Weekend Update: Drunk Uncle on President Trump

WELL, IT'S BEEN A WILD YEAR HERE.
HERE WITH HIS THOUGHTS ON THE PAST YEAR AND THE YEARS AHEAD IS
DRUNK UNCLE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHOO! HELLO!
MAKE AMERICA DRUNK AGAIN! WHOO!
WHAT'S UP, COLIN? COME ON, POUND IT OUT.
>> OKAY. >> WHITES!
>> NO, THAT'S NOT. >> DOWNTOWN!
>> OKAY. >> SEND THE BATMAN.
>> SO DRUNK UNCLE, HOW YOU BEEN? >> ACES, BABY.
PRESIDENT TRUMP. FINALLY, A WHITE GUY HAS A
CHANCE TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA AGAIN.
>> YEAH. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE TRUMPY, HE'S
PUTTING AMERICA BACK TO WORM AGAIN, COLIN.
YOU KNOW, THESE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE SUMMER JOBS
ANYMORE. ONCE WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD I
WAS LIFE GUARD, BOOKSTORE, WAITER, ZOO KEEPER,
EXTERMINATOR, MALL SANTA. >> YOU WERE A MALL SANTA IN THE
SUMMER? >> I ASKED PEOPLE TO SIT ON MY
LAP. SO KIND OF.
>> OKAY. >> AND ALL THESE KIDS CARE ABOUT
TODAY IS CAN YOU VENMO ME A FACE APP?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] EXCUSE ME.
IS THIS POMEGRANATE JUICE GENDER FLUID?
[ LAUGHTER ] HERE'S AN INSTAGRAM STORY FOR
YOU, GO TO CHURCH! [ LAUGHTER ]
>> DRUNK UNCLE, THAT'S NOT -- >> YEAH, I THOUGHT "LA LA LAND"
SHOULD HAVE WON. WHY IS EVERYONE SO SENSITIVE
NOWADAYS? I MEAN, YOU CAN'T EVEN CALL IT A
NINTENDO SWITCH ANYMORE. YOU GOTTA CALL HER CAITLYN.
>> DRUNK UNCLE -- >> ARBY'S, WE HAVE THE MEATS.
>> WHAT? >> FIDGET SPINNER.
FIDGET SPINNER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
FIDGET SPINNER. ONE TIME I ASKED A FIDGET TO
SPIN AND SHE SAID, "THE CORRECT TERM IS LITTLE PERSON."
[ LAUGHTER ] GHOSTBUSTERS SHOULD BE MEN.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ] >> DRUNK UNCLE.
♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
[ MUMBLING LYRICS ] >> OH, NO.
NO, DRUNK UNCLE. >> SO I'M NOT THE "BAYWATCH"
BEACH BODY, OKAY? SO I'M NOT GROOT, OKAY?
SO I'M NOT A FAST, A FURIOUS, OKAY?
[ MAKING ENGINE SOUNDS ] THAT'S NOT ME.
>> THAT'S NOT ANYONE. DRUNK UNCLE.
>> SHH. >> YEAH.
>> IT'S IN THERE, YES. FULLY IN MY MOUTH, YEAH.
>> YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. >> OH.
>> COLIN, BEST FRIEND. >> DO A SHOT WITH ME.
>> DO A SHOT? >> COME ON.
ONE FOR THE ROAD. >> BUT I'M HERE --
>> ONE SHOT WITH ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY. FOR YOU, I WILL DO ONE SHOT.
>> THANK YOU. YOU FIRST.
THERE'S ONE EMPTY CHAMBER AND FIVE BULLETS.
DRUNK UNCLE, EVERYONE. ♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE" I'M
COLIN JOST. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE.
GOOD NIGHT.

Weekend Update: Drunk Uncle on President Trump - SNL

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