Cartoon Donald Trump Can't Stop Tweeting

( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND
STAY HUMAN RIGHT OVER THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: HEY!
HEY!
>> Stephen: JON, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
AS ALWAYS.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE A SECOND RIGHT HERE, I JUST WANT TO TAKE
A SECOND RIGHT HERE TO RECOGNIZE-- TO RECOGNIZE,s
THIS IS THE 73rd ANNIVERSARY OF D-DAY.
ON THIS DATE IN 1944, THE LARGEST AMPHIBIOUS LANDING IN
THE WORLD HAPPENED ON THE SHORES OF NORMANDY TO LIBERATE FRANCE
AND EUROPE FROM THE NAZIS.
AND THERE ARE STILL WWII VETERANS OUT THERE WHO FOUGHT ON
THAT DAY.
GO FIND ONE, GIVE HIM A KISS, ALL RIGHT.
( APPLAUSE ) INCLUDING-- AND I DON'T KNOW IF
I TOLD YOU THIS-- INCLUDING MY UNCLE EDDIE, WHO WAS IN THE
101st AIRBORNE AND WENT IN EIGHT HOURS BEFORE D-DAY TO CUT
WIRES BEHIND ENEMY LINES AND HE GOT CAUGHT IMMEDIATELY AND THEN
ESCAPED AND RAN OFF, AND JOINED UP WITH HIS UNIT.
YEAH.
THANK YOU, EDDIE.
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )
NOW, FOLKS, THE PRESIDENT'S EXECUTIVE ORDER BLOCKING
IMMIGRANTS FROM SIX MUSLIM-MAJORITY COUNTRIES IS
HEADED TO THE SUPREME COURT.
IRONICALLY, IT COULD BE PEOPLE IN ROBES THAT STOP DONALD TRUMP
FROM BANNING PEOPLE IN ROBES.
BUT THE ADMINISTRATION STILL HAS A SHOT TO WIN THIS ONE IF THEY
CAN CONVINCE THE COURT THAT THE ORDER IS NOT AN UNCONSTITUTIONAL
TRAVEL BAN.
AND THEY HAVE BEEN VERY, VERY DISCIPLINED WITH THIS MESSAGE.
>> THIS IS NOT A TRAVEL BAN.
>> IT IS NOT A TRAVEL BAN.
>> IT IS NOT A TRAVEL BAN.
>> BECAUSE WHEN WE USE WORDS LIKE "TRAVEL BAN" THAT
MISREPRESENTS WHAT IT IS.
>> Stephen: AND THEN YESTERDAY ON TWITTER THE PRESIDENT BACKED
THEM UP, AND OFF A CLIFF.
"PEOPLE, THE LAWYERS AND THE COURTS CAN CALL IT WHATEVER THEY
WANT, BUT I AM CALLING IT WHAT WE NEED AND WHAT IT IS, A TRAVEL
BAN!" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ENJOY, TRAVEL BAN!
THEN HE CONTINUED SUPPORTING THEM UNDER THE BUS.
"THAT'S RIGHT, WE NEED A TRAVEL BAN FOR CERTAIN DANGEROUS
COUNTRIES, NOT SOME POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM THAT WON'T HELP US
PROTECT OUR PEOPLE!" SIR, YOU'RE REALLY HURTING YOUR
OWN CASE.
YOU USED TO CALL IT A MUSLIM BAN.
TRAVEL BAN IS THE POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM, AS IN, I DON'T
LIKE THOSE "TRAVELERS" WITH THEIR "TRAVEL" BEARDS WHEN AND
THEY PRAY ON THEIR "TRAVEL" RUGS.
THESE TWEETS THREW THE WHITE HOUSE INTO COMPLETE DISARRAY,
WHICH WAS A REFRESHING BREAK FROM THE USUAL SPITEFUL CHAOS.
SO, THEY SENT OUT WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR AND RADIO SHACK MANAGER
WHO IS NOT GOING TO ACCEPT A RETURN WITHOUT A RECEIPT,
SEBASTIAN GORKA, WHO EXPLAINED THAT THE PRESIDENT'S TWEETS ARE
NOT POLICY.
>> HIS TWEETS ARE THE POLICY.
THEY ARE STATEMENTS FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> THEY ARE NOT POLICY.
IT'S NOT POLICY.
>> OF COURSE IT IS.
>> IT'S SOCIAL MEDIA, CHRIS.
IT'S SOCIAL MEDIA.
IT'S NOT SOCIAL MEDIA.
IT'S HIS WORDS, HIS THOUGHTS.
>> IT'S NOT POLICY.
IT'S NOT AN EXECUTIVE ORDER.
IT'S SOCIAL MEDIA.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POLICY
AND SOCIAL MEDIA.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND A
DOUCHEBAG.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE.
PLEASE.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE.
BUT LOUD AND CLEAR, OKAY.
I GET THE MESSAGE-- PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TWEETS ARE NOT
CONSIDERED OFFICIAL STATEMENTS, END OF-- I'M SORRY,
WHAT?
>> ARE PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TWEETS CONSIDERED OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE
STATEMENTS?
>> WELL, THE PRESIDENT IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
SO THEY'RE CONSIDERED OFFICIAL STATEMENTS BY THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
>> Stephen: GAH!
( LAUGHTER ) OH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AAAH!
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS TO
ACCOUNT FOR A 180 LIKE THAT?
"THE FAKE MAIN STREET MEDIA IS WORKING SO HARD TRYING TO GET ME
NOT TO USE SOCIAL MEDIA.
THEY HATE THAT I CAN GET THE HONEST AND UNFILTERED MESSAGE
OUT."
OH, YES.
OH, YES, THE MEDIA HATES IT.
AND LET ME JUST SAY SOMETHING QUICKLY TO DONALD TRUMP.
FIRST OF ALL, THANKS FOR WATCHING, SIR.
SECOND, SECOND, AS AN HONORARY MEMBER OF THE MEDIA, PLEASE STOP
SWEETING, ESPECIALLY EARLY IN THE MORNING, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO
WRITE ABOUT IT ALL DAY LONG.
SOME DAYS, WE COME UP WITH TOO MANY JOKES, AND WE HAVE SOME
LEFT OVER FOR THE NEXT DAY, AND I CAN START DRINKING EARLY.
SO NO TWEETING, NONE!
I DEMAND IT!
HERE'S THE THING-- EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS TWEETING IS A
DISASTER, SO WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING IT?
AND WHY SO OFTEN?
HIS FREQUENCY OF TWEETING, EVEN FOR HIM, HAS BECOME CARTOONISH.
HERE TO EXPLAIN, PLEASE WELCOME CARTOON DONALD TRUMP.
THANK YOU, SIR.
CARTOON DONALD TRUMP, EVERYBODY.
LOVELY, YOU LOOK LOVELY, SIR.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, MR. CARTOON PRESIDENT.
>> I PLEAD THE FIFTH.
>> Stephen: THIS ISN'T A TRIAL, AND I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU ANYTHING
YET.
>> JUST PRACTICING.
THAT'S WHAT WINNERS DO.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT THE NEWS THAT RUSSIANS MAY
HAVE HACKED OUR ELECTION?
>> NO.
HILLARY LOST BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T CAMPAIGN IN THE SWING STATES:
MICHIGAN, WISCONSIN, MOSCOW.
IT'S A RED STATE.
( LAUGHTER ) COME ON, WE KNOW IT IS.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND.
SO, YOU AREN'T NERVOUS ABOUT JAMES COMEY'S UPCOMING TESTIMONY
BEFORE CONGRESS?
THEY SAY HE TOOK NOTES OF EVERY INAPPROPRIATE THING YOU SAID TO
HIM.
>> COME ON, NO ONE HAS TIME TO WRITE DOWN EVERY INAPPROPRIATE
THING I SAY, NOT EVEN ME.
HERE COMES ONE NOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE.
"ROSIE O'DONNELL IS A MUSLIM AND A HOAX.
ENJOY!" ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.
ALL THESE RECKLESS TWEETS ARE HURTING YOUR OWN AGENDA.
WHEN YOU WERE ABROAD A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, ON TOUR OF MIDDLE
EASTERN EUROPE, THINGS WENT REALLY WELL IN PART BECAUSE YOU
DIDN'T TWEET.
>> I WANTED TO, BUT I COULDN'T CHARGE MY PHONE.
THEY HAVE WEIRD PLOIFERGZ THERE.
THAT'S WHY I DROPPED OUT OF THE STUPID PARIS THING.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T STOP TWEETING.
>> I CAN STOP ANY TIME I WANT, STEPHEN.
"I CAN STOP TWEET ANYTHING TIME I WANT, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL STOP, WILL POWER.
>> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT THE HEALTH CARE FIGHT--
>> JUST A QUICKIE.
JUST A QUICKIE.
"FAKE NEWS.
LIES ALL ABOUT THE TRAVEL BAN.
WE MUST DOT, DOT, DOT.
" ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WE MUST WHAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MIDSENTENCE IS THE ONLY TIME I STOP TWEETING.
ENJOY!
>> Stephen: CARTOON DONALD TRUMP, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SALMA HAYEK PINAULT.

Cartoon Donald Trump Can't Stop Tweeting

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