NYC's Racist Symbols Under Review, Kim Kardashian Sang Karaoke with Obama

-Let´s get to the news, everybody.
President Trump went on Twitter this morning
to call monuments to the Confederacy
and anti-Union generals
"beautiful pieces of public art."
Dude, if you love beautiful statues so much,
why don´t you marry one?
Oh, okay! [ Laughter ]
That´s fair.
That´s fair.
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio
announced yesterday that the city will conduct
a 90-day review of all racist symbols on city property
in an effort to determine which ones ought to be removed.
Well, let me give you a head start.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Axios today published a list of groups
that President Trump has alienated
during his first seven months of office,
and now the world is out of paper.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
In a new interview,
Kim Kardashian revealed that she did karaoke
with former President Obama.
Said Obama, "That was just the national anthem."
[ Laughter ]
This week, Chuck E. Cheese announced plans
to remove some of its animatronic performers.
Oh no.
Don´t get these guys riled up again.
[ Laughter ]
"That is the pizza of this country!
That mouse raised me!"
"American Idol" is reportedly having trouble
finding judges to join Katy Perry
for its upcoming reboot.
They´re so desperate, they´re thinking of adding these two.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, you´re right.
You know what? You´re right.
It´s been too long since Right and Left Shark.
[ Laughter ]
You guys thought you were out of the woods -- no way!
A man in Texas accused of having sex with a chain-link fence
failed to appear in court last week,
and is now on the run from police,
which is weird because it sounds like
he would have a great time in the prison yard.
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Oh, yeah."
A new study by economists
found that income inequality in Russia
is reaching similar levels to that of the United States.
Some Russians are so poor
they´re forced to live inside each other.
[ Laughter ]
I´m embarrassed by how much I like that one.
[ Laughter ]
You were right on. You guys were right on sharks.
I think you guys were a little dicky on that one.
[ Laughter ]
Six Flags Over Texas has announced
that it will not remove a confederate flag
that flies over its entrance.
Even worse, they´re refusing to shut down
the notorious Gettysburg Coaster.
[ Audience awws ]
Not real.
[ Laughter ]
A song which consists of nearly 10 minutes of silence
has made it to the top 50 purchases on the iTunes charts.
Said Mike Pence, "This rocks!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Users of the search engine Bing noticed this morning
that the site´s home page image
include a drawing of a penis carved into the sand of a beach.
The appearance of the penis is actually the only reason
why anyone has ever said, "You´ve got to check out Bing!"
[ Laughter ]
And finally, today was National Thrift Shop Day.
And to celebrate, our president is 99% off.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight.

NYC's Racist Symbols Under Review, Kim Kardashian Sang Karaoke with Obama - Monologue

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