HAPPENED BUT AFTER SO
MANY YEARS OF PEOPLE KNOWING THE BEHAVIOR HE WAS ACCUSED OF AND
THE CASH PAYOUTS-- >> THE THING WAS RUN BY A GUY
DOING THE SAME THING.
ROGER AILES WAS INVOLVED IN THE SAME THING.
HOW COULD YOU CALL SOMEBODY WHO WORKS FOR YOU AND SAY, "THIS
SEXUAL HARASSMENT STUFF, AND THE MONEY WE'RE PAYING OUT, IT'S GOT
TO STOP."
WHEN YOU ARE PAYING OUT MONEY FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
THERE WAS NO ACCOUNTABILITY THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE BUILDING.
I'LL TELL YOU-- YOU'VE BEEN OVER THERE.
IT FELT LIKE-- I REMEMBER I WOULD GO AND TAPE BILL
O'REILLY'S SHOW, AND AS YOU WOULD LEAVE, YOU WOULD SEE
LITTLE HEADS, LIKE, POP OUT OF DOORS IN THE HALLWAYS, ALMOST
LIKE THAT SCENE IN-- IN "RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK"WHEN ALL THE
KIDS LOOK OUTSIDE.
IT WAS THAT FEELING OF, "TAKE US WITH YOU."
>> Stephen: IT'S "TEMPLE OF DOOM" JON.
>> IT WAS "TEMPLE OF DOOM?" >> Stephen: YOU'VE REALLY LOST
A STEP.
>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
HONESTLY, IT IS LIKE, WHEN YOU GROW THE BEARD, I NOW-- MY
CHILDREN TELL ME MY KISSES FEEL LIKE PUNISHMENT.
THAT'S WHAT MY LIFE IS RIGHT NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT DO YOU THINK?
SMOOTH?
( APPLAUSE ) SMOOTH, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: SOFT AS AN ANGEL'S (BLEEP).
>> ARE YOU-- DO YOU FEEL LIKE-- ARE YOU SURPRISED --
>> Stephen: HE'S MAD.
HE'S MAD I SAID ANGEL (BLEEP) AND NOW THEY HAVE TO BLEEP
PATHA.
>> IS THAT TRUE.
>> Stephen: I SAID SOFT AS AN ANGEL'S (BLEEP)?
I'M INSULTED THAT HAS TO BE BLEEPPED.
THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU WOULDN'T KISS AN ANGEL'S (BLEEP).
SHAME ON YOU!
>> THE THINGS YOU SAY, EVEN THEY'RE CRASS OR IN SOME WAYS
ARE NOT RESPECTFUL ENOUGH TO THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY.
WE CAN INSULT.
HE CAN INJURE.
LIKE, IT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INSULT AND INJURY.
AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY IN THIS COUNTRY
WE TRY TO HOLD COMEDIANS TO A STANDARD WE DO NOT HOLD LEADERS
TO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S BIZARRE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
JON STEWART.
AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE YOU'RE GONNA LOVE.
STICK AROUND. ( APPLAUSE )

Jon Stewart Ribs Stephen For His Recent Language

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