IMO: CIS PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND GENDER

{Funky music}
Cis people across the Internet have just discovered the concept of multiple gender identities,
and recently they've been flooding my feed with their hot takes about how there's only two.
For some reason, they've convinced themselves that this is a new and unique position that
REQUIRES their input.
I've been tolerating their 4th grade biology lessons for a while
now, and frankly, it's adorable that they still cling onto them, despite what actual biologists
and geneticists have to say on the issue.
[It's almost like it's not really about the science as much as it is confirming your bias
and making excuses for your transphobia.
I mean, it can't be transphobic if it's science!
If there's one thing we know it's that science has never been used to justify the oppression
of marginalized minorities!]
The thing that I love the most about cis people who frame these outdated conversations as
fresh, is their sense of self importance that's convinced them that these conversations are productive!
That they're really, doing anything more than reinforce the average cis person's opinion that only there are only two genders.
As a trans person, these conversations are, well.. marginally annoying but for the most
part, hilarious because, as I alluded to earlier, these aren't new arguments by any means.
In fact, in my over ten years on Youtube, I've had this debate.
I did it way back in 2007.
A decade later, and cis people still have the same exact same arguments, conclusions
and talking points.
But, these conversations feel different to me, because I'm a different person.
For a very long time in my life, I lived in a way where I essentially needed for cis people
to validate and cosign my gender.
When you're trans, you live in a world where you're surrounded by people who don't understand
you, ultimately disagree with who you are, and genuinely believe they have the authority
and ability to de-construct and redefine your gender based solely on how THEY feel about it
You also live in a world where if you're a trans person seeking legal or medical care,
you often have to appeal to a cis person's vision of gender.
Some states still require top or bottom surgery in order to change your gender marker.
[Because getting breast implants proves that you're a woman!]
There's a power dynamic that's established for transgender people, where we often learn
to not see ourselves through our own eyes, but rather through the eyes of a cis person.
The more you appeal to cis people's rudimentary understanding of gender, the easier your life
gets.
Knowing this, in the past, a lot of these debates and conversations felt personal to
me because on and off line, cis people would use their denial of my gender as an excuse
to not hire me, deny me certain services and to justify why I deserved violence.
So their opinion of my gender mattered to me.
[But then I grew as a trans person and realized that it's actually quite silly of me to believe
that a cis person could ever fully comprehend a trans experience]
Like I said, i've been having these conversations for a very long time.
While I've moved forward to a different position, many cis people are still stuck on their A, Bs, and Cs.
And from their perspective the debate about how many genders there are, and how valid
trans people's identities really are, is this deep, and interesting conversation that often
frames trans people as these confused beings who are completely unaware of the realities of being trans.
But in time I realized that these conversations continue this way, because cis people have
this need to own ,and lead the narrative about trans people.
And this is just an extension of the desire to maintain a power dynamic between cis and
trans people where cis people continue to have the power to define who trans people are.
The antithesis to this narrative is, of course, an actual transgender person who has lived
their life as a trans person long enough to find these conversations to be pretty basic
and ,honestly, quite boring.
This is why the trans people who do end up in these conversations are usually trans people
who just came out or trans people who agree with the idea that there are only two genders.
These conversations generally aren't about expanding a cis person's understanding of
people who identify beyond the binary of gender.
Often, it's about dismantling trans identities in general.
Trans people's lived experiences often contradict cis people's shallow understandings of life
as a trans person.
And I've noticed that cis people would rather tell me about a trans person's life and identity
than listen to them speak about their life and identity.
One of the first things most trans people come to understand is that despite the sex
they were designated at birth, and the gender that they were expected to have because of
it, who they know themselves to be doesn't line up.
Very few trans people realize this and then decide not to take steps to change that.
We're hyper aware of the fact that our bodies are not cis and that there are differences
between our bodies and cis people's.
This experience leads us to having a vastly different understanding and experience of
gender than, I believe most cis people are even able to fully comprehend.
There's a reason why cis people who are critical of transgender identities often give the hot
take "wearing a dress doesn't make you a woman".
Their shallow understandings of trans people has convinced them that it's about a dress.
That the average trans person, isn't trans because of anything more than what clothes
they like wearing.
Trans people know this to not be true, but because cis people can only have the ability
to observe trans peoples lives, they genuinely struggle to really move beyond that.
It's like an overly confident kid with very limited life experience, believing that he's
experienced life enough to dictate to an adult, what life is.
It's kinda cute, in a way, but largely because it's such a limited perspective that's so
uninformed that it's adorable it was presented as fact.
I'm sure there's a lot of cis people listening to this right now who feel awfully condescended to.
Maybe my presumptions about who you are make you feel uncomfortable.
Well, that's what it's like to live in a society where complete strangers feel like they can
negate the entirety of who you are.
Imagine living your entire life with people believing they genuinely had the ability to
do this.
To write your narrative regardless of what's true.
My words might be jarring to you because you're hearing a trans person speak without being
curated in a way that appeases you.
Well, this is what happens when we speak for ourselves and I've realized that this is what
cis people are often afraid of the most.
Us owning our own narratives and leading the conversations about who we are.
You know, not only have I changed since I started having this conversation, but trans
visibility has drastically changed.
Back in 2005, we didn't have well known trans actors or central media figures and these
conversations were relegated to small pockets of the internet that weren't the most accessible
to cis people.
Now, you can turn on your television to see a trans person and this increased visibility
has lead to trans people having more conversations about expanding their language to be more
inclusive of people whose genders don't fall into the binary.
What I see a lot of cis people responding to is this increased visibility.
They often frame us as this aggressive group of angry trans people who force their lifestyle
onto others and write off people who respond poorly to that as bigots.
But what's really happening, is some cis people are being presented these conversations for
the first time ever and it's shocking and upsetting to them.
We've seen time and time again that as marginalized minorities gain footing, even people who argue
that they, in theory support them, often argue that their progress is coming too fast.
To cis people, especially those who call themselves "allies", the idea that there are more than
two genders, complicates a conversation that they were just beginning to understand.
So an outright rejection of the unfamiliar seems like the easiest thing to do.
So even in a situation where a person is deciding for themselves who they are, cis people still
feel like they have the authority to define them based on nothing more than how uncomfortable
it makes and how confusing it is to them.
And the idea that these concepts are new is actually quite annoying.
I wrote a research paper in both high school and my early years of college about cultures
both inside and outside of North America that not only believed that there were more than
two genders, but accepted and revered people who existed outside of the binary.
[but of course, a lot of that was destroyed by Colonization and I guess it's a tall order
to ask people to think beyond a colonized mindset]
Personally, as a trans person I've seen way too many people detransition because they
felt pressured into picking a side of the binary because of their interests.
Because of that, I'm happy to see more expansive language that helps more people feel comfortable
with themselves outside of the pressures of assimilating into a gender.
I may not understand most of these identities, but Im very pro people being comfortable with
who they are and identifying yourself in a way that makes you happy.
[I have a hard time understanding how anyone, who's truly happy with themselves could be
that invested in telling another person who they are.]
I'd like to live in a world that's more accepting of transgender people and I don't believe
that silence makes getting there possible and I also don't think we can get there without
having conversations about the language we use.
But frankly, as a trans person, speaking to a cis person about these issues feels like
speaking to a child and to be honest, I'm not particularly interested in hearing cis
people's opinions on trans issues.
I'm not saying you cant share your opinion, but it's going to be pretty boring me and
more often than not, I find conversations about trans people without trans people to
be largely unhelpful and unproductive in the long run.
Again, I've been observing these conversations for a while.
We haven't gotten further because two cis people got together to do thought exercise
about how many genders exist.
We've gotten further as trans people continue to speak about their own experiences
and cis people listen.
But these lives have existed for centuries and cis people are still playing catch -up.
[I'd much rather hear two trans people have inter community debate than uninformed cis
people who only read about these things and for some reason believe that everything about
being trans is quantifiable and easy to understand.
It's not and it's okay to just not understand something.]
Cis people who, interject into conversations where trans people are speaking about their
feelings and experiences often operate from a place of superiority because they believe
that the ultimate goal of a trans person is to be cis.
Look, I'll never be cis and while I'm sure cis people feel like that's a great tragedy,
I honestly don't feel that way.
There was a time that it did bother me, but I'm pretty content in who I am today.
I like myself and I'm not ashamed of my body or my gender.
There will always be people who misgender me or call me a man because they believe it's
something that bothers me.
And those people will likely always exist throughout my entire life.
Even as some cis people become more aware of trans issues, those people will always
exist and I'd rather not spend my life debating with them about something that, in 2017, I
rarely think about.
I've been speaking about trans issues for so long, that at this point, I honestly feel
I have very little to say.
I'm an extremely privileged and cisnormative trans person who, frankly, isn't actually
very used to being seen as trans beyond the Internet and circles where people are familiar
with my work.
Despite what a lot of people would like to believe, my life doesn't revolve around me
being trans.
I've made back to back trans content for years and I've reached the point where these just
aren't the most important conversations for me to have.
Especially as someone who isn't often seen as a trans person.
And, in truth, I'm very comfortable with that.
There was a time where I sabotaged my Youtube channel, and many other things so that I could remain stealth.
That's one of the reasons why trans people just sorta disappear.
Sometimes, we just want to go forward in life without having to discuss trans issues.
Many of us, because of who we are, are often placed into roles as leaders and activists,
when really most of us just want to be able to live life.
However, I realized that my perspective was an important one to share in a world where
our narratives are often subverted.
Where I can tell relatively uncontroversial stories of my life that are met with shock
and awe by cis people who, for whatever reason, are convinced that trans people are below
them and don't do the things they do.
I could have made the decision to remain silent, withdraw and completely disappear from these conversations.
Frankly it would have been easy for me to do so.
Heck, I'd probably live a much less hectic life.
Instead, I decided to continue to share my perspectives on trans issues so that cis people
who are interested in supporting the trans community can get a bit of insight.
For me, these conversations are no longer personal so don't take these videos as a defense of myself.
I will continue to exist with or without the agreement of cis people.
In other words, what I'm saying is... be thankful that I'm even speaking to you about these things because, frankly
, I don't have to.

IMO: CIS PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND GENDER

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