15 Dumbest Phone Accessories Ever

• Not every cell phone accessory is as useful as a hands-free headset.
Which one costs about 1,300 dollars?
Which one involves an artificial heartbeat?
Here are 15 of the most bizarre and questionable cell phone accessories you'll find.
15 – Wired Retro Handsets • Can you imagine how miserable it would
be to still have to use a phone with a cord?
• Well now you don't have to imagine!
Instead of going hands-free, you can have your cell phone in one hand, and the much
larger part you actually talk into in the other hand!
• That, or you can go all 1990s by getting the Bluetooth adapter and go cordless!
Or you can just talk into your damn phone like a normal human.
14 – Seat Belt Clip • They must have been soooo proud when they
came up with the tagline “Buckle Up Your Cell Phone.”
• It didn't even occur to them that this is fucking stupid and nobody needs to do this.
• Maybe it's a good first attempt at a hands-free calling option in the car, except for the
part where the airbag goes off and the cell phone crushes your sternum.
13 – Cell Mate • Speaking of hands-free solutions that
make you look like an asshole, here's the Cell Mate, a headband that holds your cell
phone in front of your ear.
• This is a really great option for when you want your phone attached to the side of
your head so you can't actually use it.
• By the way, Cell Mate's website has three images of people using it.
All of them appear to be over 50, and two of them seem to be the same woman.
12 – Windshield Wipers • This is one of those things where it's
exactly what it sounds like.
It looks like a windshield wiper, and acts like one.
• I guess if you really need to use your phone during a storm... you still can't, because
the wiper would keep brushing your hand away.
• Oh, it's for fingerprints!
Yeah, sure, this monstrosity is way more convenient than a soft cloth.
11 – USB Typewriter • Okay, we're cheating here because this
is made for a tablet and not a cell phone.
But it connects via USB, so you theoretically COULD use it with a cell phone.
Besides, we couldn't leave it off the list, because look at this fucking thing.
• This is a 1,300 dollar accessory, which is way more than what any iPad retails for.
Who needs a wireless Bluetooth keyboard that you can get for 20 bucks from basically anywhere?
• No, for the richest of hipsters and those who believe technology peaked in 1974, you
can lug around this bad boy and feel really unique about having the worst possible version
of a laptop replacement.
10 – The Hugvie • Phones bring us closer to each other by
allowing us to communicate with our loved ones even when we can't be with them.
• But sometimes that's not enough.
Sometimes people need to hug a vaguely human-shaped amoeba with an artificial heartbeat and your
voice coming out of it.
• And sometimes, other people need to stay the hell away from those people.
9 – Sweater Cases • Some people simply aren't satisfied with
simply accessorizing their phones.
They have to actually dress them up.
• So naturally, we go directly to sweaters.
With sleeves.
Why does a cell phone need sleeves?
Cell phones don't have arms.
They also get cold.
8 – Hand-shaped Phone Case • Isn't it just a pain when your cell phone
feels like a cell phone?
• What if you could re-enact a horror movie trope every time you pick up your phone, by
touching a creepy, disembodied hand?
• Now you can talk on the phone while enjoying the sensation of holding hands with a cold,
lifeless, preserved corpse.
7 – Mini Golf Set • This is a fully-featured mini- mini-golf
set that comes with a putter, two balls and a hole, which sounds like a great time.
• If you feel like hanging all that off your phone at all times just so you can play
the world's smallest round of mini golf on your desk, you can!
It even comes in five different colors!
• It might be easier to try a mini-golf app, though.
6 - Airbags • Okay, admittedly, dropping an expensive
smartphone and shattering the screen is a goddamn nightmare scenario.
• But airbags?
Isn't that kind of overkill?
• As it turns out, yes.
Honda, Apple and Amazon have all played with the idea of some sort of phone fall-protection.
The Apple concept didn't involve airbags, but rather gas thrusters to slow the rate
of the fall.
But nobody is seriously thinking about producing them.
5 – The iBreath • This must be for raging alcoholics who
need to know whether they're too sloshed to drive on a regular basis.
• For them, there is a breathalyzer attachment for 79 dollars that draws power off your phone
to let you know just exactly how wasted you are.
• It doesn't actually send any data to your phone or do anything.
• It's just a breathalyzer.
• That you attach to your phone.
• For 79 dollars.
4 – Textees • Supposedly, these little thumb thimbles
improve your texting accuracy.
• The problem is, to get that benefit, you have to actually wear them.
3 - Aquapac • The never-ending effort to completely
waterproof our cell phones has led us here.
The Aquapac.
• Basically, Just put your phone in this IV bag and quit your bitchin'.
• This thing even makes your phone float, so if you drop it off your boat, you can just
get it right back.
Unless you've got an iPhone.
Then you can get fucked.
2 – Pet Plant Charm • Cell phone charms are perfectly normal,
and so is keeping a potted plant.
But what about keeping a plant on your cell phone?
• These little bottled charms are billed as “pet” plants, and the way they're bottled
it looks like they're carrying the antidote for a plague that will wipe out humanity.
• Also, you can get cactus charms, just in case you want an exciting bit of extra
risk when you accidentally sit on your phone.
1 – Android-Powered Espresso Machine • Phone dock that plays music and charges
your phone?
Cool.
• Phone dock that plays music and uses your phone's battery to make a cup of espresso?
Um, maybe cool, but why?
• The espresso machine is too big to really be portable.
So you have to have it in your house anyway.
• So... why the hell would you want it to drain your phone battery instead of, you know,
plugging it into the wall?
Do you really need espresso on a camping trip or something?
What do you think is the weirdest cell phone accessory?
Leave us a comment below and we'll pin our favorite.

15 Dumbest Phone Accessories Ever

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