Things Not To Say To Irish People

"Top of the morning to you." "Potato!" "Isn't Ireland in the UK?"
"You've had a drink already, ain't you? You're Irish. My dad's Irish."
"Top of the morning to you."
I don't know what the response...
I get really awkward and I'm just like, "You".
Have you ever heard an Irish person say it? Never. Never.
Although in fairness,
there is a lot of Irish sayings that don't make sense.
Craic, what's the craic?
By the way, we don't condone drugs. Don't talk about crack.
I like that the sesh has gone up there
because the sesh is very important to me.
If someone said top of the morning to me, I'd have to sit down.
And we're not morning people. No.
SHE LAUGHS
"Potato! Potato!"
I always get asked to say potato. BLEEP hate potatoes.
I BLEEP love potatoes.
We do eat a lot of potatoes. Yeah, we do.
We've got mashed potatoes...
Like, we make bread with potatoes. Boxty.
Boiled potatoes...
They are nice but, like, they're only potatoes.
Shepherd's pie, cottage pie.
It's not like we're all at home
jerking off looking at pictures of potatoes.
Do you know what? I want potatoes right now, to be quite honest.
"I'll bet you like a drink."
Yes. Yeah.
Sure do. BLEEP love it.
Don't all Irish people drink?
I don't even drink.
"Oh, you're Irish, you should be able to handle it." All the time. No.
They expect if you're going to go out and drink
that you're going to be, like, mad.
Irish people around the world have this persona as being
the happy people and the drunken people. So light-hearted.
And then when you're not
they kind of feel like, I don't know, you should be.
If I decide I don't want another drink, people turn on you.
People can almost overstep the boundary at times.
When people know that an Irish person's come to the party,
they're like, "Oh, it's going to be good!" Yeah.
"How many first cousins do you have?"
I don't really come from a massive family. I come from a huge family.
I thought I had 36 cousins.
I think it's just to do with Irish people being Irish, isn't it?
I actually have 57.
I think people had big families in the '70s and '80s in Ireland
because of the church. Birth control. Yet, they didn't use...
There was no such thing as condoms.
The reason my parents had so many is because my mother's Catholic
and my father's a man.
SHE LAUGHS
"Can you say..."
"Tirty-tree..."
"And three thirds."
They expect you to come out saying, "Tirty-tree and a turd."
You should hear the way I sing Dirrty by Christina Aguilera.
Are you going to sing it? As if you're saying a turd,
like something that comes out of your bum.
I only ever get it here, in London.
# Dirty Duh-duh-duh-duh...
# Gonna get... What you gonna... Dirty! #
I always get asked, "Can you say power shower for half an hour?"
Names like Grainne...
Like Niamh, they look at you,
they're like, "What the BLEEP is that?"
Saoirse. O'Shaughnessy. That one.
Even I didn't know how to say that one.
Siob-han. Siob-han. Siob-han.
Cao-ilf-f-h-hionn. "Keelin".
My name is ridiculous.
My sister is called Roisin. They can't say that.
I settled for Clio,
because I've given up.
"When is St Patrick's Day?"
Bloody every day of the week.
Patrick. St Paddy's Day. Patrick. And it's the 17th of March.
If you see people who are wearing leprechaun hats...
I do like the emerald green colour. I think it's very nice.
..you know, from a distance, that they're bellends.
One year I actually had my face painted.
I'd be different, I'll get dressed up.
Oh, that's me every year.
I just went on a three-day bender and I rang work sick.
Really railing against the Irish stereotype there.
"Who's the biggest eejit that you know that's Irish?"
Bono. Yes.
We have a lot more than Bono.
I've actually never listened to one Bono song in my life.
You have, that's a lie.
A lot of famous Irish people are claimed by England.
B*Witched, they were good.
But they've never claimed Bono.
We are always made to perform.
But we're very talented people.
Pressie. Oh, Jesus.
Like, I know lads that just stand up
and they start reciting something like Seamus Heaney.
Ian Lloyd Anderson at the moment is in the West End. Class.
I don't even know who the BLEEP he is.
Oh, no! Wow. Oh, my God!
"Isn't Ireland in the UK?" Oh!
It's complicated. It's not complicated. It's very clear.
There's Northern Ireland, which is part of the UK.
I said, "Oh, well, I'm in Ireland at the moment." Yeah.
And then there's the Republic of Ireland.
And she said, "Well, when are you coming back to the mainland?"
And it can get a lot of people angry because there's obviously a lot of
history behind it, a lot of tension behind it, still now, actually.
I feel like everybody knew we were our own country
when financially we went to shit.
"Do you ever wish you weren't Irish?"
How could you wish you hadn't got your arms?
You were seen as a second-class citizen when you were Irish back then. Yeah.
We got treated like BLEEP.
"No blacks, no Irish, no dogs."
Other way round - "No blacks, no dogs, no Irish."
Irish were under the dogs.
Lots of English people now look at Irish people as
not being as foreign. Yeah. "You're not foreigners."
Exactly, they just see us as being Irish now.
We're more like unwanted cousins.
It is a fantastic thing to be Irish. Yeah.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
I think we have the best culture and craic going on.
But when we do get nice weather, though, it's such a beautiful...
It is such a lovely country.
Oh, best country in the world.
You can get away with a lot. It's fantastic.
Being Irish is fantastic. The phrase, "Oh, they're Irish..." Yeah.
Yeah, that's like a get-out-of-jail-free card.
It's like the same as "Boys will be boys." "Oh, they're Irish." Yeah.

Things Not To Say To Irish People

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