Will Trump's International Tour Be A Disaster, Or A Mess?

AMID A GROWING SCANDAL IN THE U.S., DONALD TRUMP IS ABOUT TO
HEAD OUT ON A NINE DAY MULTIPLE COUNTRY TOUR OF THE MIDDLE EAST
AND EUROPE REPRESENTING THE U.S. ABROAD FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THIS
TRIP WILL HAVE SOME BIG OPPORTUNITIES FOR HIM AND THE
U.S., BUT ALSO SOME POTENTIAL PITFALLS.
IN THIS VIDEO WE WILL
BREAK DOWN SOME OF THOSE.
AND ONCE WE GET PAST THE BIG POINTS,
JAYAR TRACKED DOWN SOME INSTRUCTIONS GIVEN TO FOREIGN
LEADERS AND DIGNITARIES ON HOW TO APPROACH TRUMP.
IT'S JUST
AWESOME.
WE WILL START WITH THE TRIP.
THE BIG ONE IS SAUDI
ARABIA, HE WILL BE GOING THERE AND DELIVERING A SPEECH ON
ISLAM, WHICH SHOULD BE EXCITING, IT'S BEING WRITTEN BY
STEPHEN MILLER, I BELIEVE.
IT WILL BE THE BEST SPEECH EVER.
IT'S ALREADY GOT GREAT REVIEWS, CNN DECLARED THAT HE
WON THAT SPEECH.
STEPHEN MILLER IS KIND OF A NORMAL NAME -- HE WAS ALSO ONE
OF THE ARCHITECTS FOR HIS EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT PUT THE BAN
ON THE SEVEN MUSLIM COUNTRIES THE FIRST TIME AROUND.
THIS IS
THE GUY WHO HAS WRITTEN THE SPEECH FOR DONALD TRUMP TO
HALF-ASSEDLY READ WHILE HE IS IN FRONT OF THEM.
SO THE STEPHEN MILLER BAND IS A LOT DIFFERENT.
ABRACADABRA --
SOME PEOPLE LIKE ONE, SOME LIKE THE OTHER.
BUT THE GUY IS A
HUGE ISLAMOPHOBE, AND TRUMP HAS SAID A LOT OF INCENDIARY THINGS
ABOUT ISLAM.
WILL HE RECEIVE A POOR RECEPTION IN SAUDI ARABIA?
PERHAPS, WE ARE ABOUT TO GET INTO A GIGANTIC ARMS DEAL WITH
THEM, THAT USUALLY SMOOTHS THE PATH A LITTLE BIT IN
INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY IF YOU ARE GIVING THEM WEAPONS.
THERE
ARE SOME POTENTIAL OTHER ROADBLOCKS IN SAUDI ARABIA,
THOUGH.
I'M READING HE WILL BE AT A DINNER THROWN BY THE
SAUDIS, ROYAL BANQUET, ONE INVITEE IS OMAR BASHIR,
PRESIDENT OF SUDAN, CURRENTLY WANTED FOR WAR CRIMES INCLUDING
GENOCIDE, AND I DON'T THINK TRUMP WILL BE ABLE TO STOP
HIMSELF FROM CONDEMNING AN AUTOCRAT, THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.
PROBABLY NOT.
BUT HE WILL GIVE THAT SPEECH ON ISLAM, THAT
SHOULD BE EXCITING.
I DON'T KNOW IF THE WHOLE THING WILL BE ABOUT
RADICAL ISLAM, BUT --
HE SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE A SPEECH ON GOOD MANNERS, AND THAT
HE SHOULD GIVE A SPEECH ON HAIR COMBING, AND THEN A SPEECH ON
TIE LENGTH.
WHAT ELSE SHOULD GIVE A SPEECH ON?
YOU SHOULD
GIVE A SPEECH ON DIGITAL, AND THEN A SPEECH ON --
THERE IS NOT TOO MUCH I WOULD CONSIDER HIM AN EXPERT ON,
AND EVEN THE AREAS WHERE HE CLEARLY HAS SOME KNOWLEDGE,
HE IS NOT A GOOD SPEAKER.
WE WILL FIND OUT WHAT WAS IN THAT SPEECH, BUT IT WILL
TAKE A COUPLE DAYS.
HE'S GOING TO GO ON THIS EXTENDED TRIP, NINE DAYS, IT
SEEMS EXHAUSTING.
I READ THROUGH THE DETAILS OF WHAT THEY ARE
PLANNING, WHO HE IS SUPPOSED TO MEET WITH, BUT JUST IN READING
THROUGH IT I WAS LIKE, MAN, THAT'S EXHAUSTING.
I WENT JUST
TO DC FOR A WEEKEND FOR THE CORRESPONDENCE STUFF AND I
BARELY SLEPT OR ATE, I WAS LIKE, OH.
BUT, YOU DIDN'T KNOW
THIS WAS COMING?
I HOPE I'M NOT SPOILING, BUT HE ORIGINALLY
WANTED, APPARENTLY HE'S BEEN TRAIPSING AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE
FRUSTRATED BECAUSE THIS IS A NINE-DAY TRIP, HE'S LIKE, CAN WE
SHORTEN IT TO MAYBE FIVE DAYS?
I DON'T WANT TO BE OUT OF THE
COUNTRY FOR TOO LONG.
WHAT AM I, THE PRESIDENT?
IN HIS DEFENSE, HE LIKED TRAVELING AROUND THE U.S., HOW
DIFFERENT IS THIS?
AND HE'S NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING
PRESIDENT, BUT HE LOVES THE LUXURY, THE PRESTIGE -- THIS IS
A TRIP FOR THE LEADERS OF FOREIGN COUNTRIES WILL WINE AND
DINE YOU FOR NINE DAYS, HE GETS TO EAT FANCY DINNERS AND SLEEP
IN THE NICEST BEDS IN THE WORLD, IT DOESN'T SEEM THAT DIFFICULT.
BUT HE HAS TO READ.
IN ADDITION TO SAUDI ARABIA HE WILL FLY DIRECTLY TO ISRAEL,
WHICH I AM READING IS THE FIRST DIRECT FLIGHT FROM SAUDI ARABIA
TO ISRAEL EVER.
THIS PART WHERE THIS BASHIR FROM THE SUDAN WILL BE THERE --
IT SAYS SUDAN IS LOOKING FORWARD TO NORMALIZING RELATIONS WITH
THE U.S., HE IS A WAR CRIMINAL, RIGHT?
THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
YES IT WOULD.
AND
ALSO JAMIE DIAMOND AND THOSE GUYS ARE GOING TO HANG OUT.
I DIDN'T KNOW JAMIE DIAMOND WAS GOING.
I GUESS AT THIS POINT WE HAVE TO EXPECT THAT JAMIE DIAMOND
AND A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE KOCH BROTHERS WILL BE AT EVERY
DINNER.
AND SOMEONE FROM DOW CHEMICALS, THEY WILL JOIN THE
SAUDIS.
TO SOME EXTENT THERE IS THE MILITARY ANGLE BUT THERE'S ALSO
THE HUGE FOREIGN INVESTMENT THEY ARE TRYING TO SET UP, BANKING
AND CHEMICALS, OIL, ALL THAT STUFF.
THOSE BUSINESSES
CONCEIVABLY COULD MAKE A LOT OF MONEY OFF OF THIS.
AND THAT'S
NOT UNIQUE TO TRUMP, REALLY, IT'S THE SAME SORT OF THING
OBAMA WOULD'VE DONE.
THEY ALWAYS WANT THE MONEY FLOWING IN BOTH
DIRECTIONS.
LETTER OF INSTRUCTIONS ARE US,
UNFORTUNATELY.
SAUDI ARABIA, PART OF ISLAM, OBVIOUSLY, THE
ORIGIN OF ISLAM, HE GOES TO ISRAEL, ALSO SIGNIFICANT
RELIGIOUS ORIGIN STORIES THERE AS WELL -- TO SOME EXTENT THERE
IS A THEME GROWING IN THIS TRIP, BUT ALSO HE HAS TO CONSIDER
THERE ARE SOME OVERLAPPING INTERESTS BETWEEN SAUDI ARABIA
AND ISRAEL, IN TERMS OF REGIONAL SECURITY, BUT THERE ARE SOME
THINGS THEY DON'T OVERLAP ON.
BUT THERE WERE SOME INTERESTING
NOTES IN SOME OF OUR READING ON THIS.
ONE WAS THAT HE WANTED TO
LAND HIS HELICOPTER AT THE ANCIENT FORTRESS IN MASADA,
PEOPLE WERE WORRIED THAT THAT WOULD DAMAGE THE PLACE, SO THEY
SAID WHAT YOU CAN DO IS, LIKE PAST PRESIDENTS, YOU CAN LAND
YOUR HELICOPTER AND TAKE A CABLE COVER UP TO IT, IT'S A
COMPROMISE.
SO HE RESPONDED LIKE A RESPONSIBLE PERSON AND SAID
FUCK IT, IF I CAN'T LET MY HELICOPTER I'M NOT GOING.
SO HE
WON'T GET TO SEE WHAT MUST BE AN AMAZING ANCIENT FORTRESS.
ALSO
HE'S GOING TO VISIT THE HOLOCAUST MEMORIAL, AND SAID HE
PLANS TO SPEND 15 MINUTES THERE.
AND PART OF GOING TO ISRAEL IS
TO ADDRESS CRITICS WHO SAY HE HAS SPREAD ANTI-SEMITIC MEMES
BEFORE, HE HASN'T REALLY CARED WHEN THERE HAVE BEEN ATTACKS ON
SYNAGOGUES AND THINGS LIKE THAT, HIS DISCUSSION OF THE HOLOCAUST
ON THE MEMORIAL DAY THIS YEAR DIDN'T ACTUALLY REFERENCE
JUDAISM, SO THERE ARE CONCERNS THAT HE'S TURNING A BLIND EYE TO
ANTI-SEMITISM.
SO TO GO THERE AND SAY I WILL GO TO YOUR
HOLOCAUST IMMORTAL MUSEUM BUT ARE NOT EVEN GOING TO STAY AS
LONG AS AN EPISODE OF "FRIENDS" -- JUST STAY LONGER, YOU FOOL.
THINK ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING THERE, JUST BE A HUMAN FOR
A SECOND, YOU ARE FINALLY TRAVELING.
LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT.
LEARNING SOMETHING DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH HIMSELF.
I DON'T
KNOW IF WE'VE BROUGHT THIS UP ON THE SHOW, THERE IS THIS WHOLE
SITUATION WHERE IN ORDER FOR HIM TO READ EVEN ENOUGH PRESS
BRIEFINGS, NOT EVEN PRESS BRIEFINGS, INTELLIGENCE
BRIEFINGS ABOUT WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE WORLD AND
PREPARE, THEY HAVE TO INSERT HIS NAME RANDOMLY SO HE CAN BE LIKE,
THAT'S RIGHT, I WILL JUMP DOWN TO THAT PARAGRAPH BECAUSE I SAW
DONALD TRUMP THERE.
THEY SAY HE WILL KEEP READING IF HIS NAME IS IN IT ENOUGH.
WITH THAT IN MIND, IT HAS TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH
HIMSELF.
WHAT DOES AN ANCIENT --
THE FORTRESS.
WHAT DOES THE FORTRESS HAVE TO DO WITH HIM?
NOTHING.
WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO WITH, WHAT WAS THE NEXT ONE?
THE HOLOCAUST MEMORIAL.
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH TRUMP?
HE WASN'T THERE.
HE HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT SO HE DOESN'T CARE.
AND HE DOESN'T SEE
HIMSELF AS ANTI-SEMITIC OR A HOLOCAUST DENIER, AND I
COMPLETELY BELIEVE HIM, IT'S JUST, IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH HIM.
I DON'T HATE IT, I JUST DON'T CARE.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO SAY HE'S ANTI-SEMITIC OR THE JEWS.
ANYWAY
--
TO BE FAIR, A BIT BIASED.
BIKING NEWS, TRUMP JUST CANCELED HIS TRIP TO THE VATICAN
BECAUSE THE POPE WON'T LET HIM LAND AIR FORCE ONE ON JESUS'S
PICKLED FORESKIN.
TRUE STORY, THAT'S BREAKING.
FUCKIN' JIMMY DORE.
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP THAT HE'S GOING
TO THE VATICAN.
WE WILL TURN TO THAT IN ONE SECOND, YOU JACKASS.
AND I WASN'T JUST JOKING EARLIER WHEN I SAID THERE ARE
OPPORTUNITIES, HE SAID HE WANTS TO PURSUE A DEDICATED WAY OF
PEACE BETWEEN ISRAEL AND PALESTINE, THAT'S WHY HE PUT A
PROFESSIONAL DIPLOMAT LIKE JARED CUSTER IN CHARGE OF IT -- BUT IN
ISRAEL HE WILL BE MEETING WITH ABBAS, THE LEADER OF THE
PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY, SO THERE IS THEORETICALLY THE POSSIBILITY
THAT THEY COULD MAKE SOME PROGRESS ON THAT.
THE ISRAELIS
MIGHT BE FRUSTRATED THAT HE DOESN'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT THEIR
MEMORIALS AND GOES FOR 15 MINUTES, BUT THERE'S A
POSSIBILITY THAT SOMETHING GOOD COULD COME OUT OF THIS BECAUSE
PEOPLE'S LIVES DEPEND ON THIS.
AS JIMMY SAID HE'S GOING TO THE
VATICAN AS WELL, POPE FRANCIS HAS SAID THAT PEOPLE WHO BUILD
WALLS ARE NOT CHRISTIANS, IT COULD BE A TENSE MEETING,
ADMITTEDLY, BUT THIS IS A POPE WHO HAS, SO FAR, THE PAST FEW
YEARS, SEEN FIT TO ENGAGE IN WORLD POLITICS, SPEAK OUT ON
SOCIAL ISSUES, CLIMATE CHANGE, THAT SORT OF THING -- HE'S NOT A
THROUGH AND THROUGH PROGRESSIVE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT IT'S
A NICE CHANGE AND IMPROVEMENT FROM PAST POPES, SO THERE
IS A CHANCE THAT CONSIDERING HOW INFLUENTIAL HE IS, THE
AMOUNT OF GOLD THEY WILL BE SURROUNDED BY, THAT MAYBE
IT WILL RUB OFF A BIT ON THE PRESIDENT.
I THINK DONALD TRUMP AND THE POPE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON, AND I
THINK THAT'S WHY THEY GET ALONG.
BECAUSE ONLY IN THE VATICAN AND
TRUMP'S HOUSE CAN YOU HEAR, HEY, THE TOILET IS STUCK, JIGGLE THE
SOLID GOLD HANDLE.
THE POPE NEEDS TO LAY OFF THE GOLD.
IT'S NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR
THE PERSON WHO IS SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT THE POOR.
THE POPE SAID HE IS NOT GOING TO JUDGE TRUMP, BY THE WAY.
HE
SAYS I NEVER WANT TO JUDGE SOMEONE BEFORE I LISTEN TO
THE PERSON FIRST.
APPARENTLY HE DOESN'T HAVE A TV.
TRUMP JUST HASN'T SPOKEN MUCH OVER THE PAST COUPLE YEARS, HE
IS A TIGHTLIPPED FELLOW.
HE WILL ALSO GO TO BELGIUM AND ITALY, HE
WILL MEET THE NEW LEADER OF FRANCE, MACRON, OBVIOUSLY THERE
WILL BE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE OF NATO, AND ORGANIZATION
TRUMP REGULARLY CRITICIZED THROUGHOUT THE ELECTION.
HIS
RHETORIC HAS BEEN A LITTLE MORE, I GUESS, OPEN TO THE FUTURE OF
NATO, NATO EXISTING IN THE FUTURE, BUT HE'S BEEN CRITICALLY
ABOUT IT IN THE PAST WHICH WORRIES A LOT OF EUROPEAN
STATES, SO IT'S LIKELY THAT WILL COME UP AS WELL DURING THIS
TRIP.
AGAIN, HIS SPEECH, AT LEAST HIS COMMENTS, TO NATO WERE ALSO
WRITTEN BY STEPHEN MILLER, WHO ALSO IN THE PAST HAS HAD
NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT NATO AND OUR COMMITMENT TO THEM.
BUT HE IS GOING TO SEE ANGELA MERKEL, I WONDER IF HE'S WANT TO
GIVE HER THAT CAROTID CLUTCH GEORGE BUSH DID.
HE WILL GRAB HER.
WE HAVE A HISTORY, REPUBLICANS OVERSEAS DON'T DO WELL.
GEORGE
BUSH --
AND HIS FATHER, OF COURSE, THROWING UP.
THAT'S MORE OF AN INVOLUNTARY THING.
BUT REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS
IN AFRICA AND DANCING?
I FOUND THAT TO BE ENDEARING.
I WILL GIVE YOU THAT.
HE IS STILL A WAR CRIMINAL, KILLED HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF
PEOPLE, BUT HE WAS A COOL DANCER.
NOW, DURING THIS
OVERSEAS TRIP, WHICH WILL LAST NINE DAYS, WHAT WILL BE
HAPPENING HERE, A LOT ALSO ABROAD, SO THERE HAVE BEEN
SUGGESTIONS TO FOREIGN DIGNITARIES AND LEADERS ON HOW
TO APPROACH TRUMP.
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE --
-- SAY THAT HE HAS WONDROUSLY LONG FINGERS --
IS THIS THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN
TELLING OTHER COUNTRIES
THIS, OR IS THIS OTHER COUNTRIES FIGURING IT OUT?
WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
THESE
ARE LEADERS OF OTHER COUNTRIES WHO HAD INTERACTION WITH
HIM, OR AT LEAST HAVE SPOKEN TO HIM, AND THEY KNOW HOW HE
OPERATES, THEY KNOW THIS IS THE TYPE OF GUY WE ARE DEALING WITH,
THIS IS WHAT YOU DO IN ORDER TO HAVE AN AMICABLE CONVERSATION.
NO KIDDING.
THEY FIGURED OUT SOME OF THE THINGS.
YOU BASICALLY HAVE TO
TREAT HIM LIKE THE KID AT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY WHO EVERYONE
KNOWS IS A DICK AND YOU ARE TRYING TO COME DOWN A BIT.
OBVIOUSLY THESE ARE FUNNY, THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS WE ARE
TALKING ABOUT IT, IS HE IS A CHILD, AND I DESPISE THE MAN
MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, BUT WE DO NEED TO WORK
WITH OTHER COUNTRIES, WE DO NEED GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH FOREIGN
LEADERS, AND IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THESE SORT OF ELEMENTARY, BASIC
PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS COULD ACTUALLY LEAD TO TRUMP -- LIKE,
WE KNOW TRUMP IS IN CREDIBLY SENSITIVE TO WHETHER A PERSON
LIKES HIM OR NOT.
HIS VIEW OF THEM IS INCREDIBLY DEPENDENT ON
WHETHER THEY HAVE CRITICIZED OR COMPLIMENTED HIM, AND
THEORETICALLY THE FUTURE OF NATO OR FOREIGN AID TO THESE
COUNTRIES COULD WELL DEPEND ON THEM USING THESE SORTS OF MENTAL
JUDO MOVES.
SO IF IT HELPS THE WORLD, I'M FOR IT.
THEY SAID EVEN IN -- OKAY, I GET IT, YOU ARE TRYING TO GET
HIS EGO STROKED SO YOU CAN FIND A WAY TO SPEAK TO HIM.
BUT AFTER
THAT HOW DO YOU CONVEY ANY MESSAGE OF ANY KIND OF WORKINGS
OR DEALMAKING OR AGREEMENTS, FOR DISAGREEMENTS FOR THAT MATTER,
WITH A GUY WHO, EVEN, IF HE NEEDS AN INTERPRETER, AND WE
KNOW HE PROBABLY NEEDS ONE EVEN FOR ENGLISH, HE DOESN'T EVEN PAY
ATTENTION TO THAT.
AND I UNDERSTAND, WHEN I LISTEN AND
WATCH THESE PRESS CONFERENCES, WHEN IT'S A FOREIGN LEADER FROM
A COUNTRY WITH A LANGUAGE I DON'T SPEAK AND I'M LISTENING TO
THE INTERPRETER, I'M LIKE, THE VOICE IS DIFFERENT, IT DOUBLES
OVER, IT'S A LITTLE TOUGH.
BUT IF YOU CARE, YOU CAN GET THROUGH
IT.
THE EXPECTATIONS ARE SO LOW -- IF HE HAS TO HAVE AN
INTERPRETER HE DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT ANYMORE.
WHEN YOU SAY MENTAL JUDO, IS THAT ANTI-SEMITIC?
JESUS.
I WILL HAVE TO GO TO THE MEMORIAL FOR LONGER THAN 15
MINUTES TO RIGHT THAT WRONG.
BUT AT ANY ONE OF THESE LOCATIONS
THERE ARE JUSTIFIABLY ALONG LIST OF ISSUES THEY HAVE TO TALK
ABOUT, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN, THAT IS TRUE.
I
GUESS THE HOPE IS THAT IF THEY ESTABLISH A RAPPORT WITH HIM AND
HE HAS A FAVORABLE OPINION OF THAT COUNTRY, THEN TRUMP LEAVES
THE ROOM OR GOES TO SLEEP OR GETS A DIET COKE OR WHATEVER AND
THEN THE SERIOUS DOUBLE MATS ARE GIVEN FREE REIGN BY THE
PRESIDENT TO MAKE GOOD DEALS.
UNFORTUNATELY AGAIN WE BEEN
TALKING ABOUT THIS THE ENTIRE TIME, WE KNOW HOW THESE SORTS OF
TRIPS GENERALLY GO.
THEY ARE GENERALLY ABOUT HUGE EXPENSES ON
THE MILITARY AND SETTING UP OIL DRILLING, A LOT OF IT HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR INTERESTS, IT'S ABOUT ADVANCING
THE INTERESTS OF U.S. AND GLOBAL ECONOMIC ELITES, BUT I DON'T
WANT US TO TURN OUR BACK ON THE REST OF THE WORLD, THAT'S WHAT
I'M SAYING.
SO IT RESTS ON DONALD TRUMP.
I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE FUNNY.
IT WILL GENERATE A LOT OF MATERIAL FOR YOUR SHOW.
HILARIOUS.
I HOPE SOMEONE TRIES TO GET HIM TO DANCE.
HAVE WE EVER SEEN
HIM DANCE?
NO, BUT HE DID THE WAVE A LITTLE, DID YOU EVER SEE THAT
VIDEOTAPE OF HIM AND BILL O'REILLY AT A BASEBALL GAME?
THE
WAVE IS COMING, THERE ARE LIKE FOUR WOMEN NEXT TO THEM, THEY
ALL DO IT, IT COMES TO BILL O'REILLY AND HE GOES LIKE THIS,
AND TRUMP ACTUALLY GOES LIKE THAT.
HE DOESN'T STAND UP, BUT HE DOES THAT.
HE COULDN'T, OR IF HE DID HE WOULD HAVE TO MAKE A GRUNTING
NOISE.
BUT HE WAS A SPORT, I GUESS THAT IS SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW WHAT BILL O'REILLY IS DOING RIGHT NOW?
HE'S TRYING TO
CONVINCE HIS RIGHT HAND THAT THERE ARE CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
IN IT IF IT JERKS HIM OFF.

Will Trump's International Tour Be A Disaster, Or A Mess?

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