Jimmy Kimmel on New Trump Products

>> Jimmy: NIPPING IT IN THE BUD
AND SMOKING IT.
THIS IS GOOD.
THE PRESIDENT MAY HAVE TROUBLE
SELLING HIS AGENDA BUT HE HAS
PLENTY OF OTHER STUFF TO SELL.
I GOT A BOX THE OTHER DAY.
WE SIGNED UP FOR A MONTHLY CLUB.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE A FRUIT OF THE
MONTH CLUB.
BUT THIS IS A TRUMP VERSION OF
THAT.
WE SAW AN OFFER THAT SAID GET
YOUR BIG LEAGUE BOX.
THAT'S IT.
EVERY MONTH AS A RECURRING DONOR
YOU WILL RECEIVE A HAND PICKED
BUNDLE OF EXCLUSIVE AND VINTAGE
DONALD J. TRUMP MERCHANDISE.
WE PAID $49 A MONTH, WHICH IS
THE LEAST YOU CAN PAY.
AND THIS IS THE FIRST BOX WE
GOT.
AND LET'S SEE WHAT IS IN THIS
BOX.
ALL RIGHT.
SO THERE IS WHAT APPEARS TO BE
AN INAUGURATION TOTE BAG.
YES.
A TOTE BAG.
[ APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT.
FOUR RED SOLO CUPS.
[ APPLAUSE ]
THAT SAY -- OH, BOY.
THESE ARE NICE.
WHAT DO THESE SAY ON THEM?
THESE SAY "45th PRESIDENT DONALD
J. TRUMP," AND HIS INAUGURATION
DATE.
WHILE YOU GET DRUNK, YOU CAN
ENJOY THOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND WHAT ELSE?
OH, AND -- OH, AND SOME BEER
COOZIES.
IT'S LIKE A SWAG BAG YOU GET AT
A MONSTER TRUCK RALLY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SO THERE YOU GO.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT WE GET
NEXT MONTH.
MAYBE A SQUIRREL THAT GOT HIT BY
A TRUCK WITH HIS NAME ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS A REAL THING TOO.
ALTHOUGH THIS DOES NOT SEEM TO
BE AFFILIATED WITH DONALD TRUMP
HIMSELF.
THIS IS A REAL ADVERTISEMENT FOR
A PRODUCT THAT IS TARGETED AT
WHO I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> THE WIND WHISPERED THROUGH
THE FOREST.
A STORM IS COMING.
YOU CANNOT DEFEAT THE STORM.
FROM THE TREES ROSE A RESOUNDING
VOICE.
I FEAR NOTHING.
I COME WHEN THE TRUMPET SOUNDS.
I AM THE STORM.
THE GREAT AMERICAN GRIZZLY.
INTRODUCING THE ORIGINAL TRUMPY
BEAR.
THE FEARLESS, SUPER PLUSH
AMERICAN GRIZZLY.
TRUMPY BEAR WAS BORN JUNE 14th,
FLAG DAY.
JUST FIND THE SECRET ZIPPER AND
PULL OUT THE AMERICAN
FLAG-THEMED BLANKET.
THEN WRAP YOURSELF IN THE RED,
WHITE AND BLUE FOR COMFORT AND
WARMTH.
SHOW YOUR PATRIOTISM AND PROUDLY
DISPLAY TRUMPY ON FLAG DAY AND
ON ANY AMERICAN HOLIDAY.
>> GOD BLESS AMERICA, AND GOD
BLESS TRUMPY BEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, AMEN TO THAT.
AMEN.
I LOVE THAT.
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT.
I LOVE THE PRODUCT.
I LOVE THE COPY, THE ACTING.
I LOVE THE ANNOUNCER.
I'VE NEVER HEARD A MAN MORE
PASSIONATE ABOUT A STUFFED
ANIMAL BEFORE.
AND BY THE WAY, IF THAT DIDN'T
SELL YOU ON IT, WAIT, THERE'S
MORE.
>> TRUMPY BEAR SITS PROUDLY AT
THE FRONT OF THE MOTORCYCLE FOR
ALL THE WORLD TO SEE AND LOVES
TO CRUISE WITH HIS BROTHER.
>> I'M A FORMER MARINE, AND I'M
PROUD TO HAVE TRUMPY BEAR RIDE
BY MY SIDE.
ONCE A MARINE, ALWAYS A MARINE.
>> EVERYONE KNOWS TRUMPY BEAR
LOVES TO GO TO THE GOLF COURSE.
>> WHEN I RIDE WITH TRUMPY BEAR,
HE MAKES MY GOLF GAME GREAT
AGAIN.
THANK YOU, TRUMPY BEAR.
>> TRUMPY BEAR CAN POP UP
ANYWHERE.
SIMPLY STYLE HIS TRADEMARK HAIR
AND PLACE IT IN HIS FAVORITE
CHAIR.
EVEN THE TOUGHEST GUYS WILL LOVE
TRUMPY BEAR.
>> WHEN AMERICA'S GREAT,
BUSINESS IS GREAT.
WHEN BUSINESS IS GREAT, I'M
GREAT.
I LOVE YOU, TRUMPY BEAR.
>> I AM AN ARMY VETERAN.
I AM PROUD TO OWN THE TRUMPY
BEAR.
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE PROUD TO BE
AN AMERICAN.
>> ORDER THE SUPER PLUSH TRUMPY
BEAR FOR ONLY TWO PAYMENTS OF
$19.95 AND RECEIVE A SPECIAL
CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY.
DON'T MISS OUT ON OWNING A PIECE
OF AMERICAN HISTORY.
ORDER NOW FOR ONLY TWO PAYMENTS
OF $19.95.
TRUMPY, THE MOST FEARLESS BEAR
ANYWHERE.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.
HE WILL KICK WINNIE THE POOH'S
ASS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DON'T FORGET IT.
I BET THAT THING IS MADE IN
CHINA.
I'D BET ANYTHING.
WE NEED TO ORDER ONE OF THOSE.
AND GET ME ONE OF THESE, TOO,
WHILE WE'RE AT IT.
>> FROM THE DEEPEST SEWER IN
LONG ISLAND ROSE A RESOUNDING
VOICE.
>> I AM A STRAIGHT SHOOTER.
>> AVAILABLE FOR AN EXTREMELY
LIMITED TIME.
THE SCARAMUCCI POOCHY.
THE SCARAMUCCI POOCHIE WAS BORN
ON JULY 21st, NATIONAL SALAMI
DAY.
FIND THE SECRET ZIPPER TO PULL
OBSCENITIES OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
>> [ BLEEP ].
[ BLEEP ].
>> THANKS TO SCARAMUCCI POOCHIE
I CAN NOW SUCK MY OWN [ BLEEP ].
>> WARNING, SCARAMUCCI POOCHIE
MAY DISAPPEAR AFTER TEN DAYS.
>> HI.
I'M AN AMERICAN WHO LOVES
AMERICA.
MY SCARAMUCCI POOCHIE IS ALWAYS
AT MY SIDE.
WHERE IS HE?
>> THE SCARAMUCCI POOCHIE.
DON'T BE A [ BLEEP ] PARANOID
SCHIZOPHRENIC.
ORDER NOW.
>> AVAILABLE AT WALGREEN'S.

Jimmy Kimmel on New Trump Products

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