Sean Spicer Sings "I Will Survive," Donald Trump Sports Camp

-Here's what people are talking about, of course.
Big news out of Washington on Friday.
White House press secretary Sean Spicer officially resigned.
Yeah. That's right.
Spicer said that all the greats
always know when to leave on top.
They -- They always --
I think it's about time to go, yeah.
That's right. Spicer stepped down,
which means now he has to pretend
like he hasn't had his résumé ready for five months.
Yeah, right.
"I just thought it was time."
Now that Spicer has resigned,
there's been a lot of speculation
about what he might do for his next job.
Well, it turns out he's actually put together a list of options.
And we got ahold of the list.
-Really? -Yes. I'll show you what I mean.
For instance, he could be...
[ Shouts gibberish ]
Or he could become...
[ Laughter ]
That's -- Not bad.
He could be...
Oh, that's right. "Come at me, bro!"
And finally Sean Spicer could...
There you go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Of course, now that he's been replaced,
a lot of people have been wondering
how Spicer's handling the news.
Spicer said he's going to be okay
and that he will survive, which explains why he released
this music video earlier today.
Take a look at this.
-No, no, not I. I will survive.
Hold on. Hold on.
As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.
I've got all my life to live.
And I've got all my love to give.
I will survive.
I will survive.
Period!
-There we go.
Period!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Period!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Spicer, out!
-You guys hear this over the weekend?
New White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci
deleted a bunch of old tweets
that were critical of Trump's platform.
Trump was shocked. He said, "You can delete tweets?"
And you go, "Oh, yes, you can."
But he talked about -- Oh, forget it.
Wasn't the point.
But at his first press conference,
Scaramucci claimed that he's seen Trump
throw a football through a tire with a perfect spiral,
swish foul shots in basketball, and sink long putts in golf.
And it's a little hard to believe,
but take a look at this commercial I just saw on TV.
-Hey there, kids.
If you want to be fantastic at sports like me,
then come to the Donald Trump Sports Camp, okay?
First, I'll show you how to be an amazing tennis player.
Okay? Just like me. Boom. Nothing but net.
Plus, I'll teach you the secrets of tennis fashion.
Look at that. Beautiful. Okay?
Then at the end of the day,
I'll show you how to play beach volleyball.
Is that Tom Cruise in "Top Gun"? No, it's me, even sexier.
The Donald Trump Sports Camp. No refunds!
-Yeah, that's it. Isn't that good?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Nothing but net. -Nothing but net, baby.
-Nothing but net. Some business news here.
I saw that WebMD is being sold for $2.8 billion.
The owner said that he was just getting tired,
but WebMD says it could either be gout, polio, or scurvy.
[ Applause ]
Could be scurvy. -Scurvy.
-That's right. WebMD is being sold. No word on who bought it.
Let's just say the Republicans
finally found a replacement for Obamacare.
-Hey! -And I -- That's interesting.
-Hey-o! -Guys, get this.
I read that you can now buy a new wine-flavored jelly.
Yeah, which is a great idea until your kid's teacher calls
and says, "I don't know what happened to Billy.
He ate a PB&J, and now he keeps singing
'Don't Stop Believin',
and he's hugging everybody.
He says he only smokes after he eats PB&J.
He's not a normal smoker."
Guys, I saw that today is National Cousins Day.
And if you're from West Virginia, happy anniversary.
Wait, wait, wait. What? Hey! That's wrong!
-No! -Hey. Wait. That's wrong.
-No! -I didn't -- Who wrote that?
-That's wrong! -That is wrong.
-That is wrong and rude. I will not sit for that.
I will stand here. -No, yeah.
[ Laughs ]
Check this out, you guys. Tinder just released
an updated version of its app
to make it easier for people to use.
It's pretty cool. Take a look at some of
the new features that they're rolling out.
For example, it has an alert to remind you that "entrepreneur"
is a fancy word meaning "unemployed."
"I'm an entrepreneur and, uh..."
Next is a new swipe-up feature that allows you to see
what the person will look like the next morning.
You go, "Oh! I'm not sure."
Next, it automatically swipes left on O.J.
Well, you gotta be sure.
Beyond Tinder, who knows what's going on?
And finally, it sends your matches to your mom
just to let her decide, 'cause that's what it's all about.
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots.

Sean Spicer Sings "I Will Survive," Donald Trump Sports Camp - Monologue

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