Billy Crystal Reveals Ridiculous Injury

THE GOLD STANDARD FOR OSCAR
ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE EVER,
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO BILLY
CRYSTAL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WE BROKE THE RECORD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
BY THE WAY, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU
FEELING WELL.
BECAUSE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
COME HERE LAST MONTH.
>> THE WEIRDEST INJURY EVER.
>> Jimmy: IS WHAT YOU TOLD ME
TRUE.
>> TOTALLY TRUE.
>> Jimmy: EXPLAIN THIS.
>> OKAY.
SO IT'S THE NIGHT BEFORE THE
SHOW.
SO IT'S AROUND 9:30 WHICH IS
ALREADY NOW PAST MY BED TIME.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> I'M IN THAT POSITION THAT A
LOT OF YOU YOUNGER PEOPLE FIND
YOUR PARENTS IN, AROUND 8:30.
I'M IN A POSITION ONLY LIKE A
JELLY FISH COULD BE IN IN THAT
CHAIR AND I'M LIKE THAT.
IT LOOKS LIKE A MOB HIT.
AND OUT OF THE BLUE I SNEEZE.
BUT A VIOLENT SNEEZE.
IF IT WAS A CARTOON MY ARMS ARE
FLYING OFF MY BODY,
PEOPLE ARE NOW NAKED BECAUSE IT
BLEW THEIR CLOTHES OFF.
SO I FALL IS ASLEEP AND TWO
HOURS LATER CAN'T BREATHE.
IT'S TERRIBLE.
PAINFUL.
IT'S THAT THING.
LIKE
I COULDN'T CATCH
MY BREATH.
I SOUND LIKE A KID CAUGHT IN A
LIE, A SIX-YEAR-OLD.
I REALLY
DIDN'T
TAKE
AND THAT IS HOW THE HAWAIIAN
LANGUAGE WAS CREATED.
SO WHAT I DID WAS TORRE RIB
MUSCLE.
>> FROM SNEEZING?
>> FROM SNEEZING.
AND I LITERALLY COULD NOT
BREATHE.
IT'S NOT AN INJURY YOU WANT TO
BRAG ABOUT.
>> NO, YEAH, YEAH.
>> I DIDN'T RESCUE A WOMAN OUT
OF A BURNING CAR.
>> NOT EVEN CLOSE.
>> I SNEEZED.
>> DID YOU HAVE A COLD?
>> I HAVE REALLY BAD ALLEGIES
BUT THIS S. ONE CAME FROM OUT OF
THE BLUE.
DANGEROUS.
IT'S TRUE.
THE GREAT PITCHER SAMMY SOSA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HE SNEEZED SO VIOLENTLY HE
MISSED TWO AND HALF MONTHS OF
THE SEASON.
>> I REMEMBER THAT BUT I THOUGHT
IT WAS A LIE.
>> NO TAKE A LOOK.
THIS IS SAMMY BEFORE THE SNEEZE.
>> Jimmy: THERE HE IS OKAY.
>> RIGHT THIS IS SAMMY AFTER THE
SNEEZE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT.
THAT IS A BAD SNEEZE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT
THIS.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW EITHER.
>> THIS WAS ON THE INTERNET
YESTERDAY.
>> Jimmy: YOU FOUND THIS?
>> DID HE GO TO THE PARTY AS A
PENIS?
I DON'T KNOW
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT IS THAT?
>> Jimmy: I HAVE NO IDEA.
I DON'T KNOW IS HE DANCING
PROFESSIONALLY NOW?
>> I DON'T KNOW AND UNDER WHAT
NAME.
>> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
AND GET YOU THE ANSWER, THAT'S
THE SORT OF THING I DO.
WELL I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY AND I
HOPE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
>> NO IT DOES.
IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.
IT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED BEFORE
WE JUST WENT ON.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT THE PAIN?
>> SEE WE HAVE THESE BEARDS.
DO YOU COVER YOUR BEARD.
>> Jimmy: NO I DON'T.
IT'S WHITE HOW COULD I COLOR IT.
>> JUST WAIT.
SO THEY PUT, I HAD THESE TWO
BLACK AREAS SO I LOOKED LIKE A
MAN KIN LIKE A PUPPETEERS MOUTH,
HI HOW ARE YOU, ONE OF THOSE
GUYS.
SO THEY TOOK A SILVER MAGIC
MARKER AND COLORED THE TWO AREAS
OF BLACK.
>> Jimmy: WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
>> THE MAKE UP PEOPLE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> AND THE SMELL OF THE MAGIC
MARKER, FIRST OF ALL I SMELLED
LIKE A SCIENCE PROJECT.
I JUST FINISHED SNEEZING.
OH, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME
SINCE I WAS A KID.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT A LOT OF WEIRD
STUFF GOING ON YOU REALLY DO.
>> YEAH I'M ALLERGIC TO
DIFFERENT KINDS OF CHOCOLATE.
>> Jimmy: ACTUAL CHOCOLATE,
REALLY?
THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN BE
ALLERGIC TO.
>> YEAH AND ONE DOCTOR SAID IT
WAS A CHEMICAL REACTION.
NOT A ALLERGY.
MY NECK WOULD GET RED, I ONCE
SNEEZED 58 TIMES BEFORE MY NOSE
STARTED BLEEDING.
>> Jimmy: ALL WAYI WANT TO DO IS
SEE YOU EAT CHOCOLATE NOW.
>> SO MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN
COLLEGE, AND MY ROOMMATE, I'M
17, MY ROOMMATE IS 27.
>> Jimmy: WHY?
YOU WEREN'T IN COLLEGE.
YOU WERE ABDUCTED IS WHAT
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SO I FELT LIKE I WAS SHAGGING
WITH MY UNCLE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> AND WE WERE TALKING AND I
SAID I AM ALLERGIC TO DIFFERENT
KINDS OF CHOCOLATE.
I CAN SNEEZE MORE THAN 50 TIMES.
HE GOES REALLY LET'S MAKE MONEY.
SO HE PUTS UP SIGNS, COME SEE
HIM SNEEZE, $5 A HEAD, BET HE
COULD SNEEZE MORE THAN 50 TIMES.
SO WE'RE IN THE REC ROOM AND ALL
OF THESE GUYS, MOSTLY ATHLETES
COME IN, $5 IN A HAT, AND I'M
JUST SITTING THERE, I ATE TWO
BIG BARS, OF DARK CHOCOLATE.
I'M JUST SITTING THERE, I KNOW
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, ABOUT
EIGHT MINUTES LATER THIS GUY
FROM OHIO GOES, HEY HIS EARS IS
GETTING RED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN IT STARTED.
AND WHEN I SNEEZED IT'S AN
ORGANIZ
ORGASMIC, WILD, IT'S THAT.
THEY ALL GO ONE.
I GET UP TO 20.
MY ROOMMATES GOING WHO HAS $5
MORE.
WHO THINKS HE CAN'T GET TO 30.
I'M FLYING OUT OF THE CHAIR.
SO FINALLY WE GET TO 63 SNEEZES.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GO GOD THAT'S
TORTURE.
>> YEAH AND A LITTLE BIT OF
BLOOD HAPPENED I MADE $250.
AND THEN TWO DAYS LATER, I'M ON
CAMPUS, I'M A LONELY KID FROM
LONG ISLAND, THIS ZBT GUY COMES
OVER, FROM A PLEDGING
FRATERNITY, HE GOES, YOU BILLY?
I SAID YEAH.
WE'RE HAVING A SMOKER ON FRIDAY
NIGHT.
WOULD YOU COME OVER AND SNEEZE
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, PEOPLE
COMPLAIN ABOUT THE INTERNET NOW,
BEFORE YOUTUBE WE'D HAVE T

Billy Crystal Reveals Ridiculous Injury

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