Sean Spicer Returns

♪♪♪ >> WE NOW JOIN THE WHITE HOUSE
PRESS BRIEFING WHERE SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS IS
FILLING IN FOR SEAN SPICER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY. GOOD MORNING, GUYS.
IT'S AN HONOR TO BE HERE TODAY. AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T
KNOW ME YET, MY FATHER IS MIKE HUCKABEE AND MY MOTHER IS A
BIG SOUTHERN HAMBURGER. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND YES, OBVIOUSLY I'M HILARIOUS LIKE MY DADDY.
NOW, I AM FILLING IN FOR SEAN TODAY.
AS YOU KNOW, SEAN IS FULFILLING HIS DUTY AS AN OFFICER IN THE
NAVAL RESERVE AND THAT IS WHY HE CANNOT BE HERE TODAY.
>> I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN SEE HIM HIDING IN THOSE BUSHES.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I BELIEVE THAT'S A NAVAL
EXERCISE. HE'S TRYING TO BLEND IN WITH HIS
SURROUNDINGS, OKAY? ANY MORE QUESTIONS?
>> YEAH, I JUST HAVE A QUESTION. CAN YOU JUST DO THIS FULL TIME
INSTEAD OF HIM? >> YEAH, I'D ALSO LIKE TO ASK
THAT QUESTION BECAUSE YOU ARE CLEARLY ARTICULATE AND CHARMING.
WHERE AS SEAN IS BULLISH -- >> YOU KNOW WHY I HAD TO DO
THAT? BECAUSE YOUR PANTS WERE ON FIRE
FROM LYING SO MUCH. PAFRLING
LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE. [ LAUGHTER ]
GET OUT OF HERE. GET OUT OF HERE.
GET OUT OF HERE. SPICY IS BACK.
SARAH IS OUT. SPICY IS IN.
BOOYA. ALRIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
FIRST QUESTION, THE MICHELIN MAN.
OH, I'M SORRY, GLEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
GO. >> YES, SO PEOPLE ARE SAYING
THAT BASED ON PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TWEETS THAT HE IS UNHINGED.
WOULD YOU AGREE? >> OH, MY GOD, GLEN.
DO I COME TO YOUR JOB AND SLAP THOSE SEVEN OR EIGHT HOT DOGS
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? [ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY? YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO ASK ME
THAT? IT'S OFFENSIVE.
IS HE CRAZY? HE IS CRAZY AS A FOX WITH MENTAL
PROBLEMS. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT QUESTION. >> YES, I HAVE A FOLLOW-UP.
ISN'T IT TRUE THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP ONLY FIRED JAMES COMEY TO
STOP THE FBI'S INVESTIGATION WITH HIM?
>> SHUT UP, GLEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I THINK THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW.
>> OH DO THEY, GLEN? [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU STINK. YOU STINK.
>> I DON'T STINK. >> YES YOU DO STINK.
ALRIGHT, LET ME JUST PUT THIS WHOLE RUSSIAN THING TO BED ONCE
AND FOR ALL. TRUMP IS INNOCENT.
HOW DO WE KNOW, QUESTION MARK? BECAUSE HE TOLD US.
OKAY, THEN HE HIRED LAWYERS TO AGREE WITH HIM.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEY'RE GOING PROVE IT WITH
A CERTIFIED LETTER, WHICH YOU KNOW IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE IT
COSTS AN EXTRA $2 TO CERTIFY IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY, I GOT THE TRACKING NUMBER FOR IT SOMEWHERE.
IT'S 8554117658. SON OF A -- ALRIGHT, THAT'S MY
BANK ROUTING NUMBER. NO ONE USE THAT UNLESS YOU ARE
GOING TO PUT MONEY IN. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING OUT.
NEXT QUESTION. LET'S GO.
>> SEAN, YOU MUST KNOW THIS RUSSIA THING WAS REALLY BAD.
>> OH, MY GOD. THERE IS NO RUSSIA THING.
THE ONLY RUSSIA THING HERE IS MY LITTLE DOLLIES.
BRING THEM OUT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
OKAY. HERE'S THE DEAL.
SEE IF YOU CAN FOLLOW ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY. FIRST THERE IS TRUMP.
OKAY? [ APPLAUSE ]
HE'S THE BIGGEST ONE AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ONE.
WHEN HE WAS NOT HAPPY WITH THE PERFORMANCE OF THE FBI DIRECTOR,
JAMES COMEY, I SWEAR TO GOD, BECAUSE HE WAS NOT BEING NICE TO
OUR FRIEND, HILLARY CLINTON. OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS DUDE.
WAIT, DON'T LOOK AT THAT ONE.
OKAY. IF YOU DID THIS, GLEN, I WILL
RIP YOU TO SHREDS. TRUMP CONFERRED WITH HIS GOOD
FRIEND, STEVE BANNON AND IT IS DECISION TO FIRE COMEY WAS FROM
HIS LITTLEST BUDDY, JEFF SESSIONS.
THERE WE GO. JEFF SESSIONS.
NEXT QUESTION. >> WERE YOU SURPRISED HE FIRED
COMEY BEFORE HE FIRED YOU? >> DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR
QUESTION? I HONESTLY HOPE HE KILLED HER.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DO.
>> SEAN, SEAN, JUST BE STRAIGHT WITH US FOR ONCE.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON? >> I AM BEING HONEST WITH YOU.
I'M TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHAT PRESIDENT TRUMP TOLD ME.
>> BUT WHAT IF HE'S LYING TO YOU?
>> HE -- HE WOULDN'T DO THAT. HE'S MY -- HE'S MY FRIEND.
>> IF HE'S YOUR FRIEND, WHY DOES HE MAKE YOU COME OUT HERE AND
HUMILIATE YOURSELF EVERY DAY. >> HE DOESN'T MAKE ME.
I LIKE IT. I GET OFF ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> IF HE'S YOUR FRIEND, WHY IS
EVERYONE SAYING HE IS ABOUT TO REPLACE YOU WITH SARAH.
>> OH, BLESS YOUR HEART. THIS IS THE FIRST I'M HEARING OF
THAT. >> GET OUT.
I HAVE TO FIND TRUMP. THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER.
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
COME ON. I NEED TO FIND TRUMP.
♪♪♪ I PROMISE I WILL TALK BETTER.
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
I CAN'T GO BACK TO THE NAVY. I CAN'T SWIM.
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ I WANT TO TALK TO PRESIDENT
TRUMP. NOW.
>> HE DOESN'T COME HERE ANYMORE. >> WELL THEN, WHERE IS HE?
♪♪♪ MR. TRUMP?
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. >> HAVE YOU EVER TOLD ME TO SAY
ANYTHING THAT ISN'T TRUE? >> ONLY SINCE YOU STARTED
WORKING HERE. >> I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS
ANYMORE, MR. PRESIDENT. THEY ARE SAYING YOU ARE GOING TO
REPLACE ME WITH SARAH. >> SEAN, COME ON.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. SHE DOESN'T HAVE YOUR SPECIAL
SPICE, SALT AND PEPPER AND A LITTLE BIT OF SUGAR.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU LIKE WHEN I DO THAT?
>> NO. IT JUST TICKLES A LITTLE BIT.
NO, NO. MR. PRESIDENT, I'M MARRIED!
I'M MARRIED. >> KISS ME.
>> I HAVE A WIFE. I TOOK VOWS.
>> IT'S OKAY. I'M FAMOUS.
[ LAUGHTER ] IF YOU KISS ME, NO ONE EVER SEES
ME AGAIN. >> YES.

Sean Spicer Returns - SNL

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