Weekend Update on UC Davis' Plan B Vending Machine

>> THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA DAVIS HAS INSTALLED A NEW
VENDING MACHINE THAT SELLS PLAN B EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION.
WHILE AT FLORIDA STATE THEY SHOOT IT OUT OF T-SHIRT CANNONS
AT HALFTIME. >> AN ARTIST RECENTLY COMPLETED
A DRESS MADE OUT OF 10,000 STARBURST WRAPPERS.
NOT SO FAST, SAID A BREEZE. >> A KICKSTARTER PROJECT HAS
BEEN LAUNCHED TO CREATE A LINE OF ROMPERS FOR MEN CALLED
ROMPHIMS. AS IN THE VICTIM OF THE BEATING
WAS WEARING A ROMPHIM. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> A NEW WORKOUT STUDIO HAS OPENED IN NEW YORK CALLED
CON-BODY WHICH LOOKS LIKE A JAIL CELL AND FEATURES WORKOUTS
DEVELOPED BY EX-CONS IN PRISON. SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO SHOWER AT
HOME. [ LAUGHTER ]
OFFICIALS IN A SMALL TOWN IN CHINA HAVE GIVEN IN TO ANIMAL
RIGHTS ACTIVISTS AND MADE IT ILLEGAL TO SELL DOG MEAT.
SO GOOD NEWS, ANIMAL LOVERS, FREE DOG MEAT.
>>> A NEW POLL SHOWS DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON WOULD BEAT DONALD
TRUMP IN A RUN FOR PRESIDENT. THE ROCK WOULD ALSO BEAT HIS
LONG TIME RIVAL DWAYNE "THE SCISSORS" JOHNSON.
>> I FORGOT ABOUT DOG MEAT. WELL, IT'S BEEN A WILD YEAR
HERE. HERE WITH HIS THOUGHTS ON THE
PAST YEAR AND THE YEARS AHEAD IS DRUNK UNCLE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WHOO!
HELLO! MAKE AMERICA DRUNK AGAIN!
WHOO! WHAT'S UP, COLIN?
COME ON, POUND IT OUT. >> OKAY.
>> WHITES! >> NO, THAT'S NOT.
>> DOWNTOWN! >> OKAY.
>> SEND THE BATMAN. >> SO DRUNK UNCLE, HOW YOU BEEN?
>> ACES, BABY. PRESIDENT TRUMP.
FINALLY, A WHITE GUY HAS A CHANCE TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA
AGAIN. >> YEAH.
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE TRUMPY, HE'S PUTTING AMERICA BACK TO WORM
AGAIN, COLIN. YOU KNOW, THESE KIDS TODAY, THEY
DON'T EVEN HAVE SUMMER JOBS ANYMORE.
ONCE WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD I WAS LIFE GUARD,
BOOKSTORE, WAITER, ZOO KEEPER, EXTERMINATOR, MALL SANTA.
>> YOU WERE A MALL SANTA IN THE SUMMER?
>> I ASKED PEOPLE TO SIT ON MY LAP.
SO KIND OF. >> OKAY.
>> AND ALL THESE KIDS CARE ABOUT TODAY IS CAN YOU VENMO ME A FACE
APP? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
EXCUSE ME. IS THIS POMEGRANATE JUICE GENDER
FLUID? [ LAUGHTER ]
HERE'S AN INSTAGRAM STORY FOR YOU, GO TO CHURCH!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> DRUNK UNCLE, THAT'S NOT --
>> YEAH, I THOUGHT "LA LA LAND" SHOULD HAVE WON.
WHY IS EVERYONE SO SENSITIVE NOWADAYS?
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T EVEN CALL IT A NINTENDO SWITCH ANYMORE.
YOU GOTTA CALL HER CAITLYN. >> DRUNK UNCLE --
>> ARBY'S, WE HAVE THE MEATS. >> WHAT?
>> FIDGET SPINNER. FIDGET SPINNER.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] FIDGET SPINNER.
ONE TIME I ASKED A FIDGET TO SPIN AND SHE SAID, "THE CORRECT
TERM IS LITTLE PERSON." [ LAUGHTER ]
GHOSTBUSTERS SHOULD BE MEN. [ AUDIENCE OOHS ]
>> DRUNK UNCLE. ♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN [ MUMBLING LYRICS ]
>> OH, NO. NO, DRUNK UNCLE.
>> SO I'M NOT THE "BAYWATCH" BEACH BODY, OKAY?
SO I'M NOT GROOT, OKAY? SO I'M NOT A FAST, A FURIOUS,
OKAY? [ MAKING ENGINE SOUNDS ]
THAT'S NOT ME. >> THAT'S NOT ANYONE.
DRUNK UNCLE. >> SHH.
>> YEAH. >> IT'S IN THERE, YES.
FULLY IN MY MOUTH, YEAH. >> YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
>> OH. >> COLIN, BEST FRIEND.
>> DO A SHOT WITH ME. >> DO A SHOT?
>> COME ON. ONE FOR THE ROAD.
>> BUT I'M HERE -- >> ONE SHOT WITH ME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OKAY.
FOR YOU, I WILL DO ONE SHOT. >> THANK YOU.
YOU FIRST. THERE'S ONE EMPTY CHAMBER AND
FIVE BULLETS. DRUNK UNCLE, EVERYONE.
♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE" I'M COLIN JOST.
>> I'M MICHAEL CHE. GOOD NIGHT.

Weekend Update on UC Davis' Plan B Vending Machine - SNL

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