Sarah Silverman on Near Death Experience & Boyfriend Michael Sheen

>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
MAY I SAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH YOU BUT YOU SMELL
GOOD NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU KNOW MY SMELL IS MY
THING.
HEY, I'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.
>> Jimmy: OH-OH, WHAT?
>> I'M SO HAPPY THAT EVERYTHING
WORKED OUT WITH BILLY.
>> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
>> AS MY FATHER LIKES TO SAY, I
PRAYED TO THE GOD I DON'T
BELIEVE IN, AND SO GLAD
EVERYTHING WORKED OUT AND
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> TWO KIDS.
FOUR KIDS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> TWO SINCE US.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> SO I GUESS IT REALLY IS OVER.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I FIGURED THAT WAS THE BEST WAY
TO TELL YOU.
>> I GET IT.
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
BY THE WAY, YOU HAD A HEALTH
SCARE, A REALLY SERIOUS HEALTH
SCARE, NOT LONG AGO.
TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.
BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS IN YOUR
SPECIAL.
BUT TAKE OUR AUDIENCE HERE
THROUGH THAT.
>> THINKING TO YOU TO NUTSHELL
IT.
>> Jimmy: WAS IT A REAL SERIOUS
THING?
>> IT'S CRAZY I'M ALIVE.
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR WITH A SORE
THOUGH THE.
WHO GOES TO THE DOCTOR FOR A
SORE THROAT?
>> Jimmy: YOU.
>> I DID.
HE SAID, THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH,
WE'RE GOING IN THE EMERGENCY
ROOM.
I HAD AN ABSCESS AT THE TOP OF
MY WINDPIPE THAT WAS EITHER
GOING TO GROW ANOTHER MILLIMETER
AND CHOKE ME TO DEATH, OR
EXPLODE AND KILL ME THAT WAY.
>> Jimmy: WHY WOULD IT KILL YOU
IF IT EXPLODED?
>> FILLED WITH POISON.
>> Jimmy: REALLY, WOW.
>> YES.
AND REALLY -- MY MANAGER AMY
COULD TELL YOU.
THE WHOLE THING IS A FOG TO ME.
THEY HAD TO PUT ME IN A
SEMI-COMA.
I COULDN'T BE PUT TO SLEEP ALL
THE WAY.
WHICH SUCKS.
BECAUSE NOW ALL THESE LIKE
MEMORIES ARE FLOATING BACK.
YOU KNOW, MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS
VERY LOW.
THEY COULDN'T PUT ME TOTALLY
OUT.
THEY JUST GAVE ME ALL THE HEROIN
IN THE WORLD, BASICALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND I HAD A BREATHING TUBE FOR A
WEEK.
WHENEVER I WOULD WAKE UP, THEY
HAD TO TIE MY HANDS DOWN, JIMMY.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, HUMAN NATURE
WHEN YOU FEEL SOMETHING DOWN
YOUR THROAT IS TO PULL IT OUT.
SO I WOULD WAKE UP, I'D FEEL
THIS THING DOWN MY THROAT, AND
I'D GO TO PULL IT OUT.
AND THEN I'D REALIZE MY HANDS
ARE TIED DOWN.
AND THEN I JUST ASSUMED WHAT
ANYONE WOULD ASSUME.
WHICH IS, I HAVE BEEN CAPTURED
BY ISIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TRULY, TRULY, RIGHT?
[ APPLAUSE ]
THEY LOVE IT, THEY'RE CLOSE WITH
US.
SO THEN A SISTER WOULD HAVE TO
SAY, NOT A NUN, BUT ONE OF MY
SISTERS.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW, SWEETIE, YOU'RE
OKAY, YOU HAD A THING, BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH.
I WOULD GO, OH.
AND FALL BACK TO SLEEP.
30 SECONDS LATER I WOULDN'T
REMEMBER ANY OF IT AND THE WHOLE
THING WOULD HAPPEN AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S VERY SCARY.
YOUR WHOLE FAMILY CONVERGED
THERE AND EVERYTHING?
>> MY SISTER TOLD MY PARENTS NOT
TO COME.
WHICH YOU KNOW IS PROBABLY FOR
THE BEST.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH.
THAT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN
HELPFUL.
BUT YOU DID -- IS THIS
SOMETHING --
>> WAIT.
>> Jimmy: I'M NOT GOING TO
SHOW --
>> WAIT FOR IT.
>> Jimmy: WE ALWAYS HAVE THIS
PROBLEM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I WON'T SHOW IT YET.
>> CAN I SAY, BECAUSE THERE ARE
A COUPLE OF FUNNY STORIES THAT I
HAD TO HEAR ABOUT AFTER.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY.
>> IS SOMEONE GOING LIKE THIS?
>> Jimmy: NO.
JUST ONE CRAZY GUY DOING IT, HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW.
>> THEY'D GIVE ME PENCIL AND
PARTNER AND I WOULD TRY TO WRITE
THINGS DOWN TO COMMUNICATE.
A NURSE CAME IN AND SOMEHOW I
COMMUNICATED, I HAVE SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU OR
SOMETHING.
SHE'S WAITING.
AND I'M WRITING.
WRITING DOWN.
AND I DON'T REMEMBER THIS AT
ALL.
BUT APPARENTLY I JUST WROTE, "DO
YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER?"
AND A PICTURE OF A [ BLEEP ].
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I KNOW THIS IS ON ABC, THIS
IS PROBABLY BLURRED OUT BECAUSE
OF SO MUCH [ BLEEP ].
IF I SAY, IS THIS A [ BLEEP ] OR
IS THIS A FINGER?
IS THIS ASPARAGUS?
IT IS ASPARAGUS, UNBLUR IT, IT'S
ASPARAGUS.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID SHE REACT TO
THIS QUESTION?
>> I JUST LOOKED AT MY HAIR AND
IT DOESN'T LOOK HOW I IMAGINED.
>> Jimmy: I TOLD YOU THAT A
MILLION TIMES.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: YOU CAME THROUGH IT.
IS THERE ANY DANGER NOW THAT IT
WILL RECUR?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: NO, OKAY, GOOD.
>> I DID LIKE HAVE YOU WORRIED A
LITTLE BIT.
>> Jimmy: I WAS WORRIED.
>> IT'S VERY UNLIKELY IT WOULD
RECUR.
>> Jimmy: YOUR BOYFRIEND MICHAEL
SHEEN, WAS HE THERE BY YOUR
SIDE?
>> HE WAS THERE BY MY SIDE THE
WHOLE TIME.
HE WOULD SHOOT "MASTERS OF SEX"
AND SLEEP IN A CHAIR NEXT TO ME.
DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT THOUGH.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU SURE THAT
HAPPENED?
IS THERE ANY PHOTOGRAPHIC
EVIDENCE THAT IT HAPPENED?
>> PROBABLY NOT.
HE IS MY ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN
LOVER.
>> Jimmy: IS HE ON AGAIN, OFF
AGAIN?
>> WELL, I MEAN --
>> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT
THE OFF AGAIN.
>> NO, HE'S ON AGAIN.
I CALL HIM MY ON AGAIN, OFF
AGAIN LOVER BECAUSE WE WERE
APART BY OCEANS.
ONE OCEAN.
>> Jimmy: HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE?
>> HIS DAUGHTER TURNED 18.
HE WANTED TO GO HOME.
>> Jimmy: AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO
GO HOME -- HIS DAUGHTER TURNED
18 HERE?
AND HE WENT HOME?
>> YES.
HE'S SCARED TO BE NEAR HIS
DAUGHTER.
NOW SHE'S GOING TO START HER OWN
LIFE, GOING TO NYU.
HE HAS A CALLING TO -- YOU KNOW
HOW I'M POLITICALLY ACTIVE.
HE WANTS TO BE AND HE NEEDS TO
BE HOME TO DO THAT.
HE'S THERE A LOT.
AND THEN WE JUST LONG FOR EACH
OTHER AND WE SEE EACH OTHER AND
WE LOVE EACH OTHER.
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU DON'T
REALLY -- YOU DON'T LIVE ON THE
SAME CONTINENT?
>> I MEAN, WE VISIT.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> YOU KNOW ME, I'M A LONER.
SO IT'S OKAY.
BUT YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL
FIGURE IT ALL OUT.
YOU HAVE A DOG, RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH.
I HAVE A DOG

Sarah Silverman on Near Death Experience & Boyfriend Michael Sheen

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