Stephen Has The Leaked 'Game Of Thrones' Script

SPEAKING OF POPULAR RULERS, YOU GUYS WATCH "GAME OF THRONES?"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I NEVER MISS IT.
I NEVER MISS IT.
IT HAS THE KIND OF SEX AND DECAPITATION THAT YOU JUST DON'T
GET ON "KEVIN CAN WAIT."
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE THING-- THERE ARE
THREE MORE EPISODES LEFT IN THE "GAME OF THRONES" SEASON, BUT
YOU MAY NOT HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEM BECAUSE THERE'S
BEEN A BIG "GAME OF THRONES" LEAK AFTER HBO WAS HACKED.
NOW, IT'S UNCLEAR HOW THE NETWORK GOT HACKED-- POSSIBLY
BECAUSE 300 MILLION OF US ALL SHARE THE SAME HBO-GO PASSWORD.
( LAUGHTER ) SO-- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5-- SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
SO FAR THE HACKERS HAVE POSTED STOLEN "GAME OF THRONES" SCRIPTS
ONLINE AND ARE DEMANDING A BITCOIN RANSOM OF $6 MILLION.
AND IF THEY DON'T GET THEIR MONEY, THEY SAY THEY MIGHT
RELEASE NAKED PICTURES OF THE CAST.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE ALWAYS NAKED.
NOW, THE HACKERS EVEN SENT A TAUNTING STATEMENT TO REPORTERS,
SAYING, "HI TO ALL MANKIND.
THE GREATEST LEAK OF CYBER SPACE ERA IS HAPPENING.
WHAT'S ITS NAME?
OH, I FORGET TO TELL.
ITS HBO AND 'GAME OF THRONES.' YOU ARE LUCKY TO BE THE FIRST
PIONEERS TO WITNESS AND DOWNLOAD THE LEAK.
HBO IS FALLING."
NOW, I'M NOT SURE WHO IT IS, BUT I'D LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO
DOUBLE-MAJORED IN COMPUTER SCIENCE AND TERRIBLE POETRY.
NOW, DON'T ASK ME HOW.
PLEASE DON'T ASK ME, JON.
>> Jon: I ANTICIPATE GOING THERE.
>> Stephen: DON'T ASK ME HOW.
ARE YOU TEMPTED TO ASK ME HOW?
>> Jon: I'M TEMPT GLD FIGHT IT!
DON'T ASK ME HOW, BUT "THE LATE SHOW" HAS OBTAINED THESE LEAKS
BEFORE ANYONE ELSE, AND SINCE IT WILL ALL BECOME PUBLIC ANYWAY,
WE'RE GOING TO SPOIL THE SPOILERS TONIGHT.
THIS IS "A SONG OF LEAKS AND SPOILERS."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HARK!
A RAVEN!
WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU HAVE A NOTE ON YOUR LEG AND YOU CAN'T TALK?
HERE WE GO.
FLY!
( LAUGHTER ) THESE ARE THE LEAKS.
AS FAR AS YOU KNOW.
LEAK NUMBER ONE: THE WHITE WALKERS FINALLY BREAK
THROUGH THE WALL, THEN TURN TO CAMERA AND SAY, "WE ARE A
HAM-FISTED ALLEGORY FOR CLIMATE CHANGE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LEAK NUMBER TWO:
ED SHEERAN DOESN'T SHOW UP AGAIN, BUT THERE'S A SCENE WHERE
ALL OF MUMFORD AND SONS GETS EATEN BY A BEAR.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ACTUALLY LEAK.
ACTUAL LEAK.
>> Jon: OH, WOW.
>DO YOU WANT TOKNOW HOW I GOT TH >> Jon: I WANT TO KNOW.
>> Stephen: I SAID DON'T ASK ME, JON.
>> Jon: I'M NOT ASKING HOW.
I WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU GOT IT FROM.
>> Stephen: I GOT IT FROM THE RAVEN.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU WHO AND WHERE I GOT IT FROM.
>> Jon: I CAN FIGURE OUT THE THING.
IF YOU GET THE RAVEN, SEE -- >> Stephen: NO, JON, NICE TRY.
LEAK NUMBER THREE-- IS THIS THREE?
IS THIS THREE SO FAR?
IT FEELS LIKE MUCH MORE THAN THAT SO FAR.
LEAK NUMBER THREE: DAENERYS FLIES HER DRAGON
88 MILES AN HOUR AND TRAVELS BACK IN TIME WITH MICHAEL J. FOX
TO STOP HER FATHER FROM BEING MURDERED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LEAK NUMBER FOUR:
ALL OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS DIE BEFORE THE LAST EPISODE, AND THE
FINALE IS JUST AN HOUR OF PEOPLE FARMING.
( LAUGHTER ) I'D WATCH THAT.
I WOULD WATCH THAT.
I WOULD WATCH THAT IN A MINUTE.
THE LAST LINE OF THE SERIES IS, LEAK NUMBER FIVE.
THE LAST LINE OF THE SERIES IS: "WE CALL IT A GAME OF THRONES.
YOU CALL IT MUSICAL CHAIRS.
IT'S A REGIONAL THING, LIKE SODA AND POP."
( APPLAUSE ) AND FINALLY, THE LAST LEAK, LAST
LEAK.
NEXT SEASON, THE SERIES CHANGES ITS NAME TO ITS MORE HONEST
TITLE, "LORD OF THE RINGS WITH BUTT STUFF."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

Stephen Has The Leaked 'Game Of Thrones' Script

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