Weekend Update on Comey's Investigation into Trump

♪♪♪ >> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND
UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE"
I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST.
OKAY. I KNOW I SAID THIS
LAST WEEK BUT THIS WEEK WAS CRAZY.
[ LAUGHTER ] OBVIOUSLY TRUMP'S NOT DONE YET
BUT LET'S JUST SAY THAT MIKE PENCE IS DEFINITELY WARMING
UP IN THE BULLPEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
WITH THE WHITE HOUSE STILL REELING FROM ALLEGATIONS OF
OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE PRESIDENT-FOR-NOW TRUMP SAID,
"POINT BLANK --" [ LAUGHTER ]
-- "POINT BLANK THAT HE NEVER TOLD FBI DIRECTOR JAMES COMEY TO
END THE RUSSIAN INVESTIGATION. SO THIS SETS US UP WITH A
DILEMMA. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE?
THE HEAD OF THE FBI OR THE GUY WHO IS DEFINITELY LYING?
[ LAUGHTER ] IT WAS ALSO REPORTED THAT TRUMP
ASKED COMEY WHEN HE WOULD PUBLICALLY ANNOUNCE THAT
TRUMP WAS NOT UNDER INVESTIGATION, WHICH SOUNDS SO
SUSPICIOUS. IF YOU ARE WATCHING "LAW AND
ORDER" AND THE HUSBAND ASKS THE DETECTIVES WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO
ANNOUNCE I'M NOT A SUSPECT IN MY WIFE'S DISAPPEARANCE, THAT GUY
DEFINITELY BURIED A LADY IN THE WOODS.
[ LAUGHTER ] A FRIEND OF COMEY'S REVEALED
THAT COMEY WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND TRUMP, HE TRIED TO BLEND
IN WITH THE CURTAINS AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM SO TRUMP WOULDN'T
SEE HIM. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IF HE REALLY WANTED TO AVOID INTERACTING WITH TRUMP HE SHOULD
HAVE JUST MARRIED HIM. [ AUDIENCE OOHS ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HAS
NAMED ROBERT MUELLER AS SPECIAL COUNSEL TO OVERSEE THE
INVESTIGATION OF THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN.
NOW THIS SHOULD MAKE TRUMP NERVOUS BECAUSE MUELLER IS A
FORMER DIRECTOR OF THE FBI, AND THE FBI ARE THE COPS THEY SEND
FOR RICH WHITE GUY CRIMES. LIKE BANK FRAUD, TYPICAL STUFF.
IT'S LIKE A CHICKEN FINDING OUT IT IS BEING INVESTIGATED BY A
KENTUCKY COLONEL. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU CAN TELL TRUMP KNOWS THE HEAT IS ON BECAUSE HE TWEETED
OUT, "THIS IS THE SINGLE GREATEST WITCH HUNT OF A
POLITICIAN IN AMERICAN HISTORY." HE'S KIND OF RIGHT.
IT IS PRETTY GREAT. PRESIDENT TRUMP ALSO SAID IN THE
SPEECH THAT NO POLITICIAN IN HISTORY HAS BEEN TREATED WORSE
OR MORE UNFAIRLY THAN HIM. HONEY, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A
REAL POLITICIAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE A POLITICIAN LIKE JA RULE IS A FESTIVAL ORGANIZER.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> IT WAS REPORTED YESTERDAY
THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP TOLD A RUSSIAN OFFICIAL, QUOTE, "I JUST
FIRED THE HEAD OF THE FBI. HE WAS CRAZY.
A REAL NUT JOB." WHICH ACTUALLY DOES MAKE SENSE
BECAUSE THE ONLY PEOPLE TRUMP EVER INTERACTS WITH ARE
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS, RUSSIAN GANGSTERS, SCOTT BAIO --
[ LAUGHTER ] COMEY IS PROBABLY SO NORMAL
TRUMP THINKS HE'S INSANE. HE'S LIKE, "YOU'VE GOT TO MEET
THIS LUNATIC. HE'S GOT ONE WIFE, OWNS ZERO
HELICOPTERS. HE DOESN'T EVEN BELIEVE
HILLARY CLINTON RUNS A SEX RING OUT OF A PIZZA SHOP.
TOTAL NUT JOB. IN THE END I'M JUST HAPPY A NUT
JOB DIDN'T HAPPEN TO TRUMP IN A RUSSIAN HOTEL ROOM.
IT WAS REPORTED IN THAT SAME MEETING TRUMP REVEALED
CLASSIFIED INTELLIGENCE. OF COURSE HE DID.
HE'S JUST EXCITED TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT HE ACTUALLY KNOWS
STUFF. HE HANDLES GOVERNMENT SECRETS
LIKE MY AUNTS HANDLE CHURCH GOSSIP.
I BET EVERYTHING HE LEAKED TO RUSSIA STARTS WITH "RUSSIA,
GIRL, SIT DOWN." TOMORROW WILL BE EXCITING AS
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS SCHEDULED TO SPEAK ABOUT ISLAM IN SAUDI
ARABIA WHICH IS LIKE MIKE PENCE GIVING A TOAST AT A GAY WEDDING.
IT'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN A TOUGH START FOR THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION. SO WE WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT TO
LOOK BACK AND REMEMBER ALL THE PEOPLE TRUMP HAS LOST THIS YEAR.
♪♪♪ ♪ 'CAUSE YOU HAD A BAD DAY
YOU'RE TAKING ONE DOWN YOU SING A SAD SONG
JUST TO TURN IT AROUND ♪ ♪ YOU SAY YOU DON'T KNOW
YOU TELL ME DON'T LIKE YOU WORK UP A SMILE
THEN YOU GO FOR A RIDE ♪ ♪ YOU HAD A BAD DAY
THE CAMERA DON'T LIE YOU'RE COMING BACK DOWN
AND YOU REALLY DON'T MIND ♪ ♪ YOU HAD A BAD DAY ♪
>>> MEMORIAL DAY DAY WEEKEND IS APPROACHING.
HERE WITH OUR FORECAST IS OUR OWN METEOROLOGIST DAWN LAZARUS.
DAWN LAZARUS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WELL MICHAEL, HERE COMES THAT SUMMER AND, OOH, IT'S A FUN ONE.
>> DAWN, YOU'RE BACK ALREADY? YOU WERE JUST HERE AND IT REALLY
DIDN'T WORK OUT. >> HEY, IT'S THE LAST SHOW AND
I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ARE YOU OKAY? IT'S KIND OF HARD TO UNDERSTAND
YOU. >> THAT CAMERA-CAMERA MAKE IT
NERVOUS WHEN YOU ASK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT. DAWN, IS IT LOOKING NICE FOR
MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND? >> THE BETTER BELIEVE THAT.
WHILE IT'S TIME TO -- THAT SUNSCREEN PROTECT THOSE SKINS
BECAUSE YEAH, IT'S HOT AND HOT. SO IF IT'S BEACH AND PARK STAY
THAT HYDRATED AND WATER THAT MOUTH.
>> ALL RIGHT. SO FAR IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
SAYING IT WILL BE SUNNY. >> HEP.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> ANY OTHER SPECIFICS LIKE THE
ENTIRE COUNTRY'S GONNA BE SUNNY OR --
>> WELL IN WEST COAST THAT'S NO SURPRISE.
SUN IS ALWAYS WOW. BUT, HEY, IF IT'S NORTH ARE YOU,
THAT'S LOOKING A LOT OF BIT IN OVERCAST.
BUT HOPEFULLY NO GOD DAMN RAIN. AND THAT'S THE CAST FOR YOU.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> YEAH.
OKAY. I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T CATCH ANY OF THAT. DAWN?
DAWN? >> EH?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I GUESS YOU'RE DONE.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SIGN OFF? >> OOPS, AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPEN
IN YOUR NECK OF THE WHAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT, DAWN LAZARUS, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> IT'S BETTER.
>> SHE IS BETTER.

Weekend Update on Comey's Investigation into Trump - SNL

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