Stephen Is Also Body-Slamming His Enemies

THE C.B.O. SCORE IS ALREADY HAVING A HUGE POLITICAL IMPACT.
TODAY, IN MONTANA, THERE WAS A SPECIAL CONGRESSIONAL ELECTION
TO REPLACE INTERIOR SECRETARY RYAN ZINKE.
WHO WAS THE CONGRESSMAN FROM THERE.
IT'S A NAILBAITER BETWEEN DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE AND MAN WHO
COMES TO YOUR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TO SING ABOUT FLOSSING, ROB
QUIST, AND REPUBLICAN BILLIONAIRE AND GUY WILLING TO
LOSE FRIENDSHIPS OVER A GAME OF "PICTIONARY," GREG GIANFORTE.
LAST NIGHT, WHEN HE WAS ASKED BY A REPORTER FOR THE GUARDIAN
NEWSPAPER ABOUT THE C.B.O.
SCORE, GIANFORTE BODY SLAMMED THE REPORTER.
SO GIANFORTE MAY OR MAY NOT WIN THE ELECTION, BUT HE'LL
DEFINITELY WIN "WRESTLEMANIA."
( LAUGHTER ) HE IS JACKED.
HE LOOKS GOOD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS IS ACTUAL TRUE AUDIO OF THE
CONCHTATION.
>> TO THE C.B.O. SCORE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU WERE WAITING TO
MAKE YOUR DECISION ABOUT HEALTH CARE UNTIL YOU SAW THE BILL, AND
IT CAME OUT-- >> I'LL TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT
LATER.
>> YEAH, BUT THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE TIME.
I'M JUST CURIOUS-- >> SPEAK WITH SHANE, PLEASE.
>> JUST-- SICK AND TIRED OF YOU GUYS!
THE LAST GUY THAT CAME IN HERE, YOU DID THE SAME THING.
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
THE LAST GUY DID THE SAME THING.
ARE YOU WITH THE "GUARDIAN?" >> YES, AND YOU JUST BROKE MY
GLASSES.
>> THE LAST GUY DID THE SAME DAMN THING.
>> YOU JUST BODY SLAMMED ME AND BROKE MY GLASSES.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> STEPHEN: THAT'S A GOOD
REPORTING RIGHT THERE-- HE KNOWS THERE'S NO VIDEO, SO HE'S
NARRATING HIS OWN BODY-SLAM.
( LAUGHTER ) "YOU JUST BROKE MY GLASSES, AND
NOW YOU ARE HOISTING ME ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND HURLING ME TOWARD
THE WALL, INTO WHICH I HAVE CRASHED WITH A BONE-SHATTERING
THUD, AND SLUMPED TO THE FLOOR BELOW.
THIS IS BEN JACOBS, SIGNING OFF FROM CONSCIOUSNESS."
BILL?
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
NOW, THAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION.
GOT TO BE PRETTY DAMAGING.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYONE COULD VOTE FOR A CANDIDATE WHO BODY
SLAMS PEOPLE.
>> I'VE NEVER SEEN DONALD TRUMP FIGHT LIKE THIS!
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> Stephen: I FORGOT -- NOTHING MATTERS.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THAT REPORTER MAY HAVE
GOTTEN OFF EASY.
JUST CHECK OUT THIS AD GIANFORTE RAN EARLIER IN THE ELECTION.
>> ROB QUIST WANTS TO ESTABLISH A GUN REGISTRY, YOUR NAME, YOUR
GUNS, IN A FEDERAL COMPUTER MAKING IT EASIER FOR DEMOCRATS
TO GRAB YOUR GUNS.
IT'S TIME TO FIGHT BACK.
( GUNFIRE ) >> STEPHEN: LET THAT BE A LESSON
TO YOU GOVERNMENT: IF YOU DON'T WANT SOMEONE SHOOTING YOUR BIG
GOVERNMENT COMPUTER, DON'T LEAVE IT PLUGGED IN IN THE MIDDLE OF A
FIELD.
( LAUGHTER ) DUMMY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, THEY BOV PUTTING THEIR
COMPUTERS OUT IN THE FIELD!
( PIANO RIFF ) I KNOW IT'S A DUMB COMMERCIAL --
BUT BEFORE YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT THESE G.O.P. GUN NUTS, THE
DEMOCRAT, QUIST, RAN AN AD WHERE HE SHOT A TV PLAYING GIANFORTE'S
AD.
( GUNFIRE ) ( EXPLOSION )
>> STEPHEN: GUYS, PLEASE STOP SHOOTING THINGS.
( LAUGHTER ) JUST CUT OUT THE METAPHORICAL
MIDDLEMAN AND HAVE A PENIS SWORD FIGHT.
JUST -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE KNOW THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
WINNER GOES TO CONGRESS.
AND, I GOT TO SAY, I DO A LITTLE BIT FEEL FOR GIANFORTE HERE.
I MEAN, IT SEEMS CRAZY TO BODY SLAM A REPORTER, BUT WHEN YOU'RE
IN THE PUBLIC EYE, AND PEOPLE KEEP BADGERING YOU WITH
QUESTIONS, IT CAN HAPPEN TO THE BEST OF US.
JUST LOOK AT THE Q&A I DID BEFORE THE SHOW TONIGHT.
>> PROBABLY MY FAVORITE INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME.
ANY QUESTIONS?
SECOND ROW RIGHT THERE.
>> HELLO, STEVEN.
MY QUESTION IS AS FOLLOWS, ARE YOU AND JON STEWART ACTUALLY
FRIENDS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU SON OF A
PITCH!
COME HERE!
COME HERE!
>> PUT ME DOWN!
>> Stephen: GO!
JUST GO!
AHHH!
>> AHHH!
AHHH!
>> Stephen: DAMN IT!
UNCHT>> AHHH!
MY GLASSES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
>> Stephen: HE'S FINE.
HE'S FINE.

Stephen Is Also Body-Slamming His Enemies

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