Jim Jefferies Doesn't See The Point In Bombing Australia

MY NEXT GUEST IS AN AUSTRALIAN COMEDIAN WITH A LOT TO SAY ABOUT
AMERICA.
PLEASE WELCOME THE HOST OF "THE JIM JEFFERIES SHOW," JIM
JEFFERIES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
JIM JEFFERIES, RIGHT THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU ON.
"THE JIM JEFFERIES SHOW" TUESDAYS ON COMEDY CENTRAL, I'M
FAMILIAR WITH THEIR WORK.
IT'S A NEW POLITICAL COMEDY SHOW.
DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR JOKES ABOUT THEIR POLITICS,
REALLY, JIM JEFFERIES?
>> I FEEL LIKE THEY MIGHT.
I'M THE FIRST POLITICAL COMEDY SHOW.
THERE WAS JOHN OLIVER, YOU, SAMANTHA BEE, TREVOR.
I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN'T COME FROM "THE DAILY SHOW."
>> Stephen: WOW, WHAT A REFRESHING CHANGE OF PACE.
>> IT'S WEIRD BEING AUSTRALIAN BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE PEOPLE
WANT TO HEAR NEWS FROM AUSTRALIANS.
IF YOU HAVE A JOHN OLIVER OR YOU OR MILLIE BOBBY BROWN READ
SOMETHING, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GOT AN AUTHORITY TO IT.
>> Stephen: WELL, I WOULD SAY AMERICAN ACCENTS ARE FAMILIAR TO
US AND ENGLISH ACCENTS SOUND SMART TO US.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THE AUSTRALIAN ACCENT --
>> THIS IS THE THING, IF THERE WAS A FIRE IN BUILDING NOW AND A
BRITISH ACCENT SAID THERE'S A FIRE IN THE BUILDING, PLEASE
LEAVE THE BUILDING, YOU WOULD GET UP AND RUN.
IN MY VOICE, IT'S, THERE'S A FIRE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE --
YOU'RE IN A LOT OF DANGER -- YOU WOULD BE, LIKE, OH, HE'LL BE
OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: LIKE YOU'RE INVITING US TO A PARTY.
THERE'S A FIRE, EVERYONE.
COME ON.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY COOKING A SHRIMP SOMEWHERE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR IMPRESSION OF AN AMERICAN DOING
AN IMPRESSION OF AN AUSTRALIAN.
>> YES, IT'S ME AN IMPRESSION OF YOU DOING AN IMPERSONATION OF
MYSELF DOING AN IMPERSONATION OF ME.
>> Stephen: YOU CALL THEM PRAWNS.
>> CALL THEM SHRIMP.
WE HAD ONE AD CAMPAIGN WITH HOGAN WHERE HE SAID IMP SH RICH
AND NOW WE SAY, THROW THE SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE THING.
>> Stephen: THE MAN IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.
YOU PUMP YOUR BRAKES.
>> MAYBE HE'S A NATIONAL TREASURE, BUT NOT AUSTRALIAN.
LIVE PAUL HAGAN.
>> Stephen: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE THAN THE FIRE.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU GUYS IN AUSTRALIA ARE MUCH
MORE CLOSE TO NORTH KOREA THAN WE ARE.
>> YEAH BUT WHAT'S THE PURPOSE OF BOMBING AUSTRALIA?
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT OF THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW THE
KOREAN MISSILES CAN REACH L.A.
AND CHICAGO.
I DID A LITTLE JOKE ON LAST TUESDAY'S SHOW ABOUT, HEY, DIVE
BOMBERS, WE CAN BE RESILIENT AS AMERICANS, WE CAN GET BY THIS.
I SAID IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO BOMB RENO.
I DID A LITTLE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, I AID, WHATEVER YOU
DO, DON'T BOMB RENO!
I SAID DON'T BOMB THESE COORDINATES AND I SAID THE
COORDINATES.
>> Stephen: OF RENO, NEVADA?
THIS IS THE WHOLE THING, YOU HAVE A LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
EVERY TIME YOU WRITE A JOKE, A LAWYER LOOKS AT THE JOKE.
>> Stephen: YEAH, BECAUSE LAWYERS KNOW FUNNY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> THE LAWYER FOR COMEDY CENTRAL
SAID ARE YOU JUST GIVING EXACT COORDINATES OF RENO?
COULD YOU GIVE 40 MILES OUTSIDE?
BECAUSE IF NORTH KOREA BOMBS RENO, YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE.
( LAUGHTER ) SO WE GOT IT 40 MILES OUTSIDE.
I'M PROBABLY BLOWING UP AREA 51.
>> Stephen: OR CARSON CITY.
THE OPTION I WAS GIVING RENO WAS DIE INSTANTANEOUSLY.
NOW IT'S GOING TO BE A SLOW DEATH WHICH IS WHAT MOST PEOPLE
IN RENO GO THROUGH ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
THIS IS A FUN CHAT, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
YOU STARTED OFF IN STAND-UP.
AMERICANS, STAND-UPS, A LOT OF DRIVING, GIGS ON THE ROAD.
SAME THING IN AUSTRALIA?
>> IT IS.
BUT WE ONLY HAVE A POPULATION OF 20 MILLION.
SO SYDNEY HAS TWO COMEDY CLUBS, NOT A LOT OF STAGE, SO YOU HAVE
TO GO INTO THE COUNTRY A BIT.
I STARTED DOING RUNS OF GOLD MINING TOWNS IN AUSTRALIA WHICH
ARE VERY INTERESTING PLACES.
EVERYONE IS DOING A LOT OF MONEY.
NINE MEN TO EVERY WOMAN IN EVERY ONE OF THESE TOWNS.
>> Stephen: YOU DIG AT A GOLD MINING TOWN?
>> A BIG HOLE -- >> Stephen: IT'S LIKE LATE
19th CENTURY.
>> YOU HAVE COAL MINERS, TRUMP HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIM A
BIT.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE THING OF COAL MINERS LOSING
THEIR JOBS.
THEY'RE ALREADY MINERS, JUST DIG FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
HOW LONG IS THIS REFRESHER COURSE?
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YO YEAH.
YOU START OFF WITH, OKAY, YOU'RE A DIAMOND MINER NOW, SO
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR BLACK AND DUSTY.
NOW LOOK FOR SHINY.
COURSE DONE.
YOU GO INTO THE GOLD MINUS IN AUSTRALIA AND IT'S NINE MEN TO
EVERY WOMAN.
YOU GO INTO THE BARRACKS OF THE MEN AND SO IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
A GAY BAR, THEY HAVE A FEMALE BARTENDER AND SHE'S TOPLESS.
IT WILL BE A NORMAL BAR AND THEN THEY'LL SAY WE'VE GOT (BLEEP)
OVER THERE, IT'S FINE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
I WENT THERE TO DO A GIG WHEN I WAS 23 IN A GOLD MINING TOWN
AND I HAD SEX WITH THE ONE SINGLE GIRL.
WORD GOT AROUND PRETTY QUICK.
A LOT OF MINERS SAID, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON HER FOR YEARS.
I DON'T REMEMBER HER NAME AND I'M SURE SHE'S HAPPY, IF YOU'RE
WATCHING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: "THE JIM JEFFERIES
SHOW" AIRS TUESDAYS ON COMEDY CENTRAL.
JIM JEFFERIES, EVERYBODY.
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE WITH

Jim Jefferies Doesn't See The Point In Bombing Australia

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