Samantha Bee Could Leap Into Justin Trudeau's Arms At Any Moment

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE IN FOR A REAL TREAT.
THIS IS ALWAYS A JOY, WHEN MY GUEST IS HERE TONIGHT, BECAUSE
OUR FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING WAS THE LONGEST SERVING
CORRESPONDENT OF THE DAILY SHOW AND NOW HOSTS "FULL FRONTAL"
WITH SAMANTHA BEE, PLEASE WELCOME SAM BEE!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ AS WE DISCUSSED THIS BEFORE, IN THE INTRO, I WERE THE
LONGEST SERVING CORRESPONDENT FOR THE DAILY SHOW?
>> I THOUGHT WAS -- >> Stephen: I THOUGHT I WAS
THE LONGEST SERVING CORRESPONDENT FOR DAILY SHOW.
>> I WAS THERE FOR 12 YEARS.
LONGEST SERVING BATTLE AX FOR JOHN STUART.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS GOING ON SAM BEE?
>> I WAS TIRED.
>> Stephen: FLAMING TOBOGGAN RIDES, THERE IS AN OAK TREE
SOMEWHERE IN THE HILL.
>> AND BEFORE CRASHING INTO THE OAK TREE --
>> Stephen: IT'S FUN NOW BUT ONE OF US IS GOING TO HAVE TO
TELL MOM WHAT HAPPENED TO TIME. BUT WHILE HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE
TO LOOK AT THE MOOCH'S LATEST MOOCHING?
>> SURE DID.
I LOVE THAT HE'S REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON.
THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN.
>> DAY SIX.
SO TOMORROW -- DIGNITY IS OURS!
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY NICE THAT WE'RE GETTING A REALLY
INTERESTING CAST OF CHARACTERS ALL THE TIME.
>> THE CASTING COULDN'T BE BETTER.
>> Stephen: CAST OF CHARACTERS.
>> HE FOLLOWS ME ON TWITTER.
HE FOLLOWS EVERYONE HERE ON TWITTER.
HE REALLY IS -- >> Stephen: 16,000 PEOPLE ON
TWITTER.
>> I WAS WORRIED HE WOULDN'T BUT >> Stephen: HI TO UNMOOCH.
NOW DO YOU EVER THINK THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BACK TO
NORMAL?
>> NO I DON'T.
THAT'S MY FINAL ANSWER.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T THINK THINGS WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL?
>> THAT'S MY FEELING, I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE AGAIN.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE GOLDEN PARACHUTE, MAPLE PARACHUTE.
YOU ARE CITIZENS OF CANADA AND THE UNITED STATES --
>> WE ARE IN IT TO WIN IT HERE STEPHEN, WE'RE NOT JOKING
AROUND.
WE CHOSE THIS PLACE, AND WE INTEND TO FIX IT!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> SO FAR, NO ONE'S LISTENING TO
ME SO THAT'S FINE.
MY BIG PLAN HASN'T PANNED OUTTO SO FAR.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU STILL HAVE YOUR CANADIAN CITIZENSHIP.
>> WE TO.
>> Stephen: WHEN CORTEZ CAME HERE TO THE NEW WORLD HE BURNED
HIS SHIPS SO HIS MEN DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THEY COULD LEAVE AT ANY
MOMENT.
THEY HAD TO CONQUER MEZO-AMERICA.
I REALIZE THAT'S NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE.
>> AT ANY MOMENT, I COULD JUMP INTO THE ARMS OF JUSTIN TRUDEAU.
I DON'T HAVE TO LEAP INTO HIS ARMS.
HE COULD HOLD ME IN A BABY BJORN, THAT WOULD BE OKAY.
HE'S STRONG.
>> Stephen: NOW YOU HAVE KIDS.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: TWO.
>> THREE, WE HAVE THREE.
>> Stephen: THREE?
>> WE ARE PROLIFIC.
WE ARE BUILDING OUR OWN SOCIETY.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE GOING INTO A ZONE DEFENSE AGAINST YOUR
KIDS.
>> WE HAVE.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE THEY?
>> 11 AND NINE AND SIX.
I FORGOT.
>> Stephen: THEY HAVE A SENSE WHAT MOM DOES?
>> THEY HAVE A SENSE.
>> Stephen: DO THEY WATCH THE SHOW?
>> THEY DO NOT WATCH THE SHOW, IT'S A TIRTY SHOW.
THEY DON'T THINK I'M COOL.
THEY HAVE NO INTEREST IN IT WHATSOEVER.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SURE THEY DON'T WATCH THE SHOW?
>> THEY DON'T WATCH THE SHOW NOT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO IMPRESS
THEM.
THEY DON'T CARE, ABOUT ME AT ALL!
>> Stephen: DO THEY KEEP UP WITH THE NEWS LIKE THEIR MOM?
>> THEY DO.
>> Stephen: HOW DO THEY KEEP UP WITH THE CRAZINESS OR THIS IS
JUST THE WORLD?
>> THEY DRAW PICTURES OF IT.
>> Stephen: THEY DO?
>> THEY DO.
>> Stephen: AND THEY SHOW THE PICTURES TO THE COUNSELORS?
>> IT'S LIKE AN IMPRESSIVE HAND HOVERING.
>> Stephen: YOU DO USE SALTY LANGUAGE ON YOUR SHOW?
DON'T TALK LIKE MOMMY?
>> THEY DO LOVE SALTY LANGUAGE, THAT DOESN'T COME FROM ME.
THEY JUST KNOW IT, THEY ABSORB IT.
I CAN GET THEM DO ANYTHING JUST BY LETTING THEM USE ONE PIECE OF
SALTY LANGUAGE IN A CONVERSATION.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THEIR TREAT?
>> THAT'S THEIR TREAT.
IT'S THE GREATEST PARENTING COUP I EVER CAME UP WITH.
I'M SUCH A SMART PARENT, CHECK IT OUT.
THEY DON'T WANT TREATS.
THEY DON'T WANT CHOCOLATE.
THEY DON'T WANT ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
THEY DON'T CARE NOR CAKES AND OTHER THINGS NORMAL CHILDREN
LIKE, BUT THEY DO LIKE TO SWEAR.
I'LL BE VERY CAGEY, OKAY GUYS I REALLY WANT YOU TO CLEAN YOUR
ROOMS.
CAN YOU HAVE ONE SWEAR.
IF YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOMS DILIGENTLY YOU CAN SIT TOGETHER
WITH ME AND DO ONE HIGH QUALITY SWEAR.
>> Stephen: IN THE CONTEXT OF A SENTENCE?
>> YOU SHOULD TO USE YOUR SWEAR IN A PROPER SENTENCE AND IT HAS
TO MAKE SENSE FOR SWEAR.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF A WORD YOU MITES
ALLOW THE CHILDREN TO SAY?
WE'LL BLEEP IT.
>> YOU WILL?
>> Stephen: FOR SCIENCE, PSYCHOLOGY.
>> GET REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT, OKAY I'M READY TO DO MY SOFTWARE
NOW AND OKAY.
THEY'RE LIKE (BLEEP) YOU (BLEEP) THE (BLEEP).
I'M LIKE GUYS!
VERY GOOD!
VERY SOLID.
>> Stephen: THEY WERE VERY GOOD THAT DAY.
>> YOU KNOW WELL YOU DID IT CORRECTLY.
PERFECT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S FANTASTIC.
I'M GOING TO TRY TO WORK THAT OUT WITH CBS.
>> MAY THEY'LL GO WITH IT.
>> Stephen: LITTLE BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE SAMANTHA BEE.

Samantha Bee Could Leap Into Justin Trudeau's Arms At Any Moment

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