-I wish.
I have to explain, I got an allergy,
and I have to wear these,
'cause my eyes are all really kind of funky.
-I'm always prepared.
-What do you have, rubber gloves?
[ Laughter ]
Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I fake chewed gum.
I have fake chewing gum --
-My love for you has completely changed now, man.
It's a different kind of love now.
-[ As Alec Baldwin ] Here's what's great about you and your boys,
and how perfect you are.
You came up to me backstage --
-Why do I sound like Bela Lugosi?
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my gosh.
If you're playing the Bela Lugosi drinking game
at home, that's two shots.
[ Laughter ]
I saw you -- [ Laughs ]
First person to say Bela Lugosi in 20 years.
-25 years. -Yeah, you're in the hallway,
and you came up to me and you looked at my mustache,
you go, what is it? A bit?
-What's going on, is it a bit?
[ Laughter ]
-I'm not doing a bit!
When you do that, how do you decide?
Like, you're so handsome.
Don't you think he's a good-looking guy?
[ Cheers and applause ]
They love you. -You're Alec Baldwin.
-No, no, and you grew that.
Now what was going through your mind when you did that?
[ Laughter ]
How drunk were you? -I wasn't drunk.
-What was going through your mind?
-I was sober. What happened was,
I didn't shave for a weekend
and I had kind of a beard.
And I go, "Maybe I'll grow a beard."
And my wife said, "Don't do that.
Everyone's got a beard, grow a mustache."
-So you grew a mustache, and you went to the bathroom
the following morning you're like, "Hey, there he is."
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, there he is.
Yeah, that's what I say every morning.
-"There you are." -It's affirmation, yeah.
My therapist -- "Hey, there he is."
-I met somebody I liked today.
Me. -Me.
-Me. [ Laughter ]
Affirmations.
-I want to say congratulations on everything.
I want to -- every single thing you do, I love.
And I want to talk about the roast on Spike.
Roast/tribute on Spike TV.
But also Donald Trump,
your impression on "Saturday Night Live"
this whole season was unbelievable.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Unbelievable.
-As you know, the good news is that you do it
like that quick burst. it's the cold opening.
It's five minutes. And you're not gonna do --
we're not doing a 90-Minute movie with Steven Soderbergh.
I mean, we're, like, playing Trump.
-Right. -That wouldn't work.
And it's nice that we had good writing,
and you get in and you get out and you get out quick enough
that people don't realize you really don't do
a very good Trump impersonation, you know what I mean?
[ Laughter ]
So I was the beneficiary of that.
We're in, we're out. -No, you were fantastic.
And I just loved -- I want to thank you
for the advice you gave me when I hosted.
-You don't have to wear the glasses anymore,
you realize that, don't you?
-Yeah, I don't have -- I don't have an allergy.
-You don't have an allergy. [ Laughter ]
-I just want to make you feel comfortable.
I want you to try these glasses on, too.
You want to? -Who makes these glasses?
Who makes your glasses? -Pilla.
-Pilla. -Pilla.
-Of course. -Pilla.
I only wear Pilla. -I only wear Pilla.
-Try 'em on. -Are those Pilla?
-Yeah. -I don't want to give you
my disease.
So that means if I put them on, I keep them.
[ Laughter ] -That's the way it works, man.
-Yeah. How do I look?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Why fool around? why fool around?
Why even -- I mean, come on.
Why even -- look at that.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Just a good-looking guy.
But you -- you rock those glasses,
but you came up to me on "Saturday night live" --
-My new glasses. Pilla.
-Do you remember you came up to me
because I was hosting the show and I had this opening where --
I wanted to sing -- -You're Bowie. "Let's Dance.
-I sang David Bowie, yeah. -And you're so musical.
You're so talented. You can move and everything.
But you were really -- you seemed a little tense.
You were, like, working it really hard,
like Bowie had a hernia. You know what I mean?
[ Laughter ]
Like bowie slipped a disc, he was in pain.
And I said, man -- I said, "Jimmy, everybody loves you.
Just smile, relax and enjoy yourself."
And you were like, "yeah."
-Yeah, I go, "Yeah." I forgot, I was trying to hit the notes.
I was worrying about the song.
And you're like, "You got the song."
And you go, only you would Lorne Michaels change
in the hallways of "Saturday Night Live."
-They literally took everything out of the hallway
and stripped the whole place bare and dressed it as a set
for you, like you were Liza Minnelli or something.
[ Laughter ]
Like you were Cher. You know what I mean?
But, yeah, no, you did that and you're so musical,
it was great. But in the beginning,
you were like Bowie had a little bit of a rash or chafe.
-Yeah, I was a little -- I was nervous.
I was nervous. So thank you,
you really helped me. Thank you for that.
How are the babies? How's Hilaria?
I just saw her backstage. -We did the roast.
We can get to that in a minute,
but my wife, brought my daughter Carmen.
That was the biggest surprise for me when people come out
'cause there's a few surprises.
-Oh, no. -And Carmen came out.
-Dude, Carmen is a star. She's 3 years old, right?
-She is, really, so, you know, little crazy.
She's so comfortable in front of the camera.
-Jimmy: She is. -My wife, oddly enough,
the person who said the meanest things about me
in the roast was my wife. [ Laughter ]
I said to her afterwards, you realize they give you
these really nasty jokes, you don't have to say them.
-You don't have --
"Thanks, no, I love my husband."
-She was like, "Bang, bang, bang."
-Of course, a couple jabs in there, yeah.
-Yeah. -But man, oh man.
You have the cutest kids. Look at these kids.
-I know. -Look at these kids.
-This is my daughter, Carmen. -Yep.
That's Carmen, who is a superstar.
-As if there aren't enough other women in this house.
Glaring at them. There's our son, Leo.
-Yeah. -There's my son, Rafael.
-Rafael. -My love.
Just so cute. Oh, my goodness.
you have a video that I want to show.
-You realize, by the way, you and I have discussed this
also, you know what this means don't you?
I have to work until I'm 85 years old.
[ Laughter ]
I'm gonna be a greeter in Vegas.
[ Laughter ]
-That's your next move. -Yeah, it is.
What am I gonna do?
-I mean, why not? I think you should keep
having more of these beautiful babies.
They're the cutest, nicest babies,
and there's -- I want to show a video here
'cause you're -- Carmen wants to know the impression --
-Exactly. Oh, you have that?
-How to do the Donald Trump impression.
-She's funny. -And she's asking you
how to do it, and she is the best.
Watch Carmen.
-What day does Daddy play Donald Trump?
-Saturday. -And we go like this
with our hands. And we say, "Saturday."
-Saturday. -Saturday.
-Saturday. -Saturday.
-Okay, everybody. -Okay, everybody.
-It's Saturday. -Saturday.
[ Laughter ]
-Are you kidding me? I love it, dude!
I love it!
It's so cute! I love her, I love her so much!