Trump Has United The Planet... Against Him

WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
WE'VE FIRMLY ESTABLISHED IT'S FRIDAY ALL RIGHT.
I'M NOT GOING TO SEE YOU NEXT WEEK-- HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH.
THIS IS OUR BIRTHDAY COMING UP, THE ONLY HOLIDAY PEOPLE ARE COOL
WHEN YOU START SETTING STUFF ON FIRE.
AND AS GREAT AS IT IS TO CELEBRATE AMERICA, ONCE IN A
WHILE, I LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO REMEMBER THERE ARE COUNTRIES
THAT ARE NOT US.
AND THEY ARE NOT SO HOT ON OUR PRESIDENT.
IN A POLL RELEASED THIS WEEK BY...
PEW, PEW, PEW!
TRUMP'S APPROVAL RATING WORLDWIDE WAS 22%.
MR. PRESIDENT, CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'VE UNITED THE PLANET.
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD
JOIN IN TINY HANDS
♪ JOIN IN JOIN THE TRUMP TRAIN, TRUMP
TRAIN ♪ THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR JUMPING
IN THERE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
UNREHEARSED.
IT'S NOT JUST EUROPE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
TRUMP IS UNPOPULAR IN SIX CONTINENTS.
YES, THE ONLY PLACE THEY LIKE HIM IS ANTARCTICA.
YES, THAT'S NICE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH.
>> Jon: WHAT'S THAT?
>> Stephen: DO NOT TELL THOSE PENGUINS ABOUT PULLING OUT OF
THE PARIS ACCORDS.
AND TRUMP'S APPROVAL RATINGS ARE DOWN IN MOST OF OUR CLOSEST
ALLIES, ESPECIALLY THE GERMANS, WITH 87% LACKING
CONFIDENCE IN TRUMP.
OKAY, HOLD ON, GERMANY.
YOU'RE NOT KNOWN FOR PICKING GREAT LEADERS.
PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW HITLERS.
BUT THERE IS ONE COUNTRY WHERE AMERICA'S REPUTATION IS ON THE
RISE.
WAIT FOR IT: "RUSSIA, WHERE CONFIDENCE IN THE
U.S. PRESIDENT SURGED TO 53% FROM 11%."
IT EXPLAINS TRUMP'S NEW CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "TRUMP 2020.
I CAN'T READ IT.
IT'S IN RUSSIAN."
NOW, IF THERE'S ONE THING WE KNOW ABOUT DONALD TRUMP, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, HE LOVES SEEING HIS NAME ON
BUILDINGS.
BUT THERE'S ABOUT TO BE ONE LESS TRUMP TOWER, BECAUSE THE TRUMP
INTERNATIONAL HOTEL IN TORONTO IS REMOVING THE TRUMP NAME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) USUALLY, TO GET ALL SIGNS OF
TRUMP OUT OF YOUR HOTEL, YOU NEED SOME LYSOL AND A NEW
MATTRESS.
( LAUGHTER ) OR JUST FLIP IT.
>> Jon: WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
>> Stephen: HERE'S THE DEAL.
THIS TRUMP TOWER, TRUMP DIDN'T BUILD THE PROPERTY AND TRUMP
DOESN'T OWN IT.
THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION JUST MANAGES IT AND LICENSED HIS
NAME.
AND SINCE THE PRESIDENT TOOK OFFICE, THE TORONTO TRUMP HOTEL
"HAS BEEN A SITE FOR PROTESTS AGAINST TRUMP'S COMMENTS
DISPARAGING WOMEN, MEXICANS AND MUSLIMS."
WOW, I DID NOT KNOW CANADA HAD PROTESTS.
I FIGURED THAT IF THEY WERE ANGRY ABOUT SOMETHING, THEY JUST
SENT A STRONGLY WORDED APOLOGY.
NOW, THAT'S NOT THE ONLY TRUMP COMPANY IN TROUBLE.
BECAUSE THERE'S A MAJOR CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING IVANKA
TRUMP'S CLOTHING LINE.
THREE ACTIVISTS RECENTLY WENT UNDERCOVER AND THESE THREE
PEOPLE DISCOVERED THAT WORKERS MAKING IVANKA'S
SHOES FACED "OVERTIME THAT STRETCHED PAST MIDNIGHT, AND
CRUDE VERBAL ABUSE."
IN OTHER WORDS, THE SAME CONDITIONS FACED BY THE WHITE
HOUSE PRESS POOL.
NOW, THE UNDERCOVER ACTIVISTS -- HUGE, HUGE FANS OF VERBAL ABU
HERE TONIGHT.
THANK YOU.
THE UNDERCOVER ACTIVISTS ALSO WITNESSED A WORKER GETTING
INJURED AFTER "AN ANGRY MANAGER HAD HIT HIM WITH THE SHARP END
OF A HIGH-HEELED SHOE."
SO, IT'S NOT SO MUCH A "(BLEEP) PUMP" AS IT IS A
"(BLEEP) PUMP."
THE FOUNDER OF THE ACTIVIST GROUP DESCRIBED THE FACTORY AS
"AMONG THE WORST HE HAS SEEN IN NEARLY TWO DECADES INVESTIGATING
LABOR ABUSES."
ALL THIS BAD P.R. IS THE SORT OF THING THAT COULD BANKRUPT
IVANKA'S BUSINESSES.
SO, LIKE FATHER, LIKE DAUGHTER.
SPEAKING OF CONTROVERSY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL.
DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!
SPEAKING OF CONTROVERSY, THERE'S A NEW ONE BREWING OVER AT THE
ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY, ALL CENTERED AROUND HEAD OF THE
E.P.A. AND VENTRILOQUIST WHO IS HIS OWN DUMMY, SCOTT PRUITT.
BACK IN MARCH, THE E.P.A.
REVERSED A BAN ON A CONTROVERSIAL PESTICIDE CALLED
CHLORPYRIFOS, WHICH IS SURPRISING BECAUSE THE E.P.A.'S
OWN SCIENTISTS FOUND "INGESTING EVEN MINUSCULE AMOUNTS CAN
INTERFERE WITH BRAIN DEVELOPMENT."
IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S THE CHEMICAL EQUIVALENT OF "FOX &
FRIENDS."
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHY-- THE QUESTION IS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A GREAT SHOW, WELL PRODUCED.
WELL-PRODUCED SHOW.
I'M A FAN.
SO WHY DID PRUITT OVERTURN THE BAN?
WE DON'T REALLY KNOW.
BUT WE JUST LEARNED THAT RIGHT BEFORE HE MADE THE DECISION,
HE MET PRIVATELY WITH THE C.E.O.
OF DOW CHEMICAL, WHO MAKES THE PESTICIDE, FOR A HALF HOUR AT A
HOUSTON HOTEL.
AND THAT LOOKS REALLY BAD.
BECAUSE THERE IS NO CONVINCING WAY TO EXPLAIN SPENDING TIME IN
HOUSTON.
( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE OF THE HUMIDITY.
THEY'RE LOVELY PEOPLE.
BEFORE THIS CAME OUT, DOW HAD BEEN LOBBYING THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION TO, "SET ASIDE" THE FINDINGS OF FEDERAL
SCIENTISTS.
AND THE ADMINISTRATION HAS DONE THEM ONE BETTER BY SETTING ASIDE
SCIENCE.

Trump Has United The Planet... Against Him

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