World's Most Evil Invention

>>> ORDER MY COLLEAGUES AND CALAMITY.
I HEREBY CALL TO ORDER THE MEETING OF THE INTERNATIONAL MAD
SCIENTISTS SOCIETY. AS YOU KNOW IT IS TIME FOR THE
MAD SCIENTISTS SOCIETY ANNUAL MOST EVIL INVENTION IN THE WORLD
CONTEST. >> HEAR, HEAR, EVIL!
>> YES. ESTEEMED EVIL DOERS.
YOU HAVE HAD ALL YEAR TO WORK IN YOUR SECRET LABORATORIES ON AN
EVIL INVENTION THAT WILL SHOCK THE ENTIRE WORLD WITH ITS
DASTARDLY DESIGN. WHO IS FIRST?
[ EVIL LAUGHTER ] >> I AM DR. MICROKNOX.
AND THE MOST EVIL INVENTION IN THE WORLD IS MY SHRINK RAY.
>> OOH. >> IT CAN REDUCE A MONUMENT TO
THE SIZE OF A TOY. I WILL HAVE THE EIFFEL TOWER ON
MY KEY CHAIN AND MT. RUSHMORE AS A PAPER WEIGHT.
>> VERY EVIL, DOCTOR. I GUESS BAD THINGS COME IN SMALL
PACKAGES. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHO IS NEXT? >> I AM BARONESS ANTARCTICA.
MY ENTRY FOR WORLD'S MOST EVIL INVENTION IS THE FREEZE RAY.
>> OOOH. >> I SHALL ENCASE ALL THE
WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS MONUMENTS IN SOLID ICE.
>> HOW CHILLINGLY EVIL. OKAY.
WHO IS NEXT? >> HI, GUYS.
MY NAME IS ROY. AND FOR THE MOST EVIL INVENTION
IN THE WORLD CONTEST I INVENTED A CHILD MOLESTING ROBOT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I BEG YOUR PARDON.
WHAT? >> I'M SORRY.
I'LL SPEAK UP. IT'S A ROBOT THAT'S DESIGNED TO
MOLEST CHILDREN. I CALL IT THE ROBOCHOMO, ROBOTIC
CHILD MOLESTER. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT IS POWERED BY SOLAR RECHARGEABLE FUEL CELLS, COST
PENNIES TO MANUFACTURE AND IT CAN THEORETICALLY MOLEST TWICE
AS MANY CHILDREN AS A HUMAN MOLESTER IN HALF THE TIME.
SO, UM, DO I WIN THE CONTEST? >> OH, MY GOD.
>> WHAT'S WRONG? >> WHAT'S WRONG?
MY MOST EVIL IDEA WAS BLIZZARD IN JULY.
>> RIGHT. WELL, I WENT IN A SLIGHTLY
DIFFERENT DIRECTION WITH THE ASSIGNMENT.
>> YOU BUILT A MECHANICAL SEX PREDATOR.
>> YES. THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
SEE? THIS GUY GETS IT.
YOU GET IT. >> OH, MY GOD.
NO, I DON'T. >> HOW DO YOU EVEN BUILD A CHILD
MOLESTING ROBOT? >> WELL, THAT'S A GREAT
QUESTION. WHAT YOU DO IS YOU START BY
BUILDING A REGULAR ROBOT. THEN YOU MOLEST IT AND HOPE IT
CONTINUES THE CYCLE. >> DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY.
>> THAT'S THE MOST HIDEOUS THING I HAVE HEARD IN MY LIFE.
>> THE SHRINK GUY IS WITH ME. >> STOP SAYING THAT.
>> I WAND TO REMIND YOU THAT IN WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY IT
DEFINES EVIL AS PROFOUNDLY IMMORAL.
>> WE KNOW WHAT EVIL MEANS. >> WELL, IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE
YOU DO BECAUSE YOU BUILT A FREEZE RAY.
I MEAN, BENITO MUSSOLINI USED TO FORCE FEED PEOPLE CASTOR OIL
UNTIL THEY LITERALLY DIED OF DIARRHEA.
THAT'S GOT TO BE WHERE THE GOAL POSTS ARE, RIGHT?
I MEAN -- AM I CRAZY OR? >> I THINK SOMEONE SHOULD CALL
THE POLICE. >> OKAY.
WELL, I THINK WE ARE ALL GETTING HANGRY RIGHT NOW.
LET'S BREAK FOR LUNCH. I'LL BUY YOU ALL A SANDWICH AT
THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET.
>> GET OUT OF HERE NOW. >> LET'S TALK IT OVER AT THE
RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET WITH THE MEDIEVAL DECOR AND THE
LITTLE MINIATURE BEEF SANDWICHES.
>> IT'S A WHITE CASTLE. JUST SAY WHITE CASTLE.
WHO THE HELL CALLS IT A SANDWICH RESTAURANT?
>> OKAY. WELL, YOU GUYS ARE MAD.
I'M SORRY. I JUST WANTED TO WIN THE
CONTEST. I GUESS I SCREWED UP.
>> NO, ROY. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE
FOR. YES, YOU MADE A ROBOT THAT
MOLESTS CHILDREN. YOU ALSO MADE AN IMPORTANT POINT
HERE TODAY. THINGS ARE ALWAYS BETTER WITH
JUICY BEEF AND ONION SANDWICHES FROM WHITE CASTLE,
AMERICA'S MEDIEVAL SANDWICH RESTAURANT.
♪♪♪ >> WHITE CASTLE, WE'LL SERVE
ANYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

World's Most Evil Invention - SNL

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