The Late Show's Teen Secrets: Snortable Chocolate Edition

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE RIGHT THERE THE MAN.
(APPLAUSE) JON, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A
MOMENT HERE, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, I WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT TO SAY
CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, EVERYBODY OVER THERE AND
EVERYBODY WHO WORKS ON THIS SHOW.
BECAUSE TODAY THE LATE SHOW GOT NOMINATED FOR SIX EMMYS.
(APPLAUSE) CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS.
>> CONGRATULATIONS.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
BEST SHOW, BEST WRITING, BEST DIRECTING AND I'M SO PROUD OF
EVERYBODY WHO WORKS HERE, EVERYBODY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR
THIS KIND OF STUFF.
SO TONIGHT SOMETHING SPECIAL, AT THE END OF THE SHOW, WE'RE GOING
TO SCROLL ALL THEIR NAMES ON THE SCREEN.
AND IT'S SIX NOMINATIONS THIS AREA BECAUSE IT'S NOT ONLY FOR
THIS SHOW BUT IT'S ALSO FOR OUR ELECTION SPECIAL WHICH, I DON'T
REMEMBER ALL THAT WELL BECAUSE WE'RE NOMINATED IN THE CATEGORY
OF OUTSTANDING OPENING A BOTTLE OF BOURBON AND CRYING ON LIVE
TELEVISION.
BUT ANYWAY, CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> (APPLAUSE)
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TEEN KIDS, FOLKS.
AND WHEN YOU GOT TEENS THERE IS SO MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT.
BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I LIKE TO TAKE MY MIND OFF THOSE
WORRIES AND INSTEAD WORRY ABOUT WHAT THE LOCAL NEWS SAYS I
SHOULD WORRY ABOUT.
THIS IS THE LATE SHOW'S TEEN SECRETS. TEEN SECRETS.
I YOU KNOW, IT IS NO SECRET THAT TEENS ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A
WAY TO GET HIGH, UNLIKE US ADULTS.
CHEERS TO US, BY THE WAY.
HMMMM.
HMMMM.
WELL, THERE IS A NEW HIGH OUT THERE FROM AN UNEXPECTED SOURCE.
>> A NEW WAY TO GET A BUZZ FROM SOMETHING THAT IS INEXPENSIVE,
WIDELY AVAILABLE, PERFECTLY LEGAL AND TEENS ALREADY LOVE IT.
CHOCOLATE.
A NEW CHOCOLATE-BASED PRODUCT, COKEO LOCK COCO LOKO A POWDER
THAT USERS CAN SNORT.
>> Stephen: FINALLY A CHOCOLATE YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TASTE.
THIS GIVES AN ENTIRELY NEW DEFINITION TO BROWN-NOSING.
THIS SNORTABLE CHOCOLATE IS COCO LOKO AND COSTS $24.99 FOR TEN
SERVINGS.
NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT BUT REMEMBER THERE'S ALSO A
CHOCOLATE ON THE MARKET THAT COSTS $100,000 AND THAT WON'T
EVEN GET YOU HIGH.
SO WHAT IS IN IT?
I WILL LET THE C.E.O. OF COCO LOKO EXPLAIN.
>> IT IS BASICALLY CRAZY CHOCOLATE BECAUSE IT'S CHOCOLATE
MIXED WITH OTHER THINGS THAT CREATES A CRAZY EFFECT.
>> Stephen: SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT SNORTABLE CHOCOLATE ISN'T
THE FIRST TIME THIS GUY HAS HAD A BRUSH WITH NOSE CANDY.
AND COCO LOKO IS MORE THAN JUST INHALLABLE CHOCOLATE, FOLKS.
BECAUSE IT'S MIXED WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER CRAP.
>> THE PRODUCT IS ACTUALLY A BLEND, CACAO POWDER WITH OTHER
INGREDIENTS OFTEN FOUND IN N DRINK, THE MAKERS CLAIM IT IS
MAKE AN ELEVATED MOOD AND STATE OF EUPHORIA LIKE THE ECK STAS'.
>> Stephen: BUT MORE LIKE THE FEELING OF HEY, GUYS, I COULDN'T
GET ECSTASY, YOU WANT TO SNORT SOME OVALTINE?
COCO LOKO HAS EVEN GOTTEN THE ATTENTION OF SENATE MINORITY
LEADER CHUCK SCHUMER WHO SAID THIS SUSPECT PRODUCT HAS NO
CLEAR HEALTH VALUE.
I CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE PARENT WHO THINKS IT IS A GOOD IDEA FOR
THEIR CHILDREN TO BE SNORTING OVER-THE-COUNTER STIM LANTS UP
THEIR NOSES.
WOW, WHAT A GLOOMY GUS.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY NEEDS A BUMP OF COCO LOKO.
AND SKINNY JOHNA HILL HERE ISN'T CONCERNED ABOUT THE POTENTIAL
HEALTH AFFECTS.
>> I DIDN'T CONSULT WITH ANY MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU HAVE IT.
HE DIDN'T CONSULT WITH ANY MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS.
PROBLEM IGNORED.
THOUGH HE DID DO SOME RESEARCH TO MAKE SURE COCO LOKO WAS SAFE.
>> I BASICALLY JUST SAW WHAT EUROPE WAS DOING OUT HERE THERE
WAS NO HEALTH ISSUES, IT'S BEEN OUT TWO, THREE YEARS, EVERYBODY
SEEMS FINE, IT'S VERY POPULAR.
THERE IS REALLY NO NECK TIFF PUBLICITY SO I FELL WE'RE GOOD
TO GO.
>> Stephen: YEAH, WE'RE GOOD TO GO.
WHY DON'T WE TEST ALL DRUGS THAT WAY.
I MEAN NO ONE CURRENTLY ON COCAINE HAS ANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT
IT.
I GOT TO SAY, THIS GUY AND HIS SNORTABLE CHOCOLATE HAD MADE ME
REALIZE ALL THE WAYS THAT CANDY PUSHERS ARE ALREADY AFTER OUR
KIDS.
THIS SUGGEST ARER EP DIK IS BIGGER THAT BE JUST QUOKO LOCO,
AND WE HAVE A CHOICE, DO WE CONFRONT IT NOW OR LATER.
OF COURSE, SOME AIRHEADS MAY SAY THAT CANDY IS GOOD AND PLENTY IF
PEOPLE USE IT BUT IGNORE THEIR SNICKERS BECAUSE THE SMARTIES
KNOW WE'RE IN MOUNDS OF TROUBLE.
IT SEEMS INNOCENT BUT EVENTUALLY YOU'LL BLOW EVERY PAYDAY, GO ON
A CRIME [BLEEP] SPREE AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU ARE ON
THE STREET TURNING TWIX.
(APPLAUSE) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

The Late Show's Teen Secrets: Snortable Chocolate Edition

Latest Posts